13 Dec 2016 - The "Whatever-The-Hell 'Rogue One' Was" thing.

December 13th, 2016.

This was easily the worst (or most nonexistent) event of the year, and it was also my last (for the year). like Doctor Strange a few months ago, there was no clear idea of where (or WHETHER) the premiere (or 'fan event'?) would be, basically a pretty direct way of saying : 'keep the f**k away : we're promoting this movie without the public being in any way required'. But me being me, I guess I saw that as a challenge.

Probably a mistake. The non-event WAS mostly a non-event, and while I don't particularly want to dwell on it, because it's a poor craftsman who blames his tools, but it's an even poorer craftsman who continues to use poor tools when better ones are available. After today, that will no longer be an issue.

Here's how it - whatever the hell "it" was - went down.

After some level of deduction as to where the 'location to be confirmed' 'fan event' would be, I end up at BFI Imax, currently featuring some exclusion barriers to the left, plus about a dozen people not sure what they were doing there, and an explosives sniffer dog. Looks like my hunch was right.

After some level of deduction as to where the 'location to be confirmed' 'fan event' would be, I end up at BFI Imax, currently featuring some exclusion barriers to the left, plus about a dozen people not sure what they were doing there, and an explosives sniffer dog. Looks like my hunch was right.

A short time later, the crowd has grown...  but security has grown more. They're not saying anything, but one has hinted that if we're staying here to get photos/autographs of the stars, we're 'going to be disappointed'. Well... what if I'm always disappointed?

A short time later, the crowd has grown...  but security has grown more. They're not saying anything, but one has hinted that if we're staying here to get photos/autographs of the stars, we're 'going to be disappointed'. Well... what if I'm always disappointed?

Inside the venue, there is sign of activity - a large backing board, perfect (one would think) for stars to pose against, plus one or two arriving Paparazzi regulars, and a security guard looking like he's there to defend something - ANYTHING - from the threat we twenty or so people currently represent.

Inside the venue, there is sign of activity - a large backing board, perfect (one would think) for stars to pose against, plus one or two arriving Paparazzi regulars, and a security guard looking like he's there to defend something - ANYTHING - from the threat we twenty or so people currently represent.

"Are you sure there's an event taking place?" "I can't confirm whether anything is going on..." "What about the explosives sniffing dog??"

"Are you sure there's an event taking place?"
"I can't confirm whether anything is going on..."
"What about the explosives sniffing dog??"

"Is that camera gear?" "Maybe..."

"Is that camera gear?"
"Maybe..."

The map for this event was so secretive and complicated that 9 out of 10 Bothans turned around and went back home..."

The map for this event was so secretive and complicated that 9 out of 10 Bothans turned around and went back home..."

By this time a few hours later, the crowd had grown considerably. Not bad for an event where nothing was apparently happening (but it's London - something is always happening even when nothing is happening)

By this time a few hours later, the crowd had grown considerably. Not bad for an event where nothing was apparently happening (but it's London - something is always happening even when nothing is happening)

"So if none of the people on the poster show up, how about you guys sign it, since you're here?"

"So if none of the people on the poster show up, how about you guys sign it, since you're here?"

Anyway... that's all preamble, and there's not really any way I can put things off any longer. Time to see for once and for all just how fucking abysmal the former Pentax flagship K3 utterly f**ked up shooting through a window, something that its two-generations older sibling the K5 did a fine job at 'Doctor Strange'

Pentax, K3. Centre-Continuous autofocus. Oh, and some dude, possibly from the movie Rogue One.

Pentax, K3. Centre-Continuous autofocus.
Oh, and some dude, possibly from the movie Rogue One.

"Ssup, bro?" "Ssup" - the guy on the right might be Diego Luna, and the guy on the left might be Alan Tudyk. They might also be exceedingly happy to see each other.

"Ssup, bro?"
"Ssup"

- the guy on the right might be Diego Luna, and the guy on the left might be Alan Tudyk. They might also be exceedingly happy to see each other.

Felicity Jones is this movie's lead, and in its excitement the Pentax's autofocus jumps so far off-base I feel like I might have to apologise for people nearby being hit by it.

Felicity Jones is this movie's lead, and in its excitement the Pentax's autofocus jumps so far off-base I feel like I might have to apologise for people nearby being hit by it.

If your ten year old cousin can do a better sketch-drawing of Felicity Jones, then what the hell is he doing not being at BFI Imax right now?

If your ten year old cousin can do a better sketch-drawing of Felicity Jones, then what the hell is he doing not being at BFI Imax right now?

Forrest Whittaker, centre, is in this movie and I've never photographed him before, while to the right there's Riz Ahmed (he was in 'ill Manors') and a smudge further to the right that might or might not be Felicity Jones.

Forrest Whittaker, centre, is in this movie and I've never photographed him before, while to the right there's Riz Ahmed (he was in 'ill Manors') and a smudge further to the right that might or might not be Felicity Jones.

After eight or nine frames of abject failure to focus, the Pentax K3 surprsingly (finally) elects to choose a different focal point. And it chooses wrong.

After eight or nine frames of abject failure to focus, the Pentax K3 surprsingly (finally) elects to choose a different focal point. And it chooses wrong.

Great news if you ever wanted a grotesquely distorted photo of Mad Mikkelsen - I managed to get my equipment to do it in-camera rather than having to rely on photoshop (refer far left).

Great news if you ever wanted a grotesquely distorted photo of Mad Mikkelsen - I managed to get my equipment to do it in-camera rather than having to rely on photoshop (refer far left).

Holy Christ, that dude's shirt in the front is IN FUCKING FOCUS!!!! (... never mind that he's not in the centre of the frame, and 'centre of frame' is literally what I programmed the Pentax's autofocus to default to).

Holy Christ, that dude's shirt in the front is IN FUCKING FOCUS!!!!
(... never mind that he's not in the centre of the frame, and 'centre of frame' is literally what I programmed the Pentax's autofocus to default to).

At this point I think I have to choose between using this camera as a generator of photographic abstract artworks, or as one of those things they hang off piers to stop boats from crushing the fragile wood.

At this point I think I have to choose between using this camera as a generator of photographic abstract artworks, or as one of those things they hang off piers to stop boats from crushing the fragile wood.

Who knows. Alan Tudyk, I guess. I'm done with this bullsh1t.

Who knows. Alan Tudyk, I guess. I'm done with this bullsh1t.

At this point, making this journal any longer or featuring more stars would essentially amoun toputting lipstick, wig, fake eyelashes and a gucci dress on a pig and hoping it'll pass muster when it's absolutely evident that it won't. There's only so much I can do when an event declines to be photographed and the equipment being used is a piece of shit so awful that for much of the past year I've only used it with fixed manual lenses because the autofocus was so bad.

In a final 'fuck you' from my Pentax K3, it takes an in-focus photo of a van outside the event as I storm off to the train station, expecting (or hoping) that maybe some meteor wipes out London or I get ambushed by a herd of velociraptors to bring this godawful day to a close. But one thing remains to be done.

In a final 'fuck you' from my Pentax K3, it takes an in-focus photo of a van outside the event as I storm off to the train station, expecting (or hoping) that maybe some meteor wipes out London or I get ambushed by a herd of velociraptors to bring this godawful day to a close.

But one thing remains to be done.

I smash the damn K3 against a nearby brick wall. I have the shutter button pressed, and this ends up being the last photo it ever takes.

I smash the damn K3 against a nearby brick wall. I have the shutter button pressed, and this ends up being the last photo it ever takes.

And a few more smahes against other hard objects, a few kicks along the road, and the sharp end of my monopod shoved deep enough into the front to destroy the mirror and hopefully wipe out the sensor, and I can finally ensure I never EVER feel tempted to use this camera for anything photographic ever again. I've also updated my Equipment page. And if you're the person who did Quality Control on Pentax K3 serial number 4834258 all those years ago.... you'd better pray you never meet me in a dark alley one night.

And a few more smahes against other hard objects, a few kicks along the road, and the sharp end of my monopod shoved deep enough into the front to destroy the mirror and hopefully wipe out the sensor, and I can finally ensure I never EVER feel tempted to use this camera for anything photographic ever again. I've also updated my Equipment page.

And if you're the person who did Quality Control on Pentax K3 serial number 4834258 all those years ago.... you'd better pray you never meet me in a dark alley one night.

So that was that.

Can't wait for next year.

Postscript : I learned the next day that there was also a secondary (earlier? later?) premiere / launch / thing for Rogue One at the Tate Modern . This pissed me off even more. F**k you Disney - your product of pure commercial impulse has no f**king right to be anywhere near a f**king ART GALLERY. And moreover, F**k you, Tate Modern for selling out to, of all companies, DISNEY.

Gah. I'm done with this shit.

Finally, Drink Pepsi. It's fucking delicious.