21 Aug - The 'Logan Lucky' Premiere

August 21st, 2017.

I happen to be a big fan of almost two-thirds of the Oceans trilogy, both of the 21 Jump Street films, The Lego Movie and even last year's rather surprising 'Paterson'. So today's premiere for Logan Lucky was one I was quite looking forward to, before even factoring crowds and mayhem and freeness.

Here's how it went down.

It's a dull not-quite-drizzly day in London, and fans of Daniel Craig, Hilary Swank, and (at an outside likelihood) Seth McFarline would be disappointed to learn that only stars Adam Driver and Channing Tatum were to attend.

It's a dull not-quite-drizzly day in London, and fans of Daniel Craig, Hilary Swank, and (at an outside likelihood) Seth McFarline would be disappointed to learn that only stars Adam Driver and Channing Tatum were to attend.

"I'm not good with hashtags. What's this one - Log And Lucy? What does that even mean??"

"I'm not good with hashtags. What's this one - Log And Lucy? What does that even mean??"

"I hereby give irrevocable approval for my image and likeness to be used in any way in perpetuity. Wait.. does that mean there's a chance I'll be in the next Star Wars movie??"

"I hereby give irrevocable approval for my image and likeness to be used in any way in perpetuity. Wait.. does that mean there's a chance I'll be in the next Star Wars movie??"

"I'm never getting out of this gear. I don't care if the producers of Bond 25 don't like it - Bond will be wearing blonde hair, a white t-shirt and driving a mustant. American accent optional, I haven't decided yet"

"I'm never getting out of this gear. I don't care if the producers of Bond 25 don't like it - Bond will be wearing blonde hair, a white t-shirt and driving a mustant. American accent optional, I haven't decided yet"

"Erin Brokovich and Traffic? Yeah, those were me" - Steven Soderbergh might have directed half the Magic Mike films and all of the Oceans trilogy, but he's won an Oscar and a further nomination for Best Director.

"Erin Brokovich and Traffic? Yeah, those were me" - Steven Soderbergh might have directed half the Magic Mike films and all of the Oceans trilogy, but he's won an Oscar and a further nomination for Best Director.

"I see none of you want me to sign posters for The Good German with George Clooney : I knew they should have made more tie-in merch for that film..."

"I see none of you want me to sign posters for The Good German with George Clooney : I knew they should have made more tie-in merch for that film..."

This is one of the producers of the film. By process of elimination he's not Channing Tatum, which means he's any one of Reid Carolin, Dan Fellman, Gregory Jacobs, Mark Johnson, Ken Meyer, Michael Polaire, Zane Stoddard or Matt Summers.

This is one of the producers of the film. By process of elimination he's not Channing Tatum, which means he's any one of Reid Carolin, Dan Fellman, Gregory Jacobs, Mark Johnson, Ken Meyer, Michael Polaire, Zane Stoddard or Matt Summers.

"Did somebody say 'Channing Tatum'? Because I'm pretty sure I can do better than this security guard..." "I'm standing right here next to you, Lois... and that's really hurtful"

"Did somebody say 'Channing Tatum'? Because I'm pretty sure I can do better than this security guard..."
"I'm standing right here next to you, Lois... and that's really hurtful"

"

"

"If I don't catch Channing Tatum's eye on THIS walk-past, I'm going to need to you tighten this dress even further, Meredith"

"If I don't catch Channing Tatum's eye on THIS walk-past, I'm going to need to you tighten this dress even further, Meredith"

"Right index finger. Human female. Age 20-36. I'm not sure what else you want from me..."

"Right index finger. Human female. Age 20-36. I'm not sure what else you want from me..."

"Stare off into the intermediatemiddle distance and look all profound? Yeah, I can do that..."

"Stare off into the intermediatemiddle distance and look all profound? Yeah, I can do that..."

"Wait a minute... I think there's Something going on here...." Must get selfie with Something..

"Wait a minute... I think there's Something going on here...." Must get selfie with Something..

"You know, you're right. I am even better looking in real life. I mean, I kinda suspected..." - Channing Tatum has also been a voice in The Lego Movie, had a role in a Tarantino film, played a stripper and a wrestler and a presidential bodyguard.... and survived a lead role in a Wachowski film.

"You know, you're right. I am even better looking in real life. I mean, I kinda suspected..." - Channing Tatum has also been a voice in The Lego Movie, had a role in a Tarantino film, played a stripper and a wrestler and a presidential bodyguard.... and survived a lead role in a Wachowski film.

Good news for fans wanting to photograph Adam Driver : he's tall.

Good news for fans wanting to photograph Adam Driver : he's tall.

"I've been in other movies besides Star Wars, you know?" - Adam Driver plays the role of Whiny Emo Teen Goth Wannabe in the most recent Star Wars trilogy, but he's much better as a poetry writing bus driver in 'Paterson' if you ask me.

"I've been in other movies besides Star Wars, you know?" - Adam Driver plays the role of Whiny Emo Teen Goth Wannabe in the most recent Star Wars trilogy, but he's much better as a poetry writing bus driver in 'Paterson' if you ask me.

"Have my minions ready to arrest anyone holding a crossbow, and make sure there are no teen girls with glow-sticks around. I don't want a repeat of last time..."

"Have my minions ready to arrest anyone holding a crossbow, and make sure there are no teen girls with glow-sticks around. I don't want a repeat of last time..."

"Adam's making demands again? Yeah... he does that. Nice kid, though..."

"Adam's making demands again? Yeah... he does that. Nice kid, though..."

"If you can't think of a good chat-up line, don't worry. I'll be going online later and putting it as a caption on this photo anyway"

"If you can't think of a good chat-up line, don't worry. I'll be going online later and putting it as a caption on this photo anyway"

"If your rail company is a bunch of a55holes, then f**king go out there and revolt! Tell them that this is America and we don't stand for that sh!t . Oh, wait. This is, England? Then Keep Calm and Carry On and see how well doing nothing works for you. Peace out". On which note, f**k you Govia Thameslink, and thanks for cancelling my train home.

"If your rail company is a bunch of a55holes, then f**king go out there and revolt! Tell them that this is America and we don't stand for that sh!t . Oh, wait. This is, England? Then Keep Calm and Carry On and see how well doing nothing works for you. Peace out". On which note, f**k you Govia Thameslink, and thanks for cancelling my train home.

"Rail deregulation can work in theory, folks. But, yeah, f&&k those guys at Govia."

"Rail deregulation can work in theory, folks. But, yeah, f&&k those guys at Govia."

"If I don't catch Adam Driver's eye on THIS walk-past, Meredeith, I'm going to need you to help me just kidnapping. I don't see how this is going to work any other way, otherwise"

"If I don't catch Adam Driver's eye on THIS walk-past, Meredeith, I'm going to need you to help me just kidnapping. I don't see how this is going to work any other way, otherwise"

"I'm not entirely sure I'm authorised by Disney to sign that kind of Kylo Ren fan art, ma'am.."

"I'm not entirely sure I'm authorised by Disney to sign that kind of Kylo Ren fan art, ma'am.."

"... but here's my address if you want to send me a high-resolution version"

"... but here's my address if you want to send me a high-resolution version"

"What was Spielberg like to work with? He was lovely" - among the more surprising credits on Adam Driver's imdb.com entry is his role in Spielberg's 'Lincoln'

"What was Spielberg like to work with? He was lovely" - among the more surprising credits on Adam Driver's imdb.com entry is his role in Spielberg's 'Lincoln'

"Ben... Dagobah System..." "What's that you're saying, Miss?" Unbelievably, we had a Fainting at this premiere.

"Ben... Dagobah System..."
"What's that you're saying, Miss?"

Unbelievably, we had a Fainting at this premiere.

Misunderstood Complex Villain, or Whiny Patricidal Emo Desperate To Appear Edgy - only your black'n'white filter knows for sure.

Misunderstood Complex Villain, or Whiny Patricidal Emo Desperate To Appear Edgy - only your black'n'white filter knows for sure.

"Actually, I like premieres. You know, meet with the.... the.... the....?" "Little people?" "Yeah, the fans. The little people. You know..." - actually both Tatum and Driver (and also Soderbergh) were good at signing and posing with people.

"Actually, I like premieres. You know, meet with the.... the.... the....?"
"Little people?"
"Yeah, the fans. The little people. You know..."
- actually both Tatum and Driver (and also Soderbergh) were good at signing and posing with people.

"I can hold this pose a little longer, but please don't make me lean further..."

"I can hold this pose a little longer, but please don't make me lean further..."

"You sure you wanna be showing me these photos, bro?"

"You sure you wanna be showing me these photos, bro?"

So, that was that - a pretty decent premiere, a relatively well-behaved crowd, and though I didn't post a photo, your good friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ Fortunate Wolverine did the warm-up for this event, even going so far as to rhyme the word "bliss" with "this" and handing out caps in the name of promotional tie-ins and freeness. And as always, it's another entry into The Archive of Movie premieres.

Until next time (hopefully later this week)!

ps. if you want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at berndt2_photo.

... and f**k you Govia Thameslink. You can put all the "Fare Evasion is Theft" posters you want on your station walls, but the truth is train delays and cancellations are also theft FROM YOUR CUSTOMERS, theft you're perpetrating daily upon your customers, and your robotic-voiced prerecorded Sorries aren't an apology, they're an additional insult

16 Aug - The 'Detroit' European Premiere, London

August 16th, 2017.

Back in 2010, at my first ever Baftas, I failed to photograph director Kathryn Bigelow, who would win both a BAFTA and Oscar for Best Picture and Best Director for 'The Hurt Locker'. It's been seven long years, but today I finally had a chance to take that elusive photo of her, at the premiere for 'Detroit'.

Here's how it went down:

what the Curzon Mayfair makes up for in ease of accessibility it makes up for in relative exclusivity : crowds are slightly less likely to be massive since there's less passing tourists who might feel a London premiere is worth hanging around for.

what the Curzon Mayfair makes up for in ease of accessibility it makes up for in relative exclusivity : crowds are slightly less likely to be massive since there's less passing tourists who might feel a London premiere is worth hanging around for.

My number in the queue was a respectable #71 - not bad for a late arrival for a premiere said to be attended by a major cast member of the new Star Wars movies (John Boyega) and Captain America (Anthony Mackie)

My number in the queue was a respectable #71 - not bad for a late arrival for a premiere said to be attended by a major cast member of the new Star Wars movies (John Boyega) and Captain America (Anthony Mackie)

Awesomely our first arrival is the director herself - Kathryn Bigelow - meaning I've finally managed to photograph her. Although most consider the original 'Point Break' her most notable film, I actually really liked the more obscure 'Strange Days', which she also directed.

Awesomely our first arrival is the director herself - Kathryn Bigelow - meaning I've finally managed to photograph her. Although most consider the original 'Point Break' her most notable film, I actually really liked the more obscure 'Strange Days', which she also directed.

"They did a remake of Point Break two years ago but it was awful and everyone's already forgotten it? Well, that's okay then, I guess..."

"They did a remake of Point Break two years ago but it was awful and everyone's already forgotten it? Well, that's okay then, I guess..."

"Remember me from The Revenant, bro..." - Will Poulter might arguably still be best known for his roles in The Maze Runner and The Chronicles of Narnia films, but he was also really good in We're the Millers (still the only premiere I've verifiably photographed drunk) and the rather excellent Dexter Fletcher film 'Wild Bill'. But yes, he was also in The Revenant.

"Remember me from The Revenant, bro..." - Will Poulter might arguably still be best known for his roles in The Maze Runner and The Chronicles of Narnia films, but he was also really good in We're the Millers (still the only premiere I've verifiably photographed drunk) and the rather excellent Dexter Fletcher film 'Wild Bill'. But yes, he was also in The Revenant.

"Has Will been signing autographs as ME AGAIN? Damn.. he's getting pretty good..."

"Has Will been signing autographs as ME AGAIN? Damn.. he's getting pretty good..."

"Please go on and ask me if I'm clamouring for those four Avatar sequels they've got planned..."

"Please go on and ask me if I'm clamouring for those four Avatar sequels they've got planned..."

"A 'Strange Days cinematic universe with a sequel called 'Stranger Days'? Send me a spec script if you want. I can't promise I'll read it though"

"A 'Strange Days cinematic universe with a sequel called 'Stranger Days'? Send me a spec script if you want. I can't promise I'll read it though"

Hannah Murray is arguably still best known for playing Sam Tarly's girlfriend Gilly in numerous episodes of Game of Thrones. (I'm a bit behind in watching the latest series so I'm wary of checking imdb on the chance her character is yet another casualty of that show)

Hannah Murray is arguably still best known for playing Sam Tarly's girlfriend Gilly in numerous episodes of Game of Thrones. (I'm a bit behind in watching the latest series so I'm wary of checking imdb on the chance her character is yet another casualty of that show)

Jack Reynor and I share a moment..... a moment I kind of wish I'd shared with Kathryn Bigelow sufficiently that she might even have taken off her sunglasses. I think I last photographed him at the premiere of "Free Fire" at last year's BFI London Film Festival.

Jack Reynor and I share a moment..... a moment I kind of wish I'd shared with Kathryn Bigelow sufficiently that she might even have taken off her sunglasses. I think I last photographed him at the premiere of "Free Fire" at last year's BFI London Film Festival.

"I'm getting a little tall to play 'that little kid' in Chronicles of Narnia if somebody decides to make another one.... but if Anna Popplewell has a late growth spurt and they use forced perspective, it might work..."

"I'm getting a little tall to play 'that little kid' in Chronicles of Narnia if somebody decides to make another one.... but if Anna Popplewell has a late growth spurt and they use forced perspective, it might work..."

"These aren't even my sunglasses : why do you think I'm smiling like this?" our final major arrival from the movie is John Boyega, arguably best known for his starring role in 'Attack the Block', if like me you prefer to live in a world where 'A New Hope' wasn't lazily (yet loudly) remade as 'The Force Awakens' in 2015.

"These aren't even my sunglasses : why do you think I'm smiling like this?" our final major arrival from the movie is John Boyega, arguably best known for his starring role in 'Attack the Block', if like me you prefer to live in a world where 'A New Hope' wasn't lazily (yet loudly) remade as 'The Force Awakens' in 2015.

"You said what about Star Wars??" What, me? Nothing. I love(d) Star Wars. I just didn't The Force Awakens. Attack the Block is pretty cool, though.

"You said what about Star Wars??" What, me? Nothing. I love(d) Star Wars. I just didn't The Force Awakens. Attack the Block is pretty cool, though.

"Because it makes me more aerodynamic, that's why". Oke-day.

"Because it makes me more aerodynamic, that's why". Oke-day.

"Hey, isn't he that guy from that thing?" Yes, he's Will Poulter, and you really should track down "Wild Bill". it's a really good movie and he's great in it.

"Hey, isn't he that guy from that thing?" Yes, he's Will Poulter, and you really should track down "Wild Bill". it's a really good movie and he's great in it.

"Wait... hold that pose. I don't know what the flashing light on my display means...."

"Wait... hold that pose. I don't know what the flashing light on my display means...."

"I've got a lawyer from Lucasfilm following me everywhere I go making sure I don't give away Star Wars spoilers. He's big and scary and I think he's authorised to literally assassinate me."

"I've got a lawyer from Lucasfilm following me everywhere I go making sure I don't give away Star Wars spoilers. He's big and scary and I think he's authorised to literally assassinate me."

"No, I'm not Chris Pratt. But it's both a mistake anyone could make AND a compliment, so I won't hold it against you"

"No, I'm not Chris Pratt. But it's both a mistake anyone could make AND a compliment, so I won't hold it against you"

"No, K-19 The Widow Maker was not the nineteenth film in a Widowmaker franchise. But you're also not the first person to make that mistake and ask me that, so I'll let it go"

"No, K-19 The Widow Maker was not the nineteenth film in a Widowmaker franchise. But you're also not the first person to make that mistake and ask me that, so I'll let it go"

"What exactly are you doing, young lady?" "Standing here pouting prettily hoping you'll let me in to see the movie for free" "Oh" "Well....it usually works. Is it working?" "No"

"What exactly are you doing, young lady?"
"Standing here pouting prettily hoping you'll let me in to see the movie for free"
"Oh"
"Well....it usually works. Is it working?"
"No"

Jack Reynor and I continue to share a moment - either a different one or the same one, but sadly Kathryn Bigelow has gone inside and will not be interviewed any closer to my waiting camera (and Charlize Theron isn't in this film, so her chances of randomly showing up remain at slim-to-none...)

Jack Reynor and I continue to share a moment - either a different one or the same one, but sadly Kathryn Bigelow has gone inside and will not be interviewed any closer to my waiting camera (and Charlize Theron isn't in this film, so her chances of randomly showing up remain at slim-to-none...)

"I'm not even looking at what you're getting me to sign. Zoning permit? Poster for a movie I'm not in? Parking validation for that place across the road? I don't even care...."

"I'm not even looking at what you're getting me to sign. Zoning permit? Poster for a movie I'm not in? Parking validation for that place across the road? I don't even care...."

"Like I said. Star Wars spoilers are at the price of death at the hands of trained legal assassins. And we're talking MY death here, not yours. So I'm understandably worried"

"Like I said. Star Wars spoilers are at the price of death at the hands of trained legal assassins. And we're talking MY death here, not yours. So I'm understandably worried"

"I signed that one as myself AND Kathryn already. I'm not as good at forging Boyega's autograph, sorry"

"I signed that one as myself AND Kathryn already. I'm not as good at forging Boyega's autograph, sorry"

"I'm now two-dimensional and somebody stole my cool sunglasses I stole. Help me!"

"I'm now two-dimensional and somebody stole my cool sunglasses I stole. Help me!"

<insert comment here>

<insert comment here>

Elsewhere, a short tube ride later...

For years now I've been wanting to take my pet goldfish for a walk...

For years now I've been wanting to take my pet goldfish for a walk...

So... that was that. My first premiere since last week ('An Inconvenient Sequel'), and my first non-documentary movie premiere for over three weeks ('Valerian and the city of a thousand planets'). Next up... I think Frightfest is late next week, and there are some premieres rumoured.

But for now it's a much-needed new entry into the 'Archive of Movie premieres'. Btw, if you ever want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on Facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at Berndt2_photo (I'm clearly not good at personal branding...)

Until next time!

10 Aug - The 'An Inconvenient Sequel' Premiere

August 10th, 2017.

it's been over two weeks since my last premiere, for Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, and today's was a rather low-key affair - no wristbands, no public pen, no autograph dealers... in fact almost none of anything that a normal London premiere would have. But it was a premiere.

Here's how it went down:

We start this journal where we rarely do : a toilet inside a venue. According to this, I think pretty much anyone except half man, half bear, half pig can wash their hands (hooves?) here.

We start this journal where we rarely do : a toilet inside a venue. According to this, I think pretty much anyone except half man, half bear, half pig can wash their hands (hooves?) here.

The Film4 Summer Series is held at Somerset House, formerly the site of the hallowed London Fashion week and the site of only one previous premiere I've been to : 'Two Days, One Night' starring Marion Cotillard.

The Film4 Summer Series is held at Somerset House, formerly the site of the hallowed London Fashion week and the site of only one previous premiere I've been to : 'Two Days, One Night' starring Marion Cotillard.

To summarise what I know so far : there's an event taking place here, but I see no dealers, no Paps, and no public pens or carpet. Flags, though, I see many of.

To summarise what I know so far : there's an event taking place here, but I see no dealers, no Paps, and no public pens or carpet. Flags, though, I see many of.

To make people feel special, Somerset House installed snazzy-looking red curtains at the north entrance of the open air cinema. And for no charge, American Tourists will stand right in front of your photo for longer than you could possibly imagine, just looking at a board to the left.

To make people feel special, Somerset House installed snazzy-looking red curtains at the north entrance of the open air cinema. And for no charge, American Tourists will stand right in front of your photo for longer than you could possibly imagine, just looking at a board to the left.

"I see signs for men and women, Tom. But what about Manbearpigs? What about Centaurs? What about Unicorns, Tom? Won't anyone think of the unicorns??" "I don't think that symbol means..." "I'm being metaphorical, Tom..."

"I see signs for men and women, Tom. But what about Manbearpigs? What about Centaurs? What about Unicorns, Tom? Won't anyone think of the unicorns??"
"I don't think that symbol means..."
"I'm being metaphorical, Tom..."

it turns out that, as with the one (1) prior event I've photographed at Somerset House, the media action (such as it was) was taking place on the South Balcony with a small square of carpet surrounded on three sides by pens that were not for fans. But a small group of us were allowed to assemble next to the nearby Bar, where we (I) stood, wondering if my NSW Drivers License might pass cursory examination if I claimed it was my Media ID Accreditation.

I wish my Nikon had racing stripes too, damnit.

I wish my Nikon had racing stripes too, damnit.

The full title of this documentary is actually "an inconvenient sequel TRUTH TO POWER" but that twitter character limit is going to struggle what with the amount of space the weblink takes up. (And "AISTTP" isn't really trending right now)

The full title of this documentary is actually "an inconvenient sequel TRUTH TO POWER" but that twitter character limit is going to struggle what with the amount of space the weblink takes up. (And "AISTTP" isn't really trending right now)

It's Al Gore! Not only did he host the dual-Oscar winning documentary 'An Inconvenient Truth (2006), and not only did he apparently help invent the internet, and not only was he a US Vice President, but was the voice of AL GORE'S HEAD in several episodes of FUTURAMA!!

It's Al Gore! Not only did he host the dual-Oscar winning documentary 'An Inconvenient Truth (2006), and not only did he apparently help invent the internet, and not only was he a US Vice President, but was the voice of AL GORE'S HEAD in several episodes of FUTURAMA!!

"That man's blue jacket overpowers mine, Janet. Make it stop" - Al Gore has also won a Nobel Peace Price for his environmental work. All of a sudden, my achievements in the field of punctuality in High School don't seem quite as impressive. (And my jacket isn't as good as either)

"That man's blue jacket overpowers mine, Janet. Make it stop" - Al Gore has also won a Nobel Peace Price for his environmental work. All of a sudden, my achievements in the field of punctuality in High School don't seem quite as impressive. (And my jacket isn't as good as either)

"Manbearpig? I don't know what you're talking about, man"

"Manbearpig? I don't know what you're talking about, man"

"If your camera's batteries are being recharged by electricity generated by coal-burning power stations, you might as well be running them off baby panda tears as far as the environment is concerned..."

"If your camera's batteries are being recharged by electricity generated by coal-burning power stations, you might as well be running them off baby panda tears as far as the environment is concerned..."

"I don't know who you are or why you're famous.... but can I get a hashtag I can use when I tweet this?"

"I don't know who you are or why you're famous.... but can I get a hashtag I can use when I tweet this?"

"This light? Uh... it's solar powered. Or it provides solar power, I'm not sure"

"This light? Uh... it's solar powered. Or it provides solar power, I'm not sure"

I don't know who these two people are. While I know that the documentary is directed by Bonni Cohen and Jon Shenk, neither of these two look like either of the people shown on imdb.com.

I don't know who these two people are. While I know that the documentary is directed by Bonni Cohen and Jon Shenk, neither of these two look like either of the people shown on imdb.com.

"Is that gelato stand in the background meant to be ironic? The polar icecaps melting are not a joke"

"Is that gelato stand in the background meant to be ironic? The polar icecaps melting are not a joke"

"Or are you distracted by the out-of-focus girl in the lacy top the background? The world's Polar Bears are very disappointed in you right now...."

"Or are you distracted by the out-of-focus girl in the lacy top the background? The world's Polar Bears are very disappointed in you right now...."

"I hope you realise that in amongst all these allegedly humorous comments you're writing our world and its environment are in very real danger?" Well... yeah, but neither Donald Trump nor Kim Jong-un are answering my calls asking them to chill the f**k down right now.

"I hope you realise that in amongst all these allegedly humorous comments you're writing our world and its environment are in very real danger?" Well... yeah, but neither Donald Trump nor Kim Jong-un are answering my calls asking them to chill the f**k down right now.

"Anyway, watch this movie. or better still, get off your a55es and make the world a better place"

"Anyway, watch this movie. or better still, get off your a55es and make the world a better place"

"He didn't mean that. I think with the right tweets, likes, profile pictures and hashtags you can totally save the planet without ever leaving your living room. Peace out!"

"He didn't mean that. I think with the right tweets, likes, profile pictures and hashtags you can totally save the planet without ever leaving your living room. Peace out!"

We need to be more aware of our environment. As I understand it, this chair could be underwater within hours.... (It's called high tide)

We need to be more aware of our environment. As I understand it, this chair could be underwater within hours....
(It's called high tide)

So... that was that. And despite making light in the comments, the issue at hand is fairly important. Sure, you too could be playing golf and sending tweets to a despotic madman on the other side of the world daring him to be a complete fool while you plan the construction of a giant wall between your country and its neighbours..... or maybe you could try to make the world a better place. Or if even that seems a bit too much like hard work, perhaps try not to actively make things worse.

Until next time!

24 Jul - The 'Valerian and the city of a Thousand Planets' Premiere

July 24th, 2017.

Director Luc Besson apparently got a budget of $180million to turn a French comic from the 1960s into the largest production ever for a French film. And cast an English Model and an American actor best known as an almost-Spiderman main villain in the lead. So I believe he's entitled to be called even more brave than I was for getting a late wristband to a premiere with pop Megastar Rihanna set to attend.

Plus they made a special pen for young/pretty people facing the Paparazzi so the stars would be photographed against a "fan assortment" backdrop. How did I fare in that equation? Umm... about as expected.

Here's how it went down:

If a French Director's adaptation of a French comic's European Premiere is being held in London, then maybe this Brexit thing won't be all awful all the time?

If a French Director's adaptation of a French comic's European Premiere is being held in London, then maybe this Brexit thing won't be all awful all the time?

"Well, that's certainly not an UNPRETTY photo" "Who... Cara?" "No... Luc Besson. He's aged remarkably well..."

"Well, that's certainly not an UNPRETTY photo"
"Who... Cara?"
"No... Luc Besson. He's aged remarkably well..."

"My interests often run Agrarian...and that's one thing I'll be rhymin' with Valarian" - good news : your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ "I got 999 problems but a thousand planets ain't one" presided over the warmup component of this premiere.

"My interests often run Agrarian...and that's one thing I'll be rhymin' with Valarian" - good news : your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ "I got 999 problems but a thousand planets ain't one" presided over the warmup component of this premiere.

"My parents left me up here while they check out the Lego Store...."

"My parents left me up here while they check out the Lego Store...."

Our first major arrival from this movie's cast is singer Rihanna, wearing a dress that many opera house curtains might feel inadequate about.

Our first major arrival from this movie's cast is singer Rihanna, wearing a dress that many opera house curtains might feel inadequate about.

"I don't care how well thought-out your questions are, boys : don't block views of the dress"

"I don't care how well thought-out your questions are, boys : don't block views of the dress"

"Well, if I'd known you were laying a BLUE carpet..." - Rihanna's music has featured on many soundtracks, but acting-wise she's probably still best known for the movie 'Battleship (2012)' which, okay, didn't hit the heights of about half the movies in the Transformers film franchise, but come to think of it in retrospect did hit the heights of the OTHER half of the movies in the Transformers franchise..

"Well, if I'd known you were laying a BLUE carpet..." - Rihanna's music has featured on many soundtracks, but acting-wise she's probably still best known for the movie 'Battleship (2012)' which, okay, didn't hit the heights of about half the movies in the Transformers film franchise, but come to think of it in retrospect did hit the heights of the OTHER half of the movies in the Transformers franchise..

Rihanna is in the upcoming 'Oceans 8' movie (I believe the dress she's wearing plays four of the oceans)

Rihanna is in the upcoming 'Oceans 8' movie (I believe the dress she's wearing plays four of the oceans)

"Cara Delevingne is NOT EDGY. I'm Edgy. And that shirt/jacket being worn by the blurry man behind me is edgy. But Cara? Mainstream, baby" - Aymeline Valade is in this movie.

"Cara Delevingne is NOT EDGY. I'm Edgy. And that shirt/jacket being worn by the blurry man behind me is edgy. But Cara? Mainstream, baby" - Aymeline Valade is in this movie.

"Just because I'm pretty doesn't mean I'm not in this movie you know" - Pauline Hoarau is, indeed, in this movie. And her imdb.com biography also mentions that she played the character of 'herself' in the 2015 TV Movie "Victoria's Secret Fashion Show"

"Just because I'm pretty doesn't mean I'm not in this movie you know" - Pauline Hoarau is, indeed, in this movie. And her imdb.com biography also mentions that she played the character of 'herself' in the 2015 TV Movie "Victoria's Secret Fashion Show"

Clara Paget is not in this movie, but she was in the Sixth Fast & Furious movie as well as St Trinians 2, One Day, Johnny English Reborn and 35 episodes of something called "Black Sails"

Clara Paget is not in this movie, but she was in the Sixth Fast & Furious movie as well as St Trinians 2, One Day, Johnny English Reborn and 35 episodes of something called "Black Sails"

"You don't understand, Gerald. I might not be in this movie but I am very much *IN* this movie"

"You don't understand, Gerald. I might not be in this movie but I am very much *IN* this movie"

"Those two pens over there are mostly here for Rihanna. Those two pens are mostly for Cara and the ones over there are going to scream loudest if anyone mentions Dane DeHaan's name in any context, so be careful" Clive Owen is both in and *IN* this movie, playing the role of Commander Arun Filitt. Also, this premiere was the first one I can EVER recall where the Paparazzi pen faced another pen which was public and whose occupants were hand-picked by organisers to include the younger, better-looking and photogenic people. It grieves me that I was (amazingly) not chosen as young or good-looking enough. By which I obviously mean I was first selected, but had to decline, citing solidarity with the people around me to whom such an invitation was not made, whether in my imagination or not.

"Those two pens over there are mostly here for Rihanna. Those two pens are mostly for Cara and the ones over there are going to scream loudest if anyone mentions Dane DeHaan's name in any context, so be careful" Clive Owen is both in and *IN* this movie, playing the role of Commander Arun Filitt.

Also, this premiere was the first one I can EVER recall where the Paparazzi pen faced another pen which was public and whose occupants were hand-picked by organisers to include the younger, better-looking and photogenic people.

It grieves me that I was (amazingly) not chosen as young or good-looking enough. By which I obviously mean I was first selected, but had to decline, citing solidarity with the people around me to whom such an invitation was not made, whether in my imagination or not.

Director Luc Besson is probably best known for directing some combination of The Fifth Element, Leon the Professional and Lucy.

Director Luc Besson is probably best known for directing some combination of The Fifth Element, Leon the Professional and Lucy.

Virginie Besson-Silla is a producer of this film (and has been both a producer since 2001 and married to Luc Besson since 2004)

Virginie Besson-Silla is a producer of this film (and has been both a producer since 2001 and married to Luc Besson since 2004)

I don't want to panic the world of fashion, but I've been wearing one-shoulder off / one-shoulder on with jackets since at least 2011. So this is not particularly revolutionary.

I don't want to panic the world of fashion, but I've been wearing one-shoulder off / one-shoulder on with jackets since at least 2011. So this is not particularly revolutionary.

"There's a question from a dude on twitter wanting to ask you on a date. And another guy, also from twitter, also wanting to ask you out on a date. We also asked the crowd for questions to ask you and most of them were guys... well, I think you can see a trend" - this movie's lead actress, model Cara Delevingne has arrived

"There's a question from a dude on twitter wanting to ask you on a date. And another guy, also from twitter, also wanting to ask you out on a date. We also asked the crowd for questions to ask you and most of them were guys... well, I think you can see a trend" - this movie's lead actress, model Cara Delevingne has arrived

"You're too old for her, Clive. Come over here where it's age appropriate!" I hear fame takes a good decade off your published age, though.

"You're too old for her, Clive. Come over here where it's age appropriate!" I hear fame takes a good decade off your published age, though.

"A good two decades, I think you'll find". I, meanwhile, have had pleasing premiere journal views from places like India and Luxembourg recently.

"A good two decades, I think you'll find". I, meanwhile, have had pleasing premiere journal views from places like India and Luxembourg recently.

"I'm glad to be here, Rick. But if you could get your hands slightly higher and slightly further away from my groin I'll be much more relaxed" - Dane DeHaan plays the titular 'Valerian' in the movie, and was Harry Osborn in one of the Spider-Man movies we no longer talk about.

"I'm glad to be here, Rick. But if you could get your hands slightly higher and slightly further away from my groin I'll be much more relaxed" - Dane DeHaan plays the titular 'Valerian' in the movie, and was Harry Osborn in one of the Spider-Man movies we no longer talk about.

"I don't know what I'm photographing. Can somebody give me a hashtag for what I'm seeing??"

"I don't know what I'm photographing. Can somebody give me a hashtag for what I'm seeing??"

"I don't want to be one of those guys who just asks you out on a date on the off-chance you say yes. But I just want to know whether you might NOT want to NOT go on a date with me??" I find double or even triple negatives are a nice tool for your date-asking armoury.

"I don't want to be one of those guys who just asks you out on a date on the off-chance you say yes. But I just want to know whether you might NOT want to NOT go on a date with me??" I find double or even triple negatives are a nice tool for your date-asking armoury.

"Well, it's a close-up of my eye. You wanna get the other one or are you happy with that?"

"Well, it's a close-up of my eye. You wanna get the other one or are you happy with that?"

I was going to write something like "I've never seen so many women intently listening to another woman before" but I fear it might get misconstrued. Forget I mentioned it.

I was going to write something like "I've never seen so many women intently listening to another woman before" but I fear it might get misconstrued. Forget I mentioned it.

Cara Delevingne was most recently in the DC Cinematic Universe's worst-reviewed entry "Suicide Squad"- and given we're talking about the DCEU, which includes Man of Steel and Batman v Superman (and threatens to unleash the grim noise and horror of Justice League soon enough) that's saying something.

Cara Delevingne was most recently in the DC Cinematic Universe's worst-reviewed entry "Suicide Squad"- and given we're talking about the DCEU, which includes Man of Steel and Batman v Superman (and threatens to unleash the grim noise and horror of Justice League soon enough) that's saying something.

"Well, it ended with her having super-cosmic powers beyond all capacity for human science or science fiction to explain.. but yeah, there's probably a sequel in 'Lucy' somehwere..."

"Well, it ended with her having super-cosmic powers beyond all capacity for human science or science fiction to explain.. but yeah, there's probably a sequel in 'Lucy' somehwere..."

"No, you don't have something on your cheek. I was just using that as an excuse" - somewhere in the crowd somewhere near me there is/was a Korean Girl whose love for Dane Dehann approached insane levels of all-encompassing-ness. I'm talking of the kind that makes me worry that security people think searching peoples' bags for mere weapons enough to make a premiere safe.

"No, you don't have something on your cheek. I was just using that as an excuse" - somewhere in the crowd somewhere near me there is/was a Korean Girl whose love for Dane Dehann approached insane levels of all-encompassing-ness. I'm talking of the kind that makes me worry that security people think searching peoples' bags for mere weapons enough to make a premiere safe.

"I'm sure she didn't mean that. Or if she did, the crowd barriers will probably hold... and if they fall, one or more of the big security dudes will probably stop her before she gets to you. Failing all that... you might enjoy it?"

"I'm sure she didn't mean that. Or if she did, the crowd barriers will probably hold... and if they fall, one or more of the big security dudes will probably stop her before she gets to you. Failing all that... you might enjoy it?"

Dane DeHaan cleverly makes eye-contact with the one person in my immediate vicinity not screaming at him (me). I'm not sure whether that's still going to be true if/when Cara Delevingne takes his spot to be interviewed.

Dane DeHaan cleverly makes eye-contact with the one person in my immediate vicinity not screaming at him (me). I'm not sure whether that's still going to be true if/when Cara Delevingne takes his spot to be interviewed.

"I don't think marriage contacts signed in this forum and under false pretenses hold weight in court... but if you promise not to make a big deal about it, I'll put a love heart in my signature just for you"

"I don't think marriage contacts signed in this forum and under false pretenses hold weight in court... but if you promise not to make a big deal about it, I'll put a love heart in my signature just for you"

Cara Delevinge is interviewed and somehow even despite my enthusiasm to photograph her, I've suddenly gone from being in the second row of the public pen to the FOURTH ROW and I have no idea how that happened. Magic, probably.

Cara Delevinge is interviewed and somehow even despite my enthusiasm to photograph her, I've suddenly gone from being in the second row of the public pen to the FOURTH ROW and I have no idea how that happened. Magic, probably.

<insert caption here>

<insert caption here>

"No, I'm not high-fiving any of you. You'd take it the wrong way.."

"No, I'm not high-fiving any of you. You'd take it the wrong way.."

So, that was an enjoyable, if noisy and more than usually crowded (on- and off-carpet) premiere. I'm not sure how high on my list of must-see movies it is, but perhaps in the right (vodka-assisted) frame of mind I'll check it out.

Until next time!

ps. if you ever want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at berndt2_photo, or on instagram if I can remember what I'm calling myself there.