24 Apr 2019 - The 'Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil, and Vile' Premiere

April 24th,2019

Yesterday, there were as many as three events in London that might, under the right circumstances, be considered premieres : a Theatre Opening, a three-star Q&A, and at the Odeon Leicester Square, “The Home Of Premieres”… a world premiere that was subsequently downgraded to mere “gala”. Triple disappointment, in other words.

Today there was just one premiere, and just two choices : shoot from inside, or outside?

Here’s how it went down:

Far be it from me to prejudge this premiere based purely on the sign, but..….

Far be it from me to prejudge this premiere based purely on the sign, but..….

Not since    “The Guernsey Literary And Potato Peel Pie Society”    had its premiere at Curzon Mayfair last year have we seen the marquee strain quite this much to accommodate a film title.

Not since “The Guernsey Literary And Potato Peel Pie Society” had its premiere at Curzon Mayfair last year have we seen the marquee strain quite this much to accommodate a film title.

“I still feel like we could put a ‘very’, an ‘exceedingly’ and an ‘indubitably’ in there and make this title even more impressive”

“I still feel like we could put a ‘very’, an ‘exceedingly’ and an ‘indubitably’ in there and make this title even more impressive”

“Actually, to get stereo sound and 3D image, you only need two phones, not three…”  Joe Berlinger is the director of this film, but he probably underestimates the number of dimensions of Zac Efron these ladies want to capture.

“Actually, to get stereo sound and 3D image, you only need two phones, not three…”
Joe Berlinger is the director of this film, but he probably underestimates the number of dimensions of Zac Efron these ladies want to capture.

“In spite of everything, I’m still fairly satisfied with my mobile phone plan. But thanks for asking!!”  It’s Lily Collins! I’ve only really photographed her at one prior premiere - and not that well -    for “Love, Rosie” all the way back in 2014   .

“In spite of everything, I’m still fairly satisfied with my mobile phone plan. But thanks for asking!!”
It’s Lily Collins! I’ve only really photographed her at one prior premiere - and not that well - for “Love, Rosie” all the way back in 2014.

“It’s not much against a breeze, but it does discourage mosquitoes…”

“It’s not much against a breeze, but it does discourage mosquitoes…”

“The finger-love-heart design at the top is meant to draw the eye, but you are married, Sir”  I barely noticed it, but thanks for pointing it out!

“The finger-love-heart design at the top is meant to draw the eye, but you are married, Sir”
I barely noticed it, but thanks for pointing it out!

“Hey, Ladiez…”  - that sound of screaming you’re hearing is coming from you, not me, as not just any old Zac Efron, but THE Zac Efron arrives. I’ve photographed him at such premieres as    “Me and Orson Welles”   ,    “17 Again”   , and “   Charlie St Cloud”    at its Australian premiere back in 2010.

“Hey, Ladiez…” - that sound of screaming you’re hearing is coming from you, not me, as not just any old Zac Efron, but THE Zac Efron arrives.
I’ve photographed him at such premieres as “Me and Orson Welles”, “17 Again”, and “Charlie St Cloud” at its Australian premiere back in 2010.

“Every day on set, it was    ‘OMG, that’s Zac Efron!!’   ,and    ‘EEee!!! it’s Zac Efron!!”    - until he asked me to stop doing that. Then things mostly settled down.”

“Every day on set, it was ‘OMG, that’s Zac Efron!!’,and ‘EEee!!! it’s Zac Efron!!” - until he asked me to stop doing that. Then things mostly settled down.”

“Hello, fans to my left - I hope you’re enjoying my sultry side. Fans to my right, meanwhile, are having to make to with my demure side”

“Hello, fans to my left - I hope you’re enjoying my sultry side. Fans to my right, meanwhile, are having to make to with my demure side”

“Excuse me, are you Efron? My Mum says you’re going to be my new Step-Dad…”

“Excuse me, are you Efron? My Mum says you’re going to be my new Step-Dad…”

“This pose is mainly just to win a bet I have going, but nonetheless Peace Out, y’all”

“This pose is mainly just to win a bet I have going, but nonetheless Peace Out, y’all”

“If you can see a better-looking couple than us at this event, it’s probably because you’re looking at us in the live-view of your camera’s viewfinder…”

“If you can see a better-looking couple than us at this event, it’s probably because you’re looking at us in the live-view of your camera’s viewfinder…”

“Yes, sadly, I am standing closer to her than you will ever be, and no, it’s not just because of my stylish tie and immaculate hair…. the pin-stripe suit also has a part to play”

“Yes, sadly, I am standing closer to her than you will ever be, and no, it’s not just because of my stylish tie and immaculate hair…. the pin-stripe suit also has a part to play”

“that kid wasn’t serious about the step-dad thing, right? I’ve already picked up two since I got out of the limo at this thing…”

“that kid wasn’t serious about the step-dad thing, right? I’ve already picked up two since I got out of the limo at this thing…”

“Even wearing this top, I notice all of your attention is still drawn to Zac… I don’t really know what I could have done different to prevent this…”

“Even wearing this top, I notice all of your attention is still drawn to Zac… I don’t really know what I could have done different to prevent this…”

“Can you see him??” ”Sorry… can’t talk… too busy remembering to breathe so as not to die…”

“Can you see him??”
”Sorry… can’t talk… too busy remembering to breathe so as not to die…”

“And all four of the girls in the background are taking selfies of each other, and not me?? How is that even possible?”

“And all four of the girls in the background are taking selfies of each other, and not me?? How is that even possible?”

“Okay, now it’s time for one of us to ask you a question. That’s how this works, right?”

“Okay, now it’s time for one of us to ask you a question. That’s how this works, right?”

“And some days I literally have to stand like this just to accept all the babies I’m meant to bless at Premieres I attend. It’s no way to live, Olivia…”

“And some days I literally have to stand like this just to accept all the babies I’m meant to bless at Premieres I attend. It’s no way to live, Olivia…”

“He might have made some of that up. But not all of it.”

“He might have made some of that up. But not all of it.”

“Can I ask you one question, Lily?” ”Sure - what is it?” ”Can you ask if Zac will go out on a date with me?”

“Can I ask you one question, Lily?”
”Sure - what is it?”
”Can you ask if Zac will go out on a date with me?”

“Careful Dear….it’s only Zac Efon” ”If you were any other woman, Marjorie, I would kill you where you stand for that comment”

“Careful Dear….it’s only Zac Efon”
”If you were any other woman, Marjorie, I would kill you where you stand for that comment”

“That lady keeps taking photos of the side and back of my hair, and I don’t know why… and I’m too scared to ask.”

“That lady keeps taking photos of the side and back of my hair, and I don’t know why… and I’m too scared to ask.”

Insert Comment Later. Or Not.

Insert Comment Later. Or Not.

“It’s vitally important to carry your own mood lighting with you if the ambient lighting doesn’t provide it. That’s one of the first things I learned. Discard the advice at your peril”

“It’s vitally important to carry your own mood lighting with you if the ambient lighting doesn’t provide it. That’s one of the first things I learned. Discard the advice at your peril”

“It wasn’t actually funny, but future generations looking at this photo will never know”

“It wasn’t actually funny, but future generations looking at this photo will never know”

“You know that quiet, intimate interview you wanted? I’m not sure it’s quite as quiet and intimate as you think…”

“You know that quiet, intimate interview you wanted? I’m not sure it’s quite as quiet and intimate as you think…”

So… that wasn’t quite as stressful as I’d feared it might have been. And there may yet be another premiere or two at Curzon Mayfair before the month is out - something that the Odeon Leicester Square - “The Home Of Premieres” - can not promise.

Until next time!

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