For when your hits-maximising SEO-optimising team of experts mistakenly think I care how many visitors my not-for-commercial-purposes website gets; or you want to discreetly contact me (Mr Spielberg, Mr Abrams, Mr Cameron, Mr Tarantino) to photograph your film production; or you're Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johansson or Gal Gadot (or... psst... Kristen Stewart):

Email :

For when you just want to know when I've posted a new premiere journal:




Or alternatively, if you're looking for a Jason Statham-esque (in comparison to a random otter or pumpkin) human being to talk to:

(join the queue at the next premiere..)


Leicester Square


Wanna Email Me?

(no, I'm not giving you my phone number - we barely know each other at this stage)

For genuine inquiries, or alternatively to put me onto one of your spam, scam and virus distribution lists (why yes, I really would like to know how to earn $8447 per week working from home, enlarge my pen15 size, buy your product / service / hotel, or give you my bank account details so you can smuggle diamonds or rubies or whatever out of your third world country...)

That email address (again) is: