July 24th, 2017.
Director Luc Besson apparently got a budget of $180million to turn a French comic from the 1960s into the largest production ever for a French film. And cast an English Model and an American actor best known as an almost-Spiderman main villain in the lead. So I believe he's entitled to be called even more brave than I was for getting a late wristband to a premiere with pop Megastar Rihanna set to attend.
Plus they made a special pen for young/pretty people facing the Paparazzi so the stars would be photographed against a "fan assortment" backdrop. How did I fare in that equation? Umm... about as expected.
Here's how it went down:
If a French Director's adaptation of a French comic's European Premiere is being held in London, then maybe this Brexit thing won't be all awful all the time?
"Well, that's certainly not an UNPRETTY photo"
"Who... Cara?"
"No... Luc Besson. He's aged remarkably well..."
"My interests often run Agrarian...and that's one thing I'll be rhymin' with Valarian" - good news : your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ "I got 999 problems but a thousand planets ain't one" presided over the warmup component of this premiere.
"My parents left me up here while they check out the Lego Store...."
Our first major arrival from this movie's cast is singer Rihanna, wearing a dress that many opera house curtains might feel inadequate about.
"I don't care how well thought-out your questions are, boys : don't block views of the dress"
"Well, if I'd known you were laying a BLUE carpet..." - Rihanna's music has featured on many soundtracks, but acting-wise she's probably still best known for the movie 'Battleship (2012)' which, okay, didn't hit the heights of about half the movies in the Transformers film franchise, but come to think of it in retrospect did hit the heights of the OTHER half of the movies in the Transformers franchise..
Rihanna is in the upcoming 'Oceans 8' movie (I believe the dress she's wearing plays four of the oceans)
"Cara Delevingne is NOT EDGY. I'm Edgy. And that shirt/jacket being worn by the blurry man behind me is edgy. But Cara? Mainstream, baby" - Aymeline Valade is in this movie.
"Just because I'm pretty doesn't mean I'm not in this movie you know" - Pauline Hoarau is, indeed, in this movie. And her imdb.com biography also mentions that she played the character of 'herself' in the 2015 TV Movie "Victoria's Secret Fashion Show"
Clara Paget is not in this movie, but she was in the Sixth Fast & Furious movie as well as St Trinians 2, One Day, Johnny English Reborn and 35 episodes of something called "Black Sails"
"You don't understand, Gerald. I might not be in this movie but I am very much *IN* this movie"
"Those two pens over there are mostly here for Rihanna. Those two pens are mostly for Cara and the ones over there are going to scream loudest if anyone mentions Dane DeHaan's name in any context, so be careful" Clive Owen is both in and *IN* this movie, playing the role of Commander Arun Filitt.
Also, this premiere was the first one I can EVER recall where the Paparazzi pen faced another pen which was public and whose occupants were hand-picked by organisers to include the younger, better-looking and photogenic people.
It grieves me that I was (amazingly) not chosen as young or good-looking enough. By which I obviously mean I was first selected, but had to decline, citing solidarity with the people around me to whom such an invitation was not made, whether in my imagination or not.
Director Luc Besson is probably best known for directing some combination of The Fifth Element, Leon the Professional and Lucy.
Virginie Besson-Silla is a producer of this film (and has been both a producer since 2001 and married to Luc Besson since 2004)
I don't want to panic the world of fashion, but I've been wearing one-shoulder off / one-shoulder on with jackets since at least 2011. So this is not particularly revolutionary.
"There's a question from a dude on twitter wanting to ask you on a date. And another guy, also from twitter, also wanting to ask you out on a date. We also asked the crowd for questions to ask you and most of them were guys... well, I think you can see a trend" - this movie's lead actress, model Cara Delevingne has arrived
"You're too old for her, Clive. Come over here where it's age appropriate!" I hear fame takes a good decade off your published age, though.
"A good two decades, I think you'll find". I, meanwhile, have had pleasing premiere journal views from places like India and Luxembourg recently.
"I'm glad to be here, Rick. But if you could get your hands slightly higher and slightly further away from my groin I'll be much more relaxed" - Dane DeHaan plays the titular 'Valerian' in the movie, and was Harry Osborn in one of the Spider-Man movies we no longer talk about.
"I don't know what I'm photographing. Can somebody give me a hashtag for what I'm seeing??"
"I don't want to be one of those guys who just asks you out on a date on the off-chance you say yes. But I just want to know whether you might NOT want to NOT go on a date with me??" I find double or even triple negatives are a nice tool for your date-asking armoury.
"Well, it's a close-up of my eye. You wanna get the other one or are you happy with that?"
I was going to write something like "I've never seen so many women intently listening to another woman before" but I fear it might get misconstrued. Forget I mentioned it.
Cara Delevingne was most recently in the DC Cinematic Universe's worst-reviewed entry "Suicide Squad"- and given we're talking about the DCEU, which includes Man of Steel and Batman v Superman (and threatens to unleash the grim noise and horror of Justice League soon enough) that's saying something.
"Well, it ended with her having super-cosmic powers beyond all capacity for human science or science fiction to explain.. but yeah, there's probably a sequel in 'Lucy' somehwere..."
"No, you don't have something on your cheek. I was just using that as an excuse" - somewhere in the crowd somewhere near me there is/was a Korean Girl whose love for Dane Dehann approached insane levels of all-encompassing-ness. I'm talking of the kind that makes me worry that security people think searching peoples' bags for mere weapons enough to make a premiere safe.
"I'm sure she didn't mean that. Or if she did, the crowd barriers will probably hold... and if they fall, one or more of the big security dudes will probably stop her before she gets to you. Failing all that... you might enjoy it?"
Dane DeHaan cleverly makes eye-contact with the one person in my immediate vicinity not screaming at him (me). I'm not sure whether that's still going to be true if/when Cara Delevingne takes his spot to be interviewed.
"I don't think marriage contacts signed in this forum and under false pretenses hold weight in court... but if you promise not to make a big deal about it, I'll put a love heart in my signature just for you"
Cara Delevinge is interviewed and somehow even despite my enthusiasm to photograph her, I've suddenly gone from being in the second row of the public pen to the FOURTH ROW and I have no idea how that happened. Magic, probably.
<insert caption here>
"No, I'm not high-fiving any of you. You'd take it the wrong way.."
So, that was an enjoyable, if noisy and more than usually crowded (on- and off-carpet) premiere. I'm not sure how high on my list of must-see movies it is, but perhaps in the right (vodka-assisted) frame of mind I'll check it out.
Until next time!
ps. if you ever want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at berndt2_photo, or on instagram if I can remember what I'm calling myself there.