20 Mar 2019 - The "Shazam!" - Superpowered Funfair opening

March 20th, 2019.

It’s not every day you photograph a premiere (or superpowered funfair opening) with a single lens on a single camera… and moreover (arguably) the wrong lens and wrong camera. But what the hell, the UK is in crisis and at least I didn’t bring a banana to a knife fight, merely a lumpy stick. It’s all going to be all right, though, if you believe that sort of thing. Meanwhile, I’m stocked up on alcohol - let’s do this.

Here’s how it went down:

It’s not a premiere, it’s not a gala, it’s not a screening…. it’s a FUNFAIR OPENING. Well, by the standard set by Marvel, this is pretty amazing…. and by the standard set by DC, it’s at least in attendance.

It’s not a premiere, it’s not a gala, it’s not a screening…. it’s a FUNFAIR OPENING. Well, by the standard set by Marvel, this is pretty amazing…. and by the standard set by DC, it’s at least in attendance.

“White logo on yellow…. it’s almost like they’re trying to hide who this movie is from….?”

“White logo on yellow…. it’s almost like they’re trying to hide who this movie is from….?”

“Just as long as you make this look entirely spontaneous and not at all rehearsed”

“Just as long as you make this look entirely spontaneous and not at all rehearsed”

Meanwhile, elsewhere, the BFI Imax is apparently stockpiling POPPED popcorn? Brexit has made people crazy - surely it’s more space-efficient to stockpile the kernels? ….  unless you think society will lack the capacity to generate heat in the next few…..  OMG I gotta start stockpiling matches.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, the BFI Imax is apparently stockpiling POPPED popcorn? Brexit has made people crazy - surely it’s more space-efficient to stockpile the kernels? …. unless you think society will lack the capacity to generate heat in the next few….. OMG I gotta start stockpiling matches.

“It’s not that we don’t trust you… it’s just that we know you prefer Marvel”.  Well… if it helps I’d rather watch Aquaman again than Avengers Infinity War again (I realise I am in the minority in this)

“It’s not that we don’t trust you… it’s just that we know you prefer Marvel”. Well… if it helps I’d rather watch Aquaman again than Avengers Infinity War again (I realise I am in the minority in this)

“I like him. He’s like me, only smaller. “

“I like him. He’s like me, only smaller. “

“Somebody’s putting pineapple on pizza? There’s no greater crime - I’ll be right there!”

“Somebody’s putting pineapple on pizza? There’s no greater crime - I’ll be right there!”

“I hear the Brexit negotiations are going well and it should all be over quickly and painlessly. Also.. which way to France?”

“I hear the Brexit negotiations are going well and it should all be over quickly and painlessly. Also.. which way to France?”

“I LOVE YOU ZACHARY LEVI !!!!” ”He isn’t here yet - you’re shouting at a tree……” ”Oh, okay….. Is it at least a gorgeously handsome tree?”

“I LOVE YOU ZACHARY LEVI !!!!”
”He isn’t here yet - you’re shouting at a tree……”
”Oh, okay….. Is it at least a gorgeously handsome tree?”

“I know he’s the world’s tallest security guard, but why is everyone looking at him and not me?”  - It’s Zachary Levi! He was the voice of Flynn Rider in Disney’s Tangled (which was far superior than the highly overrated Frozen, if you ask me…. which sadly nobody ever does.)

“I know he’s the world’s tallest security guard, but why is everyone looking at him and not me?”
- It’s Zachary Levi! He was the voice of Flynn Rider in Disney’s Tangled (which was far superior than the highly overrated Frozen, if you ask me…. which sadly nobody ever does.)

“He’s behind me, isn’t he?”  - Zachary Levi has done what few people have done - switched from playing a named character in TWO Marvel films (Fandral in the second and third Thor movies) into a lead character in a DC film. Then again, I once worked for Company A, quit to join Company B, left to REJOIN Company A, and then resigned to work on a short term contract for Company B…. and not for more money in all but one case.  (I’m sorry, I heard they were opening a funfair in London somewhere?)

“He’s behind me, isn’t he?” - Zachary Levi has done what few people have done - switched from playing a named character in TWO Marvel films (Fandral in the second and third Thor movies) into a lead character in a DC film. Then again, I once worked for Company A, quit to join Company B, left to REJOIN Company A, and then resigned to work on a short term contract for Company B…. and not for more money in all but one case. (I’m sorry, I heard they were opening a funfair in London somewhere?)

'“I know the cardboard cutout behind is dressed and posed more playfully than I am, but my agent says I need to think about the next role and hey, it could still be Batman, so here I am, dressed like this.”

'“I know the cardboard cutout behind is dressed and posed more playfully than I am, but my agent says I need to think about the next role and hey, it could still be Batman, so here I am, dressed like this.”

“A big hello to all you non-paparazzi people out there in the cold and wristband-less wilderness at this event … all because you didn’t buy DC Merch at Forbidden Planet two days ago. I don’t want to be the one to take the obvious route and say we’re all about taking the “F” out of “FUnfair”, but you’re the real heroes in this scenario.” . Well, I have my pride and my anger. The anger keeps me warm.

“A big hello to all you non-paparazzi people out there in the cold and wristband-less wilderness at this event … all because you didn’t buy DC Merch at Forbidden Planet two days ago. I don’t want to be the one to take the obvious route and say we’re all about taking the “F” out of “FUnfair”, but you’re the real heroes in this scenario.”. Well, I have my pride and my anger. The anger keeps me warm.

“He’s so much more flamboyant than me. I know it’s not the hair… but what IS it??”  - Mark Strong plays (and I’m only guessing here) the villain in this movie (as he has done in DC’s Green Lantern, Kick-Ass and Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes)

“He’s so much more flamboyant than me. I know it’s not the hair… but what IS it??”
- Mark Strong plays (and I’m only guessing here) the villain in this movie (as he has done in DC’s Green Lantern, Kick-Ass and Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes)

“All the coolest people are standing over there” ”Don’t you mean over THERE?” ”Well, yeah… but even if you’re right, it still looks more authoritative when I do it”

“All the coolest people are standing over there”
”Don’t you mean over THERE?”
”Well, yeah… but even if you’re right, it still looks more authoritative when I do it”

And this is why, basically, it’s not a good idea to have the movie’s Hero and Villain posing next to each other at a photo shoot.

And this is why, basically, it’s not a good idea to have the movie’s Hero and Villain posing next to each other at a photo shoot.

“So this uncomfortable silence could go on for a while….”

“So this uncomfortable silence could go on for a while….”

“She’s the nicest person you could possibly drive between us except for that delightful life-sized standee of me standing behind us” ”Enough with the life-sized standee, already….”

“She’s the nicest person you could possibly drive between us except for that delightful life-sized standee of me standing behind us”
”Enough with the life-sized standee, already….”

“But Mark, you promised to repay me those five dollars you still owe me…..” ”And as you can see by my fumbling, my coat doesn’t actually have pockets, Peter”

“But Mark, you promised to repay me those five dollars you still owe me…..”
”And as you can see by my fumbling, my coat doesn’t actually have pockets, Peter”

“Is it wrong that I kind of want the world’s tallest security guard to join us in the photo?” ”….” ”So it’s just me?” ”….” ”Or we could put the lifesized Shazam Standee into our group shot ….?”

“Is it wrong that I kind of want the world’s tallest security guard to join us in the photo?”
”….”
”So it’s just me?”
”….”
”Or we could put the lifesized Shazam Standee into our group shot ….?”

David F. Sandberg’s two most notable directorial gigs to date : the horror/thrillers “Annabelle : Creation” and “Lights Out”. imdb.com has not yet put Shazam! into his top four. A bold call, I suppose.

David F. Sandberg’s two most notable directorial gigs to date : the horror/thrillers “Annabelle : Creation” and “Lights Out”. imdb.com has not yet put Shazam! into his top four. A bold call, I suppose.

Write caption here.

Write caption here.

“Well, we got the “B“ drunk… now we just gotta work on “R”, “E”, “X”, “I” and “T”. “

“Well, we got the “B“ drunk… now we just gotta work on “R”, “E”, “X”, “I” and “T”. “

“That man is looking at your life-size statuette in a way I wouldn’t allow if it was me…”

“That man is looking at your life-size statuette in a way I wouldn’t allow if it was me…”

So, that was that. I spent about 3 hours longer waiting for this event than would have been the case had anyone from security been upfront about when this event started, and given the funfair was open for at least an hour and a half before it was <ahem> “OPENED”, perhaps it’s time to suggest that like the word “premiere”, the fact that the word “opening” seems now to be misunderstood, it’s time we rethought how this weird language is meant to function.

Then again, it’s English. Functionality not guaranteed.
(On which note, off to catch my privatised, deregulated train home if almighty Zeus allows it).

Until next time (possibly tomorrow)

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