London Fashion Week 2018.2 (SS2019)

OMG it’s that time of year again already. I guess I’d better put on my best Lowes T-Shirt and Black Primark Hoodie, nonconfrontational Pentax camera, and head down to (the streets outside) London Fashion Week’s monolithically closed headquarters building…. and see what’s what among the people dying to be seen, and the people dying to see them.

Here’s how it went down.

Day 1. Friday, 14th September 2018.

“…. I wonder what’s going on, and why those people are dressed so strangely…..?”  Good question on ANY day of the week. But this week perhaps even more so.

“…. I wonder what’s going on, and why those people are dressed so strangely…..?” Good question on ANY day of the week. But this week perhaps even more so.

“Ma’am, I’ve been camped out on this precise corner of The Strand since yesterday because it’s the prime spot to photograph removalist trucks driving by. So I don’t care what you’re wearing… GET OUT OF MY WAY!”

“Ma’am, I’ve been camped out on this precise corner of The Strand since yesterday because it’s the prime spot to photograph removalist trucks driving by. So I don’t care what you’re wearing… GET OUT OF MY WAY!”

“Nah, bro. I totally dig your ‘art’. Doesn’t intimidate me one bit”  By the way, for those of you running your own sweatshop operations at home, that head-covering the guy is wearing goes ALL the way around the head. I did not see any evidence of eye-holes.

“Nah, bro. I totally dig your ‘art’. Doesn’t intimidate me one bit”
By the way, for those of you running your own sweatshop operations at home, that head-covering the guy is wearing goes ALL the way around the head. I did not see any evidence of eye-holes.

“No, you see when you hashtag something, it’s actually a symbol “#”. In other words, you don’t have to write the full word every time. At least I don’t think so…”  Damn. I think that’s where I’ve been going wrong.

“No, you see when you hashtag something, it’s actually a symbol “#”. In other words, you don’t have to write the full word every time. At least I don’t think so…” Damn. I think that’s where I’ve been going wrong.

You have to respect this guy’s commitment to his Art. He’s found the one spot that the light perfectly catches, and is sitting there (and only there) for somebody to photograph him. I’d point out that where he’s sitting is at Somerset House and LFW isn’t actually AT Somerset House anymore… but I assume that’s also part of the ethos of his Art.

You have to respect this guy’s commitment to his Art. He’s found the one spot that the light perfectly catches, and is sitting there (and only there) for somebody to photograph him. I’d point out that where he’s sitting is at Somerset House and LFW isn’t actually AT Somerset House anymore… but I assume that’s also part of the ethos of his Art.

“Stop that coffee cup : it’s rolling away, and it’s the key to this whole Shoot!!”

“Stop that coffee cup : it’s rolling away, and it’s the key to this whole Shoot!!”

I took this photo…. and now I’m looking at it and realising that there’s not much that can be said about this photo beyond that.

I took this photo…. and now I’m looking at it and realising that there’s not much that can be said about this photo beyond that.

“Yellow!! Now why didn’t  *I*  think of that??”

“Yellow!! Now why didn’t *I* think of that??”

I’m not ready to stick fake pearls on my face in the name of fashion…. but I gotta be honest, right now I’m totally willing to hang around people who are.

I’m not ready to stick fake pearls on my face in the name of fashion…. but I gotta be honest, right now I’m totally willing to hang around people who are.

“Lenny? The fake Aged Harry Potter getup isn’t working. We’re going to have to go to plan C”

“Lenny? The fake Aged Harry Potter getup isn’t working. We’re going to have to go to plan C”

“He’s the one with the invite. I’m just responsible for getting him To and From”

“He’s the one with the invite. I’m just responsible for getting him To and From”

I don’t want to besmirch the talents of Britain’s modelling talent, but of the three people in this photo, I gotta say the guy in the brown shirt only has the second-strongest pose.

I don’t want to besmirch the talents of Britain’s modelling talent, but of the three people in this photo, I gotta say the guy in the brown shirt only has the second-strongest pose.

…. I actually kind of like this photo. And this model.

…. I actually kind of like this photo. And this model.

Day 2. Saturday, 15th September 2018.

The challenge of photographing outside London Fashion Week on the weekend isn’t so much the photography as it is trying to avoid the a55ho1e fur-is-murder-so-is-meat-vote-veganism-tofu-lives-matter protesters. (And as always, a clarification : I don’t object to the message or the morality, I specifically dislike the protesters).

“The price of the ensemble I’m wearing is quite reasonable, and if you were to remove the street art behind me carefully enough, its sale would more than pay for it”

“The price of the ensemble I’m wearing is quite reasonable, and if you were to remove the street art behind me carefully enough, its sale would more than pay for it”

“Every time I dress this nicely, everyone assumes I stand here to be photographed when all I want to do is get the bus home….”

“Every time I dress this nicely, everyone assumes I stand here to be photographed when all I want to do is get the bus home….”

“This jacket only looks like fur… do we think the protesters will be able to tell the difference?”

“This jacket only looks like fur… do we think the protesters will be able to tell the difference?”

I’m almost afraid to walk around and see what’s on the other side…

I’m almost afraid to walk around and see what’s on the other side…

“The wicked witch can have ‘em if she can untie ‘em…”

“The wicked witch can have ‘em if she can untie ‘em…”

“He says if he’s a Pentax shooter, the autofocus means he qualifies… does that work for you?”

“He says if he’s a Pentax shooter, the autofocus means he qualifies… does that work for you?”

“Admit it. You only want to photograph me because I’m young and pretty” ”Well… yeah.” ”Cool. I just wanted you to admit it”

“Admit it. You only want to photograph me because I’m young and pretty”
”Well… yeah.”
”Cool. I just wanted you to admit it”

“I haven’t eaten since last Tuesday. Was that sound somebody opening a packet of diet popcorn?”

“I haven’t eaten since last Tuesday. Was that sound somebody opening a packet of diet popcorn?”

“Babe…is this a Marriage Proposal??” ”No, I just found that really cool cat video on youtube I was telling you about. Also… wait, what??”

“Babe…is this a Marriage Proposal??”
”No, I just found that really cool cat video on youtube I was telling you about. Also… wait, what??”

“I’m going by ‘Ronda McDonald’ until the legal case clears….”

“I’m going by ‘Ronda McDonald’ until the legal case clears….”

“Sorry, bro. You can only buy the whole ensemble… I ain’t selling components. Hope you understand”.  I guess that answers that question.

“Sorry, bro. You can only buy the whole ensemble… I ain’t selling components. Hope you understand”. I guess that answers that question.

“Am following your instructions and I can certainly feel it realigning my spine into a newer, more fashionable shape. Chat soon…”

“Am following your instructions and I can certainly feel it realigning my spine into a newer, more fashionable shape. Chat soon…”

“And do you dab each spine with poison by hand, or do you get a machine to do it?”

“And do you dab each spine with poison by hand, or do you get a machine to do it?”

Day 3. Sunday, 16th September 2018.

I came in early for this one, and didn’t stay too long. I did enjoy the Peruvian Street food on the Southbank before heading back to StA, though…

I got here so early it didn’t occur to me that no model worth her salt would ever, EVER get up this early. Even for London Fashion Week. So I went to find an early morning coffee place.  Uh…erm.. I mean early morning vodka place.

I got here so early it didn’t occur to me that no model worth her salt would ever, EVER get up this early. Even for London Fashion Week. So I went to find an early morning coffee place.
Uh…erm.. I mean early morning vodka place.

“I hear mauve is the colour next London Fashion Week. But please don’t tell anyone I told you”

“I hear mauve is the colour next London Fashion Week. But please don’t tell anyone I told you”

“I fought a homeless guy and he threw paint at me… now everyone’s offering me thousands of pounds for my ‘Fashion’… how do I escape this nightmare??”

“I fought a homeless guy and he threw paint at me… now everyone’s offering me thousands of pounds for my ‘Fashion’… how do I escape this nightmare??”

“I need you to both look completely baffled by the technology you’re holding” ”No problem, grandpa. We’re also baffled by why you’re wearing an in-focus plant on your head”

“I need you to both look completely baffled by the technology you’re holding”
”No problem, grandpa. We’re also baffled by why you’re wearing an in-focus plant on your head”

“And just think… when this all over next Wednesday, if somebody takes a photo of us just standing here looking pretty, we’ll be able to punch their lights out…”  I’m busy on Wednesday. Just so you know.

“And just think… when this all over next Wednesday, if somebody takes a photo of us just standing here looking pretty, we’ll be able to punch their lights out…”
I’m busy on Wednesday. Just so you know.

file note for people who care : because of all the distracting backgrounds and/or crowds, I’m using long shutter speeds to blur backgrounds, or shooting at f1.8 to blur backgrounds. Finally : smoking? Still cool at London Fashion Week.

file note for people who care : because of all the distracting backgrounds and/or crowds, I’m using long shutter speeds to blur backgrounds, or shooting at f1.8 to blur backgrounds. Finally : smoking? Still cool at London Fashion Week.

“I need you to look totally uninterested. No, LESS interested than that.    I SAID LESS INTERESTED!!    DAMNIT… LOOK BORED!!!    NO… MORE BORED!!!   ”  Bah… amateurs.

“I need you to look totally uninterested. No, LESS interested than that. I SAID LESS INTERESTED!! DAMNIT… LOOK BORED!!! NO… MORE BORED!!!
Bah… amateurs.

“It’s nice that you guys think I’m well-dressed, but the judge really needs me to give my closing arguments in about 5 minutes….”

“It’s nice that you guys think I’m well-dressed, but the judge really needs me to give my closing arguments in about 5 minutes….”

“Bet you’re glad you won that coin toss and got to wear that dress instead of me, huh, b1tch?”

“Bet you’re glad you won that coin toss and got to wear that dress instead of me, huh, b1tch?”

“The invitation to high-five me right now is purely metaphorical.”

“The invitation to high-five me right now is purely metaphorical.”

“Stand to attention” ”Yes, ma’am”

“Stand to attention”
”Yes, ma’am”

“Okay, but just so you know it’s merely a coincidence that I’m posing outside a wine box” ”Here’s your order ma’am” ”Um…. right. Thanks.”

“Okay, but just so you know it’s merely a coincidence that I’m posing outside a wine box”
”Here’s your order ma’am”
”Um…. right. Thanks.”

Day 4. Monday, 17th September 2018.

A quick check on the file data for today reveals that I dedicated a grand total of four (YES, FOUR) minutes to London Fashion Week, and that’s because I dedicated lunchtime and the entirety of afterwork-time to the (pssst… more important) premiere of “A Simple Favour”, featuring the oh-so fashionable Paul Feig, Anna Kendrick and Blake Lively.

Still, you can do a lot in four minutes. Or … um…so I’ve been told…

“But wait… I was given to understand this camouflage was foolproof… how do you even know where to photograph me??”

“But wait… I was given to understand this camouflage was foolproof… how do you even know where to photograph me??”

“If you were any kind of fashion photographer, you’d have waited until my dress had passed by the pole”  … sure, but if you were any kind of model, you’d have known you’d be in the shade by the time the dress had passed. Feel free to critique my use of cheap selective desaturation, though…

“If you were any kind of fashion photographer, you’d have waited until my dress had passed by the pole”
… sure, but if you were any kind of model, you’d have known you’d be in the shade by the time the dress had passed. Feel free to critique my use of cheap selective desaturation, though…

“Fine, take the photo. But just know we don’t usually pose for YOUR KIND” ”What do you mean by “your kind” ”Monochrome, to be blunt.”

“Fine, take the photo. But just know we don’t usually pose for YOUR KIND”
”What do you mean by “your kind”
”Monochrome, to be blunt.”

Forget the tattoo : I think this photographer might have just invented a new photographic orientation that’s not landscape, portrait OR tilted!!

Forget the tattoo : I think this photographer might have just invented a new photographic orientation that’s not landscape, portrait OR tilted!!

“Hold on… first I need to put on my glasses to secure my secret identity” ”If this is your secret identity gear, what on earth does your Superhero Costume involve??”

“Hold on… first I need to put on my glasses to secure my secret identity”
”If this is your secret identity gear, what on earth does your Superhero Costume involve??”

“It really should be you photographing me… I’m much better looking than you are. Objectively speaking, I mean. And I’m your friend, so you know I’m being honest”

“It really should be you photographing me… I’m much better looking than you are. Objectively speaking, I mean. And I’m your friend, so you know I’m being honest”

“Is there any way I can pretend to take a photo of you when I’m actually taking a selfie of ME?”

“Is there any way I can pretend to take a photo of you when I’m actually taking a selfie of ME?”

I’ve never previously been intimated by the colour purple before…. but here I am.

I’ve never previously been intimated by the colour purple before…. but here I am.

Day 5. Tuesday, 18th September 2018.

Sadly, I had to give this day a miss, but here’s some fashion from yesterday’s “A Simple Favour” premiere by way of apology / bonus:

“You’ll never be as dapper as me… if you were, it would make me less dapper, which would make you less dapper, and before we knew it, we’d be stuck in a spiraling out-of-control cycle where we might as well both be wearing rags”  - Director Paul Feig.

“You’ll never be as dapper as me… if you were, it would make me less dapper, which would make you less dapper, and before we knew it, we’d be stuck in a spiraling out-of-control cycle where we might as well both be wearing rags” - Director Paul Feig.

“Honestly? The day I need somebody to tell me how great I look is the day I know it’s a lie.”  - Actor Stanley Tucci.

“Honestly? The day I need somebody to tell me how great I look is the day I know it’s a lie.”
- Actor Stanley Tucci.

“It’s London Fashion Week…. what’s that you’re wearing?” ”It’s a white t-shirt” ”Bold choice” ”I thought so…”  - Actress Anna Kendrick

“It’s London Fashion Week…. what’s that you’re wearing?”
”It’s a white t-shirt”
”Bold choice”
”I thought so…”
- Actress Anna Kendrick

Not only is actress Blake Lively wearing a silk waistcoat and jacket, and not only is she wearing a tie… but that TIE is wearing a TIE-PIN!!

Not only is actress Blake Lively wearing a silk waistcoat and jacket, and not only is she wearing a tie… but that TIE is wearing a TIE-PIN!!

So… that was 2018. For a second time. Historically speaking I should (hopefully) get one more bite at the cherry that is FASHION, as the Fashion Awards are held later in the year and I try to get to those.

Until (hopefully, wherever I am) next time!

ps. prior Fashion Week (Street) Photography journals are at  2010.12012.1, both 2013.1+ 2013.2  then 2014.12015.1, both 2016.12016.2, almost both 2017.1 + 2017.2 …. and one day of 2018.1 .