26 Sep - The 'Deepwater Horizon' Premiere

Monday, 26th September 2016

It's been a long time since I photographed a premiere using just one (1) camera and a kit lens - usually I dual-wield a Pentax with a stunning portrait lens and a certified beast of a full-frame pro-grade Nikon with some fantastic long-range glass. But this time, the issue was that a premiere I was scheduled to miss all of a sudden became one that was available to me. Thus stranding me with what might appear to sub-optimal equipment.

Here's how it went down:

Deepwater Ho. And you know... on principle, after the 2010 Deepwater Oil Spill (for which the company paid some $45billion in damages and pleaded guilty to 11 counts of manslaughter) I still boycott BP service stations whenever I have to fill up my car.

Deepwater Ho. And you know... on principle, after the 2010 Deepwater Oil Spill (for which the company paid some $45billion in damages and pleaded guilty to 11 counts of manslaughter) I still boycott BP service stations whenever I have to fill up my car.

A judge in a September 2014 ruled that BP was primarily responsible for the Deepwater oil spill because of its gross negligence and reckless conduct. Nobody was jailed though, because f*ck dolphins and marine life, I guess. Still... we get a red carpet premiere and a Mark Wahlberg starring vehicle out of it, so not all is lost.

A judge in a September 2014 ruled that BP was primarily responsible for the Deepwater oil spill because of its gross negligence and reckless conduct. Nobody was jailed though, because f*ck dolphins and marine life, I guess. Still... we get a red carpet premiere and a Mark Wahlberg starring vehicle out of it, so not all is lost.

"I probably shouldn'ta put my a55 right there in front of that poster...". 

"I probably shouldn'ta put my a55 right there in front of that poster...". 

"All da fishez in da Sea, they die 'cause-a BP" Your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ Oops-We're-Really-Sorry officiated at this premiere, where I was hoping (unsuccessfully, it turned out) to photograph John Malkovich for the first time.

"All da fishez in da Sea, they die 'cause-a BP" Your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ Oops-We're-Really-Sorry officiated at this premiere, where I was hoping (unsuccessfully, it turned out) to photograph John Malkovich for the first time.

Our first major arrival is not from this movie, or indeed any movie : but rather he's Australian cricketing spin legend Shane Warne. If you're from, like, America or Uzbekistan and don't know what cricket is, I'm not sure what to tell you. It's like croquet or baseball but way, WAY better?

Our first major arrival is not from this movie, or indeed any movie : but rather he's Australian cricketing spin legend Shane Warne. If you're from, like, America or Uzbekistan and don't know what cricket is, I'm not sure what to tell you. It's like croquet or baseball but way, WAY better?

"Did somebody say Warnie was here?? Also : who's Warnie?" - Lorenzo Di Bonaventura has 45 producer credits to his name, including this one and ALL of the Michael Bay Transformer films.

"Did somebody say Warnie was here?? Also : who's Warnie?" - Lorenzo Di Bonaventura has 45 producer credits to his name, including this one and ALL of the Michael Bay Transformer films.

"Loved you in that Movie, Bro" "Loved you in that Real Life, Bro" Mark Wahlberg (right) plays the character of Mark Williams (left) in the film.

"Loved you in that Movie, Bro"
"Loved you in that Real Life, Bro"

Mark Wahlberg (right) plays the character of Mark Williams (left) in the film.

"Wassup people?" Mark Wahlberg is probably no longer best known or being lead of The Funky Bunch, or perhaps loosely as the guy whose life influenced the TV series Entourage. I last photographed him at last year's premiere for "Daddy's Home"

"Wassup people?" Mark Wahlberg is probably no longer best known or being lead of The Funky Bunch, or perhaps loosely as the guy whose life influenced the TV series Entourage. I last photographed him at last year's premiere for "Daddy's Home"

"You makin' me look cool in this picture, bro?" Yeah, bro.

"You makin' me look cool in this picture, bro?" Yeah, bro.

"I don't know what a producer does, but can you sign my top?" "uh...."

"I don't know what a producer does, but can you sign my top?"
"uh...."

"You know me from that film? I'm touched!". Josh Duhamel was in the first three Transformers films (including the second one), weirdly missed the fourth one (which Mark Wahlberg starred in), but will triumphantly reprise his role of the indispensable Lennox in the implausible FIFTH movie in the series, due next year.

"You know me from that film? I'm touched!". Josh Duhamel was in the first three Transformers films (including the second one), weirdly missed the fourth one (which Mark Wahlberg starred in), but will triumphantly reprise his role of the indispensable Lennox in the implausible FIFTH movie in the series, due next year.

Although the precise nature of her (supposed) fame still eludes me, Mo's girlfriend (and frequent premiere attendee) Kimberley Garner was also at this premiere. Mo doesn't go to premieres much anymore, though...

Although the precise nature of her (supposed) fame still eludes me, Mo's girlfriend (and frequent premiere attendee) Kimberley Garner was also at this premiere. Mo doesn't go to premieres much anymore, though...

"Mo doesn't come to premieres anymore? But why, Bro?"

"Mo doesn't come to premieres anymore? But why, Bro?"

"A sequel to 'Battleship'? Probably not that likely" As well as the somewhat sub-par Hancock (2008), the (in my view) enjoyble Battleship (2012) and the very decent Mark Wahlberg-starring Lone Survivor (2013), Peter Berg directed this film.

"A sequel to 'Battleship'? Probably not that likely" As well as the somewhat sub-par Hancock (2008), the (in my view) enjoyble Battleship (2012) and the very decent Mark Wahlberg-starring Lone Survivor (2013), Peter Berg directed this film.

"Put Battleship into the Transformers cinematic universe? Yeah... we all already thought about that...."

"Put Battleship into the Transformers cinematic universe? Yeah... we all already thought about that...."

"While I'm impressed that you've already managed to get a pirated copy of this film, I think as director I'm entitled to free popcorn and a seat inside.... so I might do that"

"While I'm impressed that you've already managed to get a pirated copy of this film, I think as director I'm entitled to free popcorn and a seat inside.... so I might do that"

"I would've made the oil spill explosion visible during daylight hours on Jupiter and have it tear a hole in the planet, but I guess Peter had to stick to reality...." - Michael Bay, director of the currently-filming-in-London Transformers 5, showed up at this premiere! I last (only ever) photographed him at the premiere of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen in 2009.

"I would've made the oil spill explosion visible during daylight hours on Jupiter and have it tear a hole in the planet, but I guess Peter had to stick to reality...." - Michael Bay, director of the currently-filming-in-London Transformers 5, showed up at this premiere! I last (only ever) photographed him at the premiere of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen in 2009.

"You're right.... Transformers Age Of Extinction really does look surprisingly better on the small screen!"

"You're right.... Transformers Age Of Extinction really does look surprisingly better on the small screen!"

"The tall bald dude behind me? That's Big Steve. He punches 5hit for me. Show 'em, Big Steve"

"The tall bald dude behind me? That's Big Steve. He punches 5hit for me. Show 'em, Big Steve"

"You didn't like The Entourage Movie, bro? But... why?"

"You didn't like The Entourage Movie, bro? But... why?"

So... that was that, then.  Not a bad premiere as premieres go. And with BFI London Film Festival just around the corner, may there be many more for the Archive of Movie Premieres.

Until next time!

ps. if you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or perhaps on facebook by clicking here (or demand that I add you to my mailing list by emailing me at bernd.talasch@optusnet.com.au). You can also share this journal, comment on it below, or tell me why giving Michael Bay money to make more movies is somehow a good idea.