16 Feb - The 'The Lost City of Z' Premiere

February 16th, 2017.

After no premieres in the first four (five?) weeks since I've been back in London, I'm now at 2 premieres, the Baftas and Elle Style Awards, and London Fashion Week Starts tomorrow. Plus I arguably have a 9(ish)-to-5(ish) job which has nothing to do with photography. I'd like to add that I'm also simultaneously dating multiple models, but that sentence would be conspicuously more untrue than the other two.

Still... what's that? A premiere at the British Museum? Sign me up for that. Here's how it went down:

It's the British Museum, holder of a whole bunch of other peoples' stuff from a time before laws banning people from stealing other peoples' stuff were signed but crucially not made retrospective!! (honestly, thoug - it's a great museum)

It's the British Museum, holder of a whole bunch of other peoples' stuff from a time before laws banning people from stealing other peoples' stuff were signed but crucially not made retrospective!! (honestly, thoug - it's a great museum)

"Wait... I don't want to panic anyone, but is this movie called 'The Lost City of N'? Because if it's not then I might have some bad news...."

"Wait... I don't want to panic anyone, but is this movie called 'The Lost City of N'? Because if it's not then I might have some bad news...."

Our first arrival is Charlie Hunnam, best known for the show Sons of Anarchy, or/but because I don't really watch TV, Guillermo Del Toro's "Pacific Rim". Weirdly, after that premiere back in 2013 I had to rush off for an appointment.... at the British Museum where this premiere is.

Our first arrival is Charlie Hunnam, best known for the show Sons of Anarchy, or/but because I don't really watch TV, Guillermo Del Toro's "Pacific Rim". Weirdly, after that premiere back in 2013 I had to rush off for an appointment.... at the British Museum where this premiere is.

I would like you to know that I'm currently standing in the front row of a pen and both of my hands are holding the camera while this is going on.

I would like you to know that I'm currently standing in the front row of a pen and both of my hands are holding the camera while this is going on.

"I'm not sure why you need my bank details, but okay...."

"I'm not sure why you need my bank details, but okay...."

Our next arrival is actress Sienna Miller, who I missed photographing earlier this year as I missed the premiere of "Live By Night", but I have previously photographed at the premieres of "Burnt (2015)", "High-Rise (2015)" and "Foxcatcher (2014)"

Our next arrival is actress Sienna Miller, who I missed photographing earlier this year as I missed the premiere of "Live By Night", but I have previously photographed at the premieres of "Burnt (2015)", "High-Rise (2015)" and "Foxcatcher (2014)"

"And just think.... I'm signing a photo of me while somebody else is taking a photo of me signing a photo of me. And when that's done, you're going to sell that signed photo of me and the Paparazzi are going to sell a photo of me signing the photo of me that you're going to sell". I, meanwhile am still puzzling over how to monetise this website without running ads, and my best bet is that Disney will buy it so that I stop insulting Marvel and Star Wars....

"And just think.... I'm signing a photo of me while somebody else is taking a photo of me signing a photo of me. And when that's done, you're going to sell that signed photo of me and the Paparazzi are going to sell a photo of me signing the photo of me that you're going to sell". I, meanwhile am still puzzling over how to monetise this website without running ads, and my best bet is that Disney will buy it so that I stop insulting Marvel and Star Wars....

I last photographed actor Tom Holland at the 2017 Baftas on Sunday, and now here I am a few days later, losing a staredown with the guy.

I last photographed actor Tom Holland at the 2017 Baftas on Sunday, and now here I am a few days later, losing a staredown with the guy.

Tom Holland's attendance at this premiere was so unexpected that the autograph dealers right next to me, who are all exceedingly good at what they do, were entirely without anything Spider-Man related for him to sign because he wasn't meant to be there. I'd feel bad for them if they were nicer people.

Tom Holland's attendance at this premiere was so unexpected that the autograph dealers right next to me, who are all exceedingly good at what they do, were entirely without anything Spider-Man related for him to sign because he wasn't meant to be there. I'd feel bad for them if they were nicer people.

"I think he's trying to avoid me, gentle viewers, but my plan is to get Sienna Miller to crash-tackle him to the ground. It's an as-yet not fully formed plan, but it will be spectacular if it comes off"

"I think he's trying to avoid me, gentle viewers, but my plan is to get Sienna Miller to crash-tackle him to the ground. It's an as-yet not fully formed plan, but it will be spectacular if it comes off"

Sienna Miller might be too busy admiring Charlie Hunnam to crash-tackle Tom Holland.

Sienna Miller might be too busy admiring Charlie Hunnam to crash-tackle Tom Holland.

"I'm sorry sir but we can't allow your son to see the degree of worshipful fawning over Charlie Hunnam that we're anticipating at this event...." -Director James Gray has arrived and pretty accurately scoped out the mood of the premiere.

"I'm sorry sir but we can't allow your son to see the degree of worshipful fawning over Charlie Hunnam that we're anticipating at this event...." -Director James Gray has arrived and pretty accurately scoped out the mood of the premiere.

"I'd like nothing more than grab Charlie Hunnam and put him right in front of you, but I just can't. And I said that to my wife several times while filming this movie, too"

"I'd like nothing more than grab Charlie Hunnam and put him right in front of you, but I just can't. And I said that to my wife several times while filming this movie, too"

"OMG - I was in those movies, wasn't I?" - Robert Pattinson, also sometimes known as R-Patz, is arguably best known for being in the first and last twilight movies (well played, imdb.com) - but also as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

"OMG - I was in those movies, wasn't I?" - Robert Pattinson, also sometimes known as R-Patz, is arguably best known for being in the first and last twilight movies (well played, imdb.com) - but also as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

"Whatever happened to whatsername? I don't know, and I have no idea who you're talking about. You want me to sign this or not?"

"Whatever happened to whatsername? I don't know, and I have no idea who you're talking about. You want me to sign this or not?"

Proof of the universe's inherent unfairness : (1) the d1ckheads at my privatised train franchise took 1hr to get me home in a journey that takes barely 20mins to do; and (2) of all the people I get this close to take this kind of photo of, it's R-Patz and not (say) Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johansson, or Emma Stone.

Proof of the universe's inherent unfairness : (1) the d1ckheads at my privatised train franchise took 1hr to get me home in a journey that takes barely 20mins to do; and (2) of all the people I get this close to take this kind of photo of, it's R-Patz and not (say) Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johansson, or Emma Stone.

Sienna Miller seems unaccoutably happy that it's R-Patz and I that have made a connection. Well, that makes one of us.

Sienna Miller seems unaccoutably happy that it's R-Patz and I that have made a connection. Well, that makes one of us.

"It's okay, dude. You don't have to match my expression. I intend to photoshop R-Patz digitally into your place and my expresion will make a whole lot of sense then"

"It's okay, dude. You don't have to match my expression. I intend to photoshop R-Patz digitally into your place and my expresion will make a whole lot of sense then"

Actor Harry Melling is actually in this movie, and is even better known for playing the role of Dudley Dursley across five Harry Potter films.

Actor Harry Melling is actually in this movie, and is even better known for playing the role of Dudley Dursley across five Harry Potter films.

"OMG you're even taller than the other guy!!"

"OMG you're even taller than the other guy!!"

"And then my agent said "No, Charlie, it's NOT a Zombie movie in spite of what the title implies. I was still going to get paid, but I wasn't going to be using a chainsaw or shotgun". Charlie Hunnam puts on a brave face.

"And then my agent said "No, Charlie, it's NOT a Zombie movie in spite of what the title implies. I was still going to get paid, but I wasn't going to be using a chainsaw or shotgun". Charlie Hunnam puts on a brave face.

"This will only go on the flag of our new Republic if we all look ahead into the optimistic future, Sienna...."

"This will only go on the flag of our new Republic if we all look ahead into the optimistic future, Sienna...."

Once again, a connection between R-Patz, and the only emotion in play is Charlie Hunnam being unaccountably jealous. If I'm going wrong somewhere in the vibes I send out, somebody needs to tell me precisely what I need to do to reverse those.

Once again, a connection between R-Patz, and the only emotion in play is Charlie Hunnam being unaccountably jealous. If I'm going wrong somewhere in the vibes I send out, somebody needs to tell me precisely what I need to do to reverse those.

"Hey - you were in that awesome movie about fighting robots!!" "No, that was Real Steel. I was in the fairly good movie about fighting robots." A late, and seemingly random attendee : Rami Malek, of Mr Robot fame.

"Hey - you were in that awesome movie about fighting robots!!"
"No, that was Real Steel. I was in the fairly good movie about fighting robots."

A late, and seemingly random attendee : Rami Malek, of Mr Robot fame.

"Sure I could sign what you're holding, but the look on my face says perhaps I won't"

"Sure I could sign what you're holding, but the look on my face says perhaps I won't"

"Anybody want this pen? I've been using it to sign Tom Holland's autograph all evening"

"Anybody want this pen? I've been using it to sign Tom Holland's autograph all evening"

"We searched their bags going IN, but shouldn't we be searching them on the way OUR? You know, in case someone stole that huge Easter Island statue they got in there?"

"We searched their bags going IN, but shouldn't we be searching them on the way OUR? You know, in case someone stole that huge Easter Island statue they got in there?"

And so... that was rather fun. Apparently it's based on a true story, doesn't feature zombies, and there's scope for at least 25 prequels based on letters of the alphabet not yet appended to cities.... so that's nice. I for one will now head back to the office, pick up my work stuff and get to the train station to find that my train has been cancelled, and the next one delayed by 20mins. If you live in a city or country that hasn't privatised its railways yet, I would advise issuing credible threats of violence against politicians that are greater than or at least equal in scope to the dumptrucks filled with cash and false assurances of competence provided by commercial organisations. But that's a side-note. For now this premiere means I can put another entry into the Archive of Movie Premieres, and that's not a bad thing.

Until next time!

ps. if you want to find out whenever I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at berndt2_photo. And if you're a rail company apologising for the inconvenience, feel free to use the same pre-recorded pre-programmed robotic woman that your f**king predecessors also used. It feels really genuine in a way that only paying somebody else to apologise on your behalf possibly can be.