12 Sep 2018 - The 'King of Thieves' World Premiere

September 12th, 2018.

Sadly, despite my best efforts at advance planning, occasionally I am double-booked on an evening when a premiere is later announced and I am already committed elsewhere. Through a combination of effortless antisocial tendencies and a near monk-like dedication to remaining single no matter how eligible I am as a guy with at least 20% of the average male head of hair…. I’m not often double-booked.

But in this case I’d bought tickets to see Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero introduce the 15th Anniversary of ‘The Room’ at the nearby Prince Charles Cinema MONTHS AGO… and then they announced a world premiere in Leicester Square that same day.

But I am nothing if not grimly/stupidly dedicated to my cause. Here’s how it went down:

The King Of Thieves may be openly proud of his notoriety, but he insists his carpets retain the innocence of purest white. And barriers and security guards to protect that innocence.

The King Of Thieves may be openly proud of his notoriety, but he insists his carpets retain the innocence of purest white. And barriers and security guards to protect that innocence.

“Well, if they’re talented thieves then of COURSE they’re going to want to keep it all open to the public!”

“Well, if they’re talented thieves then of COURSE they’re going to want to keep it all open to the public!”

“You remembered to take off the lens cap, which means you’re already a lot more competent than our last employee. Plus you dress more cheerfully”

“You remembered to take off the lens cap, which means you’re already a lot more competent than our last employee. Plus you dress more cheerfully”

“Says here it’s all based on a true story” ”What’s the source” ”Somebody intimately connected with this movie, which is…. oh. Right”

“Says here it’s all based on a true story”
”What’s the source”
”Somebody intimately connected with this movie, which is…. oh. Right”

“Damnit…. I knew I’d left the ticket-buying too late” -  ‘tis true. Tickets for “The Room - With Tommy and Greg” had been sold out for many weeks. Weirdly, though, my seat at the screening had two empty seats to its left. Who buys tickets to ‘The Room’ and then DOESN’T watch it??

“Damnit…. I knew I’d left the ticket-buying too late” - ‘tis true. Tickets for “The Room - With Tommy and Greg” had been sold out for many weeks. Weirdly, though, my seat at the screening had two empty seats to its left. Who buys tickets to ‘The Room’ and then DOESN’T watch it??

“Is this the drive-through window for the Burger King? Okay… but can you get me a couple of whoppers and some diet cokes, because I can’t reach it from over here”

“Is this the drive-through window for the Burger King? Okay… but can you get me a couple of whoppers and some diet cokes, because I can’t reach it from over here”

James Marsh (at far right) directed this movie, as well as such films as the Steven Hawking biopic    “The Theory of Everything (2014)”   , which he, the subject, and the Oscar Winner who portrayed him (Eddie Redmayne) all attended.

James Marsh (at far right) directed this movie, as well as such films as the Steven Hawking biopic “The Theory of Everything (2014)”, which he, the subject, and the Oscar Winner who portrayed him (Eddie Redmayne) all attended.

“Anyone pronounces it “My Cocaine” and I’m heading right back into the car”  - it’s Sir Michael Caine! Not just a knight, but he’s had roles in such films as    “The Dark Knight”   ,    “The Dark Knight Rises”   ,    “Harry Brown”    and … randomly    “The Last Witch Hunter”    with Vin Diesel..

“Anyone pronounces it “My Cocaine” and I’m heading right back into the car” - it’s Sir Michael Caine! Not just a knight, but he’s had roles in such films as “The Dark Knight”, “The Dark Knight Rises”, “Harry Brown” and … randomly “The Last Witch Hunter” with Vin Diesel..

“That’s a pretty inelegant way to get my wallet from my jacket pocket, Michael” ”But you’re not looking at what I’m taking with my other hand, Ray”  Ray Winstone is also in this movie, as well as other recent films like    “Jawbone”   .

“That’s a pretty inelegant way to get my wallet from my jacket pocket, Michael”
”But you’re not looking at what I’m taking with my other hand, Ray”

Ray Winstone is also in this movie, as well as other recent films like “Jawbone”.

“I’ll be over there signing Dark Knight Rises stuff if anyone needs me” ”Will you be signing as Anne Hathaway like you always do?” ”Yep” ”Cool. Also, give me back my wallet”

“I’ll be over there signing Dark Knight Rises stuff if anyone needs me”
”Will you be signing as Anne Hathaway like you always do?”
”Yep”
”Cool. Also, give me back my wallet”

“Is it possible that not only are those autographs of mine fake, but those pictures aren’t even of me?” ”Sure, but it’s also possible they’re all really pissed at you because you’ve scrawled over their signed pictures of Michael Gambon…”

“Is it possible that not only are those autographs of mine fake, but those pictures aren’t even of me?”
”Sure, but it’s also possible they’re all really pissed at you because you’ve scrawled over their signed pictures of Michael Gambon…”

“I asked about putting in a musical number but they felt it didn’t fit the theme they were going for….” ”But they' had one in The Last Jedi!” ”Well this is grittier than that movie….”  Jim Broadbent (at right) played the all-singing all-dancing Harold Ziedler in Moulin Rouge all those many years ago, as well as Professor Slughorn across more than one Harry Potter movie.

“I asked about putting in a musical number but they felt it didn’t fit the theme they were going for….”
”But they' had one in The Last Jedi!”
”Well this is grittier than that movie….”

Jim Broadbent (at right) played the all-singing all-dancing Harold Ziedler in Moulin Rouge all those many years ago, as well as Professor Slughorn across more than one Harry Potter movie.

“Dumble-who? Just you come over here and say it…. because I didn’t hear you properly”  Michael Gambon, meanwhile, played Dumbledore in all but the first two Harry Potter movies, and a character in ‘Dad’s Army’ I’d prefer not to recall the name of because it would require me to   remember that movie exists  .

“Dumble-who? Just you come over here and say it…. because I didn’t hear you properly”
Michael Gambon, meanwhile, played Dumbledore in all but the first two Harry Potter movies, and a character in ‘Dad’s Army’ I’d prefer not to recall the name of because it would require me to remember that movie exists.

“No, I’m not one of the old dudes on the poster, but I arrived in a Merc and I’m about to get a high-five from Michael Caine. Your movie, Security Man.”

“No, I’m not one of the old dudes on the poster, but I arrived in a Merc and I’m about to get a high-five from Michael Caine. Your movie, Security Man.”

“I recognised him, of course, but thought it would be more amusing to have security drag him off.”

“I recognised him, of course, but thought it would be more amusing to have security drag him off.”

“As I understand it, my autograph goes for a fair bit on ebay… and yet I’ve stolen your watch and wallet and you haven’t even noticed. Good luck with the business you’re running.”

“As I understand it, my autograph goes for a fair bit on ebay… and yet I’ve stolen your watch and wallet and you haven’t even noticed. Good luck with the business you’re running.”

“Thanks to the beard, nobody recognises me… unfortunately, thanks to the beard nobody’s letting me into the cinema because I don’t look like the dude on the poster”  - Tom Courtenay (however not Tom Courtenay’s beard) is, all evidence notwithstanding, in this movie.

“Thanks to the beard, nobody recognises me… unfortunately, thanks to the beard nobody’s letting me into the cinema because I don’t look like the dude on the poster” - Tom Courtenay (however not Tom Courtenay’s beard) is, all evidence notwithstanding, in this movie.

“Mr Courtenay will not be fielding questions on the subject of why Mister Courtenay’s beard is not in this movie”.  I myself am not wearing beard right now… but I am looking forward to the weather getting slightly colder so that I can unveil my Autumn 2018 Beanie Collection (any similarity to seasons 2013-2017 is purely coincidental, by the way)

“Mr Courtenay will not be fielding questions on the subject of why Mister Courtenay’s beard is not in this movie”. I myself am not wearing beard right now… but I am looking forward to the weather getting slightly colder so that I can unveil my Autumn 2018 Beanie Collection (any similarity to seasons 2013-2017 is purely coincidental, by the way)

“He’s a light touch with his fingers and he’s very skilled at pickpocketing, but his memory’s poor and he can’t remember he robbed me earlier” ”Or is it possible you'r memory’s so poor you forgot he robbed you yesterday and now he’s doing it again today?” ”It hardly matters given I’m currently stealing your wallet while I’m distracting you”

“He’s a light touch with his fingers and he’s very skilled at pickpocketing, but his memory’s poor and he can’t remember he robbed me earlier”
”Or is it possible you'r memory’s so poor you forgot he robbed you yesterday and now he’s doing it again today?”
”It hardly matters given I’m currently stealing your wallet while I’m distracting you”

“Right now two-thirds of us have stolen the remaining third’s wallets… and that remaining third has stolen yours. But it’s okay, it’s part of a promotion so it’s technically not a crime”

“Right now two-thirds of us have stolen the remaining third’s wallets… and that remaining third has stolen yours. But it’s okay, it’s part of a promotion so it’s technically not a crime”

“Those guys over there say you owe them money for the photos Michael Caine defaced” ”That’s fine. I stole his wallet earlier - I can compensate them from his own funds”

“Those guys over there say you owe them money for the photos Michael Caine defaced”
”That’s fine. I stole his wallet earlier - I can compensate them from his own funds”

“All of these appear to have been signed by a combination of Michael Gambon and Michael Caine, and some of them are posters of movies neither were in. What exactly is going on here?”

“All of these appear to have been signed by a combination of Michael Gambon and Michael Caine, and some of them are posters of movies neither were in. What exactly is going on here?”

“Mom’s going to be so excited I got a selfie with Michael Gambon” ”Your Mom and I are related, and I’m not Michael Gambon, so her surprise might head into a different direction than the one you’re expecting”

“Mom’s going to be so excited I got a selfie with Michael Gambon”
”Your Mom and I are related, and I’m not Michael Gambon, so her surprise might head into a different direction than the one you’re expecting”

The view shifts to the other Burger King window, and I wish to state as always that I paid rent for my seat in the form of food. I can recommend that the fries are decent, the tea tastes like tea, and the apple pie sticks can and should probably be avoided, unless your doctor has identified you as critically deficient in various additives found in cooking grease.

The view shifts to the other Burger King window, and I wish to state as always that I paid rent for my seat in the form of food. I can recommend that the fries are decent, the tea tastes like tea, and the apple pie sticks can and should probably be avoided, unless your doctor has identified you as critically deficient in various additives found in cooking grease.

“Do you mind if I….?” ”Go ahead. If there’s a wallet in there it’s almost certainly not mine”  And if I was slightly less tired or slightly more dedicated right now, I’d have cropped out the right hand and index finger of the dude on the top left of the picture.

“Do you mind if I….?”
”Go ahead. If there’s a wallet in there it’s almost certainly not mine”
And if I was slightly less tired or slightly more dedicated right now, I’d have cropped out the right hand and index finger of the dude on the top left of the picture.

Paul Whitehouse is a comedian I’ve actually photographed before, at the    premiere of “Dying Laughing”    which was another premiere I was double-booked for and had even I needed to rush to immediately afterwards…. (speaking of which…. I’m outta here!)

Paul Whitehouse is a comedian I’ve actually photographed before, at the premiere of “Dying Laughing” which was another premiere I was double-booked for and had even I needed to rush to immediately afterwards…. (speaking of which…. I’m outta here!)

So… that was that. And because it was a 5:30pm start rather than the usual 6pm, I was able to zip across to the Prince Charles Cinema and get myself into position for “The Room - With Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero”. Two entries into the Archive of Movie premieres in a single day? Well… I did that twice at Frightfest a few weeks ago, but it still feels good.

Until…. that, then!

ps. if you ever want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at berndt2_photo.