24 Feb 2019 - The 'Destination : Dewsbury' London Premiere

February 24th, 2019.

It’s not every Sunday evening I look around at what I’ve accomplished that day, conclude it was very little, and head in at 7pm for an 8pm arrival for an 8:30pm start to a premiere. Mainly because premieres don’t usually start that late. But it happened today, and it was for a movie I don’t know anyone from, but that’s never stopped me before.

Here’s how it went down:

It’s late, it’s dark, and I’m at a premiere without autograph dealers, barriers, wristbands, or security. It’s so strange I almost feel like leaving because this scarcely counts as a premiere as I’ve come to define it.. but that’s silly, because this is the BEST kind of premiere.

It’s late, it’s dark, and I’m at a premiere without autograph dealers, barriers, wristbands, or security. It’s so strange I almost feel like leaving because this scarcely counts as a premiere as I’ve come to define it.. but that’s silly, because this is the BEST kind of premiere.

“Do we need a permit for this equipment?” ”I don’t know. Do you HAVE a permit for this equipment”? ”Ummm… as long as you don’t ask me to show it to you as proof, then yes. Yes, absolutely I have a permit.”

“Do we need a permit for this equipment?”
”I don’t know. Do you HAVE a permit for this equipment”?
”Ummm… as long as you don’t ask me to show it to you as proof, then yes. Yes, absolutely I have a permit.”

“Strangle me if you feel you must, but if you mess up my tie you’ll have several people to answer to…”

“Strangle me if you feel you must, but if you mess up my tie you’ll have several people to answer to…”

“I gotta keep strangling people. It’s my art, and I don’t feel any need to explain it”

“I gotta keep strangling people. It’s my art, and I don’t feel any need to explain it”

“I feel I explained too much of my art… I can’t help but feel this might compromise its authenticity”

“I feel I explained too much of my art… I can’t help but feel this might compromise its authenticity”

“The detail is fantastic. It feel just like I’m here experiencing this event, and holding a phone and pointing it at the people at the event…”

“The detail is fantastic. It feel just like I’m here experiencing this event, and holding a phone and pointing it at the people at the event…”

“I’m here with three members of the cast… .or so I assume, owing to the fact that the wifi here is really bad and I can’t access imdb.”  Also, problematically, most of the cast listing on imdb.com is comprised of featureless silhouettes.

“I’m here with three members of the cast… .or so I assume, owing to the fact that the wifi here is really bad and I can’t access imdb.” Also, problematically, most of the cast listing on imdb.com is comprised of featureless silhouettes.

“I don’t know what to tell you… but I think this expression covers it adequately”

“I don’t know what to tell you… but I think this expression covers it adequately”

“I have nothing to add, except my relief that there’s at least one person between me and the guy on the far left of this photo who keeps strangling people as part of his Art.”

“I have nothing to add, except my relief that there’s at least one person between me and the guy on the far left of this photo who keeps strangling people as part of his Art.”

“Are they symbolic? Yes. Are they for sale? No. Are they load-bearing? I suspect so….”

“Are they symbolic? Yes. Are they for sale? No. Are they load-bearing? I suspect so….”

“I asked if you had any spare gold flowers left from the set and you said ‘no’. And now I see you standing there, mocking me with the bountiful quantities you claimed didn’t exist. I’m shocked, appalled, and whatever the expression on the face of that other guy is. I can’t see it so I don’t know”

“I asked if you had any spare gold flowers left from the set and you said ‘no’. And now I see you standing there, mocking me with the bountiful quantities you claimed didn’t exist. I’m shocked, appalled, and whatever the expression on the face of that other guy is. I can’t see it so I don’t know”

“Is that Samuel L Jackson? Did he accept our invite?” ”I don’t know… did we invite him?” ”Well… no.” ”Damnit, it occurs to me now that maybe we should have”

“Is that Samuel L Jackson? Did he accept our invite?”
”I don’t know… did we invite him?”
”Well… no.”
”Damnit, it occurs to me now that maybe we should have”

“And if I move further backwards, they’ll be the same size as they are on screen and it’ll be just like being there.”

“And if I move further backwards, they’ll be the same size as they are on screen and it’ll be just like being there.”

“Sadly I can’t do that thing where I independently have one eye pointing at each of your cameras, and I don’t want to choose between you.”

“Sadly I can’t do that thing where I independently have one eye pointing at each of your cameras, and I don’t want to choose between you.”

“Obviously we do want to start a “Destination…” cinematic universe. It’s not like there aren’t a lot of destinations out there, Sharon.”

“Obviously we do want to start a “Destination…” cinematic universe. It’s not like there aren’t a lot of destinations out there, Sharon.”

“I don’t care about the event, I’m just glad I finally got reception”

“I don’t care about the event, I’m just glad I finally got reception”

“So…. is there free popcorn at this premiere or not? It’s kind of an important question”

“So…. is there free popcorn at this premiere or not? It’s kind of an important question”

“That’s the guy who strangles people for his Art. I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you as a human shield, dear, but if you could just stand between us I’d feel a whole lot safer. I mean better.”

“That’s the guy who strangles people for his Art. I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you as a human shield, dear, but if you could just stand between us I’d feel a whole lot safer. I mean better.”

“Look up at that thing! I don’t know what it’s called or what it does but look at it! …and if you could, try to look at it as if you know what it is!”

“Look up at that thing! I don’t know what it’s called or what it does but look at it! …and if you could, try to look at it as if you know what it is!”

“I looked at it. What do I do next?”

“I looked at it. What do I do next?”

“The brickwork on the far side of this alley really is exquisite. I gotta come back here when it’s quieter.”

“The brickwork on the far side of this alley really is exquisite. I gotta come back here when it’s quieter.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, you gotta move further back or this won’t work”

“I don’t know what to tell you, you gotta move further back or this won’t work”

“This goes out to Disney/Marvel, who dared to schedule a premiere in London the same week we’re releasing our movie”

“This goes out to Disney/Marvel, who dared to schedule a premiere in London the same week we’re releasing our movie”

“They’re out of control. Run for your lives. Flee. But not into the cinema… that’s where I’m going. The seats are comfortable in there”

“They’re out of control. Run for your lives. Flee. But not into the cinema… that’s where I’m going. The seats are comfortable in there”

“We’re looking into the lens. It’s all up to you now. Don’t steal our souls, and do cool stuff with the photo. Also… think about taking off that lens cap. But we don’t want to tell you what to do.”

“We’re looking into the lens. It’s all up to you now. Don’t steal our souls, and do cool stuff with the photo. Also… think about taking off that lens cap. But we don’t want to tell you what to do.”

“This looks like an event. Might take a selfie of myself looking at it” ”And I’ll take a photo of you doing it. That way we’ve recorded all aspects of the event that are truly important”

“This looks like an event. Might take a selfie of myself looking at it”
”And I’ll take a photo of you doing it. That way we’ve recorded all aspects of the event that are truly important”

So… that was that. I’ll see if imdb gets its act together at some stage and perhaps I’ll be able to identify some of these fine fold (beyond the director, who is the tall gentleman and whose name is Jack Spring).

Until next time!

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