1st Nov 2019 - The 'Rise of the Footsoldier 4 : Marbella' Premiere

November 1st, 2019.

For only the third time ever, I went to a premiere in a part of London that’s so far from London I can only just kind of see London in the distance. The location : Limehouse, two stops east on the DLR from Monument tube station, past some sleeping cave trolls and the old timber mill, and past a pretty nice craft beer pub… and a few blocks past that the mighty Troxy Cinema. And though the weather’s been cold and it was forecast to rain, it did/was neither of those things, and the only problem, as ever, was not knowing who anyone was once the event began.

But by that time I was two pints in, and my camera’s battery was fully charged: where else was I going to be on a Friday night? Here’s how it went down:

The Troxy in Limehouse. I’ve never been inside, but I’ve been told it’s quite nice. I don’t know… I have pretty low standards so I kind of almost recommend the footpath outside it.

The Troxy in Limehouse. I’ve never been inside, but I’ve been told it’s quite nice. I don’t know… I have pretty low standards so I kind of almost recommend the footpath outside it.

“Don’t make eye-contact with the locals, Jeffrey…” ”What are you talking about, Marge. We LIVE here!” ”That’s precisely why….”

“Don’t make eye-contact with the locals, Jeffrey…”
”What are you talking about, Marge. We LIVE here!”
”That’s precisely why….”

One element that makes premiere photography at the Troxy difficult is that there are typically no outside paparazzi and almost everyone from guests to VIPs to passing locals all look rather distinctive. What, other than photograph everyone Just On Suspicion, can you do? (Me : I do precisely THAT)

One element that makes premiere photography at the Troxy difficult is that there are typically no outside paparazzi and almost everyone from guests to VIPs to passing locals all look rather distinctive. What, other than photograph everyone Just On Suspicion, can you do? (Me : I do precisely THAT)

“Stop calling it cerise. It’s not f&&king cerise. Cerise is considerably darker, you philistines…”

“Stop calling it cerise. It’s not f&&king cerise. Cerise is considerably darker, you philistines…”

“You think you have the right to photograph me just because I’ve got a cool beard and an awesome hat?    Lady, can’t you see how fantastically co-ordinated my scarf and man-bag are?   ”

“You think you have the right to photograph me just because I’ve got a cool beard and an awesome hat? Lady, can’t you see how fantastically co-ordinated my scarf and man-bag are?

I’ve barely gotten here and I’ve already missed one of the key stars of the film : Terry Stone. (The official word was that doors would open at 7pm for an 8pm screening….. we got there at 6:40pm and Mr Stone was already safely inside the venue).

I’ve barely gotten here and I’ve already missed one of the key stars of the film : Terry Stone. (The official word was that doors would open at 7pm for an 8pm screening….. we got there at 6:40pm and Mr Stone was already safely inside the venue).

“I had them put up a Welcome sign so I wouldn’t have to, you know… “

“I had them put up a Welcome sign so I wouldn’t have to, you know… “

“Hold on Jerry, some misanthrope has pressed the pedestrian crossing button and I don’t see anyone even wanting to cross the road….. why do they do that, Jerry?”  (edited to add : Josh Myers, who is in this film)

“Hold on Jerry, some misanthrope has pressed the pedestrian crossing button and I don’t see anyone even wanting to cross the road….. why do they do that, Jerry?”
(edited to add : Josh Myers, who is in this film)

“Takin’ street photography of buses at nighttime on a busy road, huh? Well, I won’t lie: if I didn’t have an event I’d committed to, I’d be right there with you.”  This, until proven otherwise, is simply Man With Neat Goatee And Awesome Tie.

“Takin’ street photography of buses at nighttime on a busy road, huh? Well, I won’t lie: if I didn’t have an event I’d committed to, I’d be right there with you.”
This, until proven otherwise, is simply Man With Neat Goatee And Awesome Tie.

“We all agreed it was going to be midriff Friday… I guess you didn’t receive the memo, huh?”

“We all agreed it was going to be midriff Friday… I guess you didn’t receive the memo, huh?”

“If you outshine me in this photo, so help me Janice I will cut you….”  I don’t know who this is, but I fear she demands that I do. (edited to add : Georgia Harison)

“If you outshine me in this photo, so help me Janice I will cut you….”
I don’t know who this is, but I fear she demands that I do. (edited to add : Georgia Harison)

Amazing jacket. That’s all I’ve got for now… but really, isn’t that enough?

Amazing jacket. That’s all I’ve got for now… but really, isn’t that enough?

“I gotta be honest, neither of your beards is as good as mine, which means neither of you come close to impressing me” . There’s an outside chance the man in the middle, fantastic beard and all, is in this movie, but getty and wireimage haven’t uploaded their shot from the event yet. (edited to add : he’s in this movie, but still not yet identified)

“I gotta be honest, neither of your beards is as good as mine, which means neither of you come close to impressing me”. There’s an outside chance the man in the middle, fantastic beard and all, is in this movie, but getty and wireimage haven’t uploaded their shot from the event yet. (edited to add : he’s in this movie, but still not yet identified)

“Me not wearing a tie is a clear design choice…. yours just screams lazy and ineptitude. The difference? Attitude, my friend.”  I don’t know who this is, but I am also not wearing a tie.

“Me not wearing a tie is a clear design choice…. yours just screams lazy and ineptitude. The difference? Attitude, my friend.” I don’t know who this is, but I am also not wearing a tie.

“The only reason I’m posing for this photo is so that later tonight, when we have an argument, I’m going to win it because I was right and there WAS a dude wearing a checked shirt to this event. Please keep him in frame.”

“The only reason I’m posing for this photo is so that later tonight, when we have an argument, I’m going to win it because I was right and there WAS a dude wearing a checked shirt to this event. Please keep him in frame.”

“This event needs a “customer safety” presence? What kind of premiere IS this?”  (edited to add : Carnaby Films’ Andrew Loveday)

“This event needs a “customer safety” presence? What kind of premiere IS this?”
(edited to add : Carnaby Films’ Andrew Loveday)

“Hold on Jerry. Some kind of thing is going on… possibly I might have to introduce myself or do some selfies. Actually, scratch that…keep talking. I intend to.”  Craig Fairbrass is in this movie.

“Hold on Jerry. Some kind of thing is going on… possibly I might have to introduce myself or do some selfies. Actually, scratch that…keep talking. I intend to.” Craig Fairbrass is in this movie.

“Jerry? That man is wearing a beret…. and I want one. Now. RIGHT now. Jerry, I don’t care what time of night it is, make it happen.”

“Jerry? That man is wearing a beret…. and I want one. Now. RIGHT now. Jerry, I don’t care what time of night it is, make it happen.”

“Jerry? JERRY?…. I’ll get back to you, Jerry”  Craig Fairbrass has been in every movie of the Rise Of The Footsoldier quadrilogy, of which I have presently watched zero. But I feel obliged to watch every movie whose premiere I attend, so this one’s now on my list.

“Jerry? JERRY?…. I’ll get back to you, Jerry” Craig Fairbrass has been in every movie of the Rise Of The Footsoldier quadrilogy, of which I have presently watched zero. But I feel obliged to watch every movie whose premiere I attend, so this one’s now on my list.

Not sure if he’s the one who’s famous….

Not sure if he’s the one who’s famous….

… or she is. So I’m hedging my bets.

… or she is. So I’m hedging my bets.

“Late night bus photography, huh? Well… hopefully it gets the one in the background right now - I saw it earlier, and it looked wonderful.”

“Late night bus photography, huh? Well… hopefully it gets the one in the background right now - I saw it earlier, and it looked wonderful.”

“Who are we here to see? Actually, we’re just going grocery shopping and really want it to be a special time for us and everyone else.”

“Who are we here to see? Actually, we’re just going grocery shopping and really want it to be a special time for us and everyone else.”

“Actually, No, I’m just going to correct you there. I did not bring two dates to this event, I brought one. But then I found the other, and she just looked so sad and lonely, I thought I’d find HER a date. But doing that would mean abandoning MY date, which would make HER sad and lonely and I couldn’t have that. So, stuck for options, I… wait, why am I telling you any of this?”

“Actually, No, I’m just going to correct you there. I did not bring two dates to this event, I brought one. But then I found the other, and she just looked so sad and lonely, I thought I’d find HER a date. But doing that would mean abandoning MY date, which would make HER sad and lonely and I couldn’t have that. So, stuck for options, I… wait, why am I telling you any of this?”

Halloween patriotism. Not sure how I feel about it.

Halloween patriotism. Not sure how I feel about it.

“There’s no way I’m going to remember all that… couldn’t you just send me a text?”

“There’s no way I’m going to remember all that… couldn’t you just send me a text?”

“No, I didn’t have time to properly tie my tie… please just photograph my girlfriend. Oh wait. You are.”

“No, I didn’t have time to properly tie my tie… please just photograph my girlfriend. Oh wait. You are.”

Boy Band, pre-Gig…. or Pack of Nuclear Physicists out on the Town? Hard to say.

Boy Band, pre-Gig…. or Pack of Nuclear Physicists out on the Town? Hard to say.

The girl’s degree of investment in this possible game of scissors-paper-rock is intriguing.

The girl’s degree of investment in this possible game of scissors-paper-rock is intriguing.

“I’m here to collect…. whatever it is they’re giving away. Is it Tazos? I liked Tazos back in the day..” (edited to add…. possibly Conor Nigel Benn, who is in this movie?)

“I’m here to collect…. whatever it is they’re giving away. Is it Tazos? I liked Tazos back in the day..”
(edited to add…. possibly Conor Nigel Benn, who is in this movie?)

“Your camera and your technique are sub-par but I feel obliged to stand here and help you improve. Please don’t insult my gesture by thanking me for it.”

“Your camera and your technique are sub-par but I feel obliged to stand here and help you improve. Please don’t insult my gesture by thanking me for it.”

These three actually returned and cordially invited us specifically to photograph them. I was happy to oblige but it’s not exactly candid street photography, is it? (Are any of them in the movie, do we know?)  (edited to add : possibly from the TV show ‘The Apprentice’?)

These three actually returned and cordially invited us specifically to photograph them. I was happy to oblige but it’s not exactly candid street photography, is it? (Are any of them in the movie, do we know?) (edited to add : possibly from the TV show ‘The Apprentice’?)

“I’m just going to stand here, and you can decide whether my presence enhances the look and appal of the poster. Here’s a clue : it does.”

“I’m just going to stand here, and you can decide whether my presence enhances the look and appal of the poster. Here’s a clue : it does.”

In the continuing blood feud between myself and Scarlett Johansson which dates back to that movie I’ve forgotten the name of (which I still haven’t watched), I’ve decided that this lady looks… kind of a fair bit like Scarlett Johansson. And for every little bit she might not, she’s making up for it by not openly snubbing me like the Real Scarlett Johansson.

In the continuing blood feud between myself and Scarlett Johansson which dates back to that movie I’ve forgotten the name of (which I still haven’t watched), I’ve decided that this lady looks… kind of a fair bit like Scarlett Johansson. And for every little bit she might not, she’s making up for it by not openly snubbing me like the Real Scarlett Johansson.

“Anyway, I can’t be standing outside getting photographed all evening… I’ve still got to go INSIDE and get myself photographed.”

“Anyway, I can’t be standing outside getting photographed all evening… I’ve still got to go INSIDE and get myself photographed.”

“You called my scarf a dish-towel, and I demand you take it back. No, not the dishtowel, I need that to dry cutlery when I get home. Wait… where was I?”

“You called my scarf a dish-towel, and I demand you take it back. No, not the dishtowel, I need that to dry cutlery when I get home. Wait… where was I?”

“You took a photo of her without letting her Find The Light First. As a photographer, I should think you know exactly how distraught she is feeling right now…”

“You took a photo of her without letting her Find The Light First. As a photographer, I should think you know exactly how distraught she is feeling right now…”

“Yeah, I killed that mink and skinned it myself.” ”That’s a metaphor by the way….” ”Why you gotta undercut me like that, Marie?”

“Yeah, I killed that mink and skinned it myself.”
”That’s a metaphor by the way….”
”Why you gotta undercut me like that, Marie?”

I feel like I should know who this is… but why start trying to identify people this late in the evening… at 0:20am in the morning.

I feel like I should know who this is… but why start trying to identify people this late in the evening… at 0:20am in the morning.

Of course, even if you go all the way to The Troxy to photograph people you’ve never met from the premiere of a movie you haven’t watched at a cinema you’ve never been inside… there’s always the iconic phone box in Limehouse you can photograph. Good old Boothy.

Of course, even if you go all the way to The Troxy to photograph people you’ve never met from the premiere of a movie you haven’t watched at a cinema you’ve never been inside… there’s always the iconic phone box in Limehouse you can photograph. Good old Boothy.

Oh, Boothy…you’ve done it again.

Oh, Boothy…you’ve done it again.

So… that, rather pleasingly, was that. A third premiere at The Troxy for 2019, and based on that trio I think I’ll consider a Troxy Premiere to be one worth the extra travel to get to.

Until next time!

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