13 Oct - the (BFI LFF) 'The Lobster' Gala / Premiere

October 13th, 2015.

Today was a rare instance of there being a CHOICE of premieres to attend. First, there was the Maggie Smith-led 'Lady in the Van', and it was vying against the quirky and enigmatic sci/fi/rom/com/? 'The Lobster', with Rachel Weisz and Colin Farrell. And while Maggie Smith has more Oscars than both, I did photograph her at extreme distance at the premiere of 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2' and at closer range with Dustin Hoffman in 'Quartet'. On the other hand, despite valiant attempts I failed to photograph Rachel Weisz properly at the premiere of 'Oz The Great And Powerful'.

I stand by my decision. Here's how it went down with 'The Lobster':

 

It's certainly one of the cooler and more enigmatic movie posters I've seen recently.

It's certainly one of the cooler and more enigmatic movie posters I've seen recently.

If I ever get transported into The Matrix... this is pretty much what my residual self-image will misguidedly end up as. Also, you can smoke in the matrix. It's not bad for you or anything.

If I ever get transported into The Matrix... this is pretty much what my residual self-image will misguidedly end up as. Also, you can smoke in the matrix. It's not bad for you or anything.

Yorgos Lanthimos is the director of this film. Although imdb.com reveals that I've watched none of his films, I'll admit to being impressed that all of them have really coolly designed posters.

Yorgos Lanthimos is the director of this film. Although imdb.com reveals that I've watched none of his films, I'll admit to being impressed that all of them have really coolly designed posters.

Stroking an imaginary long-haired white cat like a classic supervillain is Ariane Labed, who plays 'The Maid' in this film.

Stroking an imaginary long-haired white cat like a classic supervillain is Ariane Labed, who plays 'The Maid' in this film.

Not a digital effect - I just zoomed out a little bit too fast. (Your questions and more answered in this episode of 'where is Rachel Weisz, by the way?')

Not a digital effect - I just zoomed out a little bit too fast. (Your questions and more answered in this episode of 'where is Rachel Weisz, by the way?')

"Not to appear to imply you're anything less than pretty.... but do you know where Rachel Weisz is? Failing that, could you turn right and look over your shoulder, darling?"

"Not to appear to imply you're anything less than pretty.... but do you know where Rachel Weisz is? Failing that, could you turn right and look over your shoulder, darling?"

"If you could just wait while I load skype on this thing... it'd really mean a lot to my grandma".

"If you could just wait while I load skype on this thing... it'd really mean a lot to my grandma".

"She's a bit old... and there are nine flights of stairs. Also she might have gone down to the shops for cigarettes. You're happy to wait, though?" Michael Smiley has a list of imdb credits that's long and highly varied, though I'll be honest I don't remember him from anything I've seen (eg. The Worlds End)

"She's a bit old... and there are nine flights of stairs. Also she might have gone down to the shops for cigarettes. You're happy to wait, though?" Michael Smiley has a list of imdb credits that's long and highly varied, though I'll be honest I don't remember him from anything I've seen (eg. The Worlds End)

"It's my spec script for the sequel to 'Tyrannosaur.... and it's called 'Velociraptor'". Although the movie 'Tyrannosaur' was set in the present day and did not in fact feature any dinosaurs, it was actually an awesomely powerful movie and Olivia Colman was spectacular in it.

"It's my spec script for the sequel to 'Tyrannosaur.... and it's called 'Velociraptor'". Although the movie 'Tyrannosaur' was set in the present day and did not in fact feature any dinosaurs, it was actually an awesomely powerful movie and Olivia Colman was spectacular in it.

People in crowd : "Can you sign while you're talking?"

People in crowd : "Can you sign while you're talking?"

"Check it out. Star Wars Episode VII phone cover. And that movie hasn't even been released yet"

"Check it out. Star Wars Episode VII phone cover. And that movie hasn't even been released yet"

"As long as nobody here watched 'A New York Winters Tale and wants their money back, I should be fine to meet fans" Colin Farrell has arrived, and that movie is still so prevalent in my waking nightmares that it makes me forget how much I disliked the film 'Alexander'.

"As long as nobody here watched 'A New York Winters Tale and wants their money back, I should be fine to meet fans" Colin Farrell has arrived, and that movie is still so prevalent in my waking nightmares that it makes me forget how much I disliked the film 'Alexander'.

"I've seen the movie, read the novelisation, and enjoyed the graphic novel it was adapted from. Can I go now, please?"

"I've seen the movie, read the novelisation, and enjoyed the graphic novel it was adapted from. Can I go now, please?"

Colin Farrell appears to recognise either the look or stench of the autograph dealers reaching over the back of the fans at the front of the pen, but in more interesting (?) news a lady behind us in the crowd has absolutely gone batshit crazy and pleaded with a guy in our pen to take her camera and use it to photograph Colin Farrell, and then using every moment the guy didn't take a photo to remind him to please make sure he takes a photo. I had no idea 20 year olds cared that much about Colin Farrell... ..then I turned around and she was about 60 years old, wearing a business suit and a look of total desperation.

Colin Farrell appears to recognise either the look or stench of the autograph dealers reaching over the back of the fans at the front of the pen, but in more interesting (?) news a lady behind us in the crowd has absolutely gone batshit crazy and pleaded with a guy in our pen to take her camera and use it to photograph Colin Farrell, and then using every moment the guy didn't take a photo to remind him to please make sure he takes a photo.

I had no idea 20 year olds cared that much about Colin Farrell...

..then I turned around and she was about 60 years old, wearing a business suit and a look of total desperation.

Winner. Had the 60yr old lady behind me seen this, she would no doubt have begged to be allowed to sit on our shoulders to photograph Colin Farrell too. From a purely 'student of business strategy' standpoint, I found the pleading desperation of the old woman utterly fascinating. I'd never previously seen somebody attempt to negotiate with complete strangers while having absolutely zero leverage or pre-existing relationship.... and yet do so with such ferocity and self-assurance.

Winner.
Had the 60yr old lady behind me seen this, she would no doubt have begged to be allowed to sit on our shoulders to photograph Colin Farrell too.

From a purely 'student of business strategy' standpoint, I found the pleading desperation of the old woman utterly fascinating. I'd never previously seen somebody attempt to negotiate with complete strangers while having absolutely zero leverage or pre-existing relationship.... and yet do so with such ferocity and self-assurance.

Voice from the crowd : "Hey mister director man... could you please photograph Colin Farrell for me?". No.... not really. But still, the degree of entitled desperation shown by people who aren't in the pen, haven't been waiting for hours, and don't know what's going until they found out second ago, but then utterly insist that other people make way / make room / help them accomplish their newly-formed but utterly vital dreams kind of baffles me.

Voice from the crowd : "Hey mister director man... could you please photograph Colin Farrell for me?". No.... not really. But still, the degree of entitled desperation shown by people who aren't in the pen, haven't been waiting for hours, and don't know what's going until they found out second ago, but then utterly insist that other people make way / make room / help them accomplish their newly-formed but utterly vital dreams kind of baffles me.

Meanwhile..."OMG OMG OMG do you mind if I sign that Colin Farrell poster?"

Meanwhile..."OMG OMG OMG do you mind if I sign that Colin Farrell poster?"

Oh, good. Rachel Weisz has arrived.

Oh, good. Rachel Weisz has arrived.

Rachel Weisz is very pretty. And I say that watching 'The Mummy (1999)' as I'm editing. It was made over 15 years ago now, and I'm marveling how she's even prettier now. She's married to James Bond, so my chances with her are probably slightly less than my chances with Amber Heard, who is currently married to Johnny Depp.

Rachel Weisz is very pretty. And I say that watching 'The Mummy (1999)' as I'm editing. It was made over 15 years ago now, and I'm marveling how she's even prettier now. She's married to James Bond, so my chances with her are probably slightly less than my chances with Amber Heard, who is currently married to Johnny Depp.

"Watch your step there, miss. One of the autograph dealers shed their skin on that part of the carpet earlier in the day, and we haven't had a chance to disinfect it yet". The dealer scum at this premiere were their usual magical selves, able to come and go and barge into and out of pens with impunity.

"Watch your step there, miss. One of the autograph dealers shed their skin on that part of the carpet earlier in the day, and we haven't had a chance to disinfect it yet". The dealer scum at this premiere were their usual magical selves, able to come and go and barge into and out of pens with impunity.

In my eagerness to photograph Rachel Weisz (and avoid being press-ganged into the service of 60 year old women willing to sacrifice you, me and any number of goats for a photo of Colin Farrell)... I kind of missed out on properly photographing actress Jessica Barden. Fortunately, I photographed her at the premiere of 'Far From The Madding Crowd' earlier in the year.

In my eagerness to photograph Rachel Weisz (and avoid being press-ganged into the service of 60 year old women willing to sacrifice you, me and any number of goats for a photo of Colin Farrell)... I kind of missed out on properly photographing actress Jessica Barden. Fortunately, I photographed her at the premiere of 'Far From The Madding Crowd' earlier in the year.

"Heybabyheybabyhey....!! Wait... did that come out creepy? Because I was going for S-U-A-V-E"

"Heybabyheybabyhey....!! Wait... did that come out creepy? Because I was going for S-U-A-V-E"

Four flashes discharge as Colin Farrell and Rachel Weisz pose for the Paps. But the light coming from the guy in the orange jumpsuit on the right is even more intense.

Four flashes discharge as Colin Farrell and Rachel Weisz pose for the Paps. But the light coming from the guy in the orange jumpsuit on the right is even more intense.

"It's great to see the fans at these events" All I can see is an orange neon jacket standing right next to and blocking views of Rachel Weisz. Thank you for your service, police/fire/emergency man....

"It's great to see the fans at these events" All I can see is an orange neon jacket standing right next to and blocking views of Rachel Weisz. Thank you for your service, police/fire/emergency man....

"Why yes, the screams of the lady offering her body for anyone willing to photograph Colin Farrell are somewhat distracting."

"Why yes, the screams of the lady offering her body for anyone willing to photograph Colin Farrell are somewhat distracting."

"Hold on... I want to hear if she increases the scale of her offer as she gets more desperate"

"Hold on... I want to hear if she increases the scale of her offer as she gets more desperate"

"I gotta be honest, I barely remember Cloud Atlas (2012)". Well, that movie is now probably buried under the wreckage of The Wachowski's even greater folly, this year's 'Jupiter Ascending'.

"I gotta be honest, I barely remember Cloud Atlas (2012)". Well, that movie is now probably buried under the wreckage of The Wachowski's even greater folly, this year's 'Jupiter Ascending'.

"I was proud of the Oscar for The Constant Gardener of Course. But I'm actually most proud of not being in that third Mummy film where they went to China". Best call since Keanu said no to 'Speed 2'.

"I was proud of the Oscar for The Constant Gardener of Course. But I'm actually most proud of not being in that third Mummy film where they went to China". Best call since Keanu said no to 'Speed 2'.

"The premiere for that new James Bond 'Spectre' film? Oh, that'll be a small and intimate affair". Just the cast and a couple of thousand of their closest friends, then.. just like the premiere of Skyfall back in 2012, which Ben Whishaw also attended.

"The premiere for that new James Bond 'Spectre' film? Oh, that'll be a small and intimate affair". Just the cast and a couple of thousand of their closest friends, then.. just like the premiere of Skyfall back in 2012, which Ben Whishaw also attended.

"Average IQ of an autograph dealer?" Still overstating it, I think. They have rat cunning, though - I'll give them that.

"Average IQ of an autograph dealer?" Still overstating it, I think. They have rat cunning, though - I'll give them that.

"It's not just a hairstyle, it's a graphic representation of a fractal in five-dimensional n-space".

"It's not just a hairstyle, it's a graphic representation of a fractal in five-dimensional n-space".

"Hold on.. my hair is currently dividing itself by pi-squared". I think somebody needs to call in some mathematicians to figure out whether that would be safe for the future of the universe(s).

"Hold on.. my hair is currently dividing itself by pi-squared". I think somebody needs to call in some mathematicians to figure out whether that would be safe for the future of the universe(s).

"Stare enigmatically into the middle distance... hold pose for effect" And don't forget to pose around the guy with the orange neon jacket.

"Stare enigmatically into the middle distance... hold pose for effect" And don't forget to pose around the guy with the orange neon jacket.

So... that was certainly a hell of a lot more fun than yesterday's horrific premiere for 'Brooklyn'... even after I upgraded it when I found out some of the reasons for its awfulness not having anything to do with organisational incompetence.

Needless to say there's another premiere tomorrow, and hopefully three in total I'll get to before BFI LFF draws to a close for this year. And (also) needless to say it's another premiere for The Archive of Movie Premieres.

Until next time!

ps. Finally, if you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook at premieresdotco