9 Feb - The 'How To Be Single' European Premiere

February 9th, 2016.

Well, after some 6 or 7 years of doing these things, it's finally happened : art has imitated life imitating art, and I'm spending an evening photographing the premiere of 'How To Be Single', the movie that might as well be based on the best-selling memoirs I'm still writing.

And it's not easy being single. By which I DON'T actually mean it's a long, lonely, curled-into-a-foetal-position-weeping period of suffering. No... I actually mean that humans are social animals with an instinct to form relationships. Actively NOT forming such relationships, and not doing so over an extended period, is difficult. Otherwise everyone would be doing it (no?).

Anyway, there's a premiere on. Here's how it went down:

Being aged in your fifties and wearing high-viz yellow vests during work hours : is THAT how to be single?

Being aged in your fifties and wearing high-viz yellow vests during work hours : is THAT how to be single?

"Is this how I upload my photos to dating sites?" Is this why my tindr profile gets so few swipes?

"Is this how I upload my photos to dating sites?" Is this why my tindr profile gets so few swipes?

My spot is small, overcrowded, claustrophobic and allows almost no chance of long-range photography unless I'm highly skilled... or it rains. Fortunately this is London.... oh, wait.

My spot is small, overcrowded, claustrophobic and allows almost no chance of long-range photography unless I'm highly skilled... or it rains. Fortunately this is London.... oh, wait.

With all due respect, dude to her right : you're a fool. Nobody with a scarf that awesome should EVER be single, nor unappreciated.

With all due respect, dude to her right : you're a fool. Nobody with a scarf that awesome should EVER be single, nor unappreciated.

This is closer than I typically get to our good friend Hakeem Mr Impactand. He and his off-site DJ Hostile Celibacy are challenging us to find words that rhyme wth "Single" that could be parleyed into the free-ness<tm> he's giving away.

This is closer than I typically get to our good friend Hakeem Mr Impactand. He and his off-site DJ Hostile Celibacy are challenging us to find words that rhyme wth "Single" that could be parleyed into the free-ness<tm> he's giving away.

My position is fundamentally decent, except for one problem (well, two if you include the weather forecast) - there is a security dude I'm calling "Rain Man" who has not merely taken up a position directly in line with my intended perspective, but he's also rocking gently from side to side in a 'to the music in his mind' way. And he's not looking like he'll stop anytime soon.

My position is fundamentally decent, except for one problem (well, two if you include the weather forecast) - there is a security dude I'm calling "Rain Man" who has not merely taken up a position directly in line with my intended perspective, but he's also rocking gently from side to side in a 'to the music in his mind' way. And he's not looking like he'll stop anytime soon.

"This isn't a sexy pose, you morons : it's a muscle spasm!" - it's a great quilt she's wearing though

"This isn't a sexy pose, you morons : it's a muscle spasm!" - it's a great quilt she's wearing though

Urge... to... stay.... single..... wavering.

Urge... to... stay.... single..... wavering.

Our first arrival from the cast is Alison Brie, best known by most people for being in the TV series 'Mad Men' and 'Community'... however to ME she's best known for being the voice of Unikitty in The Lego Movie. The admission of which probably goes a long way to explaining how I'M single.

Our first arrival from the cast is Alison Brie, best known by most people for being in the TV series 'Mad Men' and 'Community'... however to ME she's best known for being the voice of Unikitty in The Lego Movie. The admission of which probably goes a long way to explaining how I'M single.

There is a second love that dare not speak its name: that of the love of a grown-ass man for The Lego Movie (2014). Also, because it bears noting : Alison Brie = Very Pretty.

There is a second love that dare not speak its name: that of the love of a grown-ass man for The Lego Movie (2014). Also, because it bears noting : Alison Brie = Very Pretty.

Leslie Mann is another one of the four women on the movie poster, ostensibly telling me how awesome it is to be single.

Leslie Mann is another one of the four women on the movie poster, ostensibly telling me how awesome it is to be single.

"If that's what your boyfriend's grammar is like when he's texting, then maybe it is better you returned to being single". Grammar, spelling and even forming fully realised sentences without emojis is still a valid skill, people.

"If that's what your boyfriend's grammar is like when he's texting, then maybe it is better you returned to being single". Grammar, spelling and even forming fully realised sentences without emojis is still a valid skill, people.

"Here's my phone number, email and twitter.... Oh. You're trying to flirt with the lady holding my umbrella. Very well then."

"Here's my phone number, email and twitter.... Oh. You're trying to flirt with the lady holding my umbrella. Very well then."

In the far distant... distance.... you can see both rain and Rebel Wilson. This photo of her might be sub-par, but it's already superior to my previous best (nonexistent) effort at photographing her at the premiere for 2014's 'A Night At The Museum III' premiere

In the far distant... distance.... you can see both rain and Rebel Wilson. This photo of her might be sub-par, but it's already superior to my previous best (nonexistent) effort at photographing her at the premiere for 2014's 'A Night At The Museum III' premiere

I'll cop to having pretty awful hair (quality and quantity-wise) but not like this. Surely if you're wondering why you're single, THIS hairstyle could contribute?

I'll cop to having pretty awful hair (quality and quantity-wise) but not like this. Surely if you're wondering why you're single, THIS hairstyle could contribute?

"I like this igloo... thing.... you're making out of the umbrellas" - Dana Fox is one of the writers on this film.

"I like this igloo... thing.... you're making out of the umbrellas" - Dana Fox is one of the writers on this film.

"I'm going to stand here until somebody acknowledges a SECOND movie I'm well-known for". Uh.... I know Dakota Johnson is best known for being in Fifty Shades of Grey, whose premiere last year ... but I'll have to go to imdb to see if she's been in anything else.

"I'm going to stand here until somebody acknowledges a SECOND movie I'm well-known for". Uh.... I know Dakota Johnson is best known for being in Fifty Shades of Grey, whose premiere last year ... but I'll have to go to imdb to see if she's been in anything else.

"This is still a hell of a lot more than I usually wore in *that* movie"

"This is still a hell of a lot more than I usually wore in *that* movie"

"I'm just taking a moment to remember how much fun it can be to NOT be single."

"I'm just taking a moment to remember how much fun it can be to NOT be single."

"My lawyers would really prefer for me not to sign these kind of things"

"My lawyers would really prefer for me not to sign these kind of things"

"Be Honest... how many of you guys watched that movie? I bet it's more than that...." I won't say I was forced into watching Fifty Shades Of Grey by anything other than curiosity. (Was it that bad? Yes).

"Be Honest... how many of you guys watched that movie? I bet it's more than that...." I won't say I was forced into watching Fifty Shades Of Grey by anything other than curiosity. (Was it that bad? Yes).

Thanks, Beret-wearing man who opted to stand right there right then.

Thanks, Beret-wearing man who opted to stand right there right then.

This movie has a director, and his name is Christian Ditter. I've already photographed him previously at the premiere of "Love, Rosie" a few years back.

This movie has a director, and his name is Christian Ditter. I've already photographed him previously at the premiere of "Love, Rosie" a few years back.

"The people from Marvel are on the line. Said they cast Wonder Woman a couple of years back... you really didn't know?"

"The people from Marvel are on the line. Said they cast Wonder Woman a couple of years back... you really didn't know?"

"If we can get Pitch Perfect, Glee and Step Up in the same movie, we'll be well on the way to our own cinematic universe...."

"If we can get Pitch Perfect, Glee and Step Up in the same movie, we'll be well on the way to our own cinematic universe...."

Random attendee : Sam Claflin, probably best known for being in any number of Hunger Games movies and their Premieres.

Random attendee : Sam Claflin, probably best known for being in any number of Hunger Games movies and their Premieres.

"Reboot The Hunger Games already? Baby, what if I told you that Lions Gate got themselve a time machine and the ones I was in WERE the reboot?"

"Reboot The Hunger Games already? Baby, what if I told you that Lions Gate got themselve a time machine and the ones I was in WERE the reboot?"

"Hands off Sam Claflin, y'all. I might not have seen him first, but my left hook is more powerful than yours"

"Hands off Sam Claflin, y'all. I might not have seen him first, but my left hook is more powerful than yours"

"You want my autograph? Okay... but my dress isn't for sale" It's actually more mesmerising in photos than I remember it being at the event.

"You want my autograph? Okay... but my dress isn't for sale" It's actually more mesmerising in photos than I remember it being at the event.

"This doesn't mean we're not still single".

"This doesn't mean we're not still single".

Fun though it might be to hang out with Dakota Johnson and Leslie Mann in the prior photo, given the choice of either hanging out with Alison Brie and Rebel Wilson or (say) having a 9pm Cloud Conference with 'The States while wolfing down leftovers in preparation for writing a premiere journal.... I think I'll take the ladies in the blue dresses.

Fun though it might be to hang out with Dakota Johnson and Leslie Mann in the prior photo, given the choice of either hanging out with Alison Brie and Rebel Wilson or (say) having a 9pm Cloud Conference with 'The States while wolfing down leftovers in preparation for writing a premiere journal.... I think I'll take the ladies in the blue dresses.

"Anything I can do to help, ladies?" - I've got a suggestion : shave off that ridiculous moustache, stop wearing a beret, and stop blocking me from taking photos of Alison Brie. That's... like.... three suggestions, but I'm packaging them for convenience.

"Anything I can do to help, ladies?" - I've got a suggestion : shave off that ridiculous moustache, stop wearing a beret, and stop blocking me from taking photos of Alison Brie. That's... like.... three suggestions, but I'm packaging them for convenience.

"This IS my good side. What are you implying?"

"This IS my good side. What are you implying?"

I'm not sure I've ever wanted to be Rebel Wilson this much before... not even to hang out with Anna Kendrick shooting Pitch Perfect sequels.

I'm not sure I've ever wanted to be Rebel Wilson this much before... not even to hang out with Anna Kendrick shooting Pitch Perfect sequels.

"If any of y'all use this opportunity to get to the popcorn stand before we can get there.... there'll be trouble"

"If any of y'all use this opportunity to get to the popcorn stand before we can get there.... there'll be trouble"

So... that was that. And lo, I returned home and talked about Cloud Computing Pricing trends with the USA for some 45mins afterwards. If you want to comment on this journal, do so below; if you want to talk about Cloud Computing hit me up on email at the address below.

Obviously it'll go into my Archive of Movie Premieres, where it joins some 300 premieres and events.... the next of which will be THE BIG ONE - the 2016 Baftas are on this weekend - Valentines Day, no less. And I think it's pretty clear what the answer to How To Be Single Is - just figure out what you're planning (or wishing) to be doing on Valentines Day.

You?

PS. If you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook by clicking here 

Until next Time!