30 Jun 2019 - 'The Queen's Corgi'... event

June 30th, 2019.

Well, wouldn’t you know it, once again London is paying host to an event for which there is ambiguity where classification is concerned. The movie : “The Queen’s Corgi”. The event? Well, depending on your source for rumours, anything from a Charity Screening to a World Premiere. But would the voice cast show up? Would anyone show up? Testament to what is happening, premieres-wise in London, the only way to find out would be for ME to show up. Here’s how it went down:

(PS. if you’re a fan of Corgis, I’ve photographed them before, at the premiere of “The Crown, Season1”, and also “The Crown, Season2”.)

Four different sources, four contradictory stories. The most ambitious ‘guess’ - the one on the top right, which mentioned that FIVE of the voice cast would probably attend. The least ‘ambitious’ - the one of the bottom right, which said only that it was a ‘corgi garden party’. And the most hilariously hedged bet : the one on the top left that simply suggested that   something   was ‘CONFIRMED”.

Four different sources, four contradictory stories. The most ambitious ‘guess’ - the one on the top right, which mentioned that FIVE of the voice cast would probably attend. The least ‘ambitious’ - the one of the bottom right, which said only that it was a ‘corgi garden party’. And the most hilariously hedged bet : the one on the top left that simply suggested that something was ‘CONFIRMED”.

The Odeon Luxe is the self-proclaimed ‘Home of Premieres’ - but don’t let the marquee and the red carpet and the velvet ropes fool you - the event in question is meant to take place at The Cineworld, not Odeon..

The Odeon Luxe is the self-proclaimed ‘Home of Premieres’ - but don’t let the marquee and the red carpet and the velvet ropes fool you - the event in question is meant to take place at The Cineworld, not Odeon..

At the Cineworld, there is a security presence, but no carpet or barriers. However, there is somebody creating a List for wristbands (LOL) that is up to #3 as at 8:20am. I am #4…. and without giving away the awesomeness too early in this journal, the number of names on that list never reaches double digits.

At the Cineworld, there is a security presence, but no carpet or barriers. However, there is somebody creating a List for wristbands (LOL) that is up to #3 as at 8:20am. I am #4…. and without giving away the awesomeness too early in this journal, the number of names on that list never reaches double digits.

Based on all evidence at the cinema… I figure I might as well photograph anything even remotely related to the theme of the premiere just in case that’s the ONLY thing I get to photograph. So here is A DOG.

Based on all evidence at the cinema… I figure I might as well photograph anything even remotely related to the theme of the premiere just in case that’s the ONLY thing I get to photograph. So here is A DOG.

It’s perhaps a sign of the times that people are potentially now bringing their own props to premieres that aren’t really premieres. I myself would like to issue an open invitation to Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart, Lily James, Lily Collins, and Gal Gadot (and, if she ever apologises, maybe even Scarlett Johansson) to join me personally at events I’m willing to create in order to promote movies they’re in. I’m generous like that.

It’s perhaps a sign of the times that people are potentially now bringing their own props to premieres that aren’t really premieres. I myself would like to issue an open invitation to Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart, Lily James, Lily Collins, and Gal Gadot (and, if she ever apologises, maybe even Scarlett Johansson) to join me personally at events I’m willing to create in order to promote movies they’re in. I’m generous like that.

“And later, for the new Charlie’s Angels premiere, I’ll digitally replace this corgi with a small-scale Kristen Stewart….”

“And later, for the new Charlie’s Angels premiere, I’ll digitally replace this corgi with a small-scale Kristen Stewart….”

But wait! What Ray of Hope approacheth from over yon horizon?

“I don’t want to talk about the one in the cage. Let’s just say he’s not “media trained” and leave it at that!”  Great news - even if nobody from the actual cast (which includes local voice talent like Matt Lucas, Ray Winstone, Sherridan Smith, and Julie Walters) shows up, I’ve photographed some Corgis !!

“I don’t want to talk about the one in the cage. Let’s just say he’s not “media trained” and leave it at that!”
Great news - even if nobody from the actual cast (which includes local voice talent like Matt Lucas, Ray Winstone, Sherridan Smith, and Julie Walters) shows up, I’ve photographed some Corgis !!

It occurs to me now that perhaps these corgis might have been motion captured for the animated characters shown on-screen in the movie - they certainly aren’t physically in it. But I have to assume if you really truly cared, and needed a corgi motion captured for a CG-movie, you’d call Andy Serkis to do it.

It occurs to me now that perhaps these corgis might have been motion captured for the animated characters shown on-screen in the movie - they certainly aren’t physically in it. But I have to assume if you really truly cared, and needed a corgi motion captured for a CG-movie, you’d call Andy Serkis to do it.

In the centre of Leicester Square, a series of enclosures have been built for kids to enjoy the premiere/event/afternoon… or perhaps just to contain that one caged corgi who can’t be trusted without steel bars between it and humanity.

In the centre of Leicester Square, a series of enclosures have been built for kids to enjoy the premiere/event/afternoon… or perhaps just to contain that one caged corgi who can’t be trusted without steel bars between it and humanity.

In the movie, the voice of the Queen’s Corgi is provided by somebody who didn’t feel like attending this premiere, so they didn’t. But I don’t mind telling you that autograph dealers who showed up at this event were disappointed. They were DISAPPOINTED, do you hear??

In the movie, the voice of the Queen’s Corgi is provided by somebody who didn’t feel like attending this premiere, so they didn’t. But I don’t mind telling you that autograph dealers who showed up at this event were disappointed. They were DISAPPOINTED, do you hear??

“Aren’t you a little young for face-painting? You must be almost 5 years old….”

“Aren’t you a little young for face-painting? You must be almost 5 years old….”

“I’ll do almost anything for a treat, do you hear me? ALMOST ANYTHING. Please… try me!!”.  Sadly a lack of opposable thumbs might limit what a corgi can do with a sniper rifle.

“I’ll do almost anything for a treat, do you hear me? ALMOST ANYTHING. Please… try me!!”.
Sadly a lack of opposable thumbs might limit what a corgi can do with a sniper rifle.

“That treat isn’t just going to eat itself, you know….”  It’s also not going to distract the dog from anyone trying to photograph it…

“That treat isn’t just going to eat itself, you know….”
It’s also not going to distract the dog from anyone trying to photograph it…

Sadly, all corgis look alike to me so I can’t tell whether this one is cheerfully wanting to be patted, or imagining with pleasures the horrors it would inflict upon me given half a chance.

Sadly, all corgis look alike to me so I can’t tell whether this one is cheerfully wanting to be patted, or imagining with pleasures the horrors it would inflict upon me given half a chance.

And this is where you can point to as “Where It All Started” when , inevitably, premieres start requiring entry fees and artists start charging for selfies and autographs AT events that are there to advertise the product they’re selling. Screw it : it’s inevitable. DAMN YOU in advance, Disney.

And this is where you can point to as “Where It All Started” when , inevitably, premieres start requiring entry fees and artists start charging for selfies and autographs AT events that are there to advertise the product they’re selling. Screw it : it’s inevitable. DAMN YOU in advance, Disney.

“You don’t want to know what else he’s got hidden under there”

“You don’t want to know what else he’s got hidden under there”

“There is a right side and a wrong side of the red velvet rope… and I don’t need to tell you which side you’re on and which side we’re on”  Sadly for fans of seeing Leicester Square turned into a muster for a heaving herd of hundreds of corgis barking at buskers, tourists and other street performers, this event was limited to the attendance of four…. and they were pretty much on leashes the whole time.

“There is a right side and a wrong side of the red velvet rope… and I don’t need to tell you which side you’re on and which side we’re on”
Sadly for fans of seeing Leicester Square turned into a muster for a heaving herd of hundreds of corgis barking at buskers, tourists and other street performers, this event was limited to the attendance of four…. and they were pretty much on leashes the whole time.

The difference between a welcome guest and ‘some weirdo with a camera’ can be remarkably fine… and/or knitted. Fun note : this premiere had security but no bag checks - but neither were we asked to sign waivers for the possibility of being maimed by a mad corgi.

The difference between a welcome guest and ‘some weirdo with a camera’ can be remarkably fine… and/or knitted. Fun note : this premiere had security but no bag checks - but neither were we asked to sign waivers for the possibility of being maimed by a mad corgi.

“The chair is comfortable, but I’m a dog, and I can’t read what the t-shirt says. What am I endorsing, exactly???”  - the t-shirt was the name of the “Film & Television Charity” that sponsored the event.

“The chair is comfortable, but I’m a dog, and I can’t read what the t-shirt says. What am I endorsing, exactly???” - the t-shirt was the name of the “Film & Television Charity” that sponsored the event.

“What am I doing? I’m creating Art, baby! And what are YOU doing - you’re photographing me creating art… how bourgeois and derivative….”  Damnit, I didn’t come to this premiere to be insulted by photographers, I came here to be insulted by the stars who failed to attend, but didn’t!

“What am I doing? I’m creating Art, baby! And what are YOU doing - you’re photographing me creating art… how bourgeois and derivative….”
Damnit, I didn’t come to this premiere to be insulted by photographers, I came here to be insulted by the stars who failed to attend, but didn’t!

“We’re glad you’re enjoying our brass band versions of contemporary rock and pop songs… but anyone who asks us to play “Who Let The Dogs Out” will not enjoy our response…”.  Personally, I thought ‘Seven Nation Army’ and ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ were the highlights.

“We’re glad you’re enjoying our brass band versions of contemporary rock and pop songs… but anyone who asks us to play “Who Let The Dogs Out” will not enjoy our response…”.
Personally, I thought ‘Seven Nation Army’ and ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ were the highlights.

“Yeah, they are cute. We’ll take an even dozen. Please have them each separately wrapped and sent to our hotel….”

“Yeah, they are cute. We’ll take an even dozen. Please have them each separately wrapped and sent to our hotel….”

“If you want me to cry on demand so you can score more free stuff… it’s gonna cost you. And I ain’t cheap"

“If you want me to cry on demand so you can score more free stuff… it’s gonna cost you. And I ain’t cheap"

So… that was that, another questionable entry for a website that looks increasingly deluded in calling itself “premieres.co” in light of the events it covers. I think it’s a shame that none of the voice cast elected to attend (I assume they were invited?) to promote a movie that was being promoted. It’s hard not to conclude that premieres as a form of promotion are very much in decline - both in number and in ‘title’. Perhaps it’s an appropriate thing to have begun to document the decline of.

Still, if you want to know when I post something like this (whatever this is!), feel free to browse the archive of premieres, and/or follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at berndt2_photo..

Until next time - whenever or whatever it might be!