4 Oct - The not-really-a-premiere 'Up' Premiere

October 4th, 2009.

It's been a couple of weeks since my last premiere, and before that one it was a nearly empty two-month period. So when I heard that there would be a premiere for Pixar's "Up", the 10th consecutive Box Office Behemoth from the Pixar company ("Up" has grossed $US450million+ worldwide so far), no way was I going to miss it.

Ironically, I almost did. Not due to lateness or laziness, but because of the near-obscurity of the location and the low-key nature of it.

Last time I checked, Disney could buy all of London and have change leftover for the rest of the country and Barbados. What is THIS? It's like The Mouse decided once you're made a billion dollars on a movie, you don't need to promote it anymore. (Wait.. that actually makes a certain logical sense...)

Last time I checked, Disney could buy all of London and have change leftover for the rest of the country and Barbados. What is THIS? It's like The Mouse decided once you're made a billion dollars on a movie, you don't need to promote it anymore. (Wait.. that actually makes a certain logical sense...)

Despite the *cough* awesome setup, here was literally not one celebrity I recognised by name at this event. For example, this is Gail Porter on the far right. I don't know who that is. (Wasn't that the name of Courtney Cox's reporter character in 'Scream'?)

Despite the *cough* awesome setup, here was literally not one celebrity I recognised by name at this event. For example, this is Gail Porter on the far right. I don't know who that is. (Wasn't that the name of Courtney Cox's reporter character in 'Scream'?)

"Tom, I'm here at the premiere of Pixar's "Up" and as a member of the press I may actually be the biggest drawcard at this event. I'll be interviewing myself later and asking myself what I think of the film.."

"Tom, I'm here at the premiere of Pixar's "Up" and as a member of the press I may actually be the biggest drawcard at this event. I'll be interviewing myself later and asking myself what I think of the film.."

I have no idea who this is, but she was writing something on a piece of paper, which means odds are it's an autograph, which means odds are that somebody knows her... it's all I've got. I should start taking self-portraits because damnit I attended what I'm loosely calling "this premiere". I've got a website and everything.

I have no idea who this is, but she was writing something on a piece of paper, which means odds are it's an autograph, which means odds are that somebody knows her... it's all I've got. I should start taking self-portraits because damnit I attended what I'm loosely calling "this premiere". I've got a website and everything.

And this is Beverley Knight. Wikipedia informs me that she is a singer, has won three (3) MOBO awards and three gold-certified albums. Her connection with the film is about as close as mine. Which is to say : we're at the (alleged) Premiere.

And this is Beverley Knight. Wikipedia informs me that she is a singer, has won three (3) MOBO awards and three gold-certified albums. Her connection with the film is about as close as mine. Which is to say : we're at the (alleged) Premiere.

It's Stephen Gately!! (who?). One of the more knowledgeable people next to me (and an older lady who stood near us briefly) cited him as a member of the British boy band "Boyzone". I'll take it.

It's Stephen Gately!! (who?). One of the more knowledgeable people next to me (and an older lady who stood near us briefly) cited him as a member of the British boy band "Boyzone". I'll take it.

The guy with the scout necktie is called (I kid you not) 'Bear Grylls' and he's some kind of presenter / adventurer. His connection to the film is apparently that they invited him as there's a South Korean Scout character in the movie, and he is England's Chief Scout. (Bear? Grylls??). (Me, 2014. Bear Grylls is awesome, Past Me) (Past Me : stop polluting the timeline with spoilers, dude). Oh, and note the truck in the background... you don't see those at many premieres.

The guy with the scout necktie is called (I kid you not) 'Bear Grylls' and he's some kind of presenter / adventurer. His connection to the film is apparently that they invited him as there's a South Korean Scout character in the movie, and he is England's Chief Scout. (Bear? Grylls??). (Me, 2014. Bear Grylls is awesome, Past Me) (Past Me : stop polluting the timeline with spoilers, dude). Oh, and note the truck in the background... you don't see those at many premieres.

Literally the only premiere ever where the sole vehicle to drive past the red carpet was a truck. This one was large enough that not only did people have to vacate the red carpet, but one of the shelves of the book market stalls opposite nearly got knocked over. (It's so Hollywood really I expected to get urinated upon by Paris Hilton's chihuahua at any point...)

Literally the only premiere ever where the sole vehicle to drive past the red carpet was a truck. This one was large enough that not only did people have to vacate the red carpet, but one of the shelves of the book market stalls opposite nearly got knocked over. (It's so Hollywood really I expected to get urinated upon by Paris Hilton's chihuahua at any point...)

At this stage, photographing people buying books seems a little bit more interesting than a Disney premiere (remember Wall-E? How good that was? They had BEN BURTT out for that!)

At this stage, photographing people buying books seems a little bit more interesting than a Disney premiere (remember Wall-E? How good that was? They had BEN BURTT out for that!)

For the premiere of "Wall-E" they sprung for a blue carpet event in Leicester Square, flew in the Academy Award<tm> winning director, Academy Award<tm> winning sound guy/ lead voice and Academy Award<tm> nominee Sigourney Weaver. Here they put a guy into the costume of the Little Korean Kid who is the second-lead character and booked a place under a bridge to hold it. Do we maybe blame the credit crunch for this one?

For the premiere of "Wall-E" they sprung for a blue carpet event in Leicester Square, flew in the Academy Award<tm> winning director, Academy Award<tm> winning sound guy/ lead voice and Academy Award<tm> nominee Sigourney Weaver. Here they put a guy into the costume of the Little Korean Kid who is the second-lead character and booked a place under a bridge to hold it. Do we maybe blame the credit crunch for this one?

Could this be former 'Friends' star David Schwimmer? No. It's not. Fine.. so it's a photo of an alarmed looking old guy on a movie poster staring at a luridly blue jumper. Things are getting lively here... posters are making judgements on fashion.

Could this be former 'Friends' star David Schwimmer? No. It's not. Fine.. so it's a photo of an alarmed looking old guy on a movie poster staring at a luridly blue jumper. Things are getting lively here... posters are making judgements on fashion.

And finally? A lady with a chicken on her head. This premiere was, clearly, over. Me and the other six people behind one of only two crowd dividers went back to our normal lives, our existence enriched by what we had seen. Or if not 'enriched', then at least 'altered'. Oh, and Yellow Cap Guy Watch: he was not present at this premiere. He's got more style, class and panache than that.

And finally? A lady with a chicken on her head. This premiere was, clearly, over. Me and the other six people behind one of only two crowd dividers went back to our normal lives, our existence enriched by what we had seen. Or if not 'enriched', then at least 'altered'.

Oh, and Yellow Cap Guy Watch: he was not present at this premiere. He's got more style, class and panache than that.

Immediately afterwards, I walked to Trafalgar Square and sat down for a coffee. Because, you know, to calm my nerves. I mean.. that dude? He was in BOYZONE!! (And that lady? Had a CHICKEN on her head)

Hopefully, the next premiere will find a way to be both bigger and more well-attended.

So, with some reservations, it will join my archive of premieres which as at now contains a massive FORTY ONE PREMIERES!

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