09 Feb - The 'Fifty Shades Darker' Premiere

February 9th, 2017.

It's my first premiere of 2017, and my first premiere since the 5h1t-fest that was Disney's fan-inclusive event to promote Rogue One last year. And today my mood at the thought of doing this for another year took an immediate hit at the realisation that the same security that defend democracy and/or Tom Cruise at events has still not managed to deal with the stress of counting with whole numbers when it came to giving out wristbands.

In other words, welcome to 2017. Here's how the first premiere of the year went... erm...down.

I'll give the organisers of this premiere one bit of early kudos : Grey Wristbands. Appropriate.

I'll give the organisers of this premiere one bit of early kudos : Grey Wristbands. Appropriate.

When I did the journal for the first Fifty Shades of Grey premiere, I prided myself on making the images slightly desaturated and blue-tinged. With this one being 'Darker' I'm not sure whether I can push that aesthetic and still have a legible premiere.

When I did the journal for the first Fifty Shades of Grey premiere, I prided myself on making the images slightly desaturated and blue-tinged. With this one being 'Darker' I'm not sure whether I can push that aesthetic and still have a legible premiere.

In other words, if you thought the wristband methodology of this event was bad, wait'll you see what they're doing with wristbands for The Baftas this weekend....

In other words, if you thought the wristband methodology of this event was bad, wait'll you see what they're doing with wristbands for The Baftas this weekend....

Fifty Shades fans. Feel the love. (the temperature at this premiere was approximately zero degrees celsius with occasional mild sleet)

Fifty Shades fans. Feel the love.
(the temperature at this premiere was approximately zero degrees celsius with occasional mild sleet)

"Hang on Jerry. I think this is what the kids look like when they're feeling ecstatic these days.... let me get a few more shots for the highlights package...."

"Hang on Jerry. I think this is what the kids look like when they're feeling ecstatic these days.... let me get a few more shots for the highlights package...."

Good news for fans of cool rhymez, beatz and freeness(z) - your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ "I got 99 shades but grey ain't one" presided over the warmup segment of this premiere. He might have rhymed "in the air" with "like you just don't care" but maybe this was his first event of the year too.

Good news for fans of cool rhymez, beatz and freeness(z) - your friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ "I got 99 shades but grey ain't one" presided over the warmup segment of this premiere. He might have rhymed "in the air" with "like you just don't care" but maybe this was his first event of the year too.

"I think he might have also rhymed "World" with "Girl". Is there somebody we can file a complaint with?"

"I think he might have also rhymed "World" with "Girl". Is there somebody we can file a complaint with?"

"And you're absolutely sure it's meant to be making that humming noise??" our first arrival is director James Foley, who is arguably (still) best known for directing Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

"And you're absolutely sure it's meant to be making that humming noise??" our first arrival is director James Foley, who is arguably (still) best known for directing Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

"I'm not saying it's cold, but I am saying I know what Dakota planned to wear to this event and I'm now not sure that's advisable" - I myself am wearing a glamorous ensemble of four different upper thermal layers, two lower layers and a thermal beanie. But no gloves. 'Cause I'm hardcore.

"I'm not saying it's cold, but I am saying I know what Dakota planned to wear to this event and I'm now not sure that's advisable" - I myself am wearing a glamorous ensemble of four different upper thermal layers, two lower layers and a thermal beanie. But no gloves. 'Cause I'm hardcore.

I don't know who this is, but the three very different expressions on the faces of the people behind me make me even more intrigued than I'd normally be.

I don't know who this is, but the three very different expressions on the faces of the people behind me make me even more intrigued than I'd normally be.

"What is the meaning of THIS!!?" I'm slightly less insulted by this affront to decency than that Fifty Shades of Grey actually did well enough at the box office to garner a sequel. I did end up ultimately watching it and was surprised at how unexpectedly boring it was for most of its runtime.

"What is the meaning of THIS!!?" I'm slightly less insulted by this affront to decency than that Fifty Shades of Grey actually did well enough at the box office to garner a sequel. I did end up ultimately watching it and was surprised at how unexpectedly boring it was for most of its runtime.

"The movie hasn't even been released yet - how do you have it on your phone already??" Oh, wait. That's the trailer on youtube.

"The movie hasn't even been released yet - how do you have it on your phone already??" Oh, wait. That's the trailer on youtube.

Rita Ora is in this movie, but sadly elected not to linger (or do an on-carpet interview) in the area. In her defence, those water droplets hovering in the air come in at about zero degrees celsius. In the defence of fans and the studio, she is meant to be promoting a movie (I'm doing MY bit)

Rita Ora is in this movie, but sadly elected not to linger (or do an on-carpet interview) in the area. In her defence, those water droplets hovering in the air come in at about zero degrees celsius. In the defence of fans and the studio, she is meant to be promoting a movie (I'm doing MY bit)

"Wait. Is nobody photographing me because I'm wearing too many layers? Do I need to take off more layers??"

"Wait. Is nobody photographing me because I'm wearing too many layers? Do I need to take off more layers??"

Author E.L.James famously wrote a piece of erotic Twilight Fanfiction and did a last-minute find-and-replace to turn it into a non-copyright-contravening bestseller that has now been turned into two (soon to be three) movies. I meanwhile have struggled to leverage many of my finer bits of Excel Modelling into a similar mathematical empire, but I remain hopeful.

Author E.L.James famously wrote a piece of erotic Twilight Fanfiction and did a last-minute find-and-replace to turn it into a non-copyright-contravening bestseller that has now been turned into two (soon to be three) movies. I meanwhile have struggled to leverage many of my finer bits of Excel Modelling into a similar mathematical empire, but I remain hopeful.

It's not so much people on the red carpet blocking shots of stars that I mind (though I do mind that in this case it's Dakota Johnson) it's when they're doing it becauase they're distracted by their freaking mobile phones. Hey, a55holes : your friends' instagram pictures of dinner will be just as boring if you look at them once you're seated or driving home....

It's not so much people on the red carpet blocking shots of stars that I mind (though I do mind that in this case it's Dakota Johnson) it's when they're doing it becauase they're distracted by their freaking mobile phones. Hey, a55holes : your friends' instagram pictures of dinner will be just as boring if you look at them once you're seated or driving home....

Jamie Dornan, the male lead and titular "Grey" in "Fifty Shades of..." is currently too busy to register the pitch and gist of your particular screams of fandom, ladies, but he might get around to it later if he has a chance.

Jamie Dornan, the male lead and titular "Grey" in "Fifty Shades of..." is currently too busy to register the pitch and gist of your particular screams of fandom, ladies, but he might get around to it later if he has a chance.

Meanwhile, author E.L.James is signing in our area and a lot of the members of the fairer sex I'm surrounded by turn out to be a little bit more violently inclined than I'd expected.

Meanwhile, author E.L.James is signing in our area and a lot of the members of the fairer sex I'm surrounded by turn out to be a little bit more violently inclined than I'd expected.

"No, you can't just take one of my stories and do a find-and-replace to turn it into a zombie romance. That's cheating!!"

"No, you can't just take one of my stories and do a find-and-replace to turn it into a zombie romance. That's cheating!!"

"Would it be creepy if I said I loved how that one strand of hair hangs down the left side of your cheek so eloquently and how I wish I had hair like that?" "Ummm... probably. Want me to sign this?"

"Would it be creepy if I said I loved how that one strand of hair hangs down the left side of your cheek so eloquently and how I wish I had hair like that?"
"Ummm... probably. Want me to sign this?"

Despite the best efforts of the people around me to all simultaneously jump up and hold up their mobile phones at once, I manage to take a proper photo of Dakota Johnson. I last (sort of) managed that feat at last year's premiere for 'How To Be Single'

Despite the best efforts of the people around me to all simultaneously jump up and hold up their mobile phones at once, I manage to take a proper photo of Dakota Johnson. I last (sort of) managed that feat at last year's premiere for 'How To Be Single'

"I still haven't told my parents I'm in these films. They think it's Dakota Fanning...."

"I still haven't told my parents I'm in these films. They think it's Dakota Fanning...."

Although they could as easily be hieroglyphs, cyrillic or a radical new numbering system being devised by Security for upcoming premieres, it seems that the tattoo on the back of Dakota Johnson's neck reads "bmor". Not sure that's helpful, but you're welcome.

Although they could as easily be hieroglyphs, cyrillic or a radical new numbering system being devised by Security for upcoming premieres, it seems that the tattoo on the back of Dakota Johnson's neck reads "bmor". Not sure that's helpful, but you're welcome.

"I suppose I could sign one or two things since you're all asking so loudly and threateningly in a way that symbolises your amazingly enthusiastic love for this series..."

"I suppose I could sign one or two things since you're all asking so loudly and threateningly in a way that symbolises your amazingly enthusiastic love for this series..."

Pentax 31mm f1.8. The Nikon is my premiere mainstay camera and takes 90%+ of the photos at premieres. But every now and then the portrait lens on the 'other' camera nails one. It's mostly a probability thing

Pentax 31mm f1.8. The Nikon is my premiere mainstay camera and takes 90%+ of the photos at premieres. But every now and then the portrait lens on the 'other' camera nails one. It's mostly a probability thing

"One of them touched me, Lisa. Can we have them deported or something?"

"One of them touched me, Lisa. Can we have them deported or something?"

"And then you were like, OMG... Actually, I guess I should pretend I haven't seen you naked in these films.... How are you, by the way?"

"And then you were like, OMG... Actually, I guess I should pretend I haven't seen you naked in these films.... How are you, by the way?"

"Sorry about the beard, ladies. But as you'll appreciate it's cold out". I myself last shaved on Tueday for much the same reason, and I guess I feel compelled to also apologise to The Ladiez.

"Sorry about the beard, ladies. But as you'll appreciate it's cold out". I myself last shaved on Tueday for much the same reason, and I guess I feel compelled to also apologise to The Ladiez.

"You should definitely watch this movie on Valentines Day. Or failing that, Easter. Or failing that... pick any special day, or not-so-special day. Basically as long as you're buying a ticket I/we don't care all that much"

"You should definitely watch this movie on Valentines Day. Or failing that, Easter. Or failing that... pick any special day, or not-so-special day. Basically as long as you're buying a ticket I/we don't care all that much"

"Does your mobile phone have shake reduction, low-light noise reduction and a flash capable of working at that distance? Well... good luck I suppose."

"Does your mobile phone have shake reduction, low-light noise reduction and a flash capable of working at that distance? Well... good luck I suppose."

So... that was that. First premiere back, my first new entry into the Archive of Movie Premieres right next to the journal for the original "Fifty Shades of Grey" premiere, and regardless of how it is, it'll be my one practice round before the most important (?) event of the year - the 2017 Baftas - this weekend. Holy crap, every year I get to the queue earlier and get a worse number than the year before.

Pray for me.

Until next time!

ps. If you want to know whenever I post and/or whine in a new premiere journal, feel free to follow me on either Facebook (at premieresdotco) or Twitter (at berndt2_photo). You can also comment below, tell all your friends about me, or just generally be a nice person if you want. I won't judge.