23 Feb - The 'Beauty and the Beast' premiere you have when you're not having a 'Beauty and the Beast' premiere

February 23rd, 2017.

So for the third time in as many premieres for their movies, the diversified multimedia behemoth that is Disney (2015 Revenues : $US52billion) decided not to have a premiere for one of their movies. First it was Doctor Strange last year, which to be fair was from one of their minor studios called MARVEL, that had a screening without a premiere. The second was an obscure entry into the little known STAR WARS FRANCHISE called "Rogue One", so no harm no foul there. And now for the third time, the little struggling studio is re-making their own public domain appropriation of well known fairy tales in live action form with BEAUTY and the BEAST.

To be fair, when the event was listed as a 'Launch' and the venue as 'Central London - Embargoed', it made sense to presume Disney didn't want me, or fans in general to be at the Odeon Leicester Square, hoping for something to go down.

Here's what went down:

Two hours to go, and instead of a heaving premiere with filled pens, we have sixteen barriers against a wall, some marketing people with a ludicrously convoluted "free" competition on spurious Beauty & The Beast grounds, and all the signage being for the decidedly Family Unfriendly "Fifty Shades Darker". ... it certainly has all the hallmarks of yet another great Disney Event!

Two hours to go, and instead of a heaving premiere with filled pens, we have sixteen barriers against a wall, some marketing people with a ludicrously convoluted "free" competition on spurious Beauty & The Beast grounds, and all the signage being for the decidedly Family Unfriendly "Fifty Shades Darker". ... it certainly has all the hallmarks of yet another great Disney Event!

It's an hour before the screening is set to start, and a huge crowd has gathered for the mere rumour that against all evidence (like lack of carpet, lack of wristbands, lack of outdoor media and security telling us nobody's coming) a premiere might be going on. We're all fools, but of the optimistic kind!

It's an hour before the screening is set to start, and a huge crowd has gathered for the mere rumour that against all evidence (like lack of carpet, lack of wristbands, lack of outdoor media and security telling us nobody's coming) a premiere might be going on. We're all fools, but of the optimistic kind!

There are four Paparazzi inside the Odeon Foyer (far less than you'd assume for a cast that includes Emma Watson, Ian McKellen and the director of Twilight) and there is a List featuring none of the cast. It's looking grim, but crowd spirits remain high. Mostly because by huddling against the blistering wind, we're all keeping warmer than we would be on our own.

There are four Paparazzi inside the Odeon Foyer (far less than you'd assume for a cast that includes Emma Watson, Ian McKellen and the director of Twilight) and there is a List featuring none of the cast. It's looking grim, but crowd spirits remain high. Mostly because by huddling against the blistering wind, we're all keeping warmer than we would be on our own.

You know... it's all fun and games until kids show up who will be crushed not to be able to see Emma Watson and Dan Stevens and Luke Evans, let alone get an autograph or picture. Well done, Disney. You know that your target market is the PARENTS of these kids. And they're at work right now.

You know... it's all fun and games until kids show up who will be crushed not to be able to see Emma Watson and Dan Stevens and Luke Evans, let alone get an autograph or picture. Well done, Disney. You know that your target market is the PARENTS of these kids. And they're at work right now.

In fairness to Disney, having poor peasants look at their social betters and dreaming of joining them one day is part and parcel of the dreams that the company sells. And also, Disney doesn't hate these people as long as they end up buying tickets to see the movie, and later buy the DVD, the soundtrack and the merchandise.

In fairness to Disney, having poor peasants look at their social betters and dreaming of joining them one day is part and parcel of the dreams that the company sells. And also, Disney doesn't hate these people as long as they end up buying tickets to see the movie, and later buy the DVD, the soundtrack and the merchandise.

We have an actual celebrity! It's Philip Schofield, and outside of seeming to recall his daughter shamelessly flirting with me at a premiere years ago (which I'm not entirely sure I'm lying about), I don't know much about him.

We have an actual celebrity! It's Philip Schofield, and outside of seeming to recall his daughter shamelessly flirting with me at a premiere years ago (which I'm not entirely sure I'm lying about), I don't know much about him.

It's Ronan Keating!! Apparently there's an upcoming premiere (a 'real' premiere I mean) that he's set to attend, so I'll save quirky commentary for photos presumably less quirky than this.

It's Ronan Keating!! Apparently there's an upcoming premiere (a 'real' premiere I mean) that he's set to attend, so I'll save quirky commentary for photos presumably less quirky than this.

"I don't know what you're complaining about. Disney loves ME! As long as I keep blogging positive things about everything Disney-related, I'll keep getting free tickets to stuff!". Ah... that's possibly where I've been going so very wrong.....is it too late to say that I loved 'Zootopia'? (it was actually very good!)

"I don't know what you're complaining about. Disney loves ME! As long as I keep blogging positive things about everything Disney-related, I'll keep getting free tickets to stuff!". Ah... that's possibly where I've been going so very wrong.....is it too late to say that I loved 'Zootopia'? (it was actually very good!)

"What's going on?" "Can't say?" "Who's showing up?" "Can't say" "Is there anything you can say?" "Yes...  Leonardo DiCaprio probably isn't showing up" "Why... is he in this movie?" "Can't say"

"What's going on?"
"Can't say?"
"Who's showing up?"
"Can't say"
"Is there anything you can say?"
"Yes...  Leonardo DiCaprio probably isn't showing up"
"Why... is he in this movie?"
"Can't say"

I get the feeling that if I want the kind of access I'd need to take photos at closed / restricted events like this, I should probably befriend somebody like her. That, and possibly not write articles about how I walked out of Disney/Marvel movies like Civil War, and how much I disliked the cowardice of Disney's The Force Awakens.... and generally how much I dislike Disney outside of their animated stuff.

I get the feeling that if I want the kind of access I'd need to take photos at closed / restricted events like this, I should probably befriend somebody like her. That, and possibly not write articles about how I walked out of Disney/Marvel movies like Civil War, and how much I disliked the cowardice of Disney's The Force Awakens.... and generally how much I dislike Disney outside of their animated stuff.

A car pulls up! And out steps...... !!!!!! Nobody related to this movie. It's great drama but with minimal payoff outside the cathartic.

A car pulls up! And out steps...... !!!!!! Nobody related to this movie. It's great drama but with minimal payoff outside the cathartic.

What's actually kind of heartbreaking is that every one of these people are looking and pointing their cameras the wrong way, because everything that is going to happen will happen inside and out of their field of view.

What's actually kind of heartbreaking is that every one of these people are looking and pointing their cameras the wrong way, because everything that is going to happen will happen inside and out of their field of view.

"Just kowtow to the might of Disney's awesomeness already, and you could be in here with us!!" -yeah, I'll keep my dignity for now, thanks.

"Just kowtow to the might of Disney's awesomeness already, and you could be in here with us!!" -yeah, I'll keep my dignity for now, thanks.

So basically, the main reason I stayed where I was in spite of the evidence that the screening had started, and that nobody would be coming, and that they'd closed the doors of the Odeon, was that therewere still professional photographers inside, who while few in number, were still at their posts. Clearly they were convinced it was worth staying, and since they get paid for their work, they were backing their money with their time. In other words, if they weren't moving, I wasn't moving.

And, amazingly, at 7:30pm, there was movement from behind the screening room doors.

There's movement from inside the cinema, the photographers get ready, and out walks : Luke Evans! I last photographed him at the 2017 Baftas a few weeks ago and I have just enough motivation to go onto imdb.com to find out he plays Gaston in the film.

There's movement from inside the cinema, the photographers get ready, and out walks : Luke Evans! I last photographed him at the 2017 Baftas a few weeks ago and I have just enough motivation to go onto imdb.com to find out he plays Gaston in the film.

I'm a pretty big fan of actress Emma Thompson (who I photographed much better at premieres like Walking on Sunshine and Men in Black III), but my spiritual equivalent at this premiere is the lady on the right, whose unimpressed expression pretty much grimly mirrors mine towards Disney right now.

I'm a pretty big fan of actress Emma Thompson (who I photographed much better at premieres like Walking on Sunshine and Men in Black III), but my spiritual equivalent at this premiere is the lady on the right, whose unimpressed expression pretty much grimly mirrors mine towards Disney right now.

The wonderful Ian McKellen joins the throng, but the small space where the full cast is about to assemble is swamped by security, attendants, PAs and generally anyone who can block people from outside getting photos of what's happening inside. It's almost like I'm not supposed to be here (I'm pretty slow at catching onto subtle hints...)

The wonderful Ian McKellen joins the throng, but the small space where the full cast is about to assemble is swamped by security, attendants, PAs and generally anyone who can block people from outside getting photos of what's happening inside. It's almost like I'm not supposed to be here (I'm pretty slow at catching onto subtle hints...)

Bill Condon is probably (still) best known for directing the two concluding halves of the Twilight Breaking Dawn saga, showing that obviously the ability to direct a human girl falling in love with an animal is a good thing to have on your resume.

Bill Condon is probably (still) best known for directing the two concluding halves of the Twilight Breaking Dawn saga, showing that obviously the ability to direct a human girl falling in love with an animal is a good thing to have on your resume.

Emma Watson has appeared, and it seems that the screams from the crowd outside (the vast VAST majority of whom can not even see her) alone are enough to create a concussion wave I'm having difficulting holding my camera steady through.

Emma Watson has appeared, and it seems that the screams from the crowd outside (the vast VAST majority of whom can not even see her) alone are enough to create a concussion wave I'm having difficulting holding my camera steady through.

I don't know who the kid is, and/but talented though he might be, I'm concerned that the entire cast and crew have somewhat folded themselves around Emma Watson in some kind of photography-proof protective cordon. I try to remember that much as it might seem like it, Disney (and by extension the universe) doesn't know enough about me to care enough to hate me, and this is just random bad luck.

I don't know who the kid is, and/but talented though he might be, I'm concerned that the entire cast and crew have somewhat folded themselves around Emma Watson in some kind of photography-proof protective cordon. I try to remember that much as it might seem like it, Disney (and by extension the universe) doesn't know enough about me to care enough to hate me, and this is just random bad luck.

My mind draws a blank as to who this is. I think it's because even when converted into black'n'white, the thin scarf he's wearing is quite magnificent.

My mind draws a blank as to who this is. I think it's because even when converted into black'n'white, the thin scarf he's wearing is quite magnificent.

"Come on! Let's make this photoshoot sexier! I saw posters for Fifty Shades Darker outside!"

"Come on! Let's make this photoshoot sexier! I saw posters for Fifty Shades Darker outside!"

"Protect Belle! At all costs!! Oh, wait I'm the villain this film.... forget her, let's all go for pizza!!"

"Protect Belle! At all costs!! Oh, wait I'm the villain this film.... forget her, let's all go for pizza!!"

"I can run a pretty mean D on all the outdoor photographers, but I'm not handling snipers from elevated positions. I draw the line at that". Ian McKellen, along with being Gandalf across all the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit films, was also in the quirky but enjoyable "Mr Holmes", directed by Bill Condon.

"I can run a pretty mean D on all the outdoor photographers, but I'm not handling snipers from elevated positions. I draw the line at that". Ian McKellen, along with being Gandalf across all the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit films, was also in the quirky but enjoyable "Mr Holmes", directed by Bill Condon.

What do you know. I've snapped Emma Watson. So... you know.... I guess I win... something?

What do you know. I've snapped Emma Watson. So... you know.... I guess I win... something?

There's something about this photo I kind of like. The expression is natural, the pose is natural, the movement around her is frozen nicely.... And I'm going to be repeating my mantra "Blurry, therefore Art" until even I'm fully convinced by my repetition.

There's something about this photo I kind of like. The expression is natural, the pose is natural, the movement around her is frozen nicely.... And I'm going to be repeating my mantra "Blurry, therefore Art" until even I'm fully convinced by my repetition.

I'm also going to claim that high-ISO and staggering amount of shadow recovery necessitated by shooting through glass in low light is an artistic statement. (I sure am glad I've previously photographed Emma Watson at such events as "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows", "My Week With Marilyn" and more recently Darren Aronofsky' "Noah".)

I'm also going to claim that high-ISO and staggering amount of shadow recovery necessitated by shooting through glass in low light is an artistic statement.
(I sure am glad I've previously photographed Emma Watson at such events as "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows", "My Week With Marilyn" and more recently Darren Aronofsky' "Noah".)

"I like the dress..... it's not for sale?"

"I like the dress..... it's not for sale?"

"Where did the rest of the cast suddenly go? Did I hear somebody say they were going for Pizza??"

"Where did the rest of the cast suddenly go? Did I hear somebody say they were going for Pizza??"

Whenever a beautiful actress and I make eye-contact, I usually imply that the camera between us is somehow not present, and the memory of an intimate moment shared between us somehow turns up as a photo. But this look between Emma Watson and I suggests that if we're ever crossing paths in a dark alleyway, I should be very concerned.

Whenever a beautiful actress and I make eye-contact, I usually imply that the camera between us is somehow not present, and the memory of an intimate moment shared between us somehow turns up as a photo. But this look between Emma Watson and I suggests that if we're ever crossing paths in a dark alleyway, I should be very concerned.

I really like this photo. Forgetting all the people in the way and spoiling the background... this is a good shot. Everything about the moment is right, and it's only everything about the event, the and the circumstances that is wrong. (I might disable comments in this journal just to ensure no dissenting views are posted!)

I really like this photo. Forgetting all the people in the way and spoiling the background... this is a good shot. Everything about the moment is right, and it's only everything about the event, the and the circumstances that is wrong. (I might disable comments in this journal just to ensure no dissenting views are posted!)

Why sure, Disney. I'd love to give you more of my money in exchange for you remaking your own movies with slight variations.

Why sure, Disney. I'd love to give you more of my money in exchange for you remaking your own movies with slight variations.

So... that was that. I came away with something, but I also came away with having seen yet another event that showcased the huge gulf between the multibillion dollar all-encompassing business side of Disney and the part where they actually want to celebrate their releases with fans. To clarify, I'm not for one moment saying Disney *owes* fans a premiere. It doesn't. But if it's flying everyone to London, putting them up at hotels, driving them to cinemas to introduce the movie, and having them photographed in the foyer.... but STILL NOT having a premiere, then it seems very clear that the one ingredient that Disney does not want to have access to what's going on is anyone who is non-paying, non-competition-winning, non-blogging, and not directly-promoting, person with no benefit to Disney.

So if you're not helping to fuel that, then you're not really welcome**.

But hey, I'm just some whiny guy. I got a couple of photos for my Archive of Movie Premieres. I didn't lose out too much.

Until next time!!

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** final thoughts : it's very hard to write something opinionated, at length, at close to midnight, when I've been up since 5am, and knowing I have to be up at 5am again tomorrow. The only way I can do it is because I care : not (just) about premieres, but about movies. I watched over 1 movie per day last year (!) and am more or less on track to do it again. I love film, and being able to take photographs at premieres is an amazing thing I get to do. And/but when I see a company the size of DISNEY, with their power and their wealth and their all-encompassing cultural ownership, kind of shrug at fans because the accountants are counting the thousands of dollars of cost among the BILLIONS of dollars in revenue that the company makes, it reinforces to me the suspicion that the divide between the Art of Film and the Business of Show is growing very much wider. And that's not a good thing. Rant out. Peace.

21 Feb - The 'Viceroy's House' Premiere

February 21st, 2017.

With the left side of my mouth still mostly numb following a 2hr long dental procedure (don't ask....) hours before, somehow the idea of heading down to Curzon Mayfair immediately afterwards still didn't seem entirely crazy. But then I am who I and I do what I do... and anyway, it was either this or see what the fifth and final day of London Fashion Week 2017AW had to offer..

Here's how it went down:

As previously noted (and posted about for the last four days) London Fashion Week is on right now. So just for now I'm actually noticing little things like miniature pompoms hanging off the bottom of trousers worn under a dress/jacket.

As previously noted (and posted about for the last four days) London Fashion Week is on right now. So just for now I'm actually noticing little things like miniature pompoms hanging off the bottom of trousers worn under a dress/jacket.

The Curzon Mayfair can be quite the tricky and unpleasant venue to photograph premieres, but when they close down the street and lay down a red carpet, it's much more pleasant even if a whole bunch of white vans and taxis need to find another shortcut through Mayfair, and the presence and questionable hygiene of autograph dealers threaten property values for people living in the area.

The Curzon Mayfair can be quite the tricky and unpleasant venue to photograph premieres, but when they close down the street and lay down a red carpet, it's much more pleasant even if a whole bunch of white vans and taxis need to find another shortcut through Mayfair, and the presence and questionable hygiene of autograph dealers threaten property values for people living in the area.

"You've heard of Downton Abbey? From the stuff you've brought to get signed and your general deameanour I wouldn't have picked you all as the types" - Hugh Bonneville is right insofar as I'm concerned. I haven't gotten around to watching it yet, and it's been on since 2010.

"You've heard of Downton Abbey? From the stuff you've brought to get signed and your general deameanour I wouldn't have picked you all as the types" - Hugh Bonneville is right insofar as I'm concerned. I haven't gotten around to watching it yet, and it's been on since 2010.

"You should watch it. It's great. Also this movie, I should add, which I'm here to promote". Hugh Bonneville was also in such movies (and premieres) as "The Monuments Men" and "Paddington"

"You should watch it. It's great. Also this movie, I should add, which I'm here to promote". Hugh Bonneville was also in such movies (and premieres) as "The Monuments Men" and "Paddington"

"Sorry about that. Ever since I turned my phone to silent mode, the ringtone has switched to a blazing inferno of light. Or I've inherited magic. I hope it's magic."

"Sorry about that. Ever since I turned my phone to silent mode, the ringtone has switched to a blazing inferno of light. Or I've inherited magic. I hope it's magic."

"You sould take some photos of the scaffolding work on our right, too. It's exquisite"

"You sould take some photos of the scaffolding work on our right, too. It's exquisite"

The look of somebody who just realised that the somebody who owes somebody five dollars might actually have shown up at this premiere. (Gurinder Chadha directed this movie, and is probably still best known for directing a young Keira Knightley in 'Bend it like Beckham' in 2002)

The look of somebody who just realised that the somebody who owes somebody five dollars might actually have shown up at this premiere. (Gurinder Chadha directed this movie, and is probably still best known for directing a young Keira Knightley in 'Bend it like Beckham' in 2002)

"OMG - he is GORGEOUS. Wait.... did I say that out loud?" "Yes, ma'am" "Excellent. And is his girlfriend within earshot?" "Yes, ma'am" "Excellent"

"OMG - he is GORGEOUS. Wait.... did I say that out loud?"
"Yes, ma'am"
"Excellent. And is his girlfriend within earshot?"
"Yes, ma'am"
"Excellent"

"She says you're gorgeous. You gotta leverage that, bruv" Manish Dayal is in this movie, and was also the male lead opposite Helen Mirren in "The Hundred Foot Journey" which I thought was a very enjoyable movie.

"She says you're gorgeous. You gotta leverage that, bruv"
Manish Dayal is in this movie, and was also the male lead opposite Helen Mirren in "The Hundred Foot Journey" which I thought was a very enjoyable movie.

"You think I'm pretty? Well, I think you're... uh.... well, you're here so you're obviously punctual?" - Lily Travers is in this film, and was also in (but possibly not at the premiere of) "Kingsman : The Secret Service", and in (as well as at the premiere of) "Me Before You" at this same location last year.

"You think I'm pretty? Well, I think you're... uh.... well, you're here so you're obviously punctual?" - Lily Travers is in this film, and was also in (but possibly not at the premiere of) "Kingsman : The Secret Service", and in (as well as at the premiere of) "Me Before You" at this same location last year.

Actress Huma Qureshi's imbd film credits sounds like a delicious buffet of movie's I've never heard of, let alone seen, including: "Jolly LLB 2", "Highway Ek Selfie Aarpar", "X : Past is Present" and "Luv Shuv Tey Chicken Khurana"

Actress Huma Qureshi's imbd film credits sounds like a delicious buffet of movie's I've never heard of, let alone seen, including: "Jolly LLB 2", "Highway Ek Selfie Aarpar", "X : Past is Present" and "Luv Shuv Tey Chicken Khurana"

It took me about three times looking at this image before I realised Huma Qureshi's arm isn't actually that long and her hands not actually that big, and she's not patting some dude in the crowd on the head.

It took me about three times looking at this image before I realised Huma Qureshi's arm isn't actually that long and her hands not actually that big, and she's not patting some dude in the crowd on the head.

"No, I'm just an assistant : I can't sign autographs while on duty. I have been deputised to sign as Huma Qureshi, though. It's a completely different signature, mind you...."

"No, I'm just an assistant : I can't sign autographs while on duty. I have been deputised to sign as Huma Qureshi, though. It's a completely different signature, mind you...."

"You're right. Even I find my cheeky smile delightful. This selfie is really with the guy behind us, by the way."

"You're right. Even I find my cheeky smile delightful. This selfie is really with the guy behind us, by the way."

"Insouciant? I don't even know the meaning of the word". Meanwhile, I can't say with 100% certainty whose finger is pointing (vaguely) in my direction : hers or his.

"Insouciant? I don't even know the meaning of the word". Meanwhile, I can't say with 100% certainty whose finger is pointing (vaguely) in my direction : hers or his.

"We gotta keep up this mirroring thing we've got going. It's crazy-effective" - the man on the right is Darshan Jariwala, while the man on the left presumably works locally and is not a twin/double.

"We gotta keep up this mirroring thing we've got going. It's crazy-effective" - the man on the right is Darshan Jariwala, while the man on the left presumably works locally and is not a twin/double.

"You with the camera up top. Either your lens cap is on or your autofocus isn't working" - Gillian Anderson was the main drawcard for dealers at this event - she was in The X-Files and (for example) Johnny English Reborn, both of whose premieres she attended.

"You with the camera up top. Either your lens cap is on or your autofocus isn't working" - Gillian Anderson was the main drawcard for dealers at this event - she was in The X-Files and (for example) Johnny English Reborn, both of whose premieres she attended.

"If you drew that portrait of me, I'm impressed. If it's a random stick-figure instead... then I'm slightly less impressed"

"If you drew that portrait of me, I'm impressed. If it's a random stick-figure instead... then I'm slightly less impressed"

Girl at Right : "I'm not going to take your photo... I'm going to record this moment with my eyes and store it organically in memory and never forget it". For now, it's safer and less likely to be hacked into than your average cloud storage service.

Girl at Right : "I'm not going to take your photo... I'm going to record this moment with my eyes and store it organically in memory and never forget it". For now, it's safer and less likely to be hacked into than your average cloud storage service.

"Is there any direction I can turn where I won't be faced by strangeness?" - well, my face only looks like that because of the residual anaesthetic. But no, not really.

"Is there any direction I can turn where I won't be faced by strangeness?" - well, my face only looks like that because of the residual anaesthetic. But no, not really.

"You're photographing the scaffolding instead of me -- did Hugh put you up to that??"

"You're photographing the scaffolding instead of me -- did Hugh put you up to that??"

"I say let's leave it there and call it "art" " - I don't know who this is, but I like her style.

"I say let's leave it there and call it "art" " - I don't know who this is, but I like her style.

"Your shoulders are broad enough to block decent photographic deals, but I'm quite taken by them". Still don't know who she is, and/but annoyed by who he is.

"Your shoulders are broad enough to block decent photographic deals, but I'm quite taken by them". Still don't know who she is, and/but annoyed by who he is.

"It's actually not a scarf. It's an oversize novelty tie that I didn't have time to properly assemble, so I ran with it.... and here I am.". It's London Fashion Week. I'll take 500 in all colours.

"It's actually not a scarf. It's an oversize novelty tie that I didn't have time to properly assemble, so I ran with it.... and here I am.". It's London Fashion Week. I'll take 500 in all colours.

"I know it's been around for decades, but that Minesweeper game sure is addictive..."

"I know it's been around for decades, but that Minesweeper game sure is addictive..."

So... that was that. Premieres on either side of four consecutive days of London Fashion week, and there are two more scheduled next week (and another dentist visit in a fortnight, in case you're interested). And of course it's another entry for the Archive of Movie Premieres, too.

Until next time!

ps. If you ever want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on twitter (@berndt2_photo), or on facebook (premieresdotco).

 

16 Feb - The 'The Lost City of Z' Premiere

February 16th, 2017.

After no premieres in the first four (five?) weeks since I've been back in London, I'm now at 2 premieres, the Baftas and Elle Style Awards, and London Fashion Week Starts tomorrow. Plus I arguably have a 9(ish)-to-5(ish) job which has nothing to do with photography. I'd like to add that I'm also simultaneously dating multiple models, but that sentence would be conspicuously more untrue than the other two.

Still... what's that? A premiere at the British Museum? Sign me up for that. Here's how it went down:

It's the British Museum, holder of a whole bunch of other peoples' stuff from a time before laws banning people from stealing other peoples' stuff were signed but crucially not made retrospective!! (honestly, thoug - it's a great museum)

It's the British Museum, holder of a whole bunch of other peoples' stuff from a time before laws banning people from stealing other peoples' stuff were signed but crucially not made retrospective!! (honestly, thoug - it's a great museum)

"Wait... I don't want to panic anyone, but is this movie called 'The Lost City of N'? Because if it's not then I might have some bad news...."

"Wait... I don't want to panic anyone, but is this movie called 'The Lost City of N'? Because if it's not then I might have some bad news...."

Our first arrival is Charlie Hunnam, best known for the show Sons of Anarchy, or/but because I don't really watch TV, Guillermo Del Toro's "Pacific Rim". Weirdly, after that premiere back in 2013 I had to rush off for an appointment.... at the British Museum where this premiere is.

Our first arrival is Charlie Hunnam, best known for the show Sons of Anarchy, or/but because I don't really watch TV, Guillermo Del Toro's "Pacific Rim". Weirdly, after that premiere back in 2013 I had to rush off for an appointment.... at the British Museum where this premiere is.

I would like you to know that I'm currently standing in the front row of a pen and both of my hands are holding the camera while this is going on.

I would like you to know that I'm currently standing in the front row of a pen and both of my hands are holding the camera while this is going on.

"I'm not sure why you need my bank details, but okay...."

"I'm not sure why you need my bank details, but okay...."

Our next arrival is actress Sienna Miller, who I missed photographing earlier this year as I missed the premiere of "Live By Night", but I have previously photographed at the premieres of "Burnt (2015)", "High-Rise (2015)" and "Foxcatcher (2014)"

Our next arrival is actress Sienna Miller, who I missed photographing earlier this year as I missed the premiere of "Live By Night", but I have previously photographed at the premieres of "Burnt (2015)", "High-Rise (2015)" and "Foxcatcher (2014)"

"And just think.... I'm signing a photo of me while somebody else is taking a photo of me signing a photo of me. And when that's done, you're going to sell that signed photo of me and the Paparazzi are going to sell a photo of me signing the photo of me that you're going to sell". I, meanwhile am still puzzling over how to monetise this website without running ads, and my best bet is that Disney will buy it so that I stop insulting Marvel and Star Wars....

"And just think.... I'm signing a photo of me while somebody else is taking a photo of me signing a photo of me. And when that's done, you're going to sell that signed photo of me and the Paparazzi are going to sell a photo of me signing the photo of me that you're going to sell". I, meanwhile am still puzzling over how to monetise this website without running ads, and my best bet is that Disney will buy it so that I stop insulting Marvel and Star Wars....

I last photographed actor Tom Holland at the 2017 Baftas on Sunday, and now here I am a few days later, losing a staredown with the guy.

I last photographed actor Tom Holland at the 2017 Baftas on Sunday, and now here I am a few days later, losing a staredown with the guy.

Tom Holland's attendance at this premiere was so unexpected that the autograph dealers right next to me, who are all exceedingly good at what they do, were entirely without anything Spider-Man related for him to sign because he wasn't meant to be there. I'd feel bad for them if they were nicer people.

Tom Holland's attendance at this premiere was so unexpected that the autograph dealers right next to me, who are all exceedingly good at what they do, were entirely without anything Spider-Man related for him to sign because he wasn't meant to be there. I'd feel bad for them if they were nicer people.

"I think he's trying to avoid me, gentle viewers, but my plan is to get Sienna Miller to crash-tackle him to the ground. It's an as-yet not fully formed plan, but it will be spectacular if it comes off"

"I think he's trying to avoid me, gentle viewers, but my plan is to get Sienna Miller to crash-tackle him to the ground. It's an as-yet not fully formed plan, but it will be spectacular if it comes off"

Sienna Miller might be too busy admiring Charlie Hunnam to crash-tackle Tom Holland.

Sienna Miller might be too busy admiring Charlie Hunnam to crash-tackle Tom Holland.

"I'm sorry sir but we can't allow your son to see the degree of worshipful fawning over Charlie Hunnam that we're anticipating at this event...." -Director James Gray has arrived and pretty accurately scoped out the mood of the premiere.

"I'm sorry sir but we can't allow your son to see the degree of worshipful fawning over Charlie Hunnam that we're anticipating at this event...." -Director James Gray has arrived and pretty accurately scoped out the mood of the premiere.

"I'd like nothing more than grab Charlie Hunnam and put him right in front of you, but I just can't. And I said that to my wife several times while filming this movie, too"

"I'd like nothing more than grab Charlie Hunnam and put him right in front of you, but I just can't. And I said that to my wife several times while filming this movie, too"

"OMG - I was in those movies, wasn't I?" - Robert Pattinson, also sometimes known as R-Patz, is arguably best known for being in the first and last twilight movies (well played, imdb.com) - but also as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

"OMG - I was in those movies, wasn't I?" - Robert Pattinson, also sometimes known as R-Patz, is arguably best known for being in the first and last twilight movies (well played, imdb.com) - but also as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

"Whatever happened to whatsername? I don't know, and I have no idea who you're talking about. You want me to sign this or not?"

"Whatever happened to whatsername? I don't know, and I have no idea who you're talking about. You want me to sign this or not?"

Proof of the universe's inherent unfairness : (1) the d1ckheads at my privatised train franchise took 1hr to get me home in a journey that takes barely 20mins to do; and (2) of all the people I get this close to take this kind of photo of, it's R-Patz and not (say) Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johansson, or Emma Stone.

Proof of the universe's inherent unfairness : (1) the d1ckheads at my privatised train franchise took 1hr to get me home in a journey that takes barely 20mins to do; and (2) of all the people I get this close to take this kind of photo of, it's R-Patz and not (say) Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johansson, or Emma Stone.

Sienna Miller seems unaccoutably happy that it's R-Patz and I that have made a connection. Well, that makes one of us.

Sienna Miller seems unaccoutably happy that it's R-Patz and I that have made a connection. Well, that makes one of us.

"It's okay, dude. You don't have to match my expression. I intend to photoshop R-Patz digitally into your place and my expresion will make a whole lot of sense then"

"It's okay, dude. You don't have to match my expression. I intend to photoshop R-Patz digitally into your place and my expresion will make a whole lot of sense then"

Actor Harry Melling is actually in this movie, and is even better known for playing the role of Dudley Dursley across five Harry Potter films.

Actor Harry Melling is actually in this movie, and is even better known for playing the role of Dudley Dursley across five Harry Potter films.

"OMG you're even taller than the other guy!!"

"OMG you're even taller than the other guy!!"

"And then my agent said "No, Charlie, it's NOT a Zombie movie in spite of what the title implies. I was still going to get paid, but I wasn't going to be using a chainsaw or shotgun". Charlie Hunnam puts on a brave face.

"And then my agent said "No, Charlie, it's NOT a Zombie movie in spite of what the title implies. I was still going to get paid, but I wasn't going to be using a chainsaw or shotgun". Charlie Hunnam puts on a brave face.

"This will only go on the flag of our new Republic if we all look ahead into the optimistic future, Sienna...."

"This will only go on the flag of our new Republic if we all look ahead into the optimistic future, Sienna...."

Once again, a connection between R-Patz, and the only emotion in play is Charlie Hunnam being unaccountably jealous. If I'm going wrong somewhere in the vibes I send out, somebody needs to tell me precisely what I need to do to reverse those.

Once again, a connection between R-Patz, and the only emotion in play is Charlie Hunnam being unaccountably jealous. If I'm going wrong somewhere in the vibes I send out, somebody needs to tell me precisely what I need to do to reverse those.

"Hey - you were in that awesome movie about fighting robots!!" "No, that was Real Steel. I was in the fairly good movie about fighting robots." A late, and seemingly random attendee : Rami Malek, of Mr Robot fame.

"Hey - you were in that awesome movie about fighting robots!!"
"No, that was Real Steel. I was in the fairly good movie about fighting robots."

A late, and seemingly random attendee : Rami Malek, of Mr Robot fame.

"Sure I could sign what you're holding, but the look on my face says perhaps I won't"

"Sure I could sign what you're holding, but the look on my face says perhaps I won't"

"Anybody want this pen? I've been using it to sign Tom Holland's autograph all evening"

"Anybody want this pen? I've been using it to sign Tom Holland's autograph all evening"

"We searched their bags going IN, but shouldn't we be searching them on the way OUR? You know, in case someone stole that huge Easter Island statue they got in there?"

"We searched their bags going IN, but shouldn't we be searching them on the way OUR? You know, in case someone stole that huge Easter Island statue they got in there?"

And so... that was rather fun. Apparently it's based on a true story, doesn't feature zombies, and there's scope for at least 25 prequels based on letters of the alphabet not yet appended to cities.... so that's nice. I for one will now head back to the office, pick up my work stuff and get to the train station to find that my train has been cancelled, and the next one delayed by 20mins. If you live in a city or country that hasn't privatised its railways yet, I would advise issuing credible threats of violence against politicians that are greater than or at least equal in scope to the dumptrucks filled with cash and false assurances of competence provided by commercial organisations. But that's a side-note. For now this premiere means I can put another entry into the Archive of Movie Premieres, and that's not a bad thing.

Until next time!

ps. if you want to find out whenever I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at berndt2_photo. And if you're a rail company apologising for the inconvenience, feel free to use the same pre-recorded pre-programmed robotic woman that your f**king predecessors also used. It feels really genuine in a way that only paying somebody else to apologise on your behalf possibly can be.

09 Feb - The 'Fifty Shades Darker' Premiere

February 9th, 2017.

It's my first premiere of 2017, and my first premiere since the 5h1t-fest that was Disney's fan-inclusive event to promote Rogue One last year. And today my mood at the thought of doing this for another year took an immediate hit at the realisation that the same security that defend democracy and/or Tom Cruise at events has still not managed to deal with the stress of counting with whole numbers when it came to giving out wristbands.

In other words, welcome to 2017. Here's how the first premiere of the year went... erm...down.

I'll give the organisers of this premiere one bit of early kudos : Grey Wristbands. Appropriate.

I'll give the organisers of this premiere one bit of early kudos : Grey Wristbands. Appropriate.

When I did the journal for the first Fifty Shades of Grey premiere, I prided myself on making the images slightly desaturated and blue-tinged. With this one being 'Darker' I'm not sure whether I can push that aesthetic and still have a legible premiere.

When I did the journal for the first Fifty Shades of Grey premiere, I prided myself on making the images slightly desaturated and blue-tinged. With this one being 'Darker' I'm not sure whether I can push that aesthetic and still have a legible premiere.

In other words, if you thought the wristband methodology of this event was bad, wait'll you see what they're doing with wristbands for The Baftas this weekend....

In other words, if you thought the wristband methodology of this event was bad, wait'll you see what they're doing with wristbands for The Baftas this weekend....

Fifty Shades fans. Feel the love. (the temperature at this premiere was approximately zero degrees celsius with occasional mild sleet)

Fifty Shades fans. Feel the love.
(the temperature at this premiere was approximately zero degrees celsius with occasional mild sleet)

"Hang on Jerry. I think this is what the kids look like when they're feeling ecstatic these days.... let me get a few more shots for the highlights package...."

"Hang on Jerry. I think this is what the kids look like when they're feeling ecstatic these days.... let me get a few more shots for the highlights package...."

Good news for fans of cool rhymez, beatz and freeness(z) - your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ "I got 99 shades but grey ain't one" presided over the warmup segment of this premiere. He might have rhymed "in the air" with "like you just don't care" but maybe this was his first event of the year too.

Good news for fans of cool rhymez, beatz and freeness(z) - your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ "I got 99 shades but grey ain't one" presided over the warmup segment of this premiere. He might have rhymed "in the air" with "like you just don't care" but maybe this was his first event of the year too.

"I think he might have also rhymed "World" with "Girl". Is there somebody we can file a complaint with?"

"I think he might have also rhymed "World" with "Girl". Is there somebody we can file a complaint with?"

"And you're absolutely sure it's meant to be making that humming noise??" our first arrival is director James Foley, who is arguably (still) best known for directing Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

"And you're absolutely sure it's meant to be making that humming noise??" our first arrival is director James Foley, who is arguably (still) best known for directing Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

"I'm not saying it's cold, but I am saying I know what Dakota planned to wear to this event and I'm now not sure that's advisable" - I myself am wearing a glamorous ensemble of four different upper thermal layers, two lower layers and a thermal beanie. But no gloves. 'Cause I'm hardcore.

"I'm not saying it's cold, but I am saying I know what Dakota planned to wear to this event and I'm now not sure that's advisable" - I myself am wearing a glamorous ensemble of four different upper thermal layers, two lower layers and a thermal beanie. But no gloves. 'Cause I'm hardcore.

I don't know who this is, but the three very different expressions on the faces of the people behind me make me even more intrigued than I'd normally be.

I don't know who this is, but the three very different expressions on the faces of the people behind me make me even more intrigued than I'd normally be.

"What is the meaning of THIS!!?" I'm slightly less insulted by this affront to decency than that Fifty Shades of Grey actually did well enough at the box office to garner a sequel. I did end up ultimately watching it and was surprised at how unexpectedly boring it was for most of its runtime.

"What is the meaning of THIS!!?" I'm slightly less insulted by this affront to decency than that Fifty Shades of Grey actually did well enough at the box office to garner a sequel. I did end up ultimately watching it and was surprised at how unexpectedly boring it was for most of its runtime.

"The movie hasn't even been released yet - how do you have it on your phone already??" Oh, wait. That's the trailer on youtube.

"The movie hasn't even been released yet - how do you have it on your phone already??" Oh, wait. That's the trailer on youtube.

Rita Ora is in this movie, but sadly elected not to linger (or do an on-carpet interview) in the area. In her defence, those water droplets hovering in the air come in at about zero degrees celsius. In the defence of fans and the studio, she is meant to be promoting a movie (I'm doing MY bit)

Rita Ora is in this movie, but sadly elected not to linger (or do an on-carpet interview) in the area. In her defence, those water droplets hovering in the air come in at about zero degrees celsius. In the defence of fans and the studio, she is meant to be promoting a movie (I'm doing MY bit)

"Wait. Is nobody photographing me because I'm wearing too many layers? Do I need to take off more layers??"

"Wait. Is nobody photographing me because I'm wearing too many layers? Do I need to take off more layers??"

Author E.L.James famously wrote a piece of erotic Twilight Fanfiction and did a last-minute find-and-replace to turn it into a non-copyright-contravening bestseller that has now been turned into two (soon to be three) movies. I meanwhile have struggled to leverage many of my finer bits of Excel Modelling into a similar mathematical empire, but I remain hopeful.

Author E.L.James famously wrote a piece of erotic Twilight Fanfiction and did a last-minute find-and-replace to turn it into a non-copyright-contravening bestseller that has now been turned into two (soon to be three) movies. I meanwhile have struggled to leverage many of my finer bits of Excel Modelling into a similar mathematical empire, but I remain hopeful.

It's not so much people on the red carpet blocking shots of stars that I mind (though I do mind that in this case it's Dakota Johnson) it's when they're doing it becauase they're distracted by their freaking mobile phones. Hey, a55holes : your friends' instagram pictures of dinner will be just as boring if you look at them once you're seated or driving home....

It's not so much people on the red carpet blocking shots of stars that I mind (though I do mind that in this case it's Dakota Johnson) it's when they're doing it becauase they're distracted by their freaking mobile phones. Hey, a55holes : your friends' instagram pictures of dinner will be just as boring if you look at them once you're seated or driving home....

Jamie Dornan, the male lead and titular "Grey" in "Fifty Shades of..." is currently too busy to register the pitch and gist of your particular screams of fandom, ladies, but he might get around to it later if he has a chance.

Jamie Dornan, the male lead and titular "Grey" in "Fifty Shades of..." is currently too busy to register the pitch and gist of your particular screams of fandom, ladies, but he might get around to it later if he has a chance.

Meanwhile, author E.L.James is signing in our area and a lot of the members of the fairer sex I'm surrounded by turn out to be a little bit more violently inclined than I'd expected.

Meanwhile, author E.L.James is signing in our area and a lot of the members of the fairer sex I'm surrounded by turn out to be a little bit more violently inclined than I'd expected.

"No, you can't just take one of my stories and do a find-and-replace to turn it into a zombie romance. That's cheating!!"

"No, you can't just take one of my stories and do a find-and-replace to turn it into a zombie romance. That's cheating!!"

"Would it be creepy if I said I loved how that one strand of hair hangs down the left side of your cheek so eloquently and how I wish I had hair like that?" "Ummm... probably. Want me to sign this?"

"Would it be creepy if I said I loved how that one strand of hair hangs down the left side of your cheek so eloquently and how I wish I had hair like that?"
"Ummm... probably. Want me to sign this?"

Despite the best efforts of the people around me to all simultaneously jump up and hold up their mobile phones at once, I manage to take a proper photo of Dakota Johnson. I last (sort of) managed that feat at last year's premiere for 'How To Be Single'

Despite the best efforts of the people around me to all simultaneously jump up and hold up their mobile phones at once, I manage to take a proper photo of Dakota Johnson. I last (sort of) managed that feat at last year's premiere for 'How To Be Single'

"I still haven't told my parents I'm in these films. They think it's Dakota Fanning...."

"I still haven't told my parents I'm in these films. They think it's Dakota Fanning...."

Although they could as easily be hieroglyphs, cyrillic or a radical new numbering system being devised by Security for upcoming premieres, it seems that the tattoo on the back of Dakota Johnson's neck reads "bmor". Not sure that's helpful, but you're welcome.

Although they could as easily be hieroglyphs, cyrillic or a radical new numbering system being devised by Security for upcoming premieres, it seems that the tattoo on the back of Dakota Johnson's neck reads "bmor". Not sure that's helpful, but you're welcome.

"I suppose I could sign one or two things since you're all asking so loudly and threateningly in a way that symbolises your amazingly enthusiastic love for this series..."

"I suppose I could sign one or two things since you're all asking so loudly and threateningly in a way that symbolises your amazingly enthusiastic love for this series..."

Pentax 31mm f1.8. The Nikon is my premiere mainstay camera and takes 90%+ of the photos at premieres. But every now and then the portrait lens on the 'other' camera nails one. It's mostly a probability thing

Pentax 31mm f1.8. The Nikon is my premiere mainstay camera and takes 90%+ of the photos at premieres. But every now and then the portrait lens on the 'other' camera nails one. It's mostly a probability thing

"One of them touched me, Lisa. Can we have them deported or something?"

"One of them touched me, Lisa. Can we have them deported or something?"

"And then you were like, OMG... Actually, I guess I should pretend I haven't seen you naked in these films.... How are you, by the way?"

"And then you were like, OMG... Actually, I guess I should pretend I haven't seen you naked in these films.... How are you, by the way?"

"Sorry about the beard, ladies. But as you'll appreciate it's cold out". I myself last shaved on Tueday for much the same reason, and I guess I feel compelled to also apologise to The Ladiez.

"Sorry about the beard, ladies. But as you'll appreciate it's cold out". I myself last shaved on Tueday for much the same reason, and I guess I feel compelled to also apologise to The Ladiez.

"You should definitely watch this movie on Valentines Day. Or failing that, Easter. Or failing that... pick any special day, or not-so-special day. Basically as long as you're buying a ticket I/we don't care all that much"

"You should definitely watch this movie on Valentines Day. Or failing that, Easter. Or failing that... pick any special day, or not-so-special day. Basically as long as you're buying a ticket I/we don't care all that much"

"Does your mobile phone have shake reduction, low-light noise reduction and a flash capable of working at that distance? Well... good luck I suppose."

"Does your mobile phone have shake reduction, low-light noise reduction and a flash capable of working at that distance? Well... good luck I suppose."

So... that was that. First premiere back, my first new entry into the Archive of Movie Premieres right next to the journal for the original "Fifty Shades of Grey" premiere, and regardless of how it is, it'll be my one practice round before the most important (?) event of the year - the 2017 Baftas - this weekend. Holy crap, every year I get to the queue earlier and get a worse number than the year before.

Pray for me.

Until next time!

ps. If you want to know whenever I post and/or whine in a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on either Facebook (at premieresdotco) or Twitter (at berndt2_photo). You can also comment below, tell all your friends about me, or just generally be a nice person if you want. I won't judge.