Nov 10, 2018 : The 603rd Lord Mayor's Show, London

November 10th, 2018.

Prior to today, my only outing to see the Lord Mayor’s Show was at that event’s 600th Anniversary back in 2015. But, realising that I might not be able to make it to the 700th, and perhaps London won’t even be around for (say) the 1000th… I decided to head out today. (Translation : rain was not forecast and I had a free afternoon).

Here’s how it went down:

 My spot was between Temple and Blackfriars, nestled between somebody who knew a bit more about military things than I felt entirely comfortable being around, and a couple of younger girls who spent at least part of their time admiring guys in uniform.

My spot was between Temple and Blackfriars, nestled between somebody who knew a bit more about military things than I felt entirely comfortable being around, and a couple of younger girls who spent at least part of their time admiring guys in uniform.

 Much like last time (thus, possibly, every time for the past 802 years) the approximate ratio of parade components was something like 40% military recruitment; 30% worshipful companies and guilds; 20% corporate sponsorship; 10% batshit bizarre. For the avoidance of doubt, I was here mostly for that last ten percent.

Much like last time (thus, possibly, every time for the past 802 years) the approximate ratio of parade components was something like 40% military recruitment; 30% worshipful companies and guilds; 20% corporate sponsorship; 10% batshit bizarre. For the avoidance of doubt, I was here mostly for that last ten percent.

 The Worshipful Corporation Of Remembering Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker. Also Banking.

The Worshipful Corporation Of Remembering Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker. Also Banking.

  “You’re far too young for me to tell you what’s going on at the head of our Order’s sacred staff. To be honest, even I’m too young to know. I wish nobody had told me, quite frankly.”

“You’re far too young for me to tell you what’s going on at the head of our Order’s sacred staff. To be honest, even I’m too young to know. I wish nobody had told me, quite frankly.”

  “It’s our last one. We kinda want to make reassure you that we know where it is”

“It’s our last one. We kinda want to make reassure you that we know where it is”

  The Worshipful Company of Straw Man Arguments and Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi Apologists.  They’ve had a long and storied history, but you can’t argue they didn’t anticipate how important they’d eventually be.

The Worshipful Company of Straw Man Arguments and Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi Apologists. They’ve had a long and storied history, but you can’t argue they didn’t anticipate how important they’d eventually be.

 Dog Thinks :  “I’m going to have to pee on one of those floats eventually, and I just know it’s going to be interpreted as a political act. But it won’t be. Or at least… it mostly won’t be”

Dog Thinks : “I’m going to have to pee on one of those floats eventually, and I just know it’s going to be interpreted as a political act. But it won’t be. Or at least… it mostly won’t be”

 Please tell me that this is the  Worshipful Company For Autograph Dealer Suppression At Premieres In 2019 .

Please tell me that this is the Worshipful Company For Autograph Dealer Suppression At Premieres In 2019.

  The Worshipful Company Of Pre-Recorded But Supposedly Genuine Apologies For The Inconvenience .

The Worshipful Company Of Pre-Recorded But Supposedly Genuine Apologies For The Inconvenience.

  The Worshipful Company Of On Hold Musicians .

The Worshipful Company Of On Hold Musicians.

  I forgot my Oyster Card And They Made Me Wear This .

I forgot my Oyster Card And They Made Me Wear This.

 It’s not the greatest Air Force in the world, but it is the third most fabulous.

It’s not the greatest Air Force in the world, but it is the third most fabulous.

  “Y’all should be bursting into flame when you’re this close to the sun, people. At least wear some sunscreen and shadez”

“Y’all should be bursting into flame when you’re this close to the sun, people. At least wear some sunscreen and shadez”

  “Mostly for a bet, if you’re interested…”

“Mostly for a bet, if you’re interested…”

  The Worshipful Corporation Of Our Beloved Robot Overlords .

The Worshipful Corporation Of Our Beloved Robot Overlords.

  “He only wants one or two human sacrifices. And given he could kill us all, that’s a really generous offer…..”

“He only wants one or two human sacrifices. And given he could kill us all, that’s a really generous offer…..”

  “Are you not using that mobile phone? It’s been sixteen minutes since I last tweeted or hashtagged anything. I’m a millennial, and this verges on cruel and unusual punishment…”

“Are you not using that mobile phone? It’s been sixteen minutes since I last tweeted or hashtagged anything. I’m a millennial, and this verges on cruel and unusual punishment…”

  The Worshipful Company Of Rail Fare Delay Repay Calculators.

The Worshipful Company Of Rail Fare Delay Repay Calculators.

  “No need to tell Disney about the gloves we’re wearing. They’re totally Intellectual Property Law compliant. We swear it!”

“No need to tell Disney about the gloves we’re wearing. They’re totally Intellectual Property Law compliant. We swear it!”

 Sadly, the fifth building in the band (ie. The Gherkin) is obscured behind the texting millennial in the foreground.

Sadly, the fifth building in the band (ie. The Gherkin) is obscured behind the texting millennial in the foreground.

  “Damn, I think I Sharded”  (and I think I’m (mostly) sober while typing this)

“Damn, I think I Sharded”
(and I think I’m (mostly) sober while typing this)

 I was at a London Symphony Orchestra concert about two weeks ago, and you know what they DIDN’T have? A WALKING XYLOPHONIST!!! That’s… pretty damn impressive.

I was at a London Symphony Orchestra concert about two weeks ago, and you know what they DIDN’T have? A WALKING XYLOPHONIST!!! That’s… pretty damn impressive.

  “Don’t ask questions - it’s not meant to be a standalone narrative. Just read the prequel comic and it all makes sense!”  - I will concede I was impressed when I zoomed in and saw that the sheet music resting on the piano was “These 101 Black Cats”.

“Don’t ask questions - it’s not meant to be a standalone narrative. Just read the prequel comic and it all makes sense!” - I will concede I was impressed when I zoomed in and saw that the sheet music resting on the piano was “These 101 Black Cats”.

 It’s a PUB ON A TRUCK! How is this not a Thing? (other than the drunken motion sickness and a myriad of other reasons why it would be a very bad thing, I mean)

It’s a PUB ON A TRUCK! How is this not a Thing? (other than the drunken motion sickness and a myriad of other reasons why it would be a very bad thing, I mean)

  “Team Sodium goes on this side, team Chlorine on the other. Pick a side, people!”

“Team Sodium goes on this side, team Chlorine on the other. Pick a side, people!”

 Write a caption here.  (The Squarespace default is pretty much spot-on for this one)

Write a caption here.
(The Squarespace default is pretty much spot-on for this one)

 Never too far from my mind. I’ve still got a bottle of XXXX and an old packet of TimTams in the fridge….

Never too far from my mind. I’ve still got a bottle of XXXX and an old packet of TimTams in the fridge….

  “No, I will not tell you what we call the animal on the tip of this staff like it’s some kind of demigod our order worships. It would demean you, me, and…. I’m gonna call her The Glorious One….”

“No, I will not tell you what we call the animal on the tip of this staff like it’s some kind of demigod our order worships. It would demean you, me, and…. I’m gonna call her The Glorious One….”

  “I’m pretty sure Superman’s cape can do this too… I’m not sure why he doesn’t do it…”

“I’m pretty sure Superman’s cape can do this too… I’m not sure why he doesn’t do it…”

  The Worshipful Company Of Your Feedback Is Both Welcome And Appreciated.

The Worshipful Company Of Your Feedback Is Both Welcome And Appreciated.

  “I hear rumours that the Smearers want to join and make it a three-way organisation….”

“I hear rumours that the Smearers want to join and make it a three-way organisation….”

  The Worshipful Company Of Quit It With The Cat Videos .

The Worshipful Company Of Quit It With The Cat Videos.

 Excitingly, it’s a Repeat Float!! - the floating pig was also used in the 2015 parade.

Excitingly, it’s a Repeat Float!! - the floating pig was also used in the 2015 parade.

  “We’ll don’t need Europe to patrol our territorial waters post-Brexit. Our navy is still one of the finest out there….”

“We’ll don’t need Europe to patrol our territorial waters post-Brexit. Our navy is still one of the finest out there….”

  “I assure you both the lanyard and security tag are period-appropriate.”

“I assure you both the lanyard and security tag are period-appropriate.”

 I…. Uh….. don’t know what’s going on here. But I’m glad I photographed it so I can tell my therapist that the nightmare I keep waking from has its basis in something that actually happened.

I…. Uh….. don’t know what’s going on here. But I’m glad I photographed it so I can tell my therapist that the nightmare I keep waking from has its basis in something that actually happened.

 The worshipful company of cyborgs considers any raised hand, even for a high-five, an act of aggression that will be met with force.

The worshipful company of cyborgs considers any raised hand, even for a high-five, an act of aggression that will be met with force.

  “The Worshipful Company Of Vapers are still deciding on whether their float should smell of fairy floss or salted caramel. They’ll be in the parade as soon as they’ve made up their mind.”

“The Worshipful Company Of Vapers are still deciding on whether their float should smell of fairy floss or salted caramel. They’ll be in the parade as soon as they’ve made up their mind.”

 The worshipful corporation of opthamologists suggest if you’re walking around like this you really need to see them. Or be led to them by somebody who can.

The worshipful corporation of opthamologists suggest if you’re walking around like this you really need to see them. Or be led to them by somebody who can.

  “This is not extravagant. I’m sure you do no less whenever you get drive-thru”  - I believe this is London’s Lord Mayor. As distinct (   confirmed by Wikipedia   ) from The Mayor Of London… who maybe uses a helicopter to pick up drycleaning or something.

“This is not extravagant. I’m sure you do no less whenever you get drive-thru” - I believe this is London’s Lord Mayor. As distinct (confirmed by Wikipedia) from The Mayor Of London… who maybe uses a helicopter to pick up drycleaning or something.

  “Happy to drag-race your Nissan Pulsar any day of the week, young man…”

“Happy to drag-race your Nissan Pulsar any day of the week, young man…”

  “If there’s a ‘For Sale’ sign on the back of this thing, I assure you I didn’t put it there….”

“If there’s a ‘For Sale’ sign on the back of this thing, I assure you I didn’t put it there….”

So… that was that. Between this and the journal for The Pride of Britain Awards, I believe it’s obvious that I’m still Australian where cultural acclimatisation to the United Kingdom is concerned.

Until next …. time?

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Sep 24 : The Best FIFA Football Awards 2018

September 24th, 2018

I can not claim to be a fan of ‘the beautiful game’ - indeed coming from Australia, as far as I’m concerned football is called “Soccer” and Rugby League is “Football”. And I ain’t changing my views on that front! But that doesn’t mean that, when there’s a large event in London, I won’t attend.

But sadly if I were to (say) reach into my bag and discover that I’d left the Big Gun Nikon’s battery back at the apartment and I had to photograph the whole event with a Pentax + 40mm pancake lens, and that the event didn’t even have a public pen I’d have access to meaning I’d have to shoot from a distance….. well my tears would be minimal.

Still…here’s how it went down (NOW WITH MISGUIDED COMMENTARY):

 I personally think  “The Best Fifa Football Awards 2018”  is right up there with “ The Intent 2 : The Get Up ” in terms of ‘words that sound great separately but not when arranged like that’ Also… as a bit of a closet fan of fonts, the one they’re using for ‘the best’ looks… kind of appallingly bad.   1’.49 3951’  …  Really??

I personally think “The Best Fifa Football Awards 2018” is right up there with “The Intent 2 : The Get Up” in terms of ‘words that sound great separately but not when arranged like that’
Also… as a bit of a closet fan of fonts, the one they’re using for ‘the best’ looks… kind of appallingly bad. 1’.49 3951’ Really??

 If you ever wanted to make sure nobody had a chance of photographing into your paparazzi photographer cordon/pen, this is pretty much how you’d do it.  Robotic sentry guns sold separately.

If you ever wanted to make sure nobody had a chance of photographing into your paparazzi photographer cordon/pen, this is pretty much how you’d do it. Robotic sentry guns sold separately.

 There’s a man balancing a ball on the back of his neck, but I’m even more excited that I managed to get a smiling face reflection on a mobile phone screen to my right in this photo. That’s not easy.

There’s a man balancing a ball on the back of his neck, but I’m even more excited that I managed to get a smiling face reflection on a mobile phone screen to my right in this photo. That’s not easy.

  “Incoming!! It’s probably not made of glass, but watch out!!”

“Incoming!! It’s probably not made of glass, but watch out!!”

  “If somebody were to accidentally scratch the car mirror slightly, will the whole vehicle flip over and roll from the damage?”  I’d laugh.

“If somebody were to accidentally scratch the car mirror slightly, will the whole vehicle flip over and roll from the damage?” I’d laugh.

  “The expensive watch I’m wearing is on the other hand. My sponsor will not be pleased”  (edited to add : I have no idea who this is) (edited to add : Edwin van der Sar, apparently)

“The expensive watch I’m wearing is on the other hand. My sponsor will not be pleased”
(edited to add : I have no idea who this is) (edited to add : Edwin van der Sar, apparently)

  “Those three girls behind me are cute, but your beard is magnificent. You can accompany me”  (edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

“Those three girls behind me are cute, but your beard is magnificent. You can accompany me”
(edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

  “A ticket? For this event? Check out the bald head, man : I’m an icon of the game!!”  (edited to add : I don’t know who this is) (edited to add : Roberto Martinez)

“A ticket? For this event? Check out the bald head, man : I’m an icon of the game!!”
(edited to add : I don’t know who this is) (edited to add : Roberto Martinez)

 Call your grandparents and an exorcist : I actually know who this is without any assistance: he’s Germany’s Manager Joachim Loew. ( I watched his team lose to Korea in the World Cup while I had a beer at an Alexanderplatz pub in Berlin. True story )

Call your grandparents and an exorcist : I actually know who this is without any assistance: he’s Germany’s Manager Joachim Loew. (I watched his team lose to Korea in the World Cup while I had a beer at an Alexanderplatz pub in Berlin. True story)

 Like I said… 40mm pancake lens on the Pentax. This is less than 30metres and it’s LONG RANGE.

Like I said… 40mm pancake lens on the Pentax. This is less than 30metres and it’s LONG RANGE.

  “When I said I wanted ‘angel wings’ for my suit, I was speaking in metaphor”  (edited to add : I don’t know who this is) (edited to add : he’s Paris St-Germain defender Dani Alves)

“When I said I wanted ‘angel wings’ for my suit, I was speaking in metaphor”
(edited to add : I don’t know who this is)
(edited to add : he’s Paris St-Germain defender Dani Alves)

  “It’s guys in suits!! EVERYBODY GET EXCITED!”  This event does lack for ballgowns… and I’d extend that criticism to the game of football too. (edited to add : I don’t know who the two guys on the right - who are not holding hands - are)

“It’s guys in suits!! EVERYBODY GET EXCITED!” This event does lack for ballgowns… and I’d extend that criticism to the game of football too.
(edited to add : I don’t know who the two guys on the right - who are not holding hands - are)

  “Seriously? We’re here for the Haywood Gallery : where’s the Art?”  (edited to add : I have no idea who this is) (edited to add - he’s “Kanu”)

“Seriously? We’re here for the Haywood Gallery : where’s the Art?”
(edited to add : I have no idea who this is) (edited to add - he’s “Kanu”)

 Everybody, write your congressman and picket your nearest coal-mine : I’ve photographed a second person at this event I actually recognise!! England Manager Gareth Southgate (his vest is, sadly, obscured by overenthusiastic darkening of this image, for which I will not apologise.)

Everybody, write your congressman and picket your nearest coal-mine : I’ve photographed a second person at this event I actually recognise!! England Manager Gareth Southgate (his vest is, sadly, obscured by overenthusiastic darkening of this image, for which I will not apologise.)

  “What are the black armbands for?” ”To commemorate all the players whose hairstyles were ruined by careless tackles in the past season” ”I thought they were bringing back capital punishment to stop such barbarism”

“What are the black armbands for?”
”To commemorate all the players whose hairstyles were ruined by careless tackles in the past season”
”I thought they were bringing back capital punishment to stop such barbarism”

 I think she’s a womens footballer, but given I can’t recognise mens footballers, please don’t call me #racist, at least not specifically for this reason.

I think she’s a womens footballer, but given I can’t recognise mens footballers, please don’t call me #racist, at least not specifically for this reason.

  “Do you play the game?” ”What kind of question is that?? Of course I own a Nintendo Switch”

“Do you play the game?”
”What kind of question is that?? Of course I own a Nintendo Switch”

 Everybody calm down : it’s the third of three (3) people I recognise, but in this case only because he’s a singer, not a footballer. And I’m about 66% certain that of the two Gallagher brothers this… is…. I’m gonna say… Noel.

Everybody calm down : it’s the third of three (3) people I recognise, but in this case only because he’s a singer, not a footballer. And I’m about 66% certain that of the two Gallagher brothers this… is…. I’m gonna say… Noel.

  “Noel : it’s not just for Christmas”  (edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

“Noel : it’s not just for Christmas”
(edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

  “And not one centimetre closer. That’s how we shake hands in…..” ”… The Hood?” ”Dude, didn’t you see me just get out of a limo?”  (edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

“And not one centimetre closer. That’s how we shake hands in…..”
”… The Hood?”
”Dude, didn’t you see me just get out of a limo?”
(edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

 Well… at least somebody had the balls to wear white trainers with a tuxedo. (edited to add : I don’t know who he is but I photographed him a second time)

Well… at least somebody had the balls to wear white trainers with a tuxedo.
(edited to add : I don’t know who he is but I photographed him a second time)

 Edited to to add : I (still) don’t know who this is. But as pointed out : white trainers, black tuxedo. Nice.

Edited to to add : I (still) don’t know who this is. But as pointed out : white trainers, black tuxedo. Nice.

  “Are you bringing a brown paper bag with money in it to a FIFA event???” ”No… bag is branded. As you can clearly see”  (edited to add : I don’t know who this is) (or what’s in that bag) (or whether, for the purposes of legal testimony, there even IS a bag)

“Are you bringing a brown paper bag with money in it to a FIFA event???”
”No… bag is branded. As you can clearly see”

(edited to add : I don’t know who this is) (or what’s in that bag) (or whether, for the purposes of legal testimony, there even IS a bag)

   “OMG! OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!”  . True story: I was told by security that I could not hold my camera above the railing because “security inside might not know what it is” (… and you’d need to be a giant squid to have a socket big enough for the eye-roll my response to this requires)

“OMG! OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!”. True story: I was told by security that I could not hold my camera above the railing because “security inside might not know what it is”
(… and you’d need to be a giant squid to have a socket big enough for the eye-roll my response to this requires)

  “Who are these people? Is Winnie the Pooh coming?” ”Shut up and keep getting autographs from whoever I tell you to get” ”But Muuuuuuum….”

“Who are these people? Is Winnie the Pooh coming?”
”Shut up and keep getting autographs from whoever I tell you to get”
”But Muuuuuuum….”

  “Please… any closer and I’ll have to get this suit reupholstered”  - the fans in my area were generally goodnatured, though their chanting and names-of-players-shouted-out-and-at were on the Spanish/ Uruguayan/ Italian side of Central London. (edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

“Please… any closer and I’ll have to get this suit reupholstered” - the fans in my area were generally goodnatured, though their chanting and names-of-players-shouted-out-and-at were on the Spanish/ Uruguayan/ Italian side of Central London.
(edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

  “I used to guard C-level reality TV stars…. where did I go wrong?”  (fyi : I do know who the security guy is!)

“I used to guard C-level reality TV stars…. where did I go wrong?”
(fyi : I do know who the security guy is!)

  “I can literally put my hand through this lady’s head. Unless it’s some kind of optical illusion”.  Eh… that Pentax lens might be mostly plastic, but there’s probably some additional substance in it. (Edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

“I can literally put my hand through this lady’s head. Unless it’s some kind of optical illusion”. Eh… that Pentax lens might be mostly plastic, but there’s probably some additional substance in it. (Edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

 I think the guy in the background is a footballer. But I’m really basing that on the nature of the event I’m photographing, not some kind of greater psychic inference that needs to be studied by the US Military.  (edited to add : I don’t know who he is)

I think the guy in the background is a footballer. But I’m really basing that on the nature of the event I’m photographing, not some kind of greater psychic inference that needs to be studied by the US Military. (edited to add : I don’t know who he is)

 Based on the part in his hair and spiffy white tux, I’m about 14% more disappointed that that I don’t know who this is than any other person who I also can’t identify at this event.  (edited to add : he’s Real Madrid defender Sergio Ramos - thanks bbc.co.uk!)

Based on the part in his hair and spiffy white tux, I’m about 14% more disappointed that that I don’t know who this is than any other person who I also can’t identify at this event.
(edited to add : he’s Real Madrid defender Sergio Ramos - thanks bbc.co.uk!)

  “Yes, yes, your adulation from outside the event is almost as good as the free champagne and canapes I’ll be getting once I’m inside. And now…. I’m going to head inside”  (edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

“Yes, yes, your adulation from outside the event is almost as good as the free champagne and canapes I’ll be getting once I’m inside. And now…. I’m going to head inside”
(edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

 Somebody shouted   “Schmeichel!!!!”   which I’m only not making fun of because I believe I might actually know how to spell that name. (edited to add : is it Schmeichel?)

Somebody shouted “Schmeichel!!!!” which I’m only not making fun of because I believe I might actually know how to spell that name. (edited to add : is it Schmeichel?)

 I have no reason to believe this is not a womens footballer. So I’m taking this photo and putting it here, and asking if anyone knows who she is…. (?)

I have no reason to believe this is not a womens footballer. So I’m taking this photo and putting it here, and asking if anyone knows who she is…. (?)

 Likes my reasoning - re - prior comment (edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

Likes my reasoning - re - prior comment
(edited to add : I don’t know who this is)

 My commitment to dark and moody photography appears to have resulted in the point of this photo (the crowds of people inside the venue, looking out) being obscured. But I stand by my Art.

My commitment to dark and moody photography appears to have resulted in the point of this photo (the crowds of people inside the venue, looking out) being obscured. But I stand by my Art.

 Not wearing a bow-tie, so possibly not even a footballer. But…. you know…. that bank of five lights on the left of the photo do look kinda cool.

Not wearing a bow-tie, so possibly not even a footballer. But…. you know…. that bank of five lights on the left of the photo do look kinda cool.

 I’m don’t know who this is, I’m not sure that’s a wave, and I’m not sure what the blurry hand in the foreground is trying to say. But the Pentax focussed on the metallic beam in the background, and you know what? That’s a nice looking metallic beam, right there.  (edited to add : I don’t know who he is, but there’s a chance he’s Didier Deschamps, Best Coach on the night, but the BBC article I’m looking at has even less of his face, and in worse quality, than I have here!)

I’m don’t know who this is, I’m not sure that’s a wave, and I’m not sure what the blurry hand in the foreground is trying to say. But the Pentax focussed on the metallic beam in the background, and you know what? That’s a nice looking metallic beam, right there.
(edited to add : I don’t know who he is, but there’s a chance he’s Didier Deschamps, Best Coach on the night, but the BBC article I’m looking at has even less of his face, and in worse quality, than I have here!)

 Some of the people I photographed got boos (most got cheers, some got indifference) : I think this guy was generally liked (edited to add : I’m not sure who he is)

Some of the people I photographed got boos (most got cheers, some got indifference) : I think this guy was generally liked (edited to add : I’m not sure who he is)

 These are not my people. But I am standing next to them, so I’m theirs.

These are not my people. But I am standing next to them, so I’m theirs.

 Only my keen knowledge of tomorrow’s newspapers tells me that this is “Marta”, who won the best Female Footballer award on the night, so any joke-comment along the lines of   “Marta. Marta? Marta!!  " would seem to be highly childish. And based on a reference to Batman v Superman, which itself was referencing The Brady Bunch.

Only my keen knowledge of tomorrow’s newspapers tells me that this is “Marta”, who won the best Female Footballer award on the night, so any joke-comment along the lines of “Marta. Marta? Marta!!" would seem to be highly childish. And based on a reference to Batman v Superman, which itself was referencing The Brady Bunch.

 The people around me were shouting  “Ronaldinho”  in hushed yet loud tones. I myself am skipping the easy ‘sunglasses at night’ comment and merely wondering why you’d be wearing a surgical hat / shower cap to an event like this?

The people around me were shouting “Ronaldinho” in hushed yet loud tones. I myself am skipping the easy ‘sunglasses at night’ comment and merely wondering why you’d be wearing a surgical hat / shower cap to an event like this?

  “The patient’s chances of recovery are excellent. Also…. that conditioner from the hotel smells of sandalwood. It’s delightful”

“The patient’s chances of recovery are excellent. Also…. that conditioner from the hotel smells of sandalwood. It’s delightful”

 Lady on right tries to get me excited about this event. Guy on left represents my prevailing attitude.

Lady on right tries to get me excited about this event. Guy on left represents my prevailing attitude.

 Once again, only my keen knowledge of tomorrow’s newspapers tells me that this is “ Luka Modric ”, who won the best Male Footballer award on the night. He doesn’t know that yet, which might be why he’s looking slightly glum.

Once again, only my keen knowledge of tomorrow’s newspapers tells me that this is “Luka Modric”, who won the best Male Footballer award on the night. He doesn’t know that yet, which might be why he’s looking slightly glum.

  “Who are we looking at? Has Blake Lively arrived? Is the Queen coming? Did I miss the DJ Impact warmup? Is it always this cold in London in September?”

“Who are we looking at? Has Blake Lively arrived? Is the Queen coming? Did I miss the DJ Impact warmup? Is it always this cold in London in September?”

 ….and I’ve decided to head off to the train station. Everything looks more colourful already.

….and I’ve decided to head off to the train station. Everything looks more colourful already.

…. so that was that.

I don’t recommend using the wrong / sub-par lens at a large event, shooting at distance. If you ever want to simulate the effect, get yourself a mobile phone, put a DSLR sensor in it, and then slam it against a nearby wall a couple of times. Then get shootin’…. and call it ‘practice’ or ‘keeping yourself sharp’.

Then it won’t be a complete waste.

Until next time!