The 2017 British Fashion Awards

December 4th, 2017.

For the website-owner of the coveted "premieres.co" domain, the twin terrors of Theatre and Fashion represent occasional challengest to my efforts to appear competent and knowledgeable on other items of (ahem) great importance.

Speaking of Twin Terrors... yesterday it was the Evening Standard Theatre Awards.... and today it's the British Fashion Awards, which like last year were at Royal Albert Hall. Well.... here's how it went down:

"I don't have time to get a design house to come up with a custom font - here, use this scrawl I just came up with"

"I don't have time to get a design house to come up with a custom font - here, use this scrawl I just came up with"

Security at Fashion events is at least 14% more fabulous and mohair-attired than at regular film premieres, but they still can't tell you why some wristbands have an "R" prefix while others have "P" and yet everyone's swimming in one big pen. They're also a bit hazy on the logic behind letting people into pens and then having staff get people to use the 'honour' system to answer the question of whether they've had their bags checked.

Security at Fashion events is at least 14% more fabulous and mohair-attired than at regular film premieres, but they still can't tell you why some wristbands have an "R" prefix while others have "P" and yet everyone's swimming in one big pen. They're also a bit hazy on the logic behind letting people into pens and then having staff get people to use the 'honour' system to answer the question of whether they've had their bags checked.

"It started a countdown from 100 about a minute ago, but the electronic voice was alluringly feminine...."

"It started a countdown from 100 about a minute ago, but the electronic voice was alluringly feminine...."

"The girl in the background says she'd rather tear out her own throat than sing swing jazz duets with me, but until she inevitably changes her mind, I guess it's just you and me, GoPro sphere"

"The girl in the background says she'd rather tear out her own throat than sing swing jazz duets with me, but until she inevitably changes her mind, I guess it's just you and me, GoPro sphere"

<I don't know who this is, but the beret, man. THE BERET!!>

<I don't know who this is, but the beret, man. THE BERET!!>

I photographed Poppy Delevingne just yesterday, but this time (, your honour) it wasn't creepy : it was at the Evening Standard Theatre Awards

I photographed Poppy Delevingne just yesterday, but this time (, your honour) it wasn't creepy : it was at the Evening Standard Theatre Awards

"Is it Broken or is it Art, do we know?" - they don't make it easy in the avant-garde world of fashion.

"Is it Broken or is it Art, do we know?" - they don't make it easy in the avant-garde world of fashion.

Holly Willoughby - last photographed at the Pride of Britain Awards. Character synopsis : appears cheerful. That's all I've got so far.

Holly Willoughby - last photographed at the Pride of Britain Awards. Character synopsis : appears cheerful. That's all I've got so far.

"She doesn't have an invitation, but says these aren't the droids I'm looking for and that she should move along..... move along"

"She doesn't have an invitation, but says these aren't the droids I'm looking for and that she should move along..... move along"

Her identity remains unknown, but I think she's eyeing my beanie and/or warm jacket with an interest that goes slightly beyond purely professional.

Her identity remains unknown, but I think she's eyeing my beanie and/or warm jacket with an interest that goes slightly beyond purely professional.

I'm given to understand that this is Tallia Storm, but the sources providing me with this information are vague as to the precise nature of her fame.

I'm given to understand that this is Tallia Storm, but the sources providing me with this information are vague as to the precise nature of her fame.

I don't know who this is, but I'll be irked and ired if that cape she's wearing turns out not to be unisex because I feel me and my hobbit troop could wear those when we're trekking to destroy the one true ring. (edited to add : Bianca Jagger)

I don't know who this is, but I'll be irked and ired if that cape she's wearing turns out not to be unisex because I feel me and my hobbit troop could wear those when we're trekking to destroy the one true ring. (edited to add : Bianca Jagger)

I don't know but if you're a woman in a ballgown or a dude with more than the top three buttons on your shirt undone, you're famous enough to get photographed (edited to add... I've already forgotten)

I don't know but if you're a woman in a ballgown or a dude with more than the top three buttons on your shirt undone, you're famous enough to get photographed (edited to add... I've already forgotten)

I've now photographed Pamela Anderson about 20 years after my 20yr younger self would have been truly impressed, but it's happened.

I've now photographed Pamela Anderson about 20 years after my 20yr younger self would have been truly impressed, but it's happened.

"Oh, come on. There's no way Barb Wire got a Bluray release...."

"Oh, come on. There's no way Barb Wire got a Bluray release...."

I don't know who this is, but I'm going to put my fashion credibility on the line and say there's no way this guy's not famous.

I don't know who this is, but I'm going to put my fashion credibility on the line and say there's no way this guy's not famous.

Hailey Baldwin. Also : don't tell me this isn't the greatest photo I've taken, possibly, ever. I won't hear of it.

Hailey Baldwin. Also : don't tell me this isn't the greatest photo I've taken, possibly, ever. I won't hear of it.

I accordance with all prophecies, I continue to not take a decent photo of Ruth Wilson.

I accordance with all prophecies, I continue to not take a decent photo of Ruth Wilson.

<I don't know who this is. And that saddens me>

<I don't know who this is. And that saddens me>

<unknown, but the hair, man. THE HAIR!!>

<unknown, but the hair, man. THE HAIR!!>

Olga Kurylenko, rather alluringly backlit (alternate comment : I had the D4 set to underexpose a bit too much and decided to run with it)

Olga Kurylenko, rather alluringly backlit (alternate comment : I had the D4 set to underexpose a bit too much and decided to run with it)

Rita Ora is a singer, but in possibly even more exciting news I've decided I really like this spot Ive been hemmed into. While most of my shots of dropoff are being blocked by people taller, better-placed and more assertive in their camera-work... this backlit view has its merits, dynamic lighting-wise. Also : there's pretty women, as that's relevant, too.

Rita Ora is a singer, but in possibly even more exciting news I've decided I really like this spot Ive been hemmed into. While most of my shots of dropoff are being blocked by people taller, better-placed and more assertive in their camera-work... this backlit view has its merits, dynamic lighting-wise. Also : there's pretty women, as that's relevant, too.

<unknown, but backlighting, man. BACKLIGHTING!!>

<unknown, but backlighting, man. BACKLIGHTING!!>

Georgia May Jagger, realising as we head into Christmas, that a groovy new QP-themed multicoloured dress can't make you happy if you're not already happy.

Georgia May Jagger, realising as we head into Christmas, that a groovy new QP-themed multicoloured dress can't make you happy if you're not already happy.

<unknown, but probably looking to steal your firstborns>

<unknown, but probably looking to steal your firstborns>

It's Zendaya! I'm not entirely aware of what combination of actress/model, model/actress, singer/model, actress/singer she represents, but she was good in Spider-Man Homecoming, and the two horses on the front of her dress are kind of hard not to focus on. Contrast-detect Autofocus-wise, I mean.

It's Zendaya! I'm not entirely aware of what combination of actress/model, model/actress, singer/model, actress/singer she represents, but she was good in Spider-Man Homecoming, and the two horses on the front of her dress are kind of hard not to focus on. Contrast-detect Autofocus-wise, I mean.

Zendaya. Pronounced backwards it also sounds kind of coolly exotic.

Zendaya. Pronounced backwards it also sounds kind of coolly exotic.

Zendaya. I don't know which of the three syllables of her name to put the accent on, which is why I'm glad I only write these journals and don't have spoken-word versions I need to commit to.

Zendaya. I don't know which of the three syllables of her name to put the accent on, which is why I'm glad I only write these journals and don't have spoken-word versions I need to commit to.

Arizona Muse is still my favourite Snapple flavour I've never tried, but I suspect she's a model.

Arizona Muse is still my favourite Snapple flavour I've never tried, but I suspect she's a model.

Lewis Hamilton and Donatella Versace are possibly the power couple you never knew you always wanted to see walking a red carpet together. I also think if she was wearing a dress with his pattern and he was wearing a jumpsuit made of her dress pattern, their combination would work almost as well.

Lewis Hamilton and Donatella Versace are possibly the power couple you never knew you always wanted to see walking a red carpet together. I also think if she was wearing a dress with his pattern and he was wearing a jumpsuit made of her dress pattern, their combination would work almost as well.

"Don't even ask!"

"Don't even ask!"

Conor McGregor is... I vaguely recall some kind of Boxer? MMA fighter? Probably not an accountant, but then why shouldn't he be.

Conor McGregor is... I vaguely recall some kind of Boxer? MMA fighter? Probably not an accountant, but then why shouldn't he be.

"Why is everyone here dressed so poorly in comparison to me?" Irina Shayk is a model, and my brain is trying to figure out how that sash of hers works three-dimensionally. Does it curl around the top and the bottom in some kind of moebius strip?

"Why is everyone here dressed so poorly in comparison to me?" Irina Shayk is a model, and my brain is trying to figure out how that sash of hers works three-dimensionally. Does it curl around the top and the bottom in some kind of moebius strip?

I believe this is "Molly from The Saturdays" (edited to add : Mollie King, from The Saturdays)

I believe this is "Molly from The Saturdays" (edited to add : Mollie King, from The Saturdays)

<unknown, but probably not actress Lily James>

<unknown, but probably not actress Lily James>

When this happens to my jeans, I know it's time to buy new jeans.

When this happens to my jeans, I know it's time to buy new jeans.

"I don't want to alarm you, but I think I'm going to need helium and a power-drill to fix this dress..."

"I don't want to alarm you, but I think I'm going to need helium and a power-drill to fix this dress..."

Rejected Draft Kylo Ren Facepaint, Emo/Goth Phase 2.

Rejected Draft Kylo Ren Facepaint, Emo/Goth Phase 2.

Eva Herzigova. Providing eye-contact to one of several paparazzi who have taken up residence in our public pen. It occurs to me now, some 12 hours later, that perhaps I might have joined them... but it's some 12 hours too late.

Eva Herzigova. Providing eye-contact to one of several paparazzi who have taken up residence in our public pen. It occurs to me now, some 12 hours later, that perhaps I might have joined them... but it's some 12 hours too late.

Selena Gomez feels like somebody I've heard of in the vague collective unconscious I tap into at times.

Selena Gomez feels like somebody I've heard of in the vague collective unconscious I tap into at times.

<unknown, but implicitly denied being Naomi Campbell by declining to sign for people calling out "Naomi! Naomi!!!!". Weirdly, Naomi Campbell showed up later and explicitly declining to sign for people calling out "Naomi! Naomi!!!!" so it's all rather complex. >

<unknown, but implicitly denied being Naomi Campbell by declining to sign for people calling out "Naomi! Naomi!!!!". Weirdly, Naomi Campbell showed up later and explicitly declining to sign for people calling out "Naomi! Naomi!!!!" so it's all rather complex. >

<unknown>

<unknown>

It's P!nk. Photographed with a white-balance shifted to blue. I'm calling it deliberately subversive, as opposed to the alternative.

It's P!nk. Photographed with a white-balance shifted to blue. I'm calling it deliberately subversive, as opposed to the alternative.

"High Five?? Baby, this is how we say hello in L.A. now..."

"High Five?? Baby, this is how we say hello in L.A. now..."

"Pink told you that's how people say hello in LA? I've been there and I'm not sure..." - designer Stella McCartney

"Pink told you that's how people say hello in LA? I've been there and I'm not sure..." - designer Stella McCartney

Naomi Campbell. And when your photos turn to this kind of light-smear, it's probably time to head off. Uh... I mean.... "Blurry Therefore Art"!!

Naomi Campbell. And when your photos turn to this kind of light-smear, it's probably time to head off. Uh... I mean.... "Blurry Therefore Art"!!

So... that was that, then. Two events in two days, and possibly as many as four events before I call time on this year's efforts and start thinking about next year. If I'm not otherwise distracted. And it's another one for The Archive of Premieres, which is nice.

Until next time!

ps. if you ever want to know when I post one of these, or if you have one of these events you want me to discreetly and (possibly) politely want me to cover, feel free to contact and/or follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at @berndt2_photo.

The 2017 Evening Standard Theatre Awards

December 3rd, 2017.

Unlike 2015 and 2016, when the Evening Standard Theatre Awards were held south of the Thames at the Old Vic, this year they were at the Royal Theatre Drury Lane, which for fact fans from all around the world is a misnomer : the Royal Theatre Dury Lane is not actually ON Drury Lane.

Which is about all you need to know. Here's how it went down:

It's the Evening Standard Theatre Awards. I'm here... where are you? (if your answer is any combination of "warm" and "dry", you don't even need to add "drunk" to claim victory)

It's the Evening Standard Theatre Awards. I'm here... where are you? (if your answer is any combination of "warm" and "dry", you don't even need to add "drunk" to claim victory)

I feel like I should know who this is... and after a good night's sleep (or otherwise) I'm going to try to figure it out. But not tonight, and not this late. (edited to add : possibly Cush Jumbo, and/or the guy facing her (who I did not photograph) might be Nonso Anozie? With thanks to Nicola King, because I'm floundering here!)

I feel like I should know who this is... and after a good night's sleep (or otherwise) I'm going to try to figure it out. But not tonight, and not this late. (edited to add : possibly Cush Jumbo, and/or the guy facing her (who I did not photograph) might be Nonso Anozie? With thanks to Nicola King, because I'm floundering here!)

Glenda Jackson has won two Best Actress Oscars, meaning I'm posting her photo with or without eye-contact. If Charlize Theron shows up, my criteria will be even lower (though my anguish at a badly taken photo greater) (edited to add : Glenda Jackson won the Best Actress Awards on the evening)

Glenda Jackson has won two Best Actress Oscars, meaning I'm posting her photo with or without eye-contact. If Charlize Theron shows up, my criteria will be even lower (though my anguish at a badly taken photo greater)
(edited to add : Glenda Jackson won the Best Actress Awards on the evening)

"Please don't ask me that question. Last time I made a comment about Star Wars, it cost me about half my friends. Not the better half, mind you, but it still hurt". I don't know who this is, and I'm not looking forward to The Last Jedi - it might cost me much of the remaining quarter I myself have left.

"Please don't ask me that question. Last time I made a comment about Star Wars, it cost me about half my friends. Not the better half, mind you, but it still hurt". I don't know who this is, and I'm not looking forward to The Last Jedi - it might cost me much of the remaining quarter I myself have left.

"Oh, if only there was an ornate letter 'T' a girl could pose next to on a chilly Sunday eve..." Good news for Charlotte Hope - The Evening Standard Theatre Awards gives afficionadoes a choice of up to four. Take that, The Oliviers!

"Oh, if only there was an ornate letter 'T' a girl could pose next to on a chilly Sunday eve..." Good news for Charlotte Hope - The Evening Standard Theatre Awards gives afficionadoes a choice of up to four. Take that, The Oliviers!

Embarrassed to add later : Amber Riley, who won the award for best musical performance on the night.

Embarrassed to add later : Amber Riley, who won the award for best musical performance on the night.

Embarrassedly added later : Andrew Polec and Christina Bennington , who accepted the BBC Radio 2 Audience Award for Best Musical for "Bat Out Of Hell" (I was at that premiere, but couldn't parley it into a regular gig shooting musical premieres/openings #regret)

Embarrassedly added later : Andrew Polec and Christina Bennington , who accepted the BBC Radio 2 Audience Award for Best Musical for "Bat Out Of Hell" (I was at that premiere, but couldn't parley it into a regular gig shooting musical premieres/openings #regret)

I don't know of Arinze Kene's association with theatre (which is not an accusation, merely an admission of my lack of knowledge), but I do know that he was in and at the premiere of the movie "The Pass" back in 2016.

I don't know of Arinze Kene's association with theatre (which is not an accusation, merely an admission of my lack of knowledge), but I do know that he was in and at the premiere of the movie "The Pass" back in 2016.

Fashionista Anna Wintour - on the night before the Fashion Awards and WITHOUT glasses. Damnit, if glasses aren't cool anymore then the fashion cred of my daily ensemble rests almost entirely on my off-brand jeans and thinsulate beanie...

Fashionista Anna Wintour - on the night before the Fashion Awards and WITHOUT glasses. Damnit, if glasses aren't cool anymore then the fashion cred of my daily ensemble rests almost entirely on my off-brand jeans and thinsulate beanie...

This may be former Chancellor George Osborne, who is also associated with the Evening Standard. There were protesters on site whose accusations were that the paper was paying for theatre awards by running sex ads, but their accusations seemed phrased more like questions, and near as I could tell they didn't start chanting until about half an hour after Osborne had gone inside. Back to the drawing board, protesters...

This may be former Chancellor George Osborne, who is also associated with the Evening Standard. There were protesters on site whose accusations were that the paper was paying for theatre awards by running sex ads, but their accusations seemed phrased more like questions, and near as I could tell they didn't start chanting until about half an hour after Osborne had gone inside. Back to the drawing board, protesters...

Wireimage doesn't recognise her, but I choose to recognise Formal Orange on a red carpet for this event. (nb. the badge she's wearing says "Actresses Equal Representation - 50:50". Which I think is ludicrous . in my view 100% of actresses should have equal representation) (edited to add : wireimage now does, and she's Laura Donnelly)

Wireimage doesn't recognise her, but I choose to recognise Formal Orange on a red carpet for this event. (nb. the badge she's wearing says "Actresses Equal Representation - 50:50". Which I think is ludicrous . in my view 100% of actresses should have equal representation) (edited to add : wireimage now does, and she's Laura Donnelly)

It's photos like this - of actress Ellie Bamber - that make me wonder whether I've chosen my spot at this event wisely or poorly. Might be time to think about shifting one or two people too late.

It's photos like this - of actress Ellie Bamber - that make me wonder whether I've chosen my spot at this event wisely or poorly. Might be time to think about shifting one or two people too late.

"Cate Blanchett is expected to attend this event? Well... I might just stand here and elaborate on this very complex question I've just decided you've asked me. What was that question, by the way?" (edited to add, with some embarrassment, that he's Jez Butterworth, who won the Best Play award for "The Ferryman")

"Cate Blanchett is expected to attend this event? Well... I might just stand here and elaborate on this very complex question I've just decided you've asked me. What was that question, by the way?"
(edited to add, with some embarrassment, that he's
Jez Butterworth, who won the Best Play award for "The Ferryman")

"At this stage I'd prefer to lip-sync them, but overall I still think they're great tunes" - Dame Shirley Bassey sang the themes to several James Bond films, including Goldfinger and Diamonds Are Forever.

"At this stage I'd prefer to lip-sync them, but overall I still think they're great tunes" - Dame Shirley Bassey sang the themes to several James Bond films, including Goldfinger and Diamonds Are Forever.

Edited to add : Tom Glynn-Carney won an award (or, to be fair, in a gallery I saw online he was clutching an award and the caption didn't say whether it was his or not and what for. Damn... I need better researchers...) (edited to edit to add : he won the 'Emerging Talent' award)

Edited to add : Tom Glynn-Carney won an award (or, to be fair, in a gallery I saw online he was clutching an award and the caption didn't say whether it was his or not and what for. Damn... I need better researchers...) (edited to edit to add : he won the 'Emerging Talent' award)

Wireimage says " Savannah Miller " and I'm not arguing with Wireimage on this.

Wireimage says " Savannah Miller " and I'm not arguing with Wireimage on this.

Sorry to all the many fans of Jeremy Irvine, foreign brand ambassador for the smart-casual fragrance 'Andy by Hamish' (RIP that radio show) - this is as good a photo as I managed.

Sorry to all the many fans of Jeremy Irvine, foreign brand ambassador for the smart-casual fragrance 'Andy by Hamish' (RIP that radio show) - this is as good a photo as I managed.

"I never did ask what "C" was short for" - Andrew Scott is possibly best known for playing Moriarty in the 'Sherlock' series, but he was also 'C' in the most recent James Bond film 'Spectre'

"I never did ask what "C" was short for" - Andrew Scott is possibly best known for playing Moriarty in the 'Sherlock' series, but he was also 'C' in the most recent James Bond film 'Spectre'

Alan Carr. Further commentary as it becomes available.

Alan Carr. Further commentary as it becomes available.

"Let's blow this cold carpet and grab a beer" - I'm not sure whether it's me or Sir Patrick Stewart thinking this, but I'm in total agreement with one or both of us for thinking this

"Let's blow this cold carpet and grab a beer" - I'm not sure whether it's me or Sir Patrick Stewart thinking this, but I'm in total agreement with one or both of us for thinking this

Sick(ish) of the blocked views of foliage around the corner, I've decided to shift position to the other side of the Theatre Royal Drury Lane, which as noted is not on Drury Lane. still.. hopefully even with the shoving of autograph dealers and lower levels of light, the angle for photography might be better. I hope.

Sick(ish) of the blocked views of foliage around the corner, I've decided to shift position to the other side of the Theatre Royal Drury Lane, which as noted is not on Drury Lane. still.. hopefully even with the shoving of autograph dealers and lower levels of light, the angle for photography might be better. I hope.

Andrew Garfield was (insert name of London Theatre Production here) but is possibly best known for being in The Amazing Spider-Man duo of films (post Maguire, pre Holland) but that said he was great in films like The Social Network, Hacksaw Ridge and 99 Homes.

Andrew Garfield was (insert name of London Theatre Production here) but is possibly best known for being in The Amazing Spider-Man duo of films (post Maguire, pre Holland) but that said he was great in films like The Social Network, Hacksaw Ridge and 99 Homes.

"What do you mean "Tom Holland was Pretty Good as Spider-Man"?? I paid that voodoo priest good money for those curses...." (edited to add, by way of consolation: Andrew Garfield won the Best Actor Awards on the evening)  

"What do you mean "Tom Holland was Pretty Good as Spider-Man"?? I paid that voodoo priest good money for those curses...."
(edited to add, by way of consolation: Andrew Garfield won the Best Actor Awards on the evening)

 

I'm not entirely certain what actress Keira Knightley's bona fides are where theatre is concerned, but given mine is limited mostly to "Hey, I'm At This Event And It's Cold", I suppose I'm not one to judge.

I'm not entirely certain what actress Keira Knightley's bona fides are where theatre is concerned, but given mine is limited mostly to "Hey, I'm At This Event And It's Cold", I suppose I'm not one to judge.

"My autograph is worth how much? Well let's talk profit-sharing before I walk over there and basically give you free money!"

"My autograph is worth how much? Well let's talk profit-sharing before I walk over there and basically give you free money!"

Through the wonders of highlight-extraction on a full-frame Nikon I can now proclaim to have photographed Director Sam Mendes (who won on the night for "The Ferryman" but also directed the James Bond films "Skyfall" and "Spectre")

Through the wonders of highlight-extraction on a full-frame Nikon I can now proclaim to have photographed Director Sam Mendes (who won on the night for "The Ferryman" but also directed the James Bond films "Skyfall" and "Spectre")

It's Australia's own Cate Blanchett! My Australian visa is still lost in bureacratic hell (or perhaps has simply disappeared) so my residency status is currently "not Australian" but come on... I might not support Australia in The Ashes, but I totally cheered them beating England in the Rugby League world Cup!

It's Australia's own Cate Blanchett! My Australian visa is still lost in bureacratic hell (or perhaps has simply disappeared) so my residency status is currently "not Australian" but come on... I might not support Australia in The Ashes, but I totally cheered them beating England in the Rugby League world Cup!

"You liked Thor Ragnarok? Well, thank you!". Thor Ragnarok wasn't bad, but it felt like a movie that assumed that because I liked ice cream, and because I liked beer, I'd naturally like Ice Cream Flavoured Beer. I like drama and I like humour, but not at the same time.

"You liked Thor Ragnarok? Well, thank you!". Thor Ragnarok wasn't bad, but it felt like a movie that assumed that because I liked ice cream, and because I liked beer, I'd naturally like Ice Cream Flavoured Beer. I like drama and I like humour, but not at the same time.

I feel like I should know who this is. You know... even though this is a theatre event and I'm an impostor who knows nothing about theatre.

I feel like I should know who this is. You know... even though this is a theatre event and I'm an impostor who knows nothing about theatre.

"I wore this jacket especially and not one of you asks for my autograph?" - I shoulda photographed his shoes : he's Christian Louboutin, and he designs those shoes with the red soles that women wear (this fashion tip from me : wearing cheap sweatshop manufactured black Nikes almost exclusively since 2011)

"I wore this jacket especially and not one of you asks for my autograph?" - I shoulda photographed his shoes : he's Christian Louboutin, and he designs those shoes with the red soles that women wear (this fashion tip from me : wearing cheap sweatshop manufactured black Nikes almost exclusively since 2011)

Once heard, it's hard to claim you've never heard of the name "Ophelia Lovibond". I think I last (or perhaps best) photographed her at this year's TV Baftas.

Once heard, it's hard to claim you've never heard of the name "Ophelia Lovibond". I think I last (or perhaps best) photographed her at this year's TV Baftas.

Androgyny. So hot right now. (I'm wearing stubble and a beanie... it's not a look everyone can pull off so effortlessly)

Androgyny. So hot right now. (I'm wearing stubble and a beanie... it's not a look everyone can pull off so effortlessly)

I'm not sure who this is, but technically she's not copying Annabelle Wallis' dress, Annabelle Wallis is copying hers. (wireimage says : Margaret Clunie)

I'm not sure who this is, but technically she's not copying Annabelle Wallis' dress, Annabelle Wallis is copying hers. (wireimage says : Margaret Clunie)

During a break in the madness (during which I probably missed Christian Slater, damnit...), let's remind ourselves (and random tourists walking past who don't Do Signs) why we're here.

During a break in the madness (during which I probably missed Christian Slater, damnit...), let's remind ourselves (and random tourists walking past who don't Do Signs) why we're here.

Wireimage says : " Elena Perminova". I say : "nice dress" (I'm suave like that.)

Wireimage says : " Elena Perminova". I say : "nice dress" (I'm suave like that.)

I'm not sure if this isn't (or is) director Dee Rees, who directed the movie Mudbound, which had its BFI LFF premiere a few months back. It was warmer then.... (edited to add : no, she's Naomi Ackie)

I'm not sure if this isn't (or is) director Dee Rees, who directed the movie Mudbound, which had its BFI LFF premiere a few months back. It was warmer then.... (edited to add : no, she's Naomi Ackie)

Identification pending. Or not. Wireimage has four pages on this event and they don't seem to include this lady.

Identification pending. Or not. Wireimage has four pages on this event and they don't seem to include this lady.

"So... do you prefer to pronounce it "theetr" or "thee-aii-tarh"?" - Billie Piper is In Theatre.

"So... do you prefer to pronounce it "theetr" or "thee-aii-tarh"?" - Billie Piper is In Theatre.

"I can distract you from the autograph dealers shouting for you out in the crowd, but sadly we don't have enough people on staff to distract them..."

"I can distract you from the autograph dealers shouting for you out in the crowd, but sadly we don't have enough people on staff to distract them..."

I don't (yet) know who this (or 'these') is ('are')...

I don't (yet) know who this (or 'these') is ('are')...

"I'm coming over not so much to sign for you guys but just to annoy my posse of minders who don't  like crossing roads" - Phoebe Waller-Bridge

"I'm coming over not so much to sign for you guys but just to annoy my posse of minders who don't  like crossing roads" - Phoebe Waller-Bridge

"And now we're walking over here. Come on, Posse..."

"And now we're walking over here. Come on, Posse..."

"Of course once you step past a certain point on the red carpet, you stop being a desirable person to photograph and instead become nothing more than Money for the autograph dealers in the crowd...". Autograph dealers might not know theatre, but they do know money.

"Of course once you step past a certain point on the red carpet, you stop being a desirable person to photograph and instead become nothing more than Money for the autograph dealers in the crowd...". Autograph dealers might not know theatre, but they do know money.

It feels a bit unfair to mention that Annabelle Wallis' biggest contribution to my 2017 was being in the truly awful Tom Cruise movie "The Mummy", a movie that was like spending all of a crappy first date talking about how great the date was going and how awesome the next few planned dates would be. And you just don't do that on a date with Annabelle Wallis.

It feels a bit unfair to mention that Annabelle Wallis' biggest contribution to my 2017 was being in the truly awful Tom Cruise movie "The Mummy", a movie that was like spending all of a crappy first date talking about how great the date was going and how awesome the next few planned dates would be. And you just don't do that on a date with Annabelle Wallis.

Helen McCrory is possibly unfairly best remembered by me for being the MP who grills Judy Dench's "M" in parliament in Skyfall. But she's done other things, including wearing red dresses.

Helen McCrory is possibly unfairly best remembered by me for being the MP who grills Judy Dench's "M" in parliament in Skyfall. But she's done other things, including wearing red dresses.

This is Ruth Negga. That's all I've got right now. (edited to add : apparently I should be watching "Preacher" on something called "Prime"- thanks, Konstantin!)

This is Ruth Negga. That's all I've got right now. (edited to add : apparently I should be watching "Preacher" on something called "Prime"- thanks, Konstantin!)

Dominic Cooper is nominally Iron Man's father, though I have no idea whether that plot strand ever went beyond the first Captain America movie.

Dominic Cooper is nominally Iron Man's father, though I have no idea whether that plot strand ever went beyond the first Captain America movie.

I was all set to suggest that I have no idea who this is, but I've since learned it's Suki Waterhouse, and now I'm just confused because the last two times I photographed her she looked nothing like this. Perhaps she's more of an idea than a specific person?

I was all set to suggest that I have no idea who this is, but I've since learned it's Suki Waterhouse, and now I'm just confused because the last two times I photographed her she looked nothing like this. Perhaps she's more of an idea than a specific person?

"Is that it? Is it over? Can we go inside now?" sure, why not. I'm going home myself.

"Is that it? Is it over? Can we go inside now?" sure, why not. I'm going home myself.

So... that was that. Once again I'm an impostor at a theatre-related event, and unlike last year (and the year before) when I at least made time to see one (1) theatre production, this year all I did was photograph The Olivier Awards.

On the plus side, it's another +1 for both this largely disregarded "theatre and fashion" section of my website (tomorrow should get another one) AND my archive of premiere journals, AND another chance to invite all-comers to follow me on (a) facebook at premieresdotco or (b) twitter at berndt2_photo if you want to know whenever I post one of these things.

Or... never mind. Let's do it again next year anyway, Darling.

Other winners hastily added later (refer above)

London Fashion Week 2017.2

My history with London Fashion week is long and storied, with my cutting-edge blogging and opinions influencing up to dozens of people around the world who in all likelihood know even less about fashion than I do, and don't care that my accreditation amounts to "I have a camera and I'm taking photos outside the event during lunchtime and sometimes after work".

For 2017.2 (or I think it's officially 2018SS?) (I don't know fashion, I just blog about it) I was gutted to learn that a holiday I'd scheduled would mean that I'd be back with only two days of the five LFW days left to run. And THEN I learned that the Kingsman : The Golden Circle world premiere would take part on one of those days.

So I knew I'd have to get creative...

September 8th : DAY -7 (Berlin, Germany)

We start "London" Fashion "Week" a full week early, as I happen to be in Berlin, and during an irritating rain shower I sought refuge in Berlin Mall, which just happened to have a fashion parade on (and I just happened to have a decent portrait lens on me!)

Photographing a fashion show on a runway isn't easy - I read once that one ironclad rule is that you're NEVER allowed to show the sole of the shoe of a model, which means timing is somewhat important. And given some leg configurations don't look particularly attractive in a photo, a good shot is somewhat harder to come by....

Photographing a fashion show on a runway isn't easy - I read once that one ironclad rule is that you're NEVER allowed to show the sole of the shoe of a model, which means timing is somewhat important. And given some leg configurations don't look particularly attractive in a photo, a good shot is somewhat harder to come by....

"It's got nothing to do with what I'm wearing, and everything to do with the stance. Copy the stance, not the style, People". I'm writing this down. This is good stuff.

"It's got nothing to do with what I'm wearing, and everything to do with the stance. Copy the stance, not the style, People". I'm writing this down. This is good stuff.

"I'm aware that the hat doesn't quite match. I'm wearing it for a dare."

"I'm aware that the hat doesn't quite match. I'm wearing it for a dare."

It's what all fashionable lumberjacks, and/or accountants will be wearing in Spring/Summer 2018.

It's what all fashionable lumberjacks, and/or accountants will be wearing in Spring/Summer 2018.

I'm going to suggest that the branded belt costs about 4x the denim dress, and 2x the price of the sunglasses (but probably still less than the handbag)

I'm going to suggest that the branded belt costs about 4x the denim dress, and 2x the price of the sunglasses (but probably still less than the handbag)

"Daywear, Nightwear..... I even wore it on a tennis court once. Minus the shoes, obviously"

"Daywear, Nightwear..... I even wore it on a tennis court once. Minus the shoes, obviously"

The ensemble is very cute, but it's the large LCD screen you'd want trundling behind you with a vague illuminated love-heart that will be tricky to take onto the bus or train to work...

The ensemble is very cute, but it's the large LCD screen you'd want trundling behind you with a vague illuminated love-heart that will be tricky to take onto the bus or train to work...

"Yeah... well you should see the herd of cats I fought to salvage even this much of the jacket and scarves.... they're not looking much better"

"Yeah... well you should see the herd of cats I fought to salvage even this much of the jacket and scarves.... they're not looking much better"

"And now we're going to walk out with these items of fashion we've liberated....."

"And now we're going to walk out with these items of fashion we've liberated....."

September 15th : Day 1 (Riga, Latvia)

As London celebrated the start of London Fashion Week, I was still in Riga, Latvia, trying to see if I could find any premieres during Riga International Film Festival (turns out I could) .... but making sure to at least photograph some of the casual / street fashion that might eventually form the avant garde vanguard of a future Baltic design invasion...

Clothes to observe time pass by.

Clothes to observe time pass by.

"The Parking sign is part of the ensemble. Don't think you can look anywhere near as cool if you leave it at home..."

"The Parking sign is part of the ensemble. Don't think you can look anywhere near as cool if you leave it at home..."

Also a good representation in metaphor of what I look like everytime Apple announce yet another new (yawn) iPhone.

Also a good representation in metaphor of what I look like everytime Apple announce yet another new (yawn) iPhone.

Every straight stretch of pavement is a catwalk waiting to happen.

Every straight stretch of pavement is a catwalk waiting to happen.

September 16th : Day 2 (Riga, Latvia)

Good news : well-dressed monuments will be wearing sleeveless this coming season.

Good news : well-dressed monuments will be wearing sleeveless this coming season.

"What do you mean "nice fashion" - these are my clothes! What else would I possibly wear??"

"What do you mean "nice fashion" - these are my clothes! What else would I possibly wear??"

Not much for fashion, but the Central Station underpass in Riga, Latvia, makes for quite a decent catwalk.

Not much for fashion, but the Central Station underpass in Riga, Latvia, makes for quite a decent catwalk.

September 17th : Day 3 (Riga, Latvia)

"Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads... just convenient charging places that will dispense electricity for free...."

"Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads... just convenient charging places that will dispense electricity for free...."

"What am I doing? I'm double-bagging, people! Trust me, everyone's going to be doing this..."

"What am I doing? I'm double-bagging, people! Trust me, everyone's going to be doing this..."

September 18th : Day 4 (London)

At last! I've made it to London before London Fashion Week ends. However, today I was unable to attend (outside) any events as there was a World Premiere for "Kingsman : The Golden Circle" that took precedence. This website IS called "premieres.co" for a reason.

Good (Bad?) News : North Korea's Kim Jong-Un's hairstyle is starting to make inroads in The Decadent West.

Good (Bad?) News : North Korea's Kim Jong-Un's hairstyle is starting to make inroads in The Decadent West.

"For the last time, young man, I am NOT affiliated with London Fashion Week in ANY way. I look this awesome EVERY DAY!"

"For the last time, young man, I am NOT affiliated with London Fashion Week in ANY way. I look this awesome EVERY DAY!"

Looks like we'll all be wanting to crochet our own sneakers next season. Good to know. (Spotted at the Kingsman : The Golden Circle premiere)

Looks like we'll all be wanting to crochet our own sneakers next season. Good to know. (Spotted at the Kingsman : The Golden Circle premiere)

September 19th : Day 5 (London)

And so FINALLY I make it to London Fashion Week - on the last day, which is also typically the quietest and least zany day. Gosh Darnit.

"Obviously we put a shot of vodka into every Espresso. This is London Fashion Week (darling)"

"Obviously we put a shot of vodka into every Espresso. This is London Fashion Week (darling)"

Probably a famous fashion designer. (On a potentially racist note, is it wrong that during London Fashion Week I take disproportionate numbers of photos of Asian people on the assumption that they're the latest thing in cutting edge fashion?)

Probably a famous fashion designer. (On a potentially racist note, is it wrong that during London Fashion Week I take disproportionate numbers of photos of Asian people on the assumption that they're the latest thing in cutting edge fashion?)

I was.... taking a photo of that traffic cone. It's Ironic (,baby). Just like good fashion.

I was.... taking a photo of that traffic cone. It's Ironic (,baby). Just like good fashion.

I was ... photographing that backdrop. It's both heavily ironic and quite mainstream, and that's a tricky balance to get right.

I was ... photographing that backdrop. It's both heavily ironic and quite mainstream, and that's a tricky balance to get right.

"We're calling it "Health and Safety Chic". We're pretty sure it'll catch on. The boots are fabulous, after all"

"We're calling it "Health and Safety Chic". We're pretty sure it'll catch on. The boots are fabulous, after all"

Good news from London Fashion Week. Smoking? It's still cool. But it's not enough to just smoke : you have to exhale. Like.... properly.

Good news from London Fashion Week. Smoking? It's still cool. But it's not enough to just smoke : you have to exhale. Like.... properly.

"Of course I'm double-bagging, dear. Everyone's doing it". I know - I saw it done in Latvia three days ago when the fad was born.

"Of course I'm double-bagging, dear. Everyone's doing it". I know - I saw it done in Latvia three days ago when the fad was born.

"Wait.. is this a mugging or a fashion shoot?" "Well.... ask yourself if it has to be just one or the other, baby"

"Wait.. is this a mugging or a fashion shoot?"
"Well.... ask yourself if it has to be just one or the other, baby"

Side note : I actually asked this model if I could photograph her (I rarely do : I prefer candid photography, but this candid pose was too coincidentally cool to take candidly)

Side note : I actually asked this model if I could photograph her (I rarely do : I prefer candid photography, but this candid pose was too coincidentally cool to take candidly)

"You mark my words, Jeremy : Apple will be selling special gloves for iPhones by the end of the week"

"You mark my words, Jeremy : Apple will be selling special gloves for iPhones by the end of the week"

"Yes, I'm literally getting dressed on the Street. Is that perchance STILL not street enough for you??"

"Yes, I'm literally getting dressed on the Street. Is that perchance STILL not street enough for you??"

It's a shoe-off, people. It's a shoe-off. I'm going to retreat to a safe distance from the carnage set to ensue...

It's a shoe-off, people.
It's a shoe-off.
I'm going to retreat to a safe distance from the carnage set to ensue...

"I'm a millennial. I don't even know what this box I'm standing in is meant to be used for...."

"I'm a millennial. I don't even know what this box I'm standing in is meant to be used for...."

"I don't give a crap who you're wearing, Darling. I want YOU to ask ME who I'M wearing."

"I don't give a crap who you're wearing, Darling. I want YOU to ask ME who I'M wearing."

So... that was that. I feel I have redeemed myself and reclaimed the authority to speak, write and blog about all aspects of fashion for at least another six months, as I have over the course of numerous London Fashion Week posts for 2010.1 , 2012.1 , 2013.1 and 2013.2 , 2014.1 , 2015.1 , 2016.1 and 2016.2, and most recently prior to this 2017.1

Needless to say, if you ever want me to photograph your fashion show (hey... you might be desperate.... it could happen), just let me know via the usual channels. In the meantime, yes, I'll be putting it into the Archive of Premieres (in the Fashion section).

PS. If you ever want to know when I post one of these journals (ie. six monthly in the case of fashion, but considerably more frequently for premieres), feel free to follow me on Twitter at berndt2_photo, or on facebook at premieresdotco.

Until next time (, Darling) *Air-Kiss* *Air-Kiss*