27 Nov - The 'Mortal Engines' World Premiere

November 27th, 2018.

After yesterday’s ‘Aquaman’ World Premiere, it was just one day later that London had another world premiere…. this one for the (I’m assuming) Young Adult (I’m assuming) series ‘Mortal Engines’. The forecast was for rain…. I just didn’t check that forecast until I got outside this afternoon, and found it was… well…. raining. Hard.

Here’s how it went down:

The forecast was for stuff falling from the skies, sometimes heavily, throughout the premiere. It failed to mention that it would also churlishly stop more or less the instant the premiere ended.

The forecast was for stuff falling from the skies, sometimes heavily, throughout the premiere. It failed to mention that it would also churlishly stop more or less the instant the premiere ended.

“I mean… I can’t say for certain, Susan… but I’m pretty sure you’re doing it wrong”

“I mean… I can’t say for certain, Susan… but I’m pretty sure you’re doing it wrong”

“So if you can rhyme something with ‘Mortal’ and something with ‘Engines’ I can fix you up with some freeness. Bonus points if you can tell me any two of the five production companies involved in this”  Your friend and mine, Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ Portal 2 Vengeance were the warmup act

“So if you can rhyme something with ‘Mortal’ and something with ‘Engines’ I can fix you up with some freeness. Bonus points if you can tell me any two of the five production companies involved in this”
Your friend and mine, Hakeem Mr Impact and DJ Portal 2 Vengeance were the warmup act

The Captain Phasma prequel was taking some interesting directions ….

The Captain Phasma prequel was taking some interesting directions ….

“Toughen up, guys. This weather is what we call a warm day in Wellington”  - Philippa Boyens is one of this film’s three screenwriters (the same ones that won an Oscar for The Lord of the Rings’ third instalment The Return of the King.

“Toughen up, guys. This weather is what we call a warm day in Wellington”
- Philippa Boyens is one of this film’s three screenwriters (the same ones that won an Oscar for The Lord of the Rings’ third instalment The Return of the King.

“Call it speculative young adult fiction if you want, but a London On Wheels might be just the Brexit solution you’re headed towards” (copyright Carlos Vieites)  Compared to most of the possible outcomes…. it’s probably the coolest. And most true to the notion of ‘freedom of movement’

“Call it speculative young adult fiction if you want, but a London On Wheels might be just the Brexit solution you’re headed towards” (copyright Carlos Vieites)
Compared to most of the possible outcomes…. it’s probably the coolest. And most true to the notion of ‘freedom of movement’

“Some d1ckhead is telling me to stop texting and walking” ”That’d be me.”

“Some d1ckhead is telling me to stop texting and walking”
”That’d be me.”

This well-dressed and nobody’s asking for his autograph? I’d ask just so I can google his tailor.

This well-dressed and nobody’s asking for his autograph? I’d ask just so I can google his tailor.

I haven’t seen anybody pose so confidently and yet with such potential instability. The man responsible : this movie’s male lead Robert Sheehan.

I haven’t seen anybody pose so confidently and yet with such potential instability. The man responsible : this movie’s male lead Robert Sheehan.

The prior photo was a bit of an aberration : this is the view into the main ‘posing’ area that I got for the most part…. even when guests and ticketholders WEREN’T walking in front of it.

The prior photo was a bit of an aberration : this is the view into the main ‘posing’ area that I got for the most part…. even when guests and ticketholders WEREN’T walking in front of it.

“No. I’m tired of being told to turn right….”  - Leila George is in this movie.

“No. I’m tired of being told to turn right….” - Leila George is in this movie.

It’s Australia’s own Hugo Weaving! Across nearly 500 premieres over ten years…. I’ve never previously had even an opportunity to photograph him. And given he’s been in everything from Lord of the Rings to The Matrix Trilogy, the Transformers films to Captain America… and of course V for Vendetta. In other words : he’s a big name to ‘get’… and a big name to fail to get an autograph from at an under-attended, uncrowded premiere

It’s Australia’s own Hugo Weaving! Across nearly 500 premieres over ten years…. I’ve never previously had even an opportunity to photograph him. And given he’s been in everything from Lord of the Rings to The Matrix Trilogy, the Transformers films to Captain America… and of course V for Vendetta. In other words : he’s a big name to ‘get’… and a big name to fail to get an autograph from at an under-attended, uncrowded premiere

“I had more hair in the Matrix? Well, that was my residual self-image, boy”  I have all kinds of trouble with my flowing windswept blonde hair in the Matrix. So much so that it’s almost a relief to return to the real world.

“I had more hair in the Matrix? Well, that was my residual self-image, boy”
I have all kinds of trouble with my flowing windswept blonde hair in the Matrix. So much so that it’s almost a relief to return to the real world.

“The Magic Pudding? An Australian classic. You should totally track it down”  - Hugo Weaving provided the voice of Bill Barnacle in that film, which I’m very certain you’ve never heard of.

“The Magic Pudding? An Australian classic. You should totally track it down” - Hugo Weaving provided the voice of Bill Barnacle in that film, which I’m very certain you’ve never heard of.

“Oh yeah: I was the guy in the mask in that! Totally forgot” . Sadly, Hugo Weaving’s large bodyguard/attendant/soothsayer/stylist/investment strategist in the foreground blocked him from more or less signing anywhere EXCEPT the dealer area, where he was buffeted by more and more things to be signed by the same people. Damnit.

“Oh yeah: I was the guy in the mask in that! Totally forgot”.
Sadly, Hugo Weaving’s large bodyguard/attendant/soothsayer/stylist/investment strategist in the foreground blocked him from more or less signing anywhere EXCEPT the dealer area, where he was buffeted by more and more things to be signed by the same people. Damnit.

“They certainly seem to like that Matrix fellow. How much money did HIS movie make?” ”Less than yours, Dear” ”That’s right. They ALL made less than the one I was in…. “  Stephen Lang is best known for being in    James Cameron’s “Avatar”    which despite Disney’s purchase of Marvel and Star Wars currently remains the highest grossing movie of all time.

“They certainly seem to like that Matrix fellow. How much money did HIS movie make?”
”Less than yours, Dear”
”That’s right. They ALL made less than the one I was in…. “

Stephen Lang is best known for being in James Cameron’s “Avatar” which despite Disney’s purchase of Marvel and Star Wars currently remains the highest grossing movie of all time.

It’s New Zealand’s own Peter Jackson! He directed The Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogies,a and I missed out on getting his autograph by just one (1) person back in 2009 at the premiere of    “The Lovely Bones”

It’s New Zealand’s own Peter Jackson! He directed The Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogies,a and I missed out on getting his autograph by just one (1) person back in 2009 at the premiere of “The Lovely Bones”

Just to make things more challenging : the front element of the Nikon is now so waterlogged that it’s focussing on the raindrops rather than the people in front of it. I’d wipe it with something dry, but not much that I’m wearing constitutes “something dry” right now.

Just to make things more challenging : the front element of the Nikon is now so waterlogged that it’s focussing on the raindrops rather than the people in front of it. I’d wipe it with something dry, but not much that I’m wearing constitutes “something dry” right now.

The Nikon valiantly shoots past the greasy streaks my sleeve has put on the lens, as she appraoches the stage to be interviewed and be asked, I’m guessing, what <insert name of member of cast and/or crew> was like to work with. I’m guessing they were lovely.

The Nikon valiantly shoots past the greasy streaks my sleeve has put on the lens, as she appraoches the stage to be interviewed and be asked, I’m guessing, what <insert name of member of cast and/or crew> was like to work with. I’m guessing they were lovely.

“Quite lovely, actually. And by that I mean the weather everywhere I’ve been in the last six months. Right here and now? Not so much”

“Quite lovely, actually. And by that I mean the weather everywhere I’ve been in the last six months. Right here and now? Not so much”

And….. just like eight years ago, but this time because of a large personal assistant / psychic guide / fashion consultant / human mountain, I once again missed out on getting Peter Jackson’s autograph by just one (1) person when I put down the camera moments after taking this shot. Siiiigh. I know he’s from New Zealand and I’m from Australia… but REALLY?? Damn.

And….. just like eight years ago, but this time because of a large personal assistant / psychic guide / fashion consultant / human mountain, I once again missed out on getting Peter Jackson’s autograph by just one (1) person when I put down the camera moments after taking this shot. Siiiigh. I know he’s from New Zealand and I’m from Australia… but REALLY?? Damn.

“But none of you are young girls? What on earth do I have to offer you, and why DO you want my autograph?”  - Robert Sheehan is no doubt somebody your teenage daughter of has as a poster on her wall (or… hologram on her iCube or whatever teenage girls have now)

“But none of you are young girls? What on earth do I have to offer you, and why DO you want my autograph?” - Robert Sheehan is no doubt somebody your teenage daughter of has as a poster on her wall (or… hologram on her iCube or whatever teenage girls have now)

“You have a thing with Alex Zane?” ”yeah.. .is that a problem?” ”As long as you’re not looking at the look on my face, absolutely not”

“You have a thing with Alex Zane?”
”yeah.. .is that a problem?”
”As long as you’re not looking at the look on my face, absolutely not”

Robert Sheehan’s shoes might be slightly more stylish than my ‘dangerous on slippery ground’ Sketchers… but I’m pretty sure they’re just as waterlogged.

Robert Sheehan’s shoes might be slightly more stylish than my ‘dangerous on slippery ground’ Sketchers… but I’m pretty sure they’re just as waterlogged.

We shared a moment over our waterlogged shoes, and it was quite the entirely uncomfortable, sodden thing.

We shared a moment over our waterlogged shoes, and it was quite the entirely uncomfortable, sodden thing.

“He’s going to ask you what it was like to work with Peter Jackson. It sounds like a trick question, but it’s not.”  - Christian Rivers is the director of this movie, and is previously best known for his art department roles in Peter Jackson-directed films like King Kong, The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit(ses)

“He’s going to ask you what it was like to work with Peter Jackson. It sounds like a trick question, but it’s not.” - Christian Rivers is the director of this movie, and is previously best known for his art department roles in Peter Jackson-directed films like King Kong, The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit(ses)

“HE WAS AWESOME TO WORK WITH - HE’S A TRUE GENTLEMAN!!!” ”I’m just the guy holding your umbrella, Sir. And Alex was asking about Leila George”

“HE WAS AWESOME TO WORK WITH - HE’S A TRUE GENTLEMAN!!!”
”I’m just the guy holding your umbrella, Sir. And Alex was asking about Leila George”

“Nothing personal, yeah?”  Eh. ‘Nothing personal’ is typically just code for ‘I don’t care enough abouty you to give a specific crap’. And I’m just an entitled whiner. I’m still not even grateful for all the hard work Disney put into those star wars sequels…. (where was I? getting wet and mad at a mortal engines premiere?)

“Nothing personal, yeah?” Eh. ‘Nothing personal’ is typically just code for ‘I don’t care enough abouty you to give a specific crap’. And I’m just an entitled whiner. I’m still not even grateful for all the hard work Disney put into those star wars sequels…. (where was I? getting wet and mad at a mortal engines premiere?)

“The guy with the umbrella is doing that thing again, isn’t he? I love it”  The Umbrella Guy had an annoying habit of holding the umbrella between the subject and the light source causing a shadow to fall on the face of the person being interviewed.

“The guy with the umbrella is doing that thing again, isn’t he? I love it”
The Umbrella Guy had an annoying habit of holding the umbrella between the subject and the light source causing a shadow to fall on the face of the person being interviewed.

“Little to the left. No, your left. Actually, both of our lefts. Or the opposite. And don’t mention Avatar again”  - I think it might be a bit of a spoiler for imdb.com to state that Stephen Lang is in the next FOUR Avatar sequels. You know… given his character freaking DIED in the first one?

“Little to the left. No, your left. Actually, both of our lefts. Or the opposite. And don’t mention Avatar again” - I think it might be a bit of a spoiler for imdb.com to state that Stephen Lang is in the next FOUR Avatar sequels. You know… given his character freaking DIED in the first one?

I was one to the right of the guy whose face is in the top right hand corner. And he got his item signed by Hugo Weaving. Me? Autograph-less. Only Gal Gadot cared enough to sign my Moleskine journal. And yes, I realise that makes me the ultimate winner here :)

I was one to the right of the guy whose face is in the top right hand corner. And he got his item signed by Hugo Weaving. Me? Autograph-less. Only Gal Gadot cared enough to sign my Moleskine journal. And yes, I realise that makes me the ultimate winner here :)

“Yeah… signed for a couple of ‘em. Left the rest wanting. It’s what we do, Alex”  It’s certainly some kind of thing.

“Yeah… signed for a couple of ‘em. Left the rest wanting. It’s what we do, Alex”
It’s certainly some kind of thing.

The enigmatically named Korean singer ‘Jihae’ has certainly brought out the best in Umbrella Guy. That shadow is also being captured by the INTERVIEW CAMERA that’s broadcasting this interview, bro! Think three-dimensionally, man : it’s the 21st Century!

The enigmatically named Korean singer ‘Jihae’ has certainly brought out the best in Umbrella Guy. That shadow is also being captured by the INTERVIEW CAMERA that’s broadcasting this interview, bro! Think three-dimensionally, man : it’s the 21st Century!

According to the ever-useful imdb.com, Jihae is best otherwise known for being in 12 episodes of the National Geographic series ‘Mars’, something I’m more aware of the soundtrack of than the series, but that’s how twitter’s algorithm has profiled me…

According to the ever-useful imdb.com, Jihae is best otherwise known for being in 12 episodes of the National Geographic series ‘Mars’, something I’m more aware of the soundtrack of than the series, but that’s how twitter’s algorithm has profiled me…

Hera Hilmar is both Icelandic and the lead in this movie. The shadow on her face, in case you’re interested, is migrating inevitably rightwards

Hera Hilmar is both Icelandic and the lead in this movie. The shadow on her face, in case you’re interested, is migrating inevitably rightwards

A hairswish and neck-twist a day keeps the umbrella shadow at bay. Briefly.

A hairswish and neck-twist a day keeps the umbrella shadow at bay. Briefly.

“Robert said that about me? That’s so sweet! But only if it was unprompted. Otherwise it’s just base politeness, and I won’t stand for that”

“Robert said that about me? That’s so sweet! But only if it was unprompted. Otherwise it’s just base politeness, and I won’t stand for that”

so.. that was that. My shoes were waterlogged, my cameras waterlogged, and water had fortunately only penetrated through two of my four upper layers and one of my lower layers. I’ve done three premieres in three days, and tomorrow is set to be the fourth. but it’ll be tough : it’s not as central as these, and arguably cast-wise it’s the biggest.

Until next time? If not tomorrow then possibly perhaps once or twice more next month…

For now it’s +1 to the Archive of Premieres, and the hope that I will one day soon have more genuine twitter followers than persons-with-primarily-mysterious-Indonesian-political-agendas-who-started-following-me-for-some-reason. That’ll be nice. As for facebook? Eh… those journals get me hardly any links, and all their advertising is based on profiling of me that is basically insulting. (It’s always nice to be misunderstood by an ‘advanced’ algorithm)