13 Sep 2018 - The 'Maniac' World Premiere

September 13th, 2018

After two events in one day yesterday (‘King of Thieves’ and ‘The Room (2003)’ ), I was out again today for another one - for a Netflix series at Southbank Centre, a venue that typically hosts the TV Baftas rather than premieres. And though I had wristband #45 to my name, it provided me with the prospect of shooting a premiere side-on to the action, from the THIRD row of a relatively small public pen : no monopod, no stepstool…. not even a fisheye lens to shoot high and blind with.

Here’s how it went down:

The spot I wanted gave me this view (above) and it was from the yellow stairs I used (with acquiescence of Southbank Security at the time) at the TV Baftas once. However this time there was a Force that would not be denied that instructed us (and everyone else) to (basically) Pi55 Off.

The spot I wanted gave me this view (above) and it was from the yellow stairs I used (with acquiescence of Southbank Security at the time) at the TV Baftas once. However this time there was a Force that would not be denied that instructed us (and everyone else) to (basically) Pi55 Off.

“It’s not about premiere photography. It’s about Respect. And Democracy. And kickass sunglasses”.  This man is That Force. And there’s no denying This Man And His Determination That You Will Not Photograph From Where He’s Standing.

“It’s not about premiere photography. It’s about Respect. And Democracy. And kickass sunglasses”. This man is That Force. And there’s no denying This Man And His Determination That You Will Not Photograph From Where He’s Standing.

So…. with some trepidation, and with no desire / way to return to the public pen, I found a spot. It was almost directly behind the paparazzi (who were on ladders)… and also there was nearby event security who could more or less ask anyone at any time to move on. Huzzah for Risk.

So…. with some trepidation, and with no desire / way to return to the public pen, I found a spot. It was almost directly behind the paparazzi (who were on ladders)… and also there was nearby event security who could more or less ask anyone at any time to move on. Huzzah for Risk.

But hey, if it all goes horribly wrong, I can maybe take photos of the press sheet and call that a journal? I’m not saying I’ve done worse… but I’m also not saying that I haven’t not.

But hey, if it all goes horribly wrong, I can maybe take photos of the press sheet and call that a journal? I’m not saying I’ve done worse… but I’m also not saying that I haven’t not.

“It occurs to me now that we should have made extra sure that there wasn’t a second Emma in the cast listing…..”  - the Oscar-winning Emma Stone is the lead in this series (she won best Actress for    ‘La La Land’   , whose London Film Fest premiere she sadly did not attend)

“It occurs to me now that we should have made extra sure that there wasn’t a second Emma in the cast listing…..” - the Oscar-winning Emma Stone is the lead in this series (she won best Actress for ‘La La Land’, whose London Film Fest premiere she sadly did not attend)

“Ma’am? Could I just get you to sign just one more copy of La La Land on DVD? Yes, I really own five… I just love it that much” . When I watched that movie, I kind of didn’t like it that much…. maybe I was watching it wrong. Don’t get me wrong : I still love Emma Stone, though.

“Ma’am? Could I just get you to sign just one more copy of La La Land on DVD? Yes, I really own five… I just love it that much”. When I watched that movie, I kind of didn’t like it that much…. maybe I was watching it wrong. Don’t get me wrong : I still love Emma Stone, though.

This is Cary Joji Fukunaga, who directed all ten episodes of ‘Maniac’, which also stars Jonah Hill. His eyes are presumably drawn to the fetching hat worn by the hairy paparazzo in front and to my right. Sadly, I myself am caught between seasons : it’s too cool to wear my LA cap, and not cool enough to start bringing out my killer style beanies.

This is Cary Joji Fukunaga, who directed all ten episodes of ‘Maniac’, which also stars Jonah Hill. His eyes are presumably drawn to the fetching hat worn by the hairy paparazzo in front and to my right. Sadly, I myself am caught between seasons : it’s too cool to wear my LA cap, and not cool enough to start bringing out my killer style beanies.

Don’t tell the guys with the sign : this is Emma Mackey. She’s not in this particular series, but she is in the Netflix series “Sex Education”

Don’t tell the guys with the sign : this is Emma Mackey. She’s not in this particular series, but she is in the Netflix series “Sex Education”

Possible candidate for Pentax ambassador is Asa Butterfield - who was in such movies as Scorsese’s “Hugo” (2010) and Ender’s Game, but whose high-contrast top was able to transfix the autofocus on my K1 to an extent few people (or their clothes) have done. But why, you might ask, was I shooting Pentax when I have access to a pro Nikon?

Possible candidate for Pentax ambassador is Asa Butterfield - who was in such movies as Scorsese’s “Hugo” (2010) and Ender’s Game, but whose high-contrast top was able to transfix the autofocus on my K1 to an extent few people (or their clothes) have done. But why, you might ask, was I shooting Pentax when I have access to a pro Nikon?

We switch to the Nikon I’d kept in my bag (not wanting to attract too much attention shooting with pro gear behind a paparazzi cordon) - because now the lovely Emma Stone has arrived!

We switch to the Nikon I’d kept in my bag (not wanting to attract too much attention shooting with pro gear behind a paparazzi cordon) - because now the lovely Emma Stone has arrived!

This is Emma Stone. I like Emma Stone, and in the universe where I am able to judge for myself without fear of facts or contradictions, I choose to believe she likes me too (my website also gets sufficiently low views that my comments typically fall outside the view of the kind of people who might plausibly offer facts or contradictions)

This is Emma Stone. I like Emma Stone, and in the universe where I am able to judge for myself without fear of facts or contradictions, I choose to believe she likes me too (my website also gets sufficiently low views that my comments typically fall outside the view of the kind of people who might plausibly offer facts or contradictions)

Emma Stone and Cary Fukunaga. Maybe I’m getting eye-contact from Cary Fukunaga….. or maybe I’m busy still looking at Emma Stone (who I’ve photographed numerous pleasant times, from    The Amazing Spider-Man    and    part 2   , and even last year’s    “Battle of the Sexes”   )

Emma Stone and Cary Fukunaga. Maybe I’m getting eye-contact from Cary Fukunaga….. or maybe I’m busy still looking at Emma Stone (who I’ve photographed numerous pleasant times, from The Amazing Spider-Man and part 2, and even last year’s “Battle of the Sexes”)

Honestly, if you don’t like Emma Stone, you might as well scroll past much of this journal. But when doing so (and it may take a while), ask yourself : why don’t you like like Emma Stone, when she’s so delightful? (Please don’t send me links where she’s kicking babies or expressing opinions that radically differ to mine on subjects like The Last Jedi or The Lego Movie).

Honestly, if you don’t like Emma Stone, you might as well scroll past much of this journal. But when doing so (and it may take a while), ask yourself : why don’t you like like Emma Stone, when she’s so delightful? (Please don’t send me links where she’s kicking babies or expressing opinions that radically differ to mine on subjects like The Last Jedi or The Lego Movie).

“Shhhh…. stop talking. I think that guy is still struggling to find an actual compliment among his lengthy commentary….”  I’m working on it!

“Shhhh…. stop talking. I think that guy is still struggling to find an actual compliment among his lengthy commentary….” I’m working on it!

The answer to the question of  “how many paparazzi elbows would I happily shoot through to continue photographing Emma Stone?” … is at least two.

The answer to the question of “how many paparazzi elbows would I happily shoot through to continue photographing Emma Stone?”… is at least two.

“Nice Try”

“Nice Try”

Emma Stone’s shameless flirtation with me continues to dominate this journal, and I don’t mind to the extent that I’ve temporarily forgotten that there’s even a premiere on.

Emma Stone’s shameless flirtation with me continues to dominate this journal, and I don’t mind to the extent that I’ve temporarily forgotten that there’s even a premiere on.

Although I am getting much better at checking that ring finger, believe me. (wikipedia says she’s currently not married, and wikipedia is so rarely wrong about important things….)

Although I am getting much better at checking that ring finger, believe me. (wikipedia says she’s currently not married, and wikipedia is so rarely wrong about important things….)

The only expression that’s missing from this photo to complete the narrative is mine.

The only expression that’s missing from this photo to complete the narrative is mine.

You want less photos of Emma Stone? Get your own website…. I stand by my decision!

You want less photos of Emma Stone? Get your own website…. I stand by my decision!

What can I say… I have a Nikon that shoots at 10 frames per second and a Pentax that shoots at 5, I have (previously) empty cards on each, and fully charged batteries on both. Basically, I’ll stop taking photographs when I’m told to stop, or when I deem there are no more photos to be taken. That could be this time tomorrow, or about ten minutes from now, or if that Awesome Guy on the Yellow Stairs tells me to (f**kin) stop…. I’ll probably stop.

What can I say… I have a Nikon that shoots at 10 frames per second and a Pentax that shoots at 5, I have (previously) empty cards on each, and fully charged batteries on both. Basically, I’ll stop taking photographs when I’m told to stop, or when I deem there are no more photos to be taken. That could be this time tomorrow, or about ten minutes from now, or if that Awesome Guy on the Yellow Stairs tells me to (f**kin) stop…. I’ll probably stop.

Justin Theroux is in this movie. I suppose there’s a chance that’s of interest.

Justin Theroux is in this movie. I suppose there’s a chance that’s of interest.

But enough of such distractions. It feels like it’s been two, maybe even three photos since I last photographed Emma Stone, and I feel this appalling situation needs to be rectified post-haste.

But enough of such distractions. It feels like it’s been two, maybe even three photos since I last photographed Emma Stone, and I feel this appalling situation needs to be rectified post-haste.

I don’t know who this is, but he’s not Emma Stone and I think that’s a problem, right there.  (edited to add he’s Patrick Somerville, who is the writer of the series)

I don’t know who this is, but he’s not Emma Stone and I think that’s a problem, right there.
(edited to add he’s Patrick Somerville, who is the writer of the series)

It’s a group shot. Or a hoedown. Or a red carpet assembly for a Netflix series called “Maniac”

It’s a group shot. Or a hoedown. Or a red carpet assembly for a Netflix series called “Maniac”

“You want us to scooch over? Well, we’re going to need somebody more charismatic : we’ve got an Oscar winner here”

“You want us to scooch over? Well, we’re going to need somebody more charismatic : we’ve got an Oscar winner here”

“Man with three arms is telling us to move right? Alrightey then!”

“Man with three arms is telling us to move right? Alrightey then!”

Justin Theroux is saying exactly what me and my management team at this website is thinking, here in my/our apartment : everyone needs to check out that guy’s website.

Justin Theroux is saying exactly what me and my management team at this website is thinking, here in my/our apartment : everyone needs to check out that guy’s website.

“So when you’re, like, writing…. what’s that …… like?” ”…..” ”No, but like…. you know. You’re sitting down and you’re writing. How do you do that. Is it like … like texting? Do you use emojis?” ”….”

“So when you’re, like, writing…. what’s that …… like?”
”…..”
”No, but like…. you know. You’re sitting down and you’re writing. How do you do that. Is it like … like texting? Do you use emojis?”
”….”

Bad news : I don’t know who Sorcha Groundsell is, and also I don’t know where I can get those curtains. (And I DO like those curtains.) (also I think Emma Stone has gone inside)

Bad news : I don’t know who Sorcha Groundsell is, and also I don’t know where I can get those curtains. (And I DO like those curtains.) (also I think Emma Stone has gone inside)

“So I’m standing here surrounded by adoring women and it’s making me uncomfortable. You look like somebody who doesn’t have that problem… what’s your secret?”  Who, me? Well, it’s multifaceted. You can’t just walk into being this unpopular, basically.

“So I’m standing here surrounded by adoring women and it’s making me uncomfortable. You look like somebody who doesn’t have that problem… what’s your secret?” Who, me? Well, it’s multifaceted. You can’t just walk into being this unpopular, basically.

So….. that’s that then. An Emma Stone Dominated journal, and from where I sit that’s not remotely a bad thing. But sure, if Justin Theroux is your thing…. enjoy those two or three photos he’s in!

And hopefully I’ll get out to London Fashion Week to photograph The Streetz Outside London Fashion Week, and get myself to at least two of London’s (four?) scheduled premieres next week, and get myself some more Plus Ones for the Archive of Movie Premieres…. and maybe even get myself some of those Twitter or Facebook followers the kids and cats all have.

Until next time!

…. and I suspect you’re wondering is whatever happened to…..

“I ain’t moving. Not until Democracy is safe, and not until every single person in this town has categorically guaranteed they’ll never go anywhere near these stairs. Ever. Even those tourists coming here. They need to sign guarantees. Then I’ll leave.”

“I ain’t moving. Not until Democracy is safe, and not until every single person in this town has categorically guaranteed they’ll never go anywhere near these stairs. Ever. Even those tourists coming here. They need to sign guarantees. Then I’ll leave.”