The 2017 British Fashion Awards

December 4th, 2017.

For the website-owner of the coveted "premieres.co" domain, the twin terrors of Theatre and Fashion represent occasional challengest to my efforts to appear competent and knowledgeable on other items of (ahem) great importance.

Speaking of Twin Terrors... yesterday it was the Evening Standard Theatre Awards.... and today it's the British Fashion Awards, which like last year were at Royal Albert Hall. Well.... here's how it went down:

"I don't have time to get a design house to come up with a custom font - here, use this scrawl I just came up with"

"I don't have time to get a design house to come up with a custom font - here, use this scrawl I just came up with"

Security at Fashion events is at least 14% more fabulous and mohair-attired than at regular film premieres, but they still can't tell you why some wristbands have an "R" prefix while others have "P" and yet everyone's swimming in one big pen. They're also a bit hazy on the logic behind letting people into pens and then having staff get people to use the 'honour' system to answer the question of whether they've had their bags checked.

Security at Fashion events is at least 14% more fabulous and mohair-attired than at regular film premieres, but they still can't tell you why some wristbands have an "R" prefix while others have "P" and yet everyone's swimming in one big pen. They're also a bit hazy on the logic behind letting people into pens and then having staff get people to use the 'honour' system to answer the question of whether they've had their bags checked.

"It started a countdown from 100 about a minute ago, but the electronic voice was alluringly feminine...."

"It started a countdown from 100 about a minute ago, but the electronic voice was alluringly feminine...."

"The girl in the background says she'd rather tear out her own throat than sing swing jazz duets with me, but until she inevitably changes her mind, I guess it's just you and me, GoPro sphere"

"The girl in the background says she'd rather tear out her own throat than sing swing jazz duets with me, but until she inevitably changes her mind, I guess it's just you and me, GoPro sphere"

<I don't know who this is, but the beret, man. THE BERET!!>

<I don't know who this is, but the beret, man. THE BERET!!>

I photographed Poppy Delevingne just yesterday, but this time (, your honour) it wasn't creepy : it was at the Evening Standard Theatre Awards

I photographed Poppy Delevingne just yesterday, but this time (, your honour) it wasn't creepy : it was at the Evening Standard Theatre Awards

"Is it Broken or is it Art, do we know?" - they don't make it easy in the avant-garde world of fashion.

"Is it Broken or is it Art, do we know?" - they don't make it easy in the avant-garde world of fashion.

Holly Willoughby - last photographed at the Pride of Britain Awards. Character synopsis : appears cheerful. That's all I've got so far.

Holly Willoughby - last photographed at the Pride of Britain Awards. Character synopsis : appears cheerful. That's all I've got so far.

"She doesn't have an invitation, but says these aren't the droids I'm looking for and that she should move along..... move along"

"She doesn't have an invitation, but says these aren't the droids I'm looking for and that she should move along..... move along"

Her identity remains unknown, but I think she's eyeing my beanie and/or warm jacket with an interest that goes slightly beyond purely professional.

Her identity remains unknown, but I think she's eyeing my beanie and/or warm jacket with an interest that goes slightly beyond purely professional.

I'm given to understand that this is Tallia Storm, but the sources providing me with this information are vague as to the precise nature of her fame.

I'm given to understand that this is Tallia Storm, but the sources providing me with this information are vague as to the precise nature of her fame.

I don't know who this is, but I'll be irked and ired if that cape she's wearing turns out not to be unisex because I feel me and my hobbit troop could wear those when we're trekking to destroy the one true ring. (edited to add : Bianca Jagger)

I don't know who this is, but I'll be irked and ired if that cape she's wearing turns out not to be unisex because I feel me and my hobbit troop could wear those when we're trekking to destroy the one true ring. (edited to add : Bianca Jagger)

I don't know but if you're a woman in a ballgown or a dude with more than the top three buttons on your shirt undone, you're famous enough to get photographed (edited to add... I've already forgotten)

I don't know but if you're a woman in a ballgown or a dude with more than the top three buttons on your shirt undone, you're famous enough to get photographed (edited to add... I've already forgotten)

I've now photographed Pamela Anderson about 20 years after my 20yr younger self would have been truly impressed, but it's happened.

I've now photographed Pamela Anderson about 20 years after my 20yr younger self would have been truly impressed, but it's happened.

"Oh, come on. There's no way Barb Wire got a Bluray release...."

"Oh, come on. There's no way Barb Wire got a Bluray release...."

I don't know who this is, but I'm going to put my fashion credibility on the line and say there's no way this guy's not famous.

I don't know who this is, but I'm going to put my fashion credibility on the line and say there's no way this guy's not famous.

Hailey Baldwin. Also : don't tell me this isn't the greatest photo I've taken, possibly, ever. I won't hear of it.

Hailey Baldwin. Also : don't tell me this isn't the greatest photo I've taken, possibly, ever. I won't hear of it.

I accordance with all prophecies, I continue to not take a decent photo of Ruth Wilson.

I accordance with all prophecies, I continue to not take a decent photo of Ruth Wilson.

<I don't know who this is. And that saddens me>

<I don't know who this is. And that saddens me>

<unknown, but the hair, man. THE HAIR!!>

<unknown, but the hair, man. THE HAIR!!>

Olga Kurylenko, rather alluringly backlit (alternate comment : I had the D4 set to underexpose a bit too much and decided to run with it)

Olga Kurylenko, rather alluringly backlit (alternate comment : I had the D4 set to underexpose a bit too much and decided to run with it)

Rita Ora is a singer, but in possibly even more exciting news I've decided I really like this spot Ive been hemmed into. While most of my shots of dropoff are being blocked by people taller, better-placed and more assertive in their camera-work... this backlit view has its merits, dynamic lighting-wise. Also : there's pretty women, as that's relevant, too.

Rita Ora is a singer, but in possibly even more exciting news I've decided I really like this spot Ive been hemmed into. While most of my shots of dropoff are being blocked by people taller, better-placed and more assertive in their camera-work... this backlit view has its merits, dynamic lighting-wise. Also : there's pretty women, as that's relevant, too.

<unknown, but backlighting, man. BACKLIGHTING!!>

<unknown, but backlighting, man. BACKLIGHTING!!>

Georgia May Jagger, realising as we head into Christmas, that a groovy new QP-themed multicoloured dress can't make you happy if you're not already happy.

Georgia May Jagger, realising as we head into Christmas, that a groovy new QP-themed multicoloured dress can't make you happy if you're not already happy.

<unknown, but probably looking to steal your firstborns>

<unknown, but probably looking to steal your firstborns>

It's Zendaya! I'm not entirely aware of what combination of actress/model, model/actress, singer/model, actress/singer she represents, but she was good in Spider-Man Homecoming, and the two horses on the front of her dress are kind of hard not to focus on. Contrast-detect Autofocus-wise, I mean.

It's Zendaya! I'm not entirely aware of what combination of actress/model, model/actress, singer/model, actress/singer she represents, but she was good in Spider-Man Homecoming, and the two horses on the front of her dress are kind of hard not to focus on. Contrast-detect Autofocus-wise, I mean.

Zendaya. Pronounced backwards it also sounds kind of coolly exotic.

Zendaya. Pronounced backwards it also sounds kind of coolly exotic.

Zendaya. I don't know which of the three syllables of her name to put the accent on, which is why I'm glad I only write these journals and don't have spoken-word versions I need to commit to.

Zendaya. I don't know which of the three syllables of her name to put the accent on, which is why I'm glad I only write these journals and don't have spoken-word versions I need to commit to.

Arizona Muse is still my favourite Snapple flavour I've never tried, but I suspect she's a model.

Arizona Muse is still my favourite Snapple flavour I've never tried, but I suspect she's a model.

Lewis Hamilton and Donatella Versace are possibly the power couple you never knew you always wanted to see walking a red carpet together. I also think if she was wearing a dress with his pattern and he was wearing a jumpsuit made of her dress pattern, their combination would work almost as well.

Lewis Hamilton and Donatella Versace are possibly the power couple you never knew you always wanted to see walking a red carpet together. I also think if she was wearing a dress with his pattern and he was wearing a jumpsuit made of her dress pattern, their combination would work almost as well.

"Don't even ask!"

"Don't even ask!"

Conor McGregor is... I vaguely recall some kind of Boxer? MMA fighter? Probably not an accountant, but then why shouldn't he be.

Conor McGregor is... I vaguely recall some kind of Boxer? MMA fighter? Probably not an accountant, but then why shouldn't he be.

"Why is everyone here dressed so poorly in comparison to me?" Irina Shayk is a model, and my brain is trying to figure out how that sash of hers works three-dimensionally. Does it curl around the top and the bottom in some kind of moebius strip?

"Why is everyone here dressed so poorly in comparison to me?" Irina Shayk is a model, and my brain is trying to figure out how that sash of hers works three-dimensionally. Does it curl around the top and the bottom in some kind of moebius strip?

I believe this is "Molly from The Saturdays" (edited to add : Mollie King, from The Saturdays)

I believe this is "Molly from The Saturdays" (edited to add : Mollie King, from The Saturdays)

<unknown, but probably not actress Lily James>

<unknown, but probably not actress Lily James>

When this happens to my jeans, I know it's time to buy new jeans.

When this happens to my jeans, I know it's time to buy new jeans.

"I don't want to alarm you, but I think I'm going to need helium and a power-drill to fix this dress..."

"I don't want to alarm you, but I think I'm going to need helium and a power-drill to fix this dress..."

Rejected Draft Kylo Ren Facepaint, Emo/Goth Phase 2.

Rejected Draft Kylo Ren Facepaint, Emo/Goth Phase 2.

Eva Herzigova. Providing eye-contact to one of several paparazzi who have taken up residence in our public pen. It occurs to me now, some 12 hours later, that perhaps I might have joined them... but it's some 12 hours too late.

Eva Herzigova. Providing eye-contact to one of several paparazzi who have taken up residence in our public pen. It occurs to me now, some 12 hours later, that perhaps I might have joined them... but it's some 12 hours too late.

Selena Gomez feels like somebody I've heard of in the vague collective unconscious I tap into at times.

Selena Gomez feels like somebody I've heard of in the vague collective unconscious I tap into at times.

<unknown, but implicitly denied being Naomi Campbell by declining to sign for people calling out "Naomi! Naomi!!!!". Weirdly, Naomi Campbell showed up later and explicitly declining to sign for people calling out "Naomi! Naomi!!!!" so it's all rather complex. >

<unknown, but implicitly denied being Naomi Campbell by declining to sign for people calling out "Naomi! Naomi!!!!". Weirdly, Naomi Campbell showed up later and explicitly declining to sign for people calling out "Naomi! Naomi!!!!" so it's all rather complex. >

<unknown>

<unknown>

It's P!nk. Photographed with a white-balance shifted to blue. I'm calling it deliberately subversive, as opposed to the alternative.

It's P!nk. Photographed with a white-balance shifted to blue. I'm calling it deliberately subversive, as opposed to the alternative.

"High Five?? Baby, this is how we say hello in L.A. now..."

"High Five?? Baby, this is how we say hello in L.A. now..."

"Pink told you that's how people say hello in LA? I've been there and I'm not sure..." - designer Stella McCartney

"Pink told you that's how people say hello in LA? I've been there and I'm not sure..." - designer Stella McCartney

Naomi Campbell. And when your photos turn to this kind of light-smear, it's probably time to head off. Uh... I mean.... "Blurry Therefore Art"!!

Naomi Campbell. And when your photos turn to this kind of light-smear, it's probably time to head off. Uh... I mean.... "Blurry Therefore Art"!!

So... that was that, then. Two events in two days, and possibly as many as four events before I call time on this year's efforts and start thinking about next year. If I'm not otherwise distracted. And it's another one for The Archive of Premieres, which is nice.

Until next time!

ps. if you ever want to know when I post one of these, or if you have one of these events you want me to discreetly and (possibly) politely want me to cover, feel free to contact and/or follow me on facebook at premieresdotco, or on twitter at @berndt2_photo.