bernd talasch

26 Sep - The 'Deepwater Horizon' Premiere

Monday, 26th September 2016

It's been a long time since I photographed a premiere using just one (1) camera and a kit lens - usually I dual-wield a Pentax with a stunning portrait lens and a certified beast of a full-frame pro-grade Nikon with some fantastic long-range glass. But this time, the issue was that a premiere I was scheduled to miss all of a sudden became one that was available to me. Thus stranding me with what might appear to sub-optimal equipment.

Here's how it went down:

Deepwater Ho. And you know... on principle, after the 2010 Deepwater Oil Spill (for which the company paid some $45billion in damages and pleaded guilty to 11 counts of manslaughter) I still boycott BP service stations whenever I have to fill up my car.

Deepwater Ho. And you know... on principle, after the 2010 Deepwater Oil Spill (for which the company paid some $45billion in damages and pleaded guilty to 11 counts of manslaughter) I still boycott BP service stations whenever I have to fill up my car.

A judge in a September 2014 ruled that BP was primarily responsible for the Deepwater oil spill because of its  gross negligence and reckless conduct . Nobody was jailed though, because f*ck dolphins and marine life, I guess. Still... we get a red carpet premiere and a Mark Wahlberg starring vehicle out of it, so not all is lost.

A judge in a September 2014 ruled that BP was primarily responsible for the Deepwater oil spill because of its gross negligence and reckless conduct. Nobody was jailed though, because f*ck dolphins and marine life, I guess. Still... we get a red carpet premiere and a Mark Wahlberg starring vehicle out of it, so not all is lost.

"I probably shouldn'ta put my a55 right there in front of that poster...".  

"I probably shouldn'ta put my a55 right there in front of that poster...". 

"All da fishez in da Sea, they die 'cause-a BP"  Your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ Oops-We're-Really-Sorry officiated at this premiere, where I was hoping (unsuccessfully, it turned out) to photograph John Malkovich for the first time.

"All da fishez in da Sea, they die 'cause-a BP" Your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ Oops-We're-Really-Sorry officiated at this premiere, where I was hoping (unsuccessfully, it turned out) to photograph John Malkovich for the first time.

Our first major arrival is not from this movie, or indeed any movie : but rather he's Australian cricketing spin legend Shane Warne. If you're from, like, America or Uzbekistan and don't know what cricket is, I'm not sure what to tell you. It's like croquet or baseball but way, WAY better?

Our first major arrival is not from this movie, or indeed any movie : but rather he's Australian cricketing spin legend Shane Warne. If you're from, like, America or Uzbekistan and don't know what cricket is, I'm not sure what to tell you. It's like croquet or baseball but way, WAY better?

"Did somebody say Warnie was here?? Also : who's Warnie?"  - Lorenzo Di Bonaventura has 45 producer credits to his name, including this one and ALL of the Michael Bay Transformer films.

"Did somebody say Warnie was here?? Also : who's Warnie?" - Lorenzo Di Bonaventura has 45 producer credits to his name, including this one and ALL of the Michael Bay Transformer films.

"Loved you in that Movie, Bro" "Loved you in that Real Life, Bro"  Mark Wahlberg (right) plays the character of Mark Williams (left) in the film.

"Loved you in that Movie, Bro"
"Loved you in that Real Life, Bro"

Mark Wahlberg (right) plays the character of Mark Williams (left) in the film.

"Wassup people?"  Mark Wahlberg is probably no longer best known or being lead of The Funky Bunch, or perhaps loosely as the guy whose life influenced the TV series Entourage. I last photographed him at  last year's premiere for "Daddy's Home"

"Wassup people?" Mark Wahlberg is probably no longer best known or being lead of The Funky Bunch, or perhaps loosely as the guy whose life influenced the TV series Entourage. I last photographed him at last year's premiere for "Daddy's Home"

"You makin' me look cool in this picture, bro?"  Yeah, bro.

"You makin' me look cool in this picture, bro?" Yeah, bro.

"I don't know what a producer does, but can you sign my top?" "uh...."

"I don't know what a producer does, but can you sign my top?"
"uh...."

"You know me from that film? I'm touched!" . Josh Duhamel was in the first three Transformers films (including  the second one ), weirdly missed the fourth one (which Mark Wahlberg starred in), but will triumphantly reprise his role of the indispensable Lennox in the implausible FIFTH movie in the series, due next year.

"You know me from that film? I'm touched!". Josh Duhamel was in the first three Transformers films (including the second one), weirdly missed the fourth one (which Mark Wahlberg starred in), but will triumphantly reprise his role of the indispensable Lennox in the implausible FIFTH movie in the series, due next year.

Although the precise nature of her (supposed) fame still eludes me, Mo's girlfriend (and frequent premiere attendee) Kimberley Garner was also at this premiere. Mo doesn't go to premieres much anymore, though...

Although the precise nature of her (supposed) fame still eludes me, Mo's girlfriend (and frequent premiere attendee) Kimberley Garner was also at this premiere. Mo doesn't go to premieres much anymore, though...

"Mo doesn't come to premieres anymore? But why, Bro?"

"Mo doesn't come to premieres anymore? But why, Bro?"

"A sequel to 'Battleship'? Probably not that likely"  As well as the somewhat sub-par  Hancock (2008) , the (in my view) enjoyble Battleship (2012) and the very decent Mark Wahlberg-starring Lone Survivor (2013), Peter Berg directed this film.

"A sequel to 'Battleship'? Probably not that likely" As well as the somewhat sub-par Hancock (2008), the (in my view) enjoyble Battleship (2012) and the very decent Mark Wahlberg-starring Lone Survivor (2013), Peter Berg directed this film.

"Put Battleship into the Transformers cinematic universe? Yeah... we all already thought about that...."

"Put Battleship into the Transformers cinematic universe? Yeah... we all already thought about that...."

"While I'm impressed that you've already managed to get a pirated copy of this film, I think as director I'm entitled to free popcorn and a seat inside.... so I might do that"

"While I'm impressed that you've already managed to get a pirated copy of this film, I think as director I'm entitled to free popcorn and a seat inside.... so I might do that"

"I would've made the oil spill explosion visible during daylight hours on Jupiter and have it tear a hole in the planet, but I guess Peter had to stick to reality...."  - Michael Bay, director of the currently-filming-in-London Transformers 5, showed up at this premiere! I last (only ever) photographed him at  the premiere of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen in 2009.

"I would've made the oil spill explosion visible during daylight hours on Jupiter and have it tear a hole in the planet, but I guess Peter had to stick to reality...." - Michael Bay, director of the currently-filming-in-London Transformers 5, showed up at this premiere! I last (only ever) photographed him at the premiere of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen in 2009.

"You're right.... Transformers Age Of Extinction really  does  look surprisingly better on the small screen!"

"You're right.... Transformers Age Of Extinction really does look surprisingly better on the small screen!"

"The tall bald dude behind me? That's Big Steve. He punches 5hit for me. Show 'em, Big Steve"

"The tall bald dude behind me? That's Big Steve. He punches 5hit for me. Show 'em, Big Steve"

"You didn't like The Entourage Movie, bro? But... why?"

"You didn't like The Entourage Movie, bro? But... why?"

So... that was that, then.  Not a bad premiere as premieres go. And with BFI London Film Festival just around the corner, may there be many more for the Archive of Movie Premieres.

Until next time!

ps. if you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or perhaps on facebook by clicking here (or demand that I add you to my mailing list by emailing me at bernd.talasch@optusnet.com.au). You can also share this journal, comment on it below, or tell me why giving Michael Bay money to make more movies is somehow a good idea.

12 Jul - The 'Star Trek Beyond' premiere

July 12th, 2016.

For the third time in three days, Leicester Square hosted a premiere (Sunday : 'Finding Dory' with Ellen DeGeneres, and Yesterday : 'Jason Bourne' with Matt Damon and Alicia Vikander) and this was probably the largest of the three : big enough that I decided to try for a wristband to see the movie itself, once I learned that this was an option. (The first fifty people with a copy of that morning's Metro to arrive at a certain time would get to see the film).

Here's how it went down:

So here I was, in the 'Special' pen for people to go see the film : fortunately I was 24th person to claim my spiffy green numbered wristband. (Now if only that scheduled Biblical thunderstorm everyone had been forecasting could perhaps wait a few hours?)

So here I was, in the 'Special' pen for people to go see the film : fortunately I was 24th person to claim my spiffy green numbered wristband. (Now if only that scheduled Biblical thunderstorm everyone had been forecasting could perhaps wait a few hours?)

Cute Vulcan Goth (?) girl stands by the promotional transporter beam. I think she possibly likes me, but with Vulcans it's generally very tricky to tell.

Cute Vulcan Goth (?) girl stands by the promotional transporter beam. I think she possibly likes me, but with Vulcans it's generally very tricky to tell.

"Star Trek is the one with the Chewbaccas, right?"

"Star Trek is the one with the Chewbaccas, right?"

"You're going to need a nose prosthesis and some heavy-duty forehead ridges if you want to impress the fans" "I don't think so, Mavis"

"You're going to need a nose prosthesis and some heavy-duty forehead ridges if you want to impress the fans"
"I don't think so, Mavis"

Has probably seen the trailer dozens of times, but still can't quite figure out how the song by Rihanna on the soundtrack fits into it, if at all.

Has probably seen the trailer dozens of times, but still can't quite figure out how the song by Rihanna on the soundtrack fits into it, if at all.

"But I don't want to sign autographs and pose for selfies. I'm an actor damnit, not a youtube pseudo-celebrity!"  - the first member of the slowly arriving cast has stumbled close to our area, and it's Karl Urban, who plays Dr (Bones) McCoy in the film.

"But I don't want to sign autographs and pose for selfies. I'm an actor damnit, not a youtube pseudo-celebrity!" - the first member of the slowly arriving cast has stumbled close to our area, and it's Karl Urban, who plays Dr (Bones) McCoy in the film.

"If you could just lower your head a bit further : this is the exact hairstlye I want my boyfriend to emulate"  - I have no idea who this is, but the hair is quite magnificent.

"If you could just lower your head a bit further : this is the exact hairstlye I want my boyfriend to emulate" - I have no idea who this is, but the hair is quite magnificent.

"I'm also a doctor, not a country and western singer. You're thinking about Keith Urban, who's married to Nicole Kidman"

"I'm also a doctor, not a country and western singer. You're thinking about Keith Urban, who's married to Nicole Kidman"

"Do I know the Star Tracks? Sure.... my favourite is The Phantom Menace"  To be fair, for all I know Lydia Wilson, who is in this film, is a big fan.

"Do I know the Star Tracks? Sure.... my favourite is The Phantom Menace" To be fair, for all I know Lydia Wilson, who is in this film, is a big fan.

And then all of a sudden an impromptu rap duet broke out. It was quite the thing to behold.

And then all of a sudden an impromptu rap duet broke out. It was quite the thing to behold.

"I hope Mum wasn't watching that. I rhymed things with "Trek" that nobody ever should, no matter how 'Street' you're trying to sound...."

"I hope Mum wasn't watching that. I rhymed things with "Trek" that nobody ever should, no matter how 'Street' you're trying to sound...."

"Some of them are genuine Star Trek fans, but they're also quite normal in other respects. Some even have jobs and cars and partners. Well.... jobs and cars, anyway"

"Some of them are genuine Star Trek fans, but they're also quite normal in other respects. Some even have jobs and cars and partners. Well.... jobs and cars, anyway"

Idris Elba is this movie's Villain of the Week, following in the footsteps of Eric Bana in  Star Trek (2009)  and Benedict Cumberbatch in  Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) ... neither of whom wore a jacket quite this cool to their respective premieres.

Idris Elba is this movie's Villain of the Week, following in the footsteps of Eric Bana in Star Trek (2009) and Benedict Cumberbatch in Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)... neither of whom wore a jacket quite this cool to their respective premieres.

"You're absolutely right. That jacket is too cool for me to stand anywhere near...."

"You're absolutely right. That jacket is too cool for me to stand anywhere near...."

"I'm not taking this jacket off for anyone, unless it starts raining and somebody really single and exceedingly good looking needs it more than I do, and to be honest if it rains really hard I'll need it more than they do"

"I'm not taking this jacket off for anyone, unless it starts raining and somebody really single and exceedingly good looking needs it more than I do, and to be honest if it rains really hard I'll need it more than they do"

Idris Elba was great in everything from  "Pacific Rim"  to  "RocknRolla"  to " The Gunman"  and even  "Prometheus" . But the jacket...  THAT jacket!!

Idris Elba was great in everything from "Pacific Rim" to "RocknRolla" to "The Gunman" and even "Prometheus". But the jacket... THAT jacket!!

"I'll sign autographs and let you pose next to it, but that's all... no touching"

"I'll sign autographs and let you pose next to it, but that's all... no touching"

"Wait-- didn't I defeat you?" "Dude! Spoilers!" "I'm been talking about the on-set table-tennis comp!"

"Wait-- didn't I defeat you?"
"Dude! Spoilers!"
"I'm been talking about the on-set table-tennis comp!"

Chris Pine is this iteration's Captain Kirk. It's perhaps a spoiler to say that he doesn't sport facial hair in the movie... but the embargo form I didn't sign said nothing about not being able to reveal such crucial plot points.

Chris Pine is this iteration's Captain Kirk. It's perhaps a spoiler to say that he doesn't sport facial hair in the movie... but the embargo form I didn't sign said nothing about not being able to reveal such crucial plot points.

"It's a great movie. I swear you're going to love it. If you want a full refund..... uh... write to Paramount Pictures. They'll write you a cheque. Don't tell them I told you"

"It's a great movie. I swear you're going to love it. If you want a full refund..... uh... write to Paramount Pictures. They'll write you a cheque. Don't tell them I told you"

"I've been told I've already said too much. I'm just going to stay and smile until Alex Zane tells me I can go..."

"I've been told I've already said too much. I'm just going to stay and smile until Alex Zane tells me I can go..."

"He plays the Vulcan Spock in the film, so please observe a respectful degree of restraint for Zachary Quinto!!!"

"He plays the Vulcan Spock in the film, so please observe a respectful degree of restraint for Zachary Quinto!!!"

"Well, Justin Lin also directed most of the Fast and Furious films. So... you know.... the movie's mostly characters sitting around a diner talking. Mostly."

"Well, Justin Lin also directed most of the Fast and Furious films. So... you know.... the movie's mostly characters sitting around a diner talking. Mostly."

"I saw a couple of people clapping. That's uncalled for, illogical, and also faintly insulting. Whooping an hollering, though, I'll tolerate"

"I saw a couple of people clapping. That's uncalled for, illogical, and also faintly insulting. Whooping an hollering, though, I'll tolerate"

The grim smile showdown entered its second infuriating and excruciating phase.

The grim smile showdown entered its second infuriating and excruciating phase.

"Well... it's fan-fiction if you're writing it, but if you're a member of the cast it's something more than that"  Not only does Simon Pegg play Montgomery "Scotty" McCoy** in the film, but he was also the co-author of its story.  **I wrote this after midnight after my third premiere in three days. Please forgive me, internet. (I meant to write "Scott")

"Well... it's fan-fiction if you're writing it, but if you're a member of the cast it's something more than that" Not only does Simon Pegg play Montgomery "Scotty" McCoy** in the film, but he was also the co-author of its story.  **I wrote this after midnight after my third premiere in three days. Please forgive me, internet. (I meant to write "Scott")

"I told him to stand over here and he went further right, but he's Simon Pegg and I'm going to let him get away with it!"

"I told him to stand over here and he went further right, but he's Simon Pegg and I'm going to let him get away with it!"

"We had to find a balance between fan service, delivering a movie that was different, and being entertaining. I also wanted to put a pub and some zombies into it.... but Justin said no."

"We had to find a balance between fan service, delivering a movie that was different, and being entertaining. I also wanted to put a pub and some zombies into it.... but Justin said no."

At this time, we were ushered into the cinema and I was gently encouraged not to hang around our pen any further (and didn't have to be told that a large Nikon and long-range lens is not the thing to keep out once you're in your seats).... so I took out the iPhone once I'd found my seat and my popcorn...

It's not every premiere that I continue photographing what's going on outside as I'm sitting in my chair, but here I am. And this is Sofia Boutella, who underwent some 5 hours a day of makeup to get into the character of Jaylah in the film.

It's not every premiere that I continue photographing what's going on outside as I'm sitting in my chair, but here I am. And this is Sofia Boutella, who underwent some 5 hours a day of makeup to get into the character of Jaylah in the film.

I've already opened my popcorn and started munching on it by the time director Justin Lin (who directed the 2nd, 4th, 5th and 6th movies in the Fast & Furious franchise) got on stage.... fortunately I have previously photographed him at  the premiere of Fast & Furious (the fourth one)

I've already opened my popcorn and started munching on it by the time director Justin Lin (who directed the 2nd, 4th, 5th and 6th movies in the Fast & Furious franchise) got on stage.... fortunately I have previously photographed him at the premiere of Fast & Furious (the fourth one)

So... that was that. Three premieres in three days (and another one this Sunday), and my third Star Trek premiere, as I also attended "Star Trek (2009)" and "Star Trek Into Darkness" in 2013. They're all next to each other in "The Archive of Movie Premieres"

As for the movie? Until next time!

ps. if you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook by clicking here (or demand that I add you to my mailing list by emailing me at bernd.talasch@optusnet.com.au). You can also share this journal, comment on it below, or somethingsomething long and prosper.