16 Mar - The 'Another Mother's Son' Premiere

March 16th, 2017

It's been over two weeks since my last premiere or event, and what's worse there are currently *zero* scheduled upcoming premieres. So no matter how unknown (or trivial the movie), or how few A-or-close-Listers expected to arrive, attend, or even be in the movie, I guess I was always going to go.

Here's how it went down:

It started with something that has never, EVER happened : I got wristband #1 for a premiere! However, contrary to what you might think, this is an exceedingly *worrying* thing - if I show up around lunchtime and get a wristband with this number, it means that nobody in the prior several hours wanted it more. And even worse, it almost certainly means that London's Autograph dealers have a better event to be at... meaning one I'm not aware of. Damn.

It started with something that has never, EVER happened : I got wristband #1 for a premiere! However, contrary to what you might think, this is an exceedingly *worrying* thing - if I show up around lunchtime and get a wristband with this number, it means that nobody in the prior several hours wanted it more. And even worse, it almost certainly means that London's Autograph dealers have a better event to be at... meaning one I'm not aware of. Damn.

"Another Mother's Son" isn't exactly a move title that rolls off the tongue, or suggests much about what kind of movie it might be. But then in London today there was a screening for the movie "Life" and I'm pretty sure six months from now nobody's going to know what the hell that movie was about.

"Another Mother's Son" isn't exactly a move title that rolls off the tongue, or suggests much about what kind of movie it might be. But then in London today there was a screening for the movie "Life" and I'm pretty sure six months from now nobody's going to know what the hell that movie was about.

Meanwhile, much like me (metaphorically) late birds catch what are probably some very surprised worms.

Meanwhile, much like me (metaphorically) late birds catch what are probably some very surprised worms.

"There are so may people in this movie...." "I think those are just the same three rotated over and over, Gwen..."

"There are so may people in this movie...."
"I think those are just the same three rotated over and over, Gwen..."

"And then the wind blew me back... are you guys even listening to me??" - I don't know who this, but either she was interviewed or tried to be, and I give her credit for both of those things.

"And then the wind blew me back... are you guys even listening to me??" - I don't know who this, but either she was interviewed or tried to be, and I give her credit for both of those things.

"I hope you got my good side! Oh, who am I kidding, all my sides are good...."

"I hope you got my good side! Oh, who am I kidding, all my sides are good...."

"My jacket? No you can't have it. It's cold. That's why I brought it and that's why I'm wearing it" - foolishly I reasoned that since it was mid-March and sunny this morning, that there was no way it could be eight degrees and windy by the evening. (later edited to add : Nicholas Farrell, who is in this movie but never faced in my direction)

"My jacket? No you can't have it. It's cold. That's why I brought it and that's why I'm wearing it" - foolishly I reasoned that since it was mid-March and sunny this morning, that there was no way it could be eight degrees and windy by the evening. (later edited to add : Nicholas Farrell, who is in this movie but never faced in my direction)

I'm not sure who this is or whether he's famous, but I think I saw his hat on the Movie Poster.

I'm not sure who this is or whether he's famous, but I think I saw his hat on the Movie Poster.

I don't know who this is but she and/or the dress were interviewed by The Media.

I don't know who this is but she and/or the dress were interviewed by The Media.

"Wait... I don't know who ANY of these people are. Is it possible that tonight is about filming a movie about a premiere for a fake movie?" Meanwhile, the poster's tag-line "The Strength To Resist. The Courage To Hope" has got to be one of the worst designed and least inspiring focus-grouped tag lines in a while. I'm not even sure what the second part of it means!

"Wait... I don't know who ANY of these people are. Is it possible that tonight is about filming a movie about a premiere for a fake movie?"
Meanwhile, the poster's tag-line "The Strength To Resist. The Courage To Hope" has got to be one of the worst designed and least inspiring focus-grouped tag lines in a while. I'm not even sure what the second part of it means!

I don't know who this is. I don't know what I'm doing here, and incidentally, I wish I'd brought a warmer jacket and beanie combination.

I don't know who this is. I don't know what I'm doing here, and incidentally, I wish I'd brought a warmer jacket and beanie combination.

I don't know who this is (either), but she's prettier than the previous guy, and wearing less clothing than I am, and looking at that guy's holiday snaps like she genuinely cares. Now *that's* acting. (later edited to add : Sophie Skelton, and she's in this movie)

I don't know who this is (either), but she's prettier than the previous guy, and wearing less clothing than I am, and looking at that guy's holiday snaps like she genuinely cares. Now *that's* acting. (later edited to add : Sophie Skelton, and she's in this movie)

You're never going to believe this, but the two guys in this photo are IN THIS MOVIE! It's almost like this is a legitimate premiere for a movie I hadn't heard of until they announced the premiere!

You're never going to believe this, but the two guys in this photo are IN THIS MOVIE! It's almost like this is a legitimate premiere for a movie I hadn't heard of until they announced the premiere!

I don't know who this is, but in every single photo I took of her she was only showing the left side of her face, so I've concluded she's been horribly scarred by some kind of acid attack like Two-Face in Batman. I hope she makes a speedy recovery, though. (edited to add : possibly Izzy Meikle-Small, who is in this movie)

I don't know who this is, but in every single photo I took of her she was only showing the left side of her face, so I've concluded she's been horribly scarred by some kind of acid attack like Two-Face in Batman. I hope she makes a speedy recovery, though. (edited to add : possibly Izzy Meikle-Small, who is in this movie)

"Please don't ask me if I'm happy with my Home & Contents Insurance right now." - Jenny Seagrove isn't just in the centre of the movie poster, but also in this movie!

"Please don't ask me if I'm happy with my Home & Contents Insurance right now." - Jenny Seagrove isn't just in the centre of the movie poster, but also in this movie!

"I see none of you dressed formally for this occasion, opting instead to either stay warm or freeze in casual comfort. Well the joke's on you : this bow tie is thermally insulated" - Julian Kostov is also in this movie.

"I see none of you dressed formally for this occasion, opting instead to either stay warm or freeze in casual comfort. Well the joke's on you : this bow tie is thermally insulated" - Julian Kostov is also in this movie.

"The screaming is mostly coming from over there, from three or four women. And possibly one high-pitched dude" - the reason for the majority of people in the crowd being here is Ronan Keating, who is both a singer and the lead in this film.

"The screaming is mostly coming from over there, from three or four women. And possibly one high-pitched dude" - the reason for the majority of people in the crowd being here is Ronan Keating, who is both a singer and the lead in this film.

"I think they think I'm actor Ewan MacGregor. What do I do? I signed their Star Wars merchandise....."

"I think they think I'm actor Ewan MacGregor. What do I do? I signed their Star Wars merchandise....."

"Check it out. They're showing that Beauty & The Beast live-action money-grab" "Cartoons are so much cuter than live-action when they're taking your money..."

"Check it out. They're showing that Beauty & The Beast live-action money-grab"
"Cartoons are so much cuter than live-action when they're taking your money..."

"I can't actually verify your safety if you step past this barrier, miss" "And you're going to taste my popcorn first too, I assume?" "It's the only way sure. May I recommend the caramel flavour?"

"I can't actually verify your safety if you step past this barrier, miss"
"And you're going to taste my popcorn first too, I assume?"
"It's the only way sure. May I recommend the caramel flavour?"

"What do you mean Batman fought Superman in a movie? Who won???" - as I look down the list of films in Jenny Seagrove's imdb entry, I am struck by the fact that I have literally not watched a single thing she's been in over the last near 35 years.

"What do you mean Batman fought Superman in a movie? Who won???" - as I look down the list of films in Jenny Seagrove's imdb entry, I am struck by the fact that I have literally not watched a single thing she's been in over the last near 35 years.

"And you're sure this is legal? I mean... ethical? I mean.... not actively prevented by the studios involved?"

"And you're sure this is legal? I mean... ethical? I mean.... not actively prevented by the studios involved?"

"I can't actually verify your safety if you step past this barrier, sir" "And you're going to taste my Coke first too, I assume?" "I prefer Doctor Pepper....."

"I can't actually verify your safety if you step past this barrier, sir"
"And you're going to taste my Coke first too, I assume?"
"I prefer Doctor Pepper....."

"Dutch Tilt it! Dutch Tilt it!!!"

"Dutch Tilt it! Dutch Tilt it!!!"

"Can't talk. Being kidnapped. Trying not to panic. Call the police. Struggling to keep my voice calm. No, seriously, call the police. Have a good evening."

"Can't talk. Being kidnapped. Trying not to panic. Call the police. Struggling to keep my voice calm. No, seriously, call the police. Have a good evening."

"Says you still owe him five dollars...." "No way."

"Says you still owe him five dollars...."
"No way."

"I can't guarantee your safety past this barrier, Sir..." "Just buy yourself something from the snack bar for you to try on my behalf" "Right away, Sir"

"I can't guarantee your safety past this barrier, Sir..."
"Just buy yourself something from the snack bar for you to try on my behalf"
"Right away, Sir"

"I think I just saw that thing on top of your jacket move. Yes, I know it's fake fur... that's why I'm so worried...."

"I think I just saw that thing on top of your jacket move. Yes, I know it's fake fur... that's why I'm so worried...."

... and finally:

"But what if nobody even notices me, Barbara? What THEN???"

"But what if nobody even notices me, Barbara? What THEN???"

So... that was that. Not exactly a premiere as auspicious as I might have wanted, given I bore the hallowed "1" wristband for the first and likely only time. And certainly a lot colder.

But it was okay. And even if there are no premieres currently forecast, foretold or prophecied, for now I can put another premiere into the archive of movie premieres, and put forth a link/invitation to follow me on either facebook or follow me on twitter, and bid you adieu.

Until next time!