PREMIERES in 2016

Well... it was kind of a big year for premieres : it's the most I've ever photographed, in included the introduction of a new 'main' camera in the form of the mighty Nikon D4, with support ably provided by the amazing (and still functional) Pentax K5 as it heads towards half a million shutter actuations... and the destruction in anger of the abysmal Pentax K3 at the conclusion of the last premiere of the year.

Here's how it went down, with a link to each premiere on the image and underneath:

January 20th -  'Spotlight' (Michael Keaton looks unimpressed, but I thought the movie was pretty excellent)

January 20th -  'Spotlight' (Michael Keaton looks unimpressed, but I thought the movie was pretty excellent)

January 26th - 'Dad's Army' (not on my list of movies I need to move heaven and Earth to see)

January 26th - 'Dad's Army' (not on my list of movies I need to move heaven and Earth to see)

February 1st :  'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies' ("Is she supposed to be making that moaning sound??") - the movie itself was rather surprisingly good as a Jane Austen adaptation.

February 1st :  'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies' ("Is she supposed to be making that moaning sound??") - the movie itself was rather surprisingly good as a Jane Austen adaptation.

February 4th :  Zoolander2("My selfie stick is in a neighbouring county...")

February 4th :  Zoolander2("My selfie stick is in a neighbouring county...")

February 9th :  'How to be Single' - I saw the movie. It somehow managed to e marginaly less fun than a life of abject loneliness.

February 9th :  'How to be Single' - I saw the movie. It somehow managed to e marginaly less fun than a life of abject loneliness.

February 14th - The 2016 Baftas - One of about three things I watch on the BBC in any given year, thus justifying the License Fee I pay.

February 14th - The 2016 Baftas - One of about three things I watch on the BBC in any given year, thus justifying the License Fee I pay.

February 22nd -  Grimsby (or "those sideburns. totally inadequate") (I have no real intention of watching the movie)

February 22nd -  Grimsby (or "those sideburns. totally inadequate") (I have no real intention of watching the movie)

February 23rd -  the Elle Style Awards (rumours of a deep and abiding emotional connection between Elisabeth Olsen and myself are (a) made up by me, and (b) should not detract from the much greater emotional connection (possibly also made up by me) between me and Charlize Theron)

February 23rd -  the Elle Style Awards (rumours of a deep and abiding emotional connection between Elisabeth Olsen and myself are (a) made up by me, and (b) should not detract from the much greater emotional connection (possibly also made up by me) between me and Charlize Theron)

March 6th : Kung Fu Panda 3 ("fine. I'll just stand here by my roly-poly friend Jack Black!") (nb. the movie was okay, but seeing it in 3D I'd upgrade it to Very Impressive)

March 6th : Kung Fu Panda 3 ("fine. I'll just stand here by my roly-poly friend Jack Black!") (nb. the movie was okay, but seeing it in 3D I'd upgrade it to Very Impressive)

March 16th : 'The Pass' (not pictured 'The Chiropractic Assistance Afterwards')

March 16th : 'The Pass' (not pictured 'The Chiropractic Assistance Afterwards')

March 17th'Eddie the Eagle' (I watched the movie and really enjoyed it)

March 17th'Eddie the Eagle' (I watched the movie and really enjoyed it)

March 20th : The 2016 Empire Awards (Daisy Ridley is pretty, but that's nowhere near enough to make me say that I liked The Force Awakens. I simply didn't)

March 20th : The 2016 Empire Awards (Daisy Ridley is pretty, but that's nowhere near enough to make me say that I liked The Force Awakens. I simply didn't)

22nd March : Batman v Superman : Dawn of a Dumpster Fire (with credit to filmschoolrejects) (I watched that movie drunk and it was still crap)

22nd March : Batman v Superman : Dawn of a Dumpster Fire (with credit to filmschoolrejects) (I watched that movie drunk and it was still crap)

April 3rd : The 2016 Olivier Awards (I know my place, and it is not amidst The Cultured People)

April 3rd : The 2016 Olivier Awards (I know my place, and it is not amidst The Cultured People)

April 7th : 'Criminal' (the movie? kind of weird : like it had an idea but lacked either ambition or budget or both)

April 7th : 'Criminal' (the movie? kind of weird : like it had an idea but lacked either ambition or budget or both)

April 11th : 'Eye in the Sky' (don't let the picture fool you : the movie was very good)

April 11th : 'Eye in the Sky' (don't let the picture fool you : the movie was very good)

April 12th : Florence Foster Jenkins (haven't watched the movie yet. or posed for a selfie with Meryl Streep)

April 12th : Florence Foster Jenkins (haven't watched the movie yet. or posed for a selfie with Meryl Streep)

April 13th : The Jungle Book (2016) The movie was okay, though having a kid set a forest alight accidentally as a crucial plot point without negative repercussions is problematic.

April 13th : The Jungle Book (2016) The movie was okay, though having a kid set a forest alight accidentally as a crucial plot point without negative repercussions is problematic.

April 25th : 'A Hologram for the King' - I watched the movie on a flight to Singapore. It was odd - or rather it felt like two or three different movies, one or two of which were okay.

April 25th : 'A Hologram for the King' - I watched the movie on a flight to Singapore. It was odd - or rather it felt like two or three different movies, one or two of which were okay.

April 26th : 'Captain America : (far too) Civil (not really a) War' - I thought it was one of the most cowardly movies I've seen in a long time. I walked out with fifteen or twenty minutes to go because I no longer gave a crap about these characters. Nice job, Disney.

April 26th : 'Captain America : (far too) Civil (not really a) War' - I thought it was one of the most cowardly movies I've seen in a long time. I walked out with fifteen or twenty minutes to go because I no longer gave a crap about these characters. Nice job, Disney.

May 5th : 'Our Kind of Traitor' - weird movie, saw it on a plane, kind of liked it (but missed the last fifteen minutes because I wanted to take photos of Mt Fuji from another seat. Is that wrong of me?)

May 5th : 'Our Kind of Traitor' - weird movie, saw it on a plane, kind of liked it (but missed the last fifteen minutes because I wanted to take photos of Mt Fuji from another seat. Is that wrong of me?)

May 8th : The 2016 Television Baftas - once again I photographed the event from OUTSIDE the event. Because that's how I roll (and/or how I take photos that if not better are at least different to the ones everyone else takes)

May 8th : The 2016 Television Baftas - once again I photographed the event from OUTSIDE the event. Because that's how I roll (and/or how I take photos that if not better are at least different to the ones everyone else takes)

May 9th : 'X-Men : Apocalypse' - another X-Men movie. I'm beginning to stop caring. Deadpool was great, though. I enjoyed the premiere, the movie made me tired.

May 9th : 'X-Men : Apocalypse' - another X-Men movie. I'm beginning to stop caring. Deadpool was great, though. I enjoyed the premiere, the movie made me tired.

May 10th : 'Alice Through the Looking Glass' - the movie was bad even on low expectations, but I can't fault Danny Elfman's score and one or two visual flourishes. The premiere wasn't great.

May 10th : 'Alice Through the Looking Glass' - the movie was bad even on low expectations, but I can't fault Danny Elfman's score and one or two visual flourishes. The premiere wasn't great.

May 19th : 'The Nice Guys' - surprisingly didn't like the movie (the premiere was okay, though). I loved 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang' though.

May 19th : 'The Nice Guys' - surprisingly didn't like the movie (the premiere was okay, though). I loved 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang' though.

May 24th : 'Love and Friendship' - one of the coolest movies I saw this year, actually! Jane Austen is a master (and possibly inventor) of Game Theory and this movie showcases strategy as good as any war movie.

May 24th : 'Love and Friendship' - one of the coolest movies I saw this year, actually! Jane Austen is a master (and possibly inventor) of Game Theory and this movie showcases strategy as good as any war movie.

May 25th : 'Me Before You' - there were protesters at the premiere, but I don't agree with them. The movie was making a specific point, I felt, and not a general one.

May 25th : 'Me Before You' - there were protesters at the premiere, but I don't agree with them. The movie was making a specific point, I felt, and not a general one.

May 31st : 'The Neon Demon' - at less than 4 minutes, the fastest premiere I've ever been to. The movie? Eh... not really my thing. Flashy but not lovable.

May 31st : 'The Neon Demon' - at less than 4 minutes, the fastest premiere I've ever been to. The movie? Eh... not really my thing. Flashy but not lovable.

June 1st : 'Tale of Tales' - haven't seen it. The poster appears to feaure Salma Hayek biting into a raw piece of marinated chicken. Kind of a turnoff.

June 1st : 'Tale of Tales' - haven't seen it. The poster appears to feaure Salma Hayek biting into a raw piece of marinated chicken. Kind of a turnoff.

June 2nd : 'Learning to Drive' - haven't seen the movie, because I suspect the Dolby 5.1 and 3D conversion won't be necessary to enjoy it.

June 2nd : 'Learning to Drive' - haven't seen the movie, because I suspect the Dolby 5.1 and 3D conversion won't be necessary to enjoy it.

June 6th : 'Independence Day : Resurgence' - instead of a premiere, a train unveiling. And now having watched the movie, instead of a good movie, it's mainly a noisy one.

June 6th : 'Independence Day : Resurgence' - instead of a premiere, a train unveiling. And now having watched the movie, instead of a good movie, it's mainly a noisy one.

June 11th : Horse Photobombs Queen - one of my favourite shots of the year, taken before 'Trooping of the Colour'

June 11th : Horse Photobombs Queen - one of my favourite shots of the year, taken before 'Trooping of the Colour'

June 29th : 'Absolutely Fabulous' - I have no real desire to watch the film, but the premiere was ... interesting (I did finally manage to photograph Kate Moss)

June 29th : 'Absolutely Fabulous' - I have no real desire to watch the film, but the premiere was ... interesting (I did finally manage to photograph Kate Moss)

July 5th : 'Legend of Tarzan' - I saw the movie for free at the premiere. It was... okay. The popcorn arguably more so.

July 5th : 'Legend of Tarzan' - I saw the movie for free at the premiere. It was... okay. The popcorn arguably more so.

July 10th : 'Finding Dory' - I've since watched the movie. It's no Finding Nemo - this one's much more cynical and contrived. Not hateful, though.

July 10th : 'Finding Dory' - I've since watched the movie. It's no Finding Nemo - this one's much more cynical and contrived. Not hateful, though.

July 11th : 'Jason Bourne' - am yet to see it, but Alicia Vikander is pretty.

July 11th : 'Jason Bourne' - am yet to see it, but Alicia Vikander is pretty.

July 12th : 'Star Trek Beyond' - I got to see the movie for free at the premiere, and I'm still not sure whether it's "a good movie, but not necessarily a good star trek movie" or vice versa. Kudos on the Beastie Boys, though.

July 12th : 'Star Trek Beyond' - I got to see the movie for free at the premiere, and I'm still not sure whether it's "a good movie, but not necessarily a good star trek movie" or vice versa. Kudos on the Beastie Boys, though.

July 17th : 'The BFG' - I later watched the movie on PayTV. It's not my kind of thing. Steven Spielberg looks chagrined.

July 17th : 'The BFG' - I later watched the movie on PayTV. It's not my kind of thing. Steven Spielberg looks chagrined.

July 30th : 'Harry Potter and the Cursed Child' - I haven't seen the play, and maybe it's magical... but I read the screenplay and it felt like an unoriginally ripped-off Star Trek episode that mostly involved characters I liked acting in ways they never would have. Desire to see the play suitably diminished.

July 30th : 'Harry Potter and the Cursed Child' - I haven't seen the play, and maybe it's magical... but I read the screenplay and it felt like an unoriginally ripped-off Star Trek episode that mostly involved characters I liked acting in ways they never would have. Desire to see the play suitably diminished.

August 3rd : 'Suicide Squad' , aka "Dear DC, I'm not watching another one of your f**king movies - you've ripped me off three times in three films, and there's no way I go back to a restaurant that's served me shit food three times in three meals. What makes you think I'd do the same for you? Advertise as much as you want... I'm not coming back"

August 3rd : 'Suicide Squad' , aka "Dear DC, I'm not watching another one of your f**king movies - you've ripped me off three times in three films, and there's no way I go back to a restaurant that's served me shit food three times in three meals. What makes you think I'd do the same for you? Advertise as much as you want... I'm not coming back"

August 23rd : 'Final Fantasy XV : Kingsglaive' - the game is weird and the last third of it descends into a mire of misery, alienation and awfulness. I've since watched the movie and now the game makes slightly more sense.... but not the parts of it that I didn't like.

August 23rd : 'Final Fantasy XV : Kingsglaive' - the game is weird and the last third of it descends into a mire of misery, alienation and awfulness. I've since watched the movie and now the game makes slightly more sense.... but not the parts of it that I didn't like.

September 13th : 'Hunt for the Wilderpeople' - it's on my list of films to see, eventually.

September 13th : 'Hunt for the Wilderpeople' - it's on my list of films to see, eventually.

September 15th : "The Beatles : Eight Days A Week" - I think I'm more of an Elvis fan than a Beatles fan, but I do respect the Fab Four.

September 15th : "The Beatles : Eight Days A Week" - I think I'm more of an Elvis fan than a Beatles fan, but I do respect the Fab Four.

September 26th : "Deepwater Horizon" - haven't yet seen the movie, not averse to eventually doing so (,bro)

September 26th : "Deepwater Horizon" - haven't yet seen the movie, not averse to eventually doing so (,bro)

September 27th : The 'Wicked' 10th Anniversary Gala - I saw Wicked about 6 years ago, and it's possibly the only prequel (movie, game or other media) that's ever kind of worked for me.

September 27th : The 'Wicked' 10th Anniversary Gala - I saw Wicked about 6 years ago, and it's possibly the only prequel (movie, game or other media) that's ever kind of worked for me.

September 29th - 'War On Everyone'- hated the premiere enough to affect my desire to watch the movie.

September 29th - 'War On Everyone'- hated the premiere enough to affect my desire to watch the movie.

October 5th - BFI London Film Festival for 'A United Kingdom'

October 5th - BFI London Film Festival for 'A United Kingdom'

October 6th -BFI London Film Festival for 'A Monster Calls'

October 6th -BFI London Film Festival for 'A Monster Calls'

October 7th -BFI London Film Festival for 'LaLa Land'

October 7th -BFI London Film Festival for 'LaLa Land'

October 7th (again!) - BFI London Film Festival for 'American Honey'

October 7th (again!) - BFI London Film Festival for 'American Honey'

October 8th - BFI London Film Festival for 'Manchester by the Sea'

October 8th - BFI London Film Festival for 'Manchester by the Sea'

October 8th (again!) - BFI London Film Festival for 'Elle'

October 8th (again!) - BFI London Film Festival for 'Elle'

October 9th : BFI London Film Festival for 'Bleed for This'

October 9th : BFI London Film Festival for 'Bleed for This'

October 10th - BFI London Film Festival for 'Arrival' - I've watched the movie, and it's probably my favourite movie of the year - clever, moving scifi with deep thoughts and no crop-dusters flying into an alien death ray at the end (spoiler... kind of)

October 10th - BFI London Film Festival for 'Arrival' - I've watched the movie, and it's probably my favourite movie of the year - clever, moving scifi with deep thoughts and no crop-dusters flying into an alien death ray at the end (spoiler... kind of)

October 11th : BFI London Film Festival for 'Birth of a Nation'

October 11th : BFI London Film Festival for 'Birth of a Nation'

October 12th : BFI London Film Festival for 'Lion'

October 12th : BFI London Film Festival for 'Lion'

October 13th : BFI London Film Festival for 'Their Finest'

October 13th : BFI London Film Festival for 'Their Finest'

October 14th : BFI London Film Festival for 'Nocturnal Animals' - I've since watched the movie. It wasn't my thing. At a certain level it was about Amy Adams reading a book, rather than there being an actual story.

October 14th : BFI London Film Festival for 'Nocturnal Animals' - I've since watched the movie. It wasn't my thing. At a certain level it was about Amy Adams reading a book, rather than there being an actual story.

October 14th (again!) : BFI London Film Festival for 'It's only the End of the World'

October 14th (again!) : BFI London Film Festival for 'It's only the End of the World'

October 15th : BFI London Film Festival for 'Snowden' - haven't yet watched the movie, but I've read the book it's based on. It's eye-opening and shocking reading. Unless you use facebook and google in which case you've implicitly already agreed that everything that your government (or foreign one(s)) is doing is fine since for-profit companies already are.

October 15th : BFI London Film Festival for 'Snowden' - haven't yet watched the movie, but I've read the book it's based on. It's eye-opening and shocking reading. Unless you use facebook and google in which case you've implicitly already agreed that everything that your government (or foreign one(s)) is doing is fine since for-profit companies already are.

October 16th : The BFI London Film Festival Closing : "Free Fire"

October 16th : The BFI London Film Festival Closing : "Free Fire"

October 17th : BFI LFF is over but the premiere streak continues with 'The Accountant'

October 17th : BFI LFF is over but the premiere streak continues with 'The Accountant'

October 18th : BFI LFF is over but the premiere streak STILL continues with 'I, Daniel Blake'

October 18th : BFI LFF is over but the premiere streak STILL continues with 'I, Daniel Blake'

October 19th : Seas Rise, Cities Fall, and the premiere streak STILL continues with 'The Light Between Oceans'

October 19th : Seas Rise, Cities Fall, and the premiere streak STILL continues with 'The Light Between Oceans'

October 20th : Like a prisoner about to be released, the premieres streak finally ends with 'Jack Reacher : Never Go Back'... and I have no idea what I'll do tomorrow.

October 20th : Like a prisoner about to be released, the premieres streak finally ends with 'Jack Reacher : Never Go Back'... and I have no idea what I'll do tomorrow.

October 24th : Instead of having a Dr Strange premiere, Disney/Marvel opted for some kind of cryptic 'fan event' abomination. I photographed it through a window like the desperate idiot I am. I've since watched the movie, and I'm kind of done with Marvel, who at this stage are just telling variations on the same story over and over again. It wasn't a bad movie, but it wasn't good enough.

October 24th : Instead of having a Dr Strange premiere, Disney/Marvel opted for some kind of cryptic 'fan event' abomination. I photographed it through a window like the desperate idiot I am. I've since watched the movie, and I'm kind of done with Marvel, who at this stage are just telling variations on the same story over and over again. It wasn't a bad movie, but it wasn't good enough.

October 27th : 'Starfish'

October 27th : 'Starfish'

November 1st : The Netflix series 'The Crown' gets a Leicester Square premiere.

November 1st : The Netflix series 'The Crown' gets a Leicester Square premiere.

November 3rd : I got a premium spot for the 4-song concert to launch 'Bat out of Hell The Musical'

November 3rd : I got a premium spot for the 4-song concert to launch 'Bat out of Hell The Musical'

November 8th : '100 Streets'

November 8th : '100 Streets'

November 13th : The 2016 Evening Standard Theatre Awards (John Malkovich's trousers stole the event)

November 13th : The 2016 Evening Standard Theatre Awards (John Malkovich's trousers stole the event)

November 21st : 'Allied' - I watched the movie. Possibly not recommended as a date flick.

November 21st : 'Allied' - I watched the movie. Possibly not recommended as a date flick.

November 28th : 'I Am Bolt'

November 28th : 'I Am Bolt'

December 13th : f**k you Disney, f**k you Star Wars, f**k you Pentax K3, and f**k you 'Rogue One' "premiere"

December 13th : f**k you Disney, f**k you Star Wars, f**k you Pentax K3, and f**k you 'Rogue One' "premiere"

So... that was a year. A pretty big one in premiere photography - over EIGHTY events photographed (and for the other 280 days I still needed to find things to photograph as part of my ongoing One Photo Per Day project which is in its 8th year...). So.... what else to write except....

..until next time / year!

ps. as always if you want to know whenever I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo, or on facebook at premieresdotco (or both.... I suggest both...)

13 Dec 2016 - The "Whatever-The-Hell 'Rogue One' Was" thing.

December 13th, 2016.

This was easily the worst (or most nonexistent) event of the year, and it was also my last (for the year). like Doctor Strange a few months ago, there was no clear idea of where (or WHETHER) the premiere (or 'fan event'?) would be, basically a pretty direct way of saying : 'keep the f**k away : we're promoting this movie without the public being in any way required'. But me being me, I guess I saw that as a challenge.

Probably a mistake. The non-event WAS mostly a non-event, and while I don't particularly want to dwell on it, because it's a poor craftsman who blames his tools, but it's an even poorer craftsman who continues to use poor tools when better ones are available. After today, that will no longer be an issue.

Here's how it - whatever the hell "it" was - went down.

After some level of deduction as to where the 'location to be confirmed' 'fan event' would be, I end up at BFI Imax, currently featuring some exclusion barriers to the left, plus about a dozen people not sure what they were doing there, and an explosives sniffer dog. Looks like my hunch was right.

After some level of deduction as to where the 'location to be confirmed' 'fan event' would be, I end up at BFI Imax, currently featuring some exclusion barriers to the left, plus about a dozen people not sure what they were doing there, and an explosives sniffer dog. Looks like my hunch was right.

A short time later, the crowd has grown...  but security has grown more. They're not saying anything, but one has hinted that if we're staying here to get photos/autographs of the stars, we're 'going to be disappointed'. Well... what if I'm always disappointed?

A short time later, the crowd has grown...  but security has grown more. They're not saying anything, but one has hinted that if we're staying here to get photos/autographs of the stars, we're 'going to be disappointed'. Well... what if I'm always disappointed?

Inside the venue, there is sign of activity - a large backing board, perfect (one would think) for stars to pose against, plus one or two arriving Paparazzi regulars, and a security guard looking like he's there to defend something - ANYTHING - from the threat we twenty or so people currently represent.

Inside the venue, there is sign of activity - a large backing board, perfect (one would think) for stars to pose against, plus one or two arriving Paparazzi regulars, and a security guard looking like he's there to defend something - ANYTHING - from the threat we twenty or so people currently represent.

"Are you sure there's an event taking place?" "I can't confirm whether anything is going on..." "What about the explosives sniffing dog??"

"Are you sure there's an event taking place?"
"I can't confirm whether anything is going on..."
"What about the explosives sniffing dog??"

"Is that camera gear?" "Maybe..."

"Is that camera gear?"
"Maybe..."

The map for this event was so secretive and complicated that 9 out of 10 Bothans turned around and went back home..."

The map for this event was so secretive and complicated that 9 out of 10 Bothans turned around and went back home..."

By this time a few hours later, the crowd had grown considerably. Not bad for an event where nothing was apparently happening (but it's London - something is always happening even when nothing is happening)

By this time a few hours later, the crowd had grown considerably. Not bad for an event where nothing was apparently happening (but it's London - something is always happening even when nothing is happening)

"So if none of the people on the poster show up, how about you guys sign it, since you're here?"

"So if none of the people on the poster show up, how about you guys sign it, since you're here?"

Anyway... that's all preamble, and there's not really any way I can put things off any longer. Time to see for once and for all just how fucking abysmal the former Pentax flagship K3 utterly f**ked up shooting through a window, something that its two-generations older sibling the K5 did a fine job at 'Doctor Strange'

Pentax, K3. Centre-Continuous autofocus. Oh, and some dude, possibly from the movie Rogue One.

Pentax, K3. Centre-Continuous autofocus.
Oh, and some dude, possibly from the movie Rogue One.

"Ssup, bro?" "Ssup" - the guy on the right might be Diego Luna, and the guy on the left might be Alan Tudyk. They might also be exceedingly happy to see each other.

"Ssup, bro?"
"Ssup"

- the guy on the right might be Diego Luna, and the guy on the left might be Alan Tudyk. They might also be exceedingly happy to see each other.

Felicity Jones is this movie's lead, and in its excitement the Pentax's autofocus jumps so far off-base I feel like I might have to apologise for people nearby being hit by it.

Felicity Jones is this movie's lead, and in its excitement the Pentax's autofocus jumps so far off-base I feel like I might have to apologise for people nearby being hit by it.

If your ten year old cousin can do a better sketch-drawing of Felicity Jones, then what the hell is he doing not being at BFI Imax right now?

If your ten year old cousin can do a better sketch-drawing of Felicity Jones, then what the hell is he doing not being at BFI Imax right now?

Forrest Whittaker, centre, is in this movie and I've never photographed him before, while to the right there's Riz Ahmed (he was in 'ill Manors') and a smudge further to the right that might or might not be Felicity Jones.

Forrest Whittaker, centre, is in this movie and I've never photographed him before, while to the right there's Riz Ahmed (he was in 'ill Manors') and a smudge further to the right that might or might not be Felicity Jones.

After eight or nine frames of abject failure to focus, the Pentax K3 surprsingly (finally) elects to choose a different focal point. And it chooses wrong.

After eight or nine frames of abject failure to focus, the Pentax K3 surprsingly (finally) elects to choose a different focal point. And it chooses wrong.

Great news if you ever wanted a grotesquely distorted photo of Mad Mikkelsen - I managed to get my equipment to do it in-camera rather than having to rely on photoshop (refer far left).

Great news if you ever wanted a grotesquely distorted photo of Mad Mikkelsen - I managed to get my equipment to do it in-camera rather than having to rely on photoshop (refer far left).

Holy Christ, that dude's shirt in the front is IN FUCKING FOCUS!!!! (... never mind that he's not in the centre of the frame, and 'centre of frame' is literally what I programmed the Pentax's autofocus to default to).

Holy Christ, that dude's shirt in the front is IN FUCKING FOCUS!!!!
(... never mind that he's not in the centre of the frame, and 'centre of frame' is literally what I programmed the Pentax's autofocus to default to).

At this point I think I have to choose between using this camera as a generator of photographic abstract artworks, or as one of those things they hang off piers to stop boats from crushing the fragile wood.

At this point I think I have to choose between using this camera as a generator of photographic abstract artworks, or as one of those things they hang off piers to stop boats from crushing the fragile wood.

Who knows. Alan Tudyk, I guess. I'm done with this bullsh1t.

Who knows. Alan Tudyk, I guess. I'm done with this bullsh1t.

At this point, making this journal any longer or featuring more stars would essentially amoun toputting lipstick, wig, fake eyelashes and a gucci dress on a pig and hoping it'll pass muster when it's absolutely evident that it won't. There's only so much I can do when an event declines to be photographed and the equipment being used is a piece of shit so awful that for much of the past year I've only used it with fixed manual lenses because the autofocus was so bad.

In a final 'fuck you' from my Pentax K3, it takes an in-focus photo of a van outside the event as I storm off to the train station, expecting (or hoping) that maybe some meteor wipes out London or I get ambushed by a herd of velociraptors to bring this godawful day to a close. But one thing remains to be done.

In a final 'fuck you' from my Pentax K3, it takes an in-focus photo of a van outside the event as I storm off to the train station, expecting (or hoping) that maybe some meteor wipes out London or I get ambushed by a herd of velociraptors to bring this godawful day to a close.

But one thing remains to be done.

I smash the damn K3 against a nearby brick wall. I have the shutter button pressed, and this ends up being the last photo it ever takes.

I smash the damn K3 against a nearby brick wall. I have the shutter button pressed, and this ends up being the last photo it ever takes.

And a few more smahes against other hard objects, a few kicks along the road, and the sharp end of my monopod shoved deep enough into the front to destroy the mirror and hopefully wipe out the sensor, and I can finally ensure I never EVER feel tempted to use this camera for anything photographic ever again. I've also updated my Equipment page. And if you're the person who did Quality Control on Pentax K3 serial number 4834258 all those years ago.... you'd better pray you never meet me in a dark alley one night.

And a few more smahes against other hard objects, a few kicks along the road, and the sharp end of my monopod shoved deep enough into the front to destroy the mirror and hopefully wipe out the sensor, and I can finally ensure I never EVER feel tempted to use this camera for anything photographic ever again. I've also updated my Equipment page.

And if you're the person who did Quality Control on Pentax K3 serial number 4834258 all those years ago.... you'd better pray you never meet me in a dark alley one night.

So that was that.

Can't wait for next year.

Postscript : I learned the next day that there was also a secondary (earlier? later?) premiere / launch / thing for Rogue One at the Tate Modern . This pissed me off even more. F**k you Disney - your product of pure commercial impulse has no f**king right to be anywhere near a f**king ART GALLERY. And moreover, F**k you, Tate Modern for selling out to, of all companies, DISNEY.

Gah. I'm done with this shit.

Finally, Drink Pepsi. It's fucking delicious.