13 Oct - The BFI LFF "Beautiful Boy" Premiere

October 13th, 2018.

I’d sauntered all too casually from Embankment, where the premiere for Alfonso Cuaron’s “ROMA” had finished probably 20 minutes ago, to find that rather than it being another hour or so til this premiere started, it had…. already started. Oh, well. it’s not like I had a wristband or anything.

Here’s how it went down:

I’d dropped by the Cineworld Leicester Square earlier in the day while they were still setting up, and sought out a Security guy. Finding one, and noticing him clasping a small bow of several wristbands, I asked if he was giving out wristbands for the event. “They’re all gone” he said solidly, looking me straight in the eye. Ah. I see. It’s  THAT  kind of premiere.

I’d dropped by the Cineworld Leicester Square earlier in the day while they were still setting up, and sought out a Security guy. Finding one, and noticing him clasping a small bow of several wristbands, I asked if he was giving out wristbands for the event. “They’re all gone” he said solidly, looking me straight in the eye. Ah. I see. It’s THAT kind of premiere.

So what I faced upon my return was something like this. A seething mass of humanity and autograph dealers, lots of shouting, and me, standing on a rise and a stepstool, wondering if security might actually allow me to stand on the metal fencing and gain maybe another metre of height. Sadly…. they policed that fencing. Poorly, it must be said, But they did police it.

So what I faced upon my return was something like this. A seething mass of humanity and autograph dealers, lots of shouting, and me, standing on a rise and a stepstool, wondering if security might actually allow me to stand on the metal fencing and gain maybe another metre of height. Sadly…. they policed that fencing. Poorly, it must be said, But they did police it.

Taken during a quieter part of the premiere (“Quieter” in this context meaning less passing pedestrian traffic, not literally quiet - there were a LOT of screaming girls at this one)

Taken during a quieter part of the premiere (“Quieter” in this context meaning less passing pedestrian traffic, not literally quiet - there were a LOT of screaming girls at this one)

“I don’t need the screaming girls. It’s an honour just to be able to stand here and be photographed in front on Leicester Square’s iconic 50% SALE signage” . Felix Van Groeningen directed this film but is not the focus of the screaming girls at this premiere.

“I don’t need the screaming girls. It’s an honour just to be able to stand here and be photographed in front on Leicester Square’s iconic 50% SALE signage”. Felix Van Groeningen directed this film but is not the focus of the screaming girls at this premiere.

“Is it freedom? Is that what’s on the other side of this pen?”  There is an element of ‘the crowd is here because there’s a crowd, not because they know WHY there’s a crowd’ at some of these events.

“Is it freedom? Is that what’s on the other side of this pen?” There is an element of ‘the crowd is here because there’s a crowd, not because they know WHY there’s a crowd’ at some of these events.

Several people in the crowd around me, drawn by the noise and activity, asked me who I was here to photograph. And… well… I feel kind of bad for not being honest in this specific case.

Several people in the crowd around me, drawn by the noise and activity, asked me who I was here to photograph. And… well… I feel kind of bad for not being honest in this specific case.

I’ve now unbuttoned TWO of the top buttons of the shirt and the screaming hasn’t increased in intensity at all. You know what Judy? I don’t think they’re screaming for me at all!!”

I’ve now unbuttoned TWO of the top buttons of the shirt and the screaming hasn’t increased in intensity at all. You know what Judy? I don’t think they’re screaming for me at all!!”

“Of course, one always wishes that it was you that hundreds upon hundreds of screaming girls were shouting at. And with a strong enough self-image and will, it’s absolutely possible”  - the man with the gray hair : David Sheff.

“Of course, one always wishes that it was you that hundreds upon hundreds of screaming girls were shouting at. And with a strong enough self-image and will, it’s absolutely possible” - the man with the gray hair : David Sheff.

But no… the object of many dozens of girls’ screaming affections is the man in the red-floral-upon-black suit being interviewed : Timothée Chalamet.

But no… the object of many dozens of girls’ screaming affections is the man in the red-floral-upon-black suit being interviewed : Timothée Chalamet.

“What’s it like having a hordes of girls screaming at you lustfully every time you turn around?” ”I think some of those screaming girls are also screaming guys. And it’s pretty great, actually”

“What’s it like having a hordes of girls screaming at you lustfully every time you turn around?”
”I think some of those screaming girls are also screaming guys. And it’s pretty great, actually”

“Steve ! STEVE!! Even after I lost some of that weight I’m still your biggest fan!!!”  - this premiere’s other big name (if you’re old and have no idea how awesome Timothee Chalamet is, Grandpa) is Steve Carell, who I’ve photographed at premieres for    Anchorman2    and    Foxcatcher   .

“Steve ! STEVE!! Even after I lost some of that weight I’m still your biggest fan!!!” - this premiere’s other big name (if you’re old and have no idea how awesome Timothee Chalamet is, Grandpa) is Steve Carell, who I’ve photographed at premieres for Anchorman2 and Foxcatcher.

“OMG if I don’t get this photo of Timothée Chalamet, my younger sister is gonna kill me….”

“OMG if I don’t get this photo of Timothée Chalamet, my younger sister is gonna kill me….”

“OMG if I don’t get this photo of Timothée Chalamet, my older sister is gonna kill me….”

“OMG if I don’t get this photo of Timothée Chalamet, my older sister is gonna kill me….”

“OMG if I don’t get this photo of Timothée Chalamet, I’m gonna kill me….”   Eh. I’d take that kind of frustration out on my phone. Or camera.

“OMG if I don’t get this photo of Timothée Chalamet, I’m gonna kill me….”
Eh. I’d take that kind of frustration out on my phone. Or camera.

“Well.. they’re certainly still screaming”  - just in case you’re wondering whether there’s any merit to Timothée Chalamet beyond merely curving the gravity of nearby space with the effect of soundwaves heading towards him, he was Oscar-nominated for Best Actor for the movie “Call Me By Your Name”. And he had a role in Christopher Nolan’s “Interstellar”, too.

“Well.. they’re certainly still screaming” - just in case you’re wondering whether there’s any merit to Timothée Chalamet beyond merely curving the gravity of nearby space with the effect of soundwaves heading towards him, he was Oscar-nominated for Best Actor for the movie “Call Me By Your Name”. And he had a role in Christopher Nolan’s “Interstellar”, too.

On the off chance you’re interested, Timothee Chalamet is on the right side of this photo. But between you and me I’m kind of fascinated by the small phone on the extreme left of this photo…. because I’m not entirely sure it’s a cameraphone. Or at least I love that it might not be a cameraphone.

On the off chance you’re interested, Timothee Chalamet is on the right side of this photo. But between you and me I’m kind of fascinated by the small phone on the extreme left of this photo…. because I’m not entirely sure it’s a cameraphone. Or at least I love that it might not be a cameraphone.

Possibly my favourite shot of the premiere : Steve Carell (himself an Oscar nominee for Foxcatcher) realises that maybe, just maybe, my uncrowded distant spot looking into this premiere has one or two advantages.

Possibly my favourite shot of the premiere : Steve Carell (himself an Oscar nominee for Foxcatcher) realises that maybe, just maybe, my uncrowded distant spot looking into this premiere has one or two advantages.

If  Fiddling While Rome Burns  isn’t your thing, why not try the modern equivalent :   Sipping Champagne While Teenage Girls Lose Their Freaking Minds  . This woman is kind of my new hero. Any chance I could meet her and ask her what it feels like?

If Fiddling While Rome Burns isn’t your thing, why not try the modern equivalent : Sipping Champagne While Teenage Girls Lose Their Freaking Minds. This woman is kind of my new hero. Any chance I could meet her and ask her what it feels like?

“It’s kind of just this thing I’ve thought about… no need to write it down and engrave it on a pair of stone tablets or anything…”

“It’s kind of just this thing I’ve thought about… no need to write it down and engrave it on a pair of stone tablets or anything…”

Write A Caption Here

Write A Caption Here

Although I quite like this photo, I can’t help but acknowledge that by leaving the chin, jaw and lips of The World’s Tallest Security Guard in frame, I’ve inserted a considerable distraction.

Although I quite like this photo, I can’t help but acknowledge that by leaving the chin, jaw and lips of The World’s Tallest Security Guard in frame, I’ve inserted a considerable distraction.

“Hi Guys… I realise it might seem like we have freedom on this side of the fence…. but we don’t. It’s pretty fabulous to be me, though, in case you want to know”

“Hi Guys… I realise it might seem like we have freedom on this side of the fence…. but we don’t. It’s pretty fabulous to be me, though, in case you want to know”

So, that was…. or ordinarily would be… that. But I still had over an hour before tonight’s third, kind of unlikely, but possibly-worth-the-prospect, premiere, so like at yesterday’s “The Ballad Of Buster Scruggs” premiere, I decided to wait until the stars exited the cinema.

“Is this a car show? Can I take one for a test drive?”

“Is this a car show? Can I take one for a test drive?”

“I’d say ‘get me outta here’ but I realise there’s about four cars blocking my path… plus if we run over Timothee Chalamet we’re going to have far, FAR too many witnesses….”

“I’d say ‘get me outta here’ but I realise there’s about four cars blocking my path… plus if we run over Timothee Chalamet we’re going to have far, FAR too many witnesses….”

“Steve Carell wants his rear seats heated and a cocktail on ice. And jewels. Pretty jewels. And dresses… multiple dresses. Are you writing this down? I’ll tell you where to have them sent. Now hurry before he comes out of the cinema….”

“Steve Carell wants his rear seats heated and a cocktail on ice. And jewels. Pretty jewels. And dresses… multiple dresses. Are you writing this down? I’ll tell you where to have them sent. Now hurry before he comes out of the cinema….”

To the sounds of lustful cheers (and possibly the furious scratching of fashion designers sketching the design on his jacket) Timothee Chalamet exits the cinema.

To the sounds of lustful cheers (and possibly the furious scratching of fashion designers sketching the design on his jacket) Timothee Chalamet exits the cinema.

“Thanks for waiting, guys. I have room for at least two of you in the back of this car…. or I would, if it wasn’t really important that this suit not get creased….”

“Thanks for waiting, guys. I have room for at least two of you in the back of this car…. or I would, if it wasn’t really important that this suit not get creased….”

I’m not sure if I prefer the tight crop….

I’m not sure if I prefer the tight crop….

So… that was that. A loud, crowded premiere that I

Or the wide crop….

Or the wide crop….

So… that was that. A loud, large, crowded premiere I wasn’t in the middle of, but instead stood back from the park and photographed. It was tricky - even the Nikon had trouble with both focus and metering at that distance… but overall it’s neat to do two premieres in one day.

As for THREE premieres? Well…. I attempted it.

But for now, it’s +1 to the Archive of Premieres, and a short break before I post the journal for that third “premiere”.

Until next …. !

ps. if you … you know.. facebook…. twitter…. all that.