mr impact

4 Feb - The "Zoolander 2" Fashionable Screening / Premiere

February 4th, 2016.

If there is more to life than being really, really, ridiculously semi-competent in the field of IT price modelling, then one day I intend to find out what that is.

Until then, I'll keep slouching around London's Leicester Square when I can..... especially for a Zoolander sequel. Here's how it went down:

It's been 15 years since the world was last graced with a Zoolander movie.. and meanwhile Disney are stacking Star Wars sequels like piles of underwear from now until the rest of time.

It's been 15 years since the world was last graced with a Zoolander movie.. and meanwhile Disney are stacking Star Wars sequels like piles of underwear from now until the rest of time.

Everyone always goes on and on about Blue Steel.... but I've always said it's the softer La Tigre that makes for a more durable look that plays better cross-culturally.

Everyone always goes on and on about Blue Steel.... but I've always said it's the softer La Tigre that makes for a more durable look that plays better cross-culturally.

"Less than a third of these people here are really, really ridiculously good looking. As for the rest? Those are merely ridiculous-looking"

"Less than a third of these people here are really, really ridiculously good looking. As for the rest? Those are merely ridiculous-looking"

"Leicester Square Make Some Pose!!!"    Your friend and mine, Mr Impact and his offsider  DJ Fall Collection  arrives to whip the crowd into a free-ness desiring frenzy, and perhaps find a few things that don't rhyme with 'fashion'

"Leicester Square Make Some Pose!!!"  Your friend and mine, Mr Impact and his offsider DJ Fall Collection arrives to whip the crowd into a free-ness desiring frenzy, and perhaps find a few things that don't rhyme with 'fashion'

"But why male models?"

"But why male models?"

"My crazy Mugatu Hairstyle? That'll arrive in a separate limo.. if it can be prised away from its mini-bar, that is"  - our first attendee from the film is Will Ferrell, who was in London just last year for  the "Daddy's Home" premiere

"My crazy Mugatu Hairstyle? That'll arrive in a separate limo.. if it can be prised away from its mini-bar, that is" - our first attendee from the film is Will Ferrell, who was in London just last year for the "Daddy's Home" premiere

"I love Mongollian throat-singing. Not the music it creates, I just respect that it's performed"  - Owen Wilson reprises his role as Hansel (Hansel....So Hot Right Now) in the movie. I think I last photographed him at  "A Night At The Museum 3"  and before that  "Marley and Me"

"I love Mongollian throat-singing. Not the music it creates, I just respect that it's performed" - Owen Wilson reprises his role as Hansel (Hansel....So Hot Right Now) in the movie. I think I last photographed him at "A Night At The Museum 3" and before that "Marley and Me"

Penelope Cruz and I appear to have made a connection....which is a bit of a surprise as I felt I'd made more of a lasting impression on her fur coat at  the premiere of 'Nine'  all those years ago.

Penelope Cruz and I appear to have made a connection....which is a bit of a surprise as I felt I'd made more of a lasting impression on her fur coat at the premiere of 'Nine' all those years ago.

"What is this? Is this a red carpet... for FISH??"  - Ben Stiller, aka. Zoolander himself has arrived

"What is this? Is this a red carpet... for FISH??" - Ben Stiller, aka. Zoolander himself has arrived

"I'm a fashion industry supervillain!! Wear floral puce this spring, people!"

"I'm a fashion industry supervillain!! Wear floral puce this spring, people!"

"If Zoolander is No2, then it's pretty clear what Hansel is in this movie, Alex"

"If Zoolander is No2, then it's pretty clear what Hansel is in this movie, Alex"

"I'm just going to stop and ogle my perfect abs on that screen now, bruv"

"I'm just going to stop and ogle my perfect abs on that screen now, bruv"

"That guy over there showed me some schematics for a quadruple-breasted business suit and bifurcated fractal tie. I think you should talk to him"  - Justin Theroux is one of several credited writers on this film, is married to actress Jennifer Aniston, and can more directly be blamed for writing the Iron Man 2 screenplay.

"That guy over there showed me some schematics for a quadruple-breasted business suit and bifurcated fractal tie. I think you should talk to him" - Justin Theroux is one of several credited writers on this film, is married to actress Jennifer Aniston, and can more directly be blamed for writing the Iron Man 2 screenplay.

"So how did you capture the essence of Male Models in the screenplay? And aren't tie-pins totally 1995 right now? That's still too soon to be ironic"

"So how did you capture the essence of Male Models in the screenplay? And aren't tie-pins totally 1995 right now? That's still too soon to be ironic"

"I haven't eaten anything since Tuesday. Do you think they'll give me one or two pieces of diet popcorn if I ask nicely?"

"I haven't eaten anything since Tuesday. Do you think they'll give me one or two pieces of diet popcorn if I ask nicely?"

"Male Model humility? About this size...."  - Christine Taylor is both in this movie and married to Ben Stiller in real life.

"Male Model humility? About this size...." - Christine Taylor is both in this movie and married to Ben Stiller in real life.

"I play a Russian Fashionista in this film. Fear me!"  - those furry hats might finally catch on in the West, if those threats become compelling enough.

"I play a Russian Fashionista in this film. Fear me!" - those furry hats might finally catch on in the West, if those threats become compelling enough.

"We blended a little black dress with the pelt of an orphaned polar bear cub. Even the guys from PETA and the World Wildlife Fund had to admit it looks stunning"

"We blended a little black dress with the pelt of an orphaned polar bear cub. Even the guys from PETA and the World Wildlife Fund had to admit it looks stunning"

"You're giving me a handhake instead of a quadriple air-kiss? I'm not quite sure how to take that..."

"You're giving me a handhake instead of a quadriple air-kiss? I'm not quite sure how to take that..."

"You ARE tall, though..... what was your question again? Something about wanting my phone number?"

"You ARE tall, though..... what was your question again? Something about wanting my phone number?"

"Your beanie is... unbranded?? What kind of identity are you trying to project?"  Probably the wrong, 85% below retail price kind.

"Your beanie is... unbranded?? What kind of identity are you trying to project?" Probably the wrong, 85% below retail price kind.

Meanwhile, I don't have orange/red clashing with metallic blue AND I'm keeping my head warm.

Meanwhile, I don't have orange/red clashing with metallic blue AND I'm keeping my head warm.

.... and I even had a spare beanie I could have offered model Lara Stone.... sadly she elected not to pursue a course that would take her into the unsavoury,  what-the-hell-are-screaming-kids-doing-running-rampant-at-a-premiere  part of the crowd I was stuck in.

.... and I even had a spare beanie I could have offered model Lara Stone.... sadly she elected not to pursue a course that would take her into the unsavoury, what-the-hell-are-screaming-kids-doing-running-rampant-at-a-premiere part of the crowd I was stuck in.

"Please don't go any further, Alex. I'm already very pleased to see you"

"Please don't go any further, Alex. I'm already very pleased to see you"

"I went method to simulate serving a fifteen year sentence in Fashion Jail. It takes it out of you... though they teach you how to wear a tie properly there"

"I went method to simulate serving a fifteen year sentence in Fashion Jail. It takes it out of you... though they teach you how to wear a tie properly there"

Could have been the 'Team Mugatu' T-shirt I was wearing, I guess.

Could have been the 'Team Mugatu' T-shirt I was wearing, I guess.

"Hold on a minute... is that KYLO REN?"

"Hold on a minute... is that KYLO REN?"

Adam Driver. Allegedly So Hot Right Now. (Adam Driver) (far right of photo... though the blurry dude with the Beanie is rightfully the focus of this shot)

Adam Driver. Allegedly So Hot Right Now. (Adam Driver) (far right of photo... though the blurry dude with the Beanie is rightfully the focus of this shot)

Meanwhile, <insert Game of Thrones reference> Natalie Dormer

Meanwhile, <insert Game of Thrones reference> Natalie Dormer

"I like your.... uh..... dress?" "Smooth. But I saw how pleased you were to see Will Ferrell earlier. This isn't close to that"

"I like your.... uh..... dress?"
"Smooth. But I saw how pleased you were to see Will Ferrell earlier. This isn't close to that"

The giant rod you can see stretching to the top right of the photo is an attempt by Ben Stiller to break the world record for selfie taken on the longest ever selfie stick. The incumbent record : 8metres.

The giant rod you can see stretching to the top right of the photo is an attempt by Ben Stiller to break the world record for selfie taken on the longest ever selfie stick. The incumbent record : 8metres.

Justin Theroux (left) and fashion designer Valentino (right) attempt to see the camera in low earth orbit in order to pose.

Justin Theroux (left) and fashion designer Valentino (right) attempt to see the camera in low earth orbit in order to pose.

"At that altitude you're not even getting the underside of my good side, damnit...."

"At that altitude you're not even getting the underside of my good side, damnit...."

"Nobody can hold a smile this long, Ben...."

"Nobody can hold a smile this long, Ben...."

"I think it's caught on something.... a helicopter maybe?"  time to go to go the guy from Guiness for judgement.

"I think it's caught on something.... a helicopter maybe?" time to go to go the guy from Guiness for judgement.

A segment of the crowd. Feel free to swoon if you can spot Adam Driver, who plays Kylo Ren from Star Wars : The Force Awakens....

A segment of the crowd. Feel free to swoon if you can spot Adam Driver, who plays Kylo Ren from Star Wars : The Force Awakens....

"I don't do high-fives anymore, Ben. I do high-fours"  .  .... and.....?   

"I don't do high-fives anymore, Ben. I do high-fours" .

.... and.....?

 

SUCCESS!! "It's a record that will stand forever .... or until some Japanese tourist ties two of these together and does this!"

SUCCESS!! "It's a record that will stand forever .... or until some Japanese tourist ties two of these together and does this!"

"I'd like to thank the members of the academy for this. My years of studying cell division in larval biology have not been wasted"

"I'd like to thank the members of the academy for this. My years of studying cell division in larval biology have not been wasted"

"Check out that guy's website if you want. Or see this movie. Or study algebra. It doesn't matter..."

"Check out that guy's website if you want. Or see this movie. Or study algebra. It doesn't matter..."

So... that was that, then. A much larger premiere than the originally published description of 'Fashionable Screening' reported for this event .... and moreover a fun event for another entry into my 'Archive of Premieres' - now featuring over 300 premieres I've photographed.

PS. If you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook by clicking here 

Until next Time!

 

26 Jan - The World Premiere of "Dad's Army"

January 26th, 2016.

It's Australia Day today, and where better to celebrate it than at a cold and rainy London premiere for a TV show that's pretty much exclusively made for England? (I guess my philosophy is I've travelled all the way here, so if I did anything BUT go to this premiere, then the question should be "why?")

I'm back at my desk in my apartment now, though, and I've got a packet of Pizza Shapes next to me and a warm Milo on the boil... so I'm celebrating Australia Day in my own way. Here's how it went down.

I'm actually a German-born Austrian from Australia, and I suspect this movie might potentially offend more than two-thirds of the cultures I identify with. (Still... they say Catherine Zeta-Jones is set to attend this thing, and that's something. Also : she's from Wales).

I'm actually a German-born Austrian from Australia, and I suspect this movie might potentially offend more than two-thirds of the cultures I identify with. (Still... they say Catherine Zeta-Jones is set to attend this thing, and that's something. Also : she's from Wales).

"I'm not panicking, I'm just slightly above somewhat concerned"  Also I hear Michael Gambon can get very vindictive in the wet.

"I'm not panicking, I'm just slightly above somewhat concerned" Also I hear Michael Gambon can get very vindictive in the wet.

"I don't want to rock anybody's world too much, but I just figured out a word that rhymes with "Army" ...and it ISN'T "Barmy"!" . Wow.

"I don't want to rock anybody's world too much, but I just figured out a word that rhymes with "Army" ...and it ISN'T "Barmy"!". Wow.

"Swami! Salami! Mother-freaking-Rajasthani!!"

"Swami! Salami! Mother-freaking-Rajasthani!!"

"You'd better not be texting me, Tom. I don't answer texts when I'm working".  Or watching Mr Impact and DJ Martial Law attempt to fuse Hip-Hop Beatz and 1940s Swing.

"You'd better not be texting me, Tom. I don't answer texts when I'm working".
Or watching Mr Impact and DJ Martial Law attempt to fuse Hip-Hop Beatz and 1940s Swing.

"Hold on. I've got a text coming in..."

"Hold on. I've got a text coming in..."

"I appreciate you putting your arm right there, Carol... but my choice of this kind of dress isn't an accident".  Our first arrival on the night wasn't Catherine Zeta-Jones above... but I don't know who they were. (Other than than they weren't Catherine Zeta-Jones.)

"I appreciate you putting your arm right there, Carol... but my choice of this kind of dress isn't an accident". Our first arrival on the night wasn't Catherine Zeta-Jones above... but I don't know who they were. (Other than than they weren't Catherine Zeta-Jones.)

"I've just walked past the spotlight and now I can't see a thing. Is that normal?"  Tom Courtenay is in this movie, and has been nominated for no less than two Oscars. I've photographed him at  the premiere of 'Quartet'  back in 2012 and again at  the premiere of 'Gambit'  later that same year.

"I've just walked past the spotlight and now I can't see a thing. Is that normal?" Tom Courtenay is in this movie, and has been nominated for no less than two Oscars. I've photographed him at the premiere of 'Quartet' back in 2012 and again at the premiere of 'Gambit' later that same year.

"Of course, Tom Courtenay was knighted for services to Botany" "....it was Drama" "You know... that makes a whole lot more sense, actually."

"Of course, Tom Courtenay was knighted for services to Botany"
"....it was Drama"
"You know... that makes a whole lot more sense, actually."

I think this is Sarah Lancashire, who is in this film. Wireimage, who is my usual go-to for identifying stars, isn't really telling me much about who attended this premiere, other than that based on their photos, One (1) Catherine Zeta-Jones is worth about Ten (10) Michael Gambons. Which seems a bit high : that's a LOT of Dumbledores.

I think this is Sarah Lancashire, who is in this film. Wireimage, who is my usual go-to for identifying stars, isn't really telling me much about who attended this premiere, other than that based on their photos, One (1) Catherine Zeta-Jones is worth about Ten (10) Michael Gambons. Which seems a bit high : that's a LOT of Dumbledores.

"Wait... DUMBLEDORE is coming to this premiere?"

"Wait... DUMBLEDORE is coming to this premiere?"

"OMG : DUMBLEDORE'S COMING!!"

"OMG : DUMBLEDORE'S COMING!!"

"I'd actually prefer not to answer any questions.... mostly I just came over to congratulate you on this wonderful umbrella igloo you've created"

"I'd actually prefer not to answer any questions.... mostly I just came over to congratulate you on this wonderful umbrella igloo you've created"

"I think they're towing away your car, Sir"

"I think they're towing away your car, Sir"

"Of course you were knighted for your services to Philately..." "... you mean Drama?" "Again... I probably should have figured that out"  Michael Gambon has won or been nominated for 3x more Olivier Awards than I've even attended!

"Of course you were knighted for your services to Philately..."
"... you mean Drama?"
"Again... I probably should have figured that out"

Michael Gambon has won or been nominated for 3x more Olivier Awards than I've even attended!

At left is Ian Lavender (I think) who holds the rare distinction of being in the original 1960s "Dad's Army" TV Series and also this film, released decades later. To the right, and 43 years his junior (and infinitely better looking in a black dress), is the awesomely named Emily Atack.

At left is Ian Lavender (I think) who holds the rare distinction of being in the original 1960s "Dad's Army" TV Series and also this film, released decades later. To the right, and 43 years his junior (and infinitely better looking in a black dress), is the awesomely named Emily Atack.

"You don't think I might have caught any OLDNESS off that guy, do you?"

"You don't think I might have caught any OLDNESS off that guy, do you?"

"Honestly? I know I'll be getting free tickets to see this film, but do you think I could swap them for Quentin Tarantino's Hateful Eight in 70mm?"  - Odeon Leicester Square is showing that film in 70mm. It's pretty glorious.

"Honestly? I know I'll be getting free tickets to see this film, but do you think I could swap them for Quentin Tarantino's Hateful Eight in 70mm?" - Odeon Leicester Square is showing that film in 70mm. It's pretty glorious.

"Grandad, are you sure you don't want to see Dad's Army?" "No way.. Hateful Eight all the way"  I think this might be another of the original series' surviving cast...

"Grandad, are you sure you don't want to see Dad's Army?"
"No way.. Hateful Eight all the way"

I think this might be another of the original series' surviving cast...

"You like the bow-tie? I stole it off the Director"  Blake Harrison is best known for being in the TV Series and movies relating to  The Inbetweeners . A bit like Dad's Army, I also haven't watched that uniquely British show. As an Australian, the BBC's Sherlock is about as far into British Culture as I've confidently ventured....

"You like the bow-tie? I stole it off the Director"
Blake Harrison is best known for being in the TV Series and movies relating to The Inbetweeners. A bit like Dad's Army, I also haven't watched that uniquely British show. As an Australian, the BBC's Sherlock is about as far into British Culture as I've confidently ventured....

"So Chaz, the plan is you and I saunter vaguely in this direction, thus blocking any decent shots of Catherine Zeta-Jones that anyone is likely to get"

"So Chaz, the plan is you and I saunter vaguely in this direction, thus blocking any decent shots of Catherine Zeta-Jones that anyone is likely to get"

"So... that dress. What colour would you call it?" "Why do I get the feeling you're not even looking at the dress, Steve...."

"So... that dress. What colour would you call it?"
"Why do I get the feeling you're not even looking at the dress, Steve...."

"Yes, I am glad it stopped raining. Got any questions about the movie you'd like to ask me?" ".. have you been knighted for services to acting?" "I"ve won an Oscar. Close enough?"

"Yes, I am glad it stopped raining. Got any questions about the movie you'd like to ask me?"
".. have you been knighted for services to acting?"
"I"ve won an Oscar. Close enough?"

I don't know who this is, but I'm assured he's in the movie.

I don't know who this is, but I'm assured he's in the movie.

Not in this movie but arguably worth photographing anyway is actor Sylvester McCoy, best known for playing Radagast The Brown in the three-movie Hobbit Trilogy... by which I mean the theatrical releases by Peter Jackon, not the film  mercifully edited down into a single 4hr movie by The Tolkien Editor  which removes him entirely. I did photograph McCoy at the premiere of  The Hobbit : Battle of the Five Armies back in 2014.

Not in this movie but arguably worth photographing anyway is actor Sylvester McCoy, best known for playing Radagast The Brown in the three-movie Hobbit Trilogy... by which I mean the theatrical releases by Peter Jackon, not the film mercifully edited down into a single 4hr movie by The Tolkien Editor which removes him entirely. I did photograph McCoy at the premiere of The Hobbit : Battle of the Five Armies back in 2014.

"Babe... I can't play charades with you right now. I'm about to be interviewed, and I don't have a knighthood yet" - Tobey Jones

"Babe... I can't play charades with you right now. I'm about to be interviewed, and I don't have a knighthood yet" - Tobey Jones

"Sure I played a German scientist in Captain America, but fortunately the makers of this movie never found out about that until after they cast me" . Toby Jones isn't merely in the Marvel Cinematic Universe as Dr Zola, he was also in the Hunger Games AND was the voice of Dobby the House Elf in the Harry Potter universe.

"Sure I played a German scientist in Captain America, but fortunately the makers of this movie never found out about that until after they cast me". Toby Jones isn't merely in the Marvel Cinematic Universe as Dr Zola, he was also in the Hunger Games AND was the voice of Dobby the House Elf in the Harry Potter universe.

Oliver Parker directed this film, as well as  St Trinians 2 : The Legend of Fritton's Gold  and  Johnny English Reborn , both of whose premieres I also attended, back in the day.

Oliver Parker directed this film, as well as St Trinians 2 : The Legend of Fritton's Gold and Johnny English Reborn, both of whose premieres I also attended, back in the day.

"I want to have that spotlight after this premiere is finished" . Mark Gatiss is best known for being creator of the BBC's 'Sherlock' where he also plays Sherlock's brother Mycroft.

"I want to have that spotlight after this premiere is finished". Mark Gatiss is best known for being creator of the BBC's 'Sherlock' where he also plays Sherlock's brother Mycroft.

"Not knighted yet, I believe....?" "Well, I kind of created Sherlock, if that's worth anything" "Michael Gambon says it is not. Also Arthur Conan Doyle might dispute that."

"Not knighted yet, I believe....?"
"Well, I kind of created Sherlock, if that's worth anything"
"Michael Gambon says it is not. Also Arthur Conan Doyle might dispute that."

And... that was more or less that.

It had stopped raining by then, and I was home in a flash to try to grab something warm to eat, before trying to figure out what kind of Australia Day I'd had at this premiere. Until I remembered....

Burger Rings, Pizza Shapes and a bottle of XXXX Gold. Plus I have a tin of Milo in one of the cupboards. Happy Australia Day, one and all!

Burger Rings, Pizza Shapes and a bottle of XXXX Gold. Plus I have a tin of Milo in one of the cupboards. Happy Australia Day, one and all!

Needless to say, it's another one for The Archive of Movie Premieres, the second entry for this year (and hopefully two more before the Baftas on the 14th Feb).

PS. If you want to know whenever I post a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on twitter @berndt2_photo or on facebook by clicking here 

Until next Time!