16 Jun 2019 - The 'Toy Story 4' Prem-meh

June 16th, 2019.

Keen readers of this website (and there are a couple in Russia, I think…. bots, perhaps, but I consider them loyal) might have, over the years, have detected a slight anti-Disney bias in amongst these journals. And sure, maybe it’s because that company often hosts. closed. premieres, and mislabels. events, and hides stars behind curtains at fan events, limits wristbands to tiny numbers. (twice.)…. and somehow gives every indication of being a company that wants all the media attention of having a premiere without… you know… the actual matter of HAVING a premiere.

Today they managed it again, with one of the laziest, lamest events ever to carry the label “European Premiere” I can remember. And if Disney can’t be bothered to host a proper event, I can’t be bothered to write a proper journal. Still gonna post it of course… where else am I going to whine about it!

So here’s how I wasted my day :) …

Oh, and “наслаждайтесь, товарищи! “
(Google Translate tells me that’s how you write “enjoy, comrades!” in Russian).

I got in at 8am, got myself wristband #89 and was told to come back at 12noon. About 90minutes later, they loaded the pens and I found myself in the second row of a wash of people for this European Premiere. One ominous thing : usually the screens tell you who’s going to show up at the premiere (you know… to build up hype)…. but not at this one. I wonder what that might mean.

I got in at 8am, got myself wristband #89 and was told to come back at 12noon. About 90minutes later, they loaded the pens and I found myself in the second row of a wash of people for this European Premiere. One ominous thing : usually the screens tell you who’s going to show up at the premiere (you know… to build up hype)…. but not at this one. I wonder what that might mean.

Hand-written sign for your media company?  Eh… looks legit.

Hand-written sign for your media company? Eh… looks legit.

“Everything’s got an attitude, and everyone’s got an opinion”

“Everything’s got an attitude, and everyone’s got an opinion”

“You’re Rag’n’Bone Man? What’re you up to these days?” ”Working on my new Album…” ”And how’s that going?” ”Honestly, I don’t even know who’s buying albums anymore. I think everyone just streams stuff for free now and I’m not really sure how or if I’m making any money.”

“You’re Rag’n’Bone Man? What’re you up to these days?”
”Working on my new Album…”
”And how’s that going?”
”Honestly, I don’t even know who’s buying albums anymore. I think everyone just streams stuff for free now and I’m not really sure how or if I’m making any money.”

And so, with the pre-amble done, I’m going to do the rest of the premiere with all the care and professionalism and fan-focussed efficiency of a Disney European Premiere.

So the premiere has started, I’m kind of near dropoff and this is one of the producers of the film. I don’t know his name , or rather I don’t remember it and I can’t be bothered to go on imdb.com to check. I could be bothered to check wireimage, but they didn’t list him as having attended. Neat.

So the premiere has started, I’m kind of near dropoff and this is one of the producers of the film. I don’t know his name , or rather I don’t remember it and I can’t be bothered to go on imdb.com to check. I could be bothered to check wireimage, but they didn’t list him as having attended. Neat.

Another one of the film’s producers. I’m going to say his name is “Steve”. He looks like he’d rock the name “Steve”.

Another one of the film’s producers. I’m going to say his name is “Steve”. He looks like he’d rock the name “Steve”.

Actually I have nothing negative to say about Director Josh Cooley… except I wish I could have seen more of his cool pixar-themed shirt. But I don’t believe he signed for fans in the pens who were calling out for him. Or at least not as far as I saw. And he didn’t get interviewed in front of where we were standing.

Actually I have nothing negative to say about Director Josh Cooley… except I wish I could have seen more of his cool pixar-themed shirt. But I don’t believe he signed for fans in the pens who were calling out for him. Or at least not as far as I saw. And he didn’t get interviewed in front of where we were standing.

Keanu Reeves couldn’t make it to this event (or… you know… never intended to attend) but he wrote this note on a piece of paper. Or, rather somebody else did. (The point is : Hello!)

Keanu Reeves couldn’t make it to this event (or… you know… never intended to attend) but he wrote this note on a piece of paper. Or, rather somebody else did. (The point is : Hello!)

Did I say Keanu Reeves wasn’t attending? Well… perhaps in spirit he was.

Did I say Keanu Reeves wasn’t attending? Well… perhaps in spirit he was.

“Hey, you’re right. It says “Comment Trademark and Copyright Disney” after every line of dialogue!!!”

“Hey, you’re right. It says “Comment Trademark and Copyright Disney” after every line of dialogue!!!”

According to various sources, Tim Allen (the voice of Buzz Lightyear) was actually IN London, and was set to attend this premiere. But he didn’t. Don’t know why. This isn’t Tim Allen, by the way. Or at least I don’t think so. But if you scroll up further, you’ll recall I might have photographed Keanu Reeves.

According to various sources, Tim Allen (the voice of Buzz Lightyear) was actually IN London, and was set to attend this premiere. But he didn’t. Don’t know why. This isn’t Tim Allen, by the way. Or at least I don’t think so. But if you scroll up further, you’ll recall I might have photographed Keanu Reeves.

“Is anything happening?” ”Well, it’s a Disney premiere, so not really…. “

“Is anything happening?”
”Well, it’s a Disney premiere, so not really…. “

“Wait… is that Keanu Reeves?”

“Wait… is that Keanu Reeves?”

Oh, come on. It’s not like I have anything better to photograph. We’re almost 30mins into the premiere and the only cast member is running late.

Oh, come on. It’s not like I have anything better to photograph. We’re almost 30mins into the premiere and the only cast member is running late.

“I don’t really know why you’re surprised.”  - It’s Chris Ecclestone, former Doctor Who (and the villain in the Nic Cage classic ‘Gone in Sixty Seconds’, if you remember that)

“I don’t really know why you’re surprised.” - It’s Chris Ecclestone, former Doctor Who (and the villain in the Nic Cage classic ‘Gone in Sixty Seconds’, if you remember that)

It’s Thomas Hanks!! I think he played a volleyballing dentist in a movie set on a desert island. I forget what it’s called. Also he was in that movie about the shrimp fisherman who went to the moon. Or something. Won some Oscars. Or maybe a golden globe or grammy.

It’s Thomas Hanks!! I think he played a volleyballing dentist in a movie set on a desert island. I forget what it’s called. Also he was in that movie about the shrimp fisherman who went to the moon. Or something. Won some Oscars. Or maybe a golden globe or grammy.

Thom Henks signed for people at immediate dropoff (who had some of the highest-numbered wristbans), waved, then went to pose for photos, did interviews, signed a bit for the kids near the stage, and was interviewed with his back to 90% of the audience at the event (but facing the people who came last to the event). But I’m not bitter. It’s a Disney premiere and I haven’t actually been spat on.

Thom Henks signed for people at immediate dropoff (who had some of the highest-numbered wristbans), waved, then went to pose for photos, did interviews, signed a bit for the kids near the stage, and was interviewed with his back to 90% of the audience at the event (but facing the people who came last to the event). But I’m not bitter. It’s a Disney premiere and I haven’t actually been spat on.

“Could he come a bit closer? I have an audition at three o’clock, and it’s almost three fifteen….”

“Could he come a bit closer? I have an audition at three o’clock, and it’s almost three fifteen….”

“And count yourself lucky I don’t have even MORE assistants blocking views of me!”  Well, you gotta say yes to more assistants, especially if you’re offered them.

“And count yourself lucky I don’t have even MORE assistants blocking views of me!”
Well, you gotta say yes to more assistants, especially if you’re offered them.

“I’m supposed to pose next to this thing? I dunno… it s hands look a bit grabby….”

“I’m supposed to pose next to this thing? I dunno… it s hands look a bit grabby….”

“I can see through almost everyone…. but where’s Tom Hanks?”

“I can see through almost everyone…. but where’s Tom Hanks?”

“I dunno. Make your own movies and organise your own premieres for them if they mean that much to you, I guess?”

“I dunno. Make your own movies and organise your own premieres for them if they mean that much to you, I guess?”

“I’d love to say that Tim Allen, Keanu Reeves, Annie Potts, Christina Hendricks, Patricia Arquette, Jordan Peele, Timothy Dalton, Betty White, Mel Brooks, Wallace Shawn, Joan Cusack, John Ratzenberger, Tony Hale, Carl Weathers, Bonnie Hunt and Kristen Schaal wanted to be here today for this EUROPEAN PREMIERE…. but I’m going to let this sentence trail off and hope you forget how it started…… Still, enjoy the movie!!”

“I’d love to say that Tim Allen, Keanu Reeves, Annie Potts, Christina Hendricks, Patricia Arquette, Jordan Peele, Timothy Dalton, Betty White, Mel Brooks, Wallace Shawn, Joan Cusack, John Ratzenberger, Tony Hale, Carl Weathers, Bonnie Hunt and Kristen Schaal wanted to be here today for this EUROPEAN PREMIERE…. but I’m going to let this sentence trail off and hope you forget how it started…… Still, enjoy the movie!!”

Maybe it’s the bitterness talking, but I think Forky<TM> is extending his middle finger??

Maybe it’s the bitterness talking, but I think Forky<TM> is extending his middle finger??

“And Eye Cayme Orl Za Weigh From Paree For Zis??”  Hey, I came all the way from St Albans for this. And St Albans is PLEASANT!

“And Eye Cayme Orl Za Weigh From Paree For Zis??”
Hey, I came all the way from St Albans for this. And St Albans is PLEASANT!

So…that was some kind of thing. Call it a European Premiere if you want, Disney. Call it a World Premiere, call it a “We Love Our Fans” Event, digitally insert Keanu Reeves and Tim Allen into the promo photos using whatever digital effects you feel are necessary…. I don’t care. You’re a billion dollar company, and clearly you can do whatever you want.

Although it was an afternoon premiere, I didn’t stay try to take better photos of Tom Hanks leaving the cinema. I figured I’d better leave before Disney’s agents opened fire on people, or whatever it is they do when they want them to clear out, and/or buy movie tickets based on goodwill created by having a European Premiere.

Peace out, Disney. Hope your next Star Wars movie is as crap as the last two.

(ps. Buy my site!!)

“So… once Brexit happens, we won’t even be getting European-Premiere grade events anymore? Damn…”

“So… once Brexit happens, we won’t even be getting European-Premiere grade events anymore? Damn…”

Postscript : Oh, look : Disney’s already rewriting history?

Tonight? “Rest of the studded cast”?

Tonight? “Rest of the studded cast”?

I’m not a toy! I’m a gullible person who (sadly) believes or is optimistic about what I read on twitter!

I’m not a toy! I’m a gullible person who (sadly) believes or is optimistic about what I read on twitter!

Sounds great. Wish I was there.

Sounds great. Wish I was there.

wait…. WHAT???

wait…. WHAT???

28 May 2019 - The 'Good Omens' World Premiere

May 28th, 2019.

Although the mathematics are a bit more dicey than “Just Add Them Up (How Hard Can It Be??)” the number of premieres I’ve attended has slowly and steadily been increasing to the point where the rather implausible number of ‘500’ has ultimately come into reach. And today I reached it. If you take away Baftas, GQs, Oliviers, Theatre Awards and Openings, Fashion Weeks, Book Launches, and even Apple Store Events, what’s left is PREMIERES. And today I reached FIVE HUNDRED!

‘Time to retire’, I hear you ask? Probably not. Here’s how it went down:

Quite honestly, I wouldn’t buy a used car from either of these… It’s ‘Good Omens’!! I read the book in High School, which might either indicate my age or my intellectual prowess (given I’ve done 500 premieres over 10+ years without monetising the hobby, it’s probably a little bit of both)

Quite honestly, I wouldn’t buy a used car from either of these…
It’s ‘Good Omens’!! I read the book in High School, which might either indicate my age or my intellectual prowess (given I’ve done 500 premieres over 10+ years without monetising the hobby, it’s probably a little bit of both)

So here’s my spot : I got wristband #14 for this premiere, but because some 200 wristbands were given out online, the long main edge of the “public” pen stretching along the astroturf leading to the stage wasn’t accessible and I had a SECOND-ROW spot. With wristband #14. Which is to say : I might have experience doing premieres, but it doesn’t count for much, and they’re not getting easier.

So here’s my spot : I got wristband #14 for this premiere, but because some 200 wristbands were given out online, the long main edge of the “public” pen stretching along the astroturf leading to the stage wasn’t accessible and I had a SECOND-ROW spot. With wristband #14. Which is to say : I might have experience doing premieres, but it doesn’t count for much, and they’re not getting easier.

“View’s great from here… don’t know what you’re all complaining about!” The stage isn’t just distant, but everything below a certain height will be taken up by the fans of pens that haven’t been filled yet, and everything above a certain height will be obscured by… erm… TREES, specially brought in for the occasion.

“View’s great from here… don’t know what you’re all complaining about!”
The stage isn’t just distant, but everything below a certain height will be taken up by the fans of pens that haven’t been filled yet, and everything above a certain height will be obscured by… erm… TREES, specially brought in for the occasion.

“Either I just photographed the main stage or I remotely turned on the coffee machine at home.. I have no idea how this works”

“Either I just photographed the main stage or I remotely turned on the coffee machine at home.. I have no idea how this works”

“Did I just hear anyone around here say that they ‘wanted’ John Hamm? He’s MINE, you hear?? MINE!!!”

“Did I just hear anyone around here say that they ‘wanted’ John Hamm? He’s MINE, you hear?? MINE!!!”

“Their signs are confusing, not always correctly spelled, and vaguely religious in a way I’m not comfortable with. Do we really have to let them in?”

“Their signs are confusing, not always correctly spelled, and vaguely religious in a way I’m not comfortable with. Do we really have to let them in?”

“Our Pope is cooler than your Pope. And our holy scriptures are written mainly in emojis and hashtags. Get onboard, y’all”. They sang semi-blasphemous hymns on the green astroturf, but they were marginally quieter and more in tune than the LITERAL religious dude with the loud-hailer in the outside Park area telling us we should think about what we’re doing with our lives.

“Our Pope is cooler than your Pope. And our holy scriptures are written mainly in emojis and hashtags. Get onboard, y’all”. They sang semi-blasphemous hymns on the green astroturf, but they were marginally quieter and more in tune than the LITERAL religious dude with the loud-hailer in the outside Park area telling us we should think about what we’re doing with our lives.

Good news : I only have another 2.10 seconds to worry about what I’ve been doing with my life.

Good news : I only have another 2.10 seconds to worry about what I’ve been doing with my life.

Our first arrival is director Douglas Mackinnon who directed all six episodes of this series. Previously he’s best known for directing the  Sherlock Christmas Special/ finale ‘The Abominable Bride’  - which I managed to photograph a day of filming of back in the day…

Our first arrival is director Douglas Mackinnon who directed all six episodes of this series. Previously he’s best known for directing the Sherlock Christmas Special/ finale ‘The Abominable Bride’ - which I managed to photograph a day of filming of back in the day…

“I can guarantee you I’m not signing that, Ma’am” - it’s John Hamm! I last photographed him last year at the premiere of ‘The Romanoffs’. He plays the Archangel Gabriel in ‘Good Omens’.

“I can guarantee you I’m not signing that, Ma’am” - it’s John Hamm!
I last photographed him last year at the premiere of ‘The Romanoffs’. He plays the Archangel Gabriel in ‘Good Omens’.

“No… I wasn’t in those ‘Naked Gun’ films… you’re thinking of somebody else” Brian Cox’s filmography dates back to the mid-1960s, and includes among (many) other things the role of William Stryker in X-Men2.

“No… I wasn’t in those ‘Naked Gun’ films… you’re thinking of somebody else”
Brian Cox’s filmography dates back to the mid-1960s, and includes among (many) other things the role of William Stryker in X-Men2.

“You can wear your revealing top if you like.. but we have a strict footwear policy at this premiere. The Astroturf carpet requires sneakers” - I was not previously aware of the existence of Mercedes Gower (my fault, not hers, I’m sure) - but she is apparently in this series.

“You can wear your revealing top if you like.. but we have a strict footwear policy at this premiere. The Astroturf carpet requires sneakers” - I was not previously aware of the existence of Mercedes Gower (my fault, not hers, I’m sure) - but she is apparently in this series.

“Yes I was in those Twilight movies. Don’t judge me. Unless you judge me positively, of course” Michael Sheen played some kind of merovingian count in those films, and I’d say he elevated the material by chewing up it, as well as the scenery, in quite a memorable performance. He plays the ‘noble’ Aziraphale in Good Omens.

“Yes I was in those Twilight movies. Don’t judge me. Unless you judge me positively, of course”
Michael Sheen played some kind of merovingian count in those films, and I’d say he elevated the material by chewing up it, as well as the scenery, in quite a memorable performance. He plays the ‘noble’ Aziraphale in Good Omens.

“I like the detail… I’m just depressed that you’re throwing it away after all the effort you went to” Apparently the apples on the trees are real even if the trees themselves are not (I saw them in boxes with hooks/spikes through them in the morning during setup)

“I like the detail… I’m just depressed that you’re throwing it away after all the effort you went to”
Apparently the apples on the trees are real even if the trees themselves are not (I saw them in boxes with hooks/spikes through them in the morning during setup)

David Tennant, former Doctor Who, looks appropriately focussed in view of the fact that dozens of screaming autograph dealers want a piece of him. Or perhaps he’s in character for the role of Crowley, which he plays in Good Omens.

David Tennant, former Doctor Who, looks appropriately focussed in view of the fact that dozens of screaming autograph dealers want a piece of him. Or perhaps he’s in character for the role of Crowley, which he plays in Good Omens.

Over many of the past 499 premieres I’ve used certain stars’ candid expressions to assert that they owe me five dollars. However, for the first time I get the feeling it’s ME who owes David Tennant money. And considerably more than five dollars. Damn… I don’t remember, but he looks pretty adamant about it.

Over many of the past 499 premieres I’ve used certain stars’ candid expressions to assert that they owe me five dollars. However, for the first time I get the feeling it’s ME who owes David Tennant money. And considerably more than five dollars. Damn… I don’t remember, but he looks pretty adamant about it.

“Yes, the dress is structurally sound. I had it signed off by half a dozen engineers before I got here” It’s always worth questioning the pressures motivations of anyone who signs off something, but if Adria Arjona wants to take the risk, apparently at least half a dozen structural engineers, possibly all male, are cool with it.

“Yes, the dress is structurally sound. I had it signed off by half a dozen engineers before I got here”
It’s always worth questioning the pressures motivations of anyone who signs off something, but if Adria Arjona wants to take the risk, apparently at least half a dozen structural engineers, possibly all male, are cool with it.

“So far, so good!” Adria Arjona is previously best known for her role in the sequel “Pacific Rim : Uprising” which was pretty bad, but then she wasn’t wearing anything as well structurally designed in that movie. Just a giant sophisticated mechanical robot with high-tech weaponry.

“So far, so good!”
Adria Arjona is previously best known for her role in the sequel “Pacific Rim : Uprising” which was pretty bad, but then she wasn’t wearing anything as well structurally designed in that movie. Just a giant sophisticated mechanical robot with high-tech weaponry.

Lourdes Faberes plays the role of…. erm… “Pollution” in Good Omens. That lady who wore the garbage bins at the  TV Baftas a few weeks ago  might have done a better job, but I’ll concede Lourdes Faberes looks better in her dress than the other lady did in hers (though that lady’s seagull/dustbin hat was great)

Lourdes Faberes plays the role of…. erm… “Pollution” in Good Omens. That lady who wore the garbage bins at the TV Baftas a few weeks ago might have done a better job, but I’ll concede Lourdes Faberes looks better in her dress than the other lady did in hers (though that lady’s seagull/dustbin hat was great)

The original “Good Omens” was published in 1990, and was written by Neil Gaiman and the late Terry Pratchett - but this premiere does have one “Terry” present, in the form of director Terry Gilliam.

The original “Good Omens” was published in 1990, and was written by Neil Gaiman and the late Terry Pratchett - but this premiere does have one “Terry” present, in the form of director Terry Gilliam.

“That guy out there were the loud hailer was asking you to rethink your life and all you could think was how much you preferred DJ Impact? I … think that’s a problem you might need to work through, bro”

“That guy out there were the loud hailer was asking you to rethink your life and all you could think was how much you preferred DJ Impact? I … think that’s a problem you might need to work through, bro”

It’s Neil Gaiman!! I’ve read Good Omens and American Gods, and was impressed by and felt very inferior after attempting to work through the complexities of his “Sandman” series. Still… I captured him mid-air on a lens with a zoom too big to fit his legs of the top of his hair, so I’m (kind of) winning.

It’s Neil Gaiman!! I’ve read Good Omens and American Gods, and was impressed by and felt very inferior after attempting to work through the complexities of his “Sandman” series. Still… I captured him mid-air on a lens with a zoom too big to fit his legs of the top of his hair, so I’m (kind of) winning.

David Tennant… is kinda/maybe threatening me? About the money I owe him? But for what? (and more importantly, perhaps, how much??)

David Tennant… is kinda/maybe threatening me? About the money I owe him? But for what? (and more importantly, perhaps, how much??)

“Of course if your camera is this wide it’s going to risk a lot of strain on your spine, so be careful” Hmm.. that’s why I wear 2 + 2x0.5 cameras to premieres these days.

“Of course if your camera is this wide it’s going to risk a lot of strain on your spine, so be careful”
Hmm.. that’s why I wear 2 + 2x0.5 cameras to premieres these days.

“Miriam, I told you if you’re going to wear that dress you can’t wear your usual expression” I don’t know who any of these three people are, but apparently I missed three kids from Good Omens at one point. Maybe they just grow up so fast…

“Miriam, I told you if you’re going to wear that dress you can’t wear your usual expression”
I don’t know who any of these three people are, but apparently I missed three kids from Good Omens at one point. Maybe they just grow up so fast…

David Tennant briefly signs, and I just want to say that I am standing in the middle of this view and not one of these hands in the photo are mine. It shouldn’t be possible… but it is. And I’m happy because those hands are protecting me from the possible wrath of David Tennant.

David Tennant briefly signs, and I just want to say that I am standing in the middle of this view and not one of these hands in the photo are mine. It shouldn’t be possible… but it is. And I’m happy because those hands are protecting me from the possible wrath of David Tennant.

I don’t know who this is, but if I let you all know that I’ve just bought a ten gallon hat, that’ll be the sign for you to buy me a tie just like his my birthday. I need it.

I don’t know who this is, but if I let you all know that I’ve just bought a ten gallon hat, that’ll be the sign for you to buy me a tie just like his my birthday. I need it.

“I haven’t had lunch, but I hear they’re giving away popcorn at the screening” Yusuf Gatewood plays the role of “FAMINE” in Good Omens.

“I haven’t had lunch, but I hear they’re giving away popcorn at the screening”
Yusuf Gatewood plays the role of “FAMINE” in Good Omens.

“Guys, I don’t want to alarm you, but I just realised that the back of my hands look NOTHING like the front of my hands.” - I don’t know who this is, but the realisation is real.

“Guys, I don’t want to alarm you, but I just realised that the back of my hands look NOTHING like the front of my hands.” - I don’t know who this is, but the realisation is real.

“I figured it out. Turns out one’s left and one’s right. It’s all okay” - further identification and explanation pending.

“I figured it out. Turns out one’s left and one’s right. It’s all okay”
- further identification and explanation pending.

“Everything’s for sale, Judy. EVERYTHING” Miranda Richardson plays the role of Madame Tracy in ‘Good Omens’ but is possibly best known (albeit not to the imdb) for playing the role of the reporter Rita Skeeter in two Harry Potter films.

“Everything’s for sale, Judy. EVERYTHING”
Miranda Richardson plays the role of Madame Tracy in ‘Good Omens’ but is possibly best known (albeit not to the imdb) for playing the role of the reporter Rita Skeeter in two Harry Potter films.

“I was smiling all throughout The Crying Game. I consider that a blessing” Miranda Richardson was in that movie (1990) as well as something called “Spinning into Butter” and “Puffball : The Devil’s Eyeball” in 2007. She’s also been nominated for two Oscars.. but not for any of those three roles.

“I was smiling all throughout The Crying Game. I consider that a blessing”
Miranda Richardson was in that movie (1990) as well as something called “Spinning into Butter” and “Puffball : The Devil’s Eyeball” in 2007. She’s also been nominated for two Oscars.. but not for any of those three roles.

“Nothing. Just don’t want to be photographed by a mobile phone being held up by somebody we don’t know and can’t see”

“Nothing. Just don’t want to be photographed by a mobile phone being held up by somebody we don’t know and can’t see”

“You realise you’re only getting a fraction of my dress by holding it like that, right?” In case it’s relevant, Adria Arjona plays something/someone called “Anathema Device” in Good Omens.

“You realise you’re only getting a fraction of my dress by holding it like that, right?”
In case it’s relevant, Adria Arjona plays something/someone called “Anathema Device” in Good Omens.

“Just because it’s foreshadowed doesn’t make it a successfully implemented character arc, and only hack writers would claim otherwise!!”. I guess somebody else has finished watching Game of Thrones Season 8, too…

“Just because it’s foreshadowed doesn’t make it a successfully implemented character arc, and only hack writers would claim otherwise!!”.
I guess somebody else has finished watching Game of Thrones Season 8, too…

“Thanks for the compliments, and thanks for under-dressing in comparison to me - I really appreciate it”

“Thanks for the compliments, and thanks for under-dressing in comparison to me - I really appreciate it”

“If you can angle it so that you get those blaspheming nuns in frame, one or both of us might go to hell but it’ll really balance the composition a lot better…”

“If you can angle it so that you get those blaspheming nuns in frame, one or both of us might go to hell but it’ll really balance the composition a lot better…”

So…that was that 500 premieres, second row with wristband #14, Squarespace somehow disabling the ability to use italics and bold font in photo comments (even though the icons are selectable), and I’m up almost two hours past bedtime for a 5am alarm for work tomorrow.

Regrets? Only that I can’t think of anything more fun to do than this, and that’s (a) because it’s still fun, and (b) because I think I have a fairly limited imagination. And because that’s unlikely to change anytime soon…

UNTIL NEXT TIME!

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20 May - The 'Rocketman' UK Premiere

May 20th, 2019.

I guess in some ways this movie could be seen as the spiritual successor to last year’s Bohemian Rhapsody, especially since directing duties in that film were ultimately taken over by the very director of this film - Dexter Fletcher. And not only is there no doubting the subject is a musical icon… he was even rumoured to be attending.

Here’s how it went down.

In these days of hover-cars, hyperloops and moon bases (not pictured), one of the Big Three cinemas in Leicester Square still hangs large tarpaulins rather than changing pixels on a display. It’s something to tell the grandkids.. so they’ll say that you’re really boring and you won’t have to babysit them anymore.

In these days of hover-cars, hyperloops and moon bases (not pictured), one of the Big Three cinemas in Leicester Square still hangs large tarpaulins rather than changing pixels on a display. It’s something to tell the grandkids.. so they’ll say that you’re really boring and you won’t have to babysit them anymore.

“In days past they’d have put a giant pair of star-spangled glasses in the middle of Leicester Square, or a giant pair of thigh-high boots to make it look more spectacular. What’s happened to this town, Frank??” ”Well…..” ”You can’t blame Disney for everything, Frank” ”I can and I will.”

“In days past they’d have put a giant pair of star-spangled glasses in the middle of Leicester Square, or a giant pair of thigh-high boots to make it look more spectacular. What’s happened to this town, Frank??”
”Well…..”
”You can’t blame Disney for everything, Frank”
”I can and I will.”

Meanwhile, outside the Odeon….  “What if he’d been born in Jamaica? They might have called the film ‘ROCKET,MON”!!” ”You should remember to have breakfast before you start work, Frank…”

Meanwhile, outside the Odeon….
“What if he’d been born in Jamaica? They might have called the film ‘ROCKET,MON”!!”
”You should remember to have breakfast before you start work, Frank…”

Somewhere between 5 and 9 hours later…

“The music? Not really a fan. It’s really all about the explosives for me… also where are my treats?”  Sniffer dog. My bag passed the sniff-test, even though there’s something in it that keeps making ballpoint pens (but not papers or anything else) sticky.

“The music? Not really a fan. It’s really all about the explosives for me… also where are my treats?”
Sniffer dog. My bag passed the sniff-test, even though there’s something in it that keeps making ballpoint pens (but not papers or anything else) sticky.

“GARISH? I’ll have you know these are my dull, Monday afternoon clothes. You should see me on Thursdays, when I’m really going wild. Also… what exactly is going on here?”

“GARISH? I’ll have you know these are my dull, Monday afternoon clothes. You should see me on Thursdays, when I’m really going wild. Also… what exactly is going on here?”

“Of course, I’m far too young to remember the ‘70s, and all of you, my loyal youtube followers, are even younger than I. So what am I doing here? Free donuts. Or so I’ve been promised. I’ll keep you all updated…”

“Of course, I’m far too young to remember the ‘70s, and all of you, my loyal youtube followers, are even younger than I. So what am I doing here? Free donuts. Or so I’ve been promised. I’ll keep you all updated…”

“I’m going to have to do my whole premiere journal in black’n’white just so I can recognise the people on these pages, damnit…” . Eh.. I’ll see how I go. Three and a half pages is quite hefty - but I’ve got my triage list of priorities of whom to photograph prepared.

“I’m going to have to do my whole premiere journal in black’n’white just so I can recognise the people on these pages, damnit…”. Eh.. I’ll see how I go. Three and a half pages is quite hefty - but I’ve got my triage list of priorities of whom to photograph prepared.

“What am I listening to? Ermm…. Guns’n’Roses. Sorry. Please don’t tell Elton.”  In devastating news, your good friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and his tame DJ El Tonnage were NOT officiating over the warm-up at this premiere. This saddened me. I had quite the scratch-list of things rhyming with ‘Elton’ ready to be unleashed. In this journal, where nobody would see it and laugh, I mean.

“What am I listening to? Ermm…. Guns’n’Roses. Sorry. Please don’t tell Elton.”
In devastating news, your good friend and mine Hakeem Mr Impact and his tame DJ El Tonnage were NOT officiating over the warm-up at this premiere. This saddened me. I had quite the scratch-list of things rhyming with ‘Elton’ ready to be unleashed. In this journal, where nobody would see it and laugh, I mean.

“This is not how I wanted to watch the Game of Thrones Series Finale… but what the hell”  I’ve got the iTunes season pass all ready to download every episode to start watching it as soon as I can. Please don’t spoil me on the ending. I’ve got a lot of cash riding on The Return Of Joffrey.

“This is not how I wanted to watch the Game of Thrones Series Finale… but what the hell”
I’ve got the iTunes season pass all ready to download every episode to start watching it as soon as I can. Please don’t spoil me on the ending. I’ve got a lot of cash riding on The Return Of Joffrey.

The map for this event is an inscrutable runic screed even before the part where Security try their hand at the complex physics of sequential numbers and logical pen-filling. Add four different coloured wristbands and it’s a recipe for chaos even before your favourite Autograph Dealers are heaved into the mix.

The map for this event is an inscrutable runic screed even before the part where Security try their hand at the complex physics of sequential numbers and logical pen-filling. Add four different coloured wristbands and it’s a recipe for chaos even before your favourite Autograph Dealers are heaved into the mix.

“I’ve still got the steady arm and perfect shoulder. Those four summers of cattle branding have not been wasted.”

“I’ve still got the steady arm and perfect shoulder. Those four summers of cattle branding have not been wasted.”

We finally begin, and amazingly I have a front row pen, with all the security of somewhere between 2 and 3 rows of people behind me all willing to sell their kidney (or preferably mine) for Richard Madden or Bryce Dallas Howard’s autograph. It’s anyone’s guess how many (of my) organs a Taron Egerton might go for.

We finally begin, and amazingly I have a front row pen, with all the security of somewhere between 2 and 3 rows of people behind me all willing to sell their kidney (or preferably mine) for Richard Madden or Bryce Dallas Howard’s autograph. It’s anyone’s guess how many (of my) organs a Taron Egerton might go for.

“I don’t want to know. I stopped watching when my character… you know…”  Richard Madden is still best known for the 21 episodes of Game of Thrones he played Robb Stark…and let’s just say they were the first 21 episodes of the show that ran for another 5 seasons and leave it at that.

“I don’t want to know. I stopped watching when my character… you know…”
Richard Madden is still best known for the 21 episodes of Game of Thrones he played Robb Stark…and let’s just say they were the first 21 episodes of the show that ran for another 5 seasons and leave it at that.

“Okay, fine. I care greatly. And anyone who gives away spoilers will feel my wrath.”  Again… Game of Thrones’ finale aired less than 24 hour ago, and I’m still all of season 8 behind. I could be elsewhere right now, but I’m pressed against barriers with little chance of extricating myself.

“Okay, fine. I care greatly. And anyone who gives away spoilers will feel my wrath.”
Again… Game of Thrones’ finale aired less than 24 hour ago, and I’m still all of season 8 behind. I could be elsewhere right now, but I’m pressed against barriers with little chance of extricating myself.

“Happily Ever After… for the most part”  - Richard Madden also played the prince in one of Disney’s early forays into live-action-adapting its own cartoons, in his case 2015’s    “Cinderella”   .

“Happily Ever After… for the most part” - Richard Madden also played the prince in one of Disney’s early forays into live-action-adapting its own cartoons, in his case 2015’s “Cinderella”.

Gemma Jones’ 100+ imdb credits include three Harry Potter films (2, 6 and 7b), and possibly a recent highly successful raid on a tablecloth factory.

Gemma Jones’ 100+ imdb credits include three Harry Potter films (2, 6 and 7b), and possibly a recent highly successful raid on a tablecloth factory.

Random attendee : the third (and current) Spider-Man - Tom Holland, who zipped by so fast that I barely had time to raise my camera (the one with the long-range zoom set to “full”). This photo alone, blurry or otherwise already makes this a better Avengers premiere than    the last one   .

Random attendee : the third (and current) Spider-Man - Tom Holland, who zipped by so fast that I barely had time to raise my camera (the one with the long-range zoom set to “full”). This photo alone, blurry or otherwise already makes this a better Avengers premiere than the last one.

“Oh, no. I don’t think our hair-colour is going to be in sync for this premiere….. like… at all”  - Taron Egerton plays Elton John in the movie.

“Oh, no. I don’t think our hair-colour is going to be in sync for this premiere….. like… at all”
- Taron Egerton plays Elton John in the movie.

“This is a figurative high-five, not a literal one, people.”  It’s Elton John! And he’s in a pope-mobile / golf-cart… which itself is wearing glasses. I feel like I probably should add that photo… but it’s way after midnight and I don’t want to .

“This is a figurative high-five, not a literal one, people.” It’s Elton John! And he’s in a pope-mobile / golf-cart… which itself is wearing glasses. I feel like I probably should add that photo… but it’s way after midnight and I don’t want to .

“And I hereby reiterate my offer to the Fast &amp; Furious producers, for me to join Dominic Turetto and his gang on their next two adventures….”

“And I hereby reiterate my offer to the Fast & Furious producers, for me to join Dominic Turetto and his gang on their next two adventures….”

“That’s a camera… right??”  - Elton John with husband David Furnish.

“That’s a camera… right??” - Elton John with husband David Furnish.

“For private use ONLY. And I mean PRIVATE. And I mean ONLY”

“For private use ONLY. And I mean PRIVATE. And I mean ONLY”

“But what if he looks in my direction and sees right through me? I mean, I’ve grown the hair as wide as I can to prevent that, but what if it’s not wide enough, Sarah??”

“But what if he looks in my direction and sees right through me? I mean, I’ve grown the hair as wide as I can to prevent that, but what if it’s not wide enough, Sarah??”

“that’s one of the most compelling black’n’white QPR code-and-seat-allocation combinations I’ve ever seen… I wonder how boring the other side of the ticket must be?”

“that’s one of the most compelling black’n’white QPR code-and-seat-allocation combinations I’ve ever seen… I wonder how boring the other side of the ticket must be?”

This is Kelly Osbourne (left), and for the life of me I can’t remember whether she parlayed that early ‘000s reality TV show she was in into a singing career, modeling career, or what. But the guy with the star-struck glasses in the background left : you know he’s building up to a level of fame that will last for Decades Glorious.

This is Kelly Osbourne (left), and for the life of me I can’t remember whether she parlayed that early ‘000s reality TV show she was in into a singing career, modeling career, or what. But the guy with the star-struck glasses in the background left : you know he’s building up to a level of fame that will last for Decades Glorious.

“Well, yeah I wrote most of Elton’s songs, but I’d kind of prefer you didn’t call me the “John Lennon of the band”, for obvious reasons”  - it’s Bernie Taupin!

“Well, yeah I wrote most of Elton’s songs, but I’d kind of prefer you didn’t call me the “John Lennon of the band”, for obvious reasons” - it’s Bernie Taupin!

“Is that your Nikon making me artistically blurry, or are you just happy to see me?”  Hard to say.. I’m not entirely sure who singer James Bay is…. but this is he.

“Is that your Nikon making me artistically blurry, or are you just happy to see me?”
Hard to say.. I’m not entirely sure who singer James Bay is…. but this is he.

“They stopped making Oddka Buttered Popcorn Vodka and nobody told me? Why?? And when?? This is unacceptable”  Agreed. I myself am down to perhaps two servings of my last ever bottle. A true tragedy. I named a cocktail that had it as the crucial ingredient… what am I supposed to do, now??

“They stopped making Oddka Buttered Popcorn Vodka and nobody told me? Why?? And when?? This is unacceptable” Agreed. I myself am down to perhaps two servings of my last ever bottle. A true tragedy. I named a cocktail that had it as the crucial ingredient… what am I supposed to do, now??

“What do you have written on the back of the shirt…it had better not be what I think it is…”  Taron Egerton, along with actually singing Elton’s songs in this biopic, has notably been in the Kingsman series of films (   “The Secret Service”    and    “The Golden Circle”   ) at neither of which I photographed him particularly well.

“What do you have written on the back of the shirt…it had better not be what I think it is…”
Taron Egerton, along with actually singing Elton’s songs in this biopic, has notably been in the Kingsman series of films (“The Secret Service” and “The Golden Circle”) at neither of which I photographed him particularly well.

It’s former German supermodel Claudia Schiffer!! She’s at this premiere because her husband (Matthew Vaughn) is a producer. I didn’t photograph him… because she’s Claudia Schiffer, and I have an ironclad triage-esque system of priorities in play at these events. And I stand by it.

It’s former German supermodel Claudia Schiffer!! She’s at this premiere because her husband (Matthew Vaughn) is a producer. I didn’t photograph him… because she’s Claudia Schiffer, and I have an ironclad triage-esque system of priorities in play at these events. And I stand by it.

“I can sign that for you, but only if you can tell me whether the thing around my neck is a thin scarf or an un-tied tie.”  - Jason Flemyng, among other things, was in the Guy Ritchie movie “Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” - with Dexter Fletcher (in an acting capacity)

“I can sign that for you, but only if you can tell me whether the thing around my neck is a thin scarf or an un-tied tie.” - Jason Flemyng, among other things, was in the Guy Ritchie movie “Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” - with Dexter Fletcher (in an acting capacity)

Writer/Presenter/Actor Stephen Fry - host of multiple Bafta ceremonies, he was also the Cheshire Cat in the live-action Alice In Wonderland, the Master of Laketown in two of The Hobbit movies AND was in one of my favourite movies V for Vendetta. His tie features colours you wouldn’t believe, so I turned it down.

Writer/Presenter/Actor Stephen Fry - host of multiple Bafta ceremonies, he was also the Cheshire Cat in the live-action Alice In Wonderland, the Master of Laketown in two of The Hobbit movies AND was in one of my favourite movies V for Vendetta. His tie features colours you wouldn’t believe, so I turned it down.

“Brown? You’re getting me to sign things with a BROWN sharpie, Janice? Well… it’s on you if it all turns out horrible and autograph dealers’ feelings are hurt.”  - Dexter Fletcher signs in our area - and on the strength of all three of his prior directing duties -    Wild Bill   ,    Eddie the Eagle    and (unofficially)    Bohemian Rhapsody   , I’m both looking forward to seeing this movie AND very pleased that he signed my Moleskine journal.

“Brown? You’re getting me to sign things with a BROWN sharpie, Janice? Well… it’s on you if it all turns out horrible and autograph dealers’ feelings are hurt.” - Dexter Fletcher signs in our area - and on the strength of all three of his prior directing duties - Wild Bill, Eddie the Eagle and (unofficially) Bohemian Rhapsody, I’m both looking forward to seeing this movie AND very pleased that he signed my Moleskine journal.

“From what I can see, this is the shape your spine is currently in. You should probably get a chiropractor to look at it afterwards”.  My spot in the pen might be front-row, but there is an army behind me happy to surge forward (and, worryingly, sideways in both directions). I think my spine is fine, now, though, and I say that as somebody who runs an entertainment-themed website and does pricing analysis.

“From what I can see, this is the shape your spine is currently in. You should probably get a chiropractor to look at it afterwards”. My spot in the pen might be front-row, but there is an army behind me happy to surge forward (and, worryingly, sideways in both directions). I think my spine is fine, now, though, and I say that as somebody who runs an entertainment-themed website and does pricing analysis.

“She might even be that blurry naturally… but I still think she’s pretty….”

“She might even be that blurry naturally… but I still think she’s pretty….”

“With that light shining on me and those glasses you’re wearing, I just want The Hague and the guys from the Geneva Convention to know that any of the answers I’m giving to you are provided under duress, okay? That said, Dexter was a delight to work with, and I genuinely mean that….”

“With that light shining on me and those glasses you’re wearing, I just want The Hague and the guys from the Geneva Convention to know that any of the answers I’m giving to you are provided under duress, okay? That said, Dexter was a delight to work with, and I genuinely mean that….”

“Hey, you got my good side. And I only had to contort my whole body to make sure you did”  Along with being famed director Ron Howard’s daughter, Bryce Dallas Howards’ movie credits have included both Jurassic World movies, MNightShyamalan’s The Village and… erm.. more than one Twilight.

“Hey, you got my good side. And I only had to contort my whole body to make sure you did”
Along with being famed director Ron Howard’s daughter, Bryce Dallas Howards’ movie credits have included both Jurassic World movies, MNightShyamalan’s The Village and… erm.. more than one Twilight.

“I’d love to do a Rizzle Kicks biopic. Do we know if they’re still around??”

“I’d love to do a Rizzle Kicks biopic. Do we know if they’re still around??”

“He said I’d have first pick of either Rizzle or Kicks…. and the other would go to Channing Tatum. And I think we could definitely make it work…”

“He said I’d have first pick of either Rizzle or Kicks…. and the other would go to Channing Tatum. And I think we could definitely make it work…”

“Okay, thanks for that. Your feedback is noted, and will be cheerfully disregarded”  Let’s just say autograph dealer behaviour at this premiere, from one of their members, was about as low as you can get, and we’re talking about a class of (loosely) “human” that has hit depths the earth’s crust is no longer reliably solid at.

“Okay, thanks for that. Your feedback is noted, and will be cheerfully disregarded”
Let’s just say autograph dealer behaviour at this premiere, from one of their members, was about as low as you can get, and we’re talking about a class of (loosely) “human” that has hit depths the earth’s crust is no longer reliably solid at.

So… that was that. It was a frustrating premiere insofar as angles being difficult to come by, the carpet being very crowded, and the level of aptitude shown by Security being about on par with the average neanderthal who bangs two rocks together (and not in a Large Hadron Collider kind of way).

Still, as always, it’s another +1 to the Archive of Premieres, which must now be getting to within +/- 1 or 2 of 500 all-time premieres. I should probably check and buy myself something to drink and celebrate (or commiserate) the occasion.

….Until Next Time!

If you like and/or want to know when I post one of these journals, feel free to follow me on facebook at premeiresdotco, or twitter at berndt2_photo.

And I mean it about the Game of Thrones Spoilers.