London Fashion Week 2019.1

Well, who knew it’d be just six months since the last one that London would roll out another Fashion Week? And rather than move the event anywhere remotely crowd- and street-photography friendly, they’d keep it on the same stretch of pavement on The Strand that’s been hosting it for years?

Ah, but it’s London Fashion Week, Dahlink. I can only stay mad so long….. besides, this year I spent more time at the Masonic Hall than The Strand.

Here’s how it went down on the five days I went:

DAY 5 - Tuesday, 19th February

“If you’re taking the photo without admiring me or the dress, you’re doing it wrong”

“If you’re taking the photo without admiring me or the dress, you’re doing it wrong”

“They always check my handbag for weapons, but they never check whether my handbag IS a weapon…”

“They always check my handbag for weapons, but they never check whether my handbag IS a weapon…”

Not a digital effect.

Not a digital effect.

“And none of you have asked me how I want it hash-tagged… are you just going to make up your own? What gives you that right?”

“And none of you have asked me how I want it hash-tagged… are you just going to make up your own? What gives you that right?”

“The hair-colour doesn’t contrast with the beret AT ALL, and she’s furious” ”….” ”Well, she’s not happy at any rate”

“The hair-colour doesn’t contrast with the beret AT ALL, and she’s furious”
”….”
”Well, she’s not happy at any rate”

“I carry an out-of-focus background with me everywhere I go. It causes headaches and sore eyes for people nearby, but that’s the price of fashion, dahling”

“I carry an out-of-focus background with me everywhere I go. It causes headaches and sore eyes for people nearby, but that’s the price of fashion, dahling”

Getting people to pose during London Fashion Week is pretty easy if you’ve got a DSLR.. but getting them to walk away from you without turning? Not as easy.

Getting people to pose during London Fashion Week is pretty easy if you’ve got a DSLR.. but getting them to walk away from you without turning? Not as easy.

“Let’s just say the rock band I’m part of doesn’t have need of a harmonica player, and leave it at that”

“Let’s just say the rock band I’m part of doesn’t have need of a harmonica player, and leave it at that”

Some days Khaleesi just wanted a motorbike in order to look cool.

Some days Khaleesi just wanted a motorbike in order to look cool.

“I’m trying to flirt, but I also really want to ask the guy behind me what his suitcase is made of. It looks like granite and I kind of want one…”

“I’m trying to flirt, but I also really want to ask the guy behind me what his suitcase is made of. It looks like granite and I kind of want one…”

And finally, on Day 5 of LFW, it was also the death of fashion icon Karl Lagerfeld, who I was lucky enough to photograph (at the    2015 Fashion Awards   ), but this mural has been outside ‘TY Seven Dials’ for at least the past year.

And finally, on Day 5 of LFW, it was also the death of fashion icon Karl Lagerfeld, who I was lucky enough to photograph (at the 2015 Fashion Awards), but this mural has been outside ‘TY Seven Dials’ for at least the past year.

previously…. DAY 4 - Monday, 18th February

“Is somebody over there opening a bag of complimentary low-calorie flavoured popcorn?”  - no, but they did hand out free Harrods Magazines.

“Is somebody over there opening a bag of complimentary low-calorie flavoured popcorn?” - no, but they did hand out free Harrods Magazines.

“Six layers, and now they’re getting waterlogged. Won’t somebody think of the models??”

“Six layers, and now they’re getting waterlogged. Won’t somebody think of the models??”

“Let me know when you’ve taken the photo… I don’t want too many questions asked about how we got the material for the dress….”

“Let me know when you’ve taken the photo… I don’t want too many questions asked about how we got the material for the dress….”

“Of course, the look is entirely incomplete without an out-of-focus cigarette butt in the picture somewhere….”

“Of course, the look is entirely incomplete without an out-of-focus cigarette butt in the picture somewhere….”

“The moustache isn’t 100% finished, and I’ve been promised a swift death if I unveil it before it’s ready….”

“The moustache isn’t 100% finished, and I’ve been promised a swift death if I unveil it before it’s ready….”

Seems a bit too easy to write a comment… but they probably should paint over it with something like “fabulous” or “sexy” for the duration of LFW, especially since they went to the trouble of having parking suspended there…

Seems a bit too easy to write a comment… but they probably should paint over it with something like “fabulous” or “sexy” for the duration of LFW, especially since they went to the trouble of having parking suspended there…

“I wasn’t aware it was an endangered species, OKAY?? Anyway, if you really want to nab a criminal, there’s somebody over there wearing a beanie with a pom-pom ….”

“I wasn’t aware it was an endangered species, OKAY?? Anyway, if you really want to nab a criminal, there’s somebody over there wearing a beanie with a pom-pom ….”

“I shouldn’t have to indicate that I want a cab, especially if I feel it would be against the strong independent spirit of the ensemble I’m wearing…”

“I shouldn’t have to indicate that I want a cab, especially if I feel it would be against the strong independent spirit of the ensemble I’m wearing…”

“… now what am I meant to do for the next six months….?”

“… now what am I meant to do for the next six months….?”

DAY 3 - Sunday, 17th February

“I hate it when I get an email on one of these…”

“I hate it when I get an email on one of these…”

“Sorry… we’re kind of a package deal. You want one of us, you have to hire both of us. Oh, and Bridget over there isn’t with us.” ”What the hell, guys???”

“Sorry… we’re kind of a package deal. You want one of us, you have to hire both of us. Oh, and Bridget over there isn’t with us.”
”What the hell, guys???”

“Thanks to this Russian Nesting Backpack, I can finally carry my spare packet of artificial sweetener in complete safety…”

“Thanks to this Russian Nesting Backpack, I can finally carry my spare packet of artificial sweetener in complete safety…”

“This is no way to break up with someone, Barry…”

“This is no way to break up with someone, Barry…”

“Hold on, Karen. There’s a place here that needs me to totally Fab it Up” ”…..” ”Yes, I know the place I just left now needs me to return to Fab IT Up, but that’s the house of cards my life has become, now”

“Hold on, Karen. There’s a place here that needs me to totally Fab it Up”
”…..”
”Yes, I know the place I just left now needs me to return to Fab IT Up, but that’s the house of cards my life has become, now”

“The sweatshop workers really outdid themselves on those shaved jean fronds. Of course they’re done by hand, do you honestly think machines are capable of this level of artistry??”

“The sweatshop workers really outdid themselves on those shaved jean fronds. Of course they’re done by hand, do you honestly think machines are capable of this level of artistry??”

“Okay but WHEN is the guy with the step-ladder coming?”

“Okay but WHEN is the guy with the step-ladder coming?”

“I’ve had a Saudi prince offer me six figures for these cheekbones, and now you want me to pose for free for your blog??”

“I’ve had a Saudi prince offer me six figures for these cheekbones, and now you want me to pose for free for your blog??”

“But my Agent is over THERE…”

“But my Agent is over THERE…”

“I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but one of these three lenses is technically illegal…”

“I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but one of these three lenses is technically illegal…”

“You’re not even taking off your backpack to photograph me? What kind of professional ARE you??”

“You’re not even taking off your backpack to photograph me? What kind of professional ARE you??”

“I try not to think about what might happen if the thing slips and the tip of the ‘Y’ spears upwards. But I’m sure they meet all applicable safety standards…. besides which they look fabulous, and they’ve promised me similarly branded crutches is anything like that happens”

“I try not to think about what might happen if the thing slips and the tip of the ‘Y’ spears upwards. But I’m sure they meet all applicable safety standards…. besides which they look fabulous, and they’ve promised me similarly branded crutches is anything like that happens”

“I don’t want to seem impolite, but can we skip past your holiday photos and get to the ones I’m actually in?”

“I don’t want to seem impolite, but can we skip past your holiday photos and get to the ones I’m actually in?”

DAY 2 - Saturday, 16th February

“I’ve been here two hours already and not one person has asked me who I’m wearing, what I’m wearing, or even if I need help getting down from here. I tell ya, London Fashion Week sure has changed.”

“I’ve been here two hours already and not one person has asked me who I’m wearing, what I’m wearing, or even if I need help getting down from here. I tell ya, London Fashion Week sure has changed.”

“It’s not about how you pronounce it, it’s about the fact it’s trademarked, which means Disney can buy it for billions, just like everything else…”

“It’s not about how you pronounce it, it’s about the fact it’s trademarked, which means Disney can buy it for billions, just like everything else…”

“I can hold this pose for a short while longer, but after that my sacred order is probably going to come after me for revealing we have the power to do this…”

“I can hold this pose for a short while longer, but after that my sacred order is probably going to come after me for revealing we have the power to do this…”

Somewhere at Apple Headquarters in California, Tim Cook is spitting breakfast cereal at his monitor and screaming   “this is why we invented the wireless ones, damnit!!!”  . Yeah, you can invent it, but you can’t decree it to be cool until the kids say it’s cool.

Somewhere at Apple Headquarters in California, Tim Cook is spitting breakfast cereal at his monitor and screaming “this is why we invented the wireless ones, damnit!!!”. Yeah, you can invent it, but you can’t decree it to be cool until the kids say it’s cool.

“Guys, we SWORE we’d co-ordinate shoes this year… why did we betray each other??” ”For Fashion.” ”Yeah, for fashion…” ”Damnit… that’s why I betrayed you guys as well.”

“Guys, we SWORE we’d co-ordinate shoes this year… why did we betray each other??”
”For Fashion.”
”Yeah, for fashion…”
”Damnit… that’s why I betrayed you guys as well.”

“Please tell me the shell-shocked look is still in. Failing that, white hexagonal handbags…”

“Please tell me the shell-shocked look is still in. Failing that, white hexagonal handbags…”

“Sketchers? So 1960s, 1980s, 2010s and possibly again in a couple of years. But not THIS year…”

“Sketchers? So 1960s, 1980s, 2010s and possibly again in a couple of years. But not THIS year…”

“My only regret is that the sunglass frames aren’t a colour. But a girl learns to get on with life….”

“My only regret is that the sunglass frames aren’t a colour. But a girl learns to get on with life….”

Not sure what’s going on here, but my black Nikes are feeling more than a little inadequate, and I might need to buy myself some police tape to wrap around my legs at some stage.

Not sure what’s going on here, but my black Nikes are feeling more than a little inadequate, and I might need to buy myself some police tape to wrap around my legs at some stage.

“You could be one of eight people photographing me while I’m sitting here, or you could be a gentleman and help me get down from this terrifying height?” . Oops.

“You could be one of eight people photographing me while I’m sitting here, or you could be a gentleman and help me get down from this terrifying height?”. Oops.

“And what’s the reason they let ugly people photograph pretty people at London Fashion Week?” ”Well, if everyone was pretty, then nobody would be photographing anyone, and how would we get on instagram otherwise?” ”Oh, right….”

“And what’s the reason they let ugly people photograph pretty people at London Fashion Week?”
”Well, if everyone was pretty, then nobody would be photographing anyone, and how would we get on instagram otherwise?”
”Oh, right….”

“And you’re sure this is how models are posing these days?” ”It keeps the chiropractors busy ….”

“And you’re sure this is how models are posing these days?”
”It keeps the chiropractors busy ….”

“They’re pure gold and 80% of my current net worth, and part of the reason I’m not wearing socks right now. But no regrets…”

“They’re pure gold and 80% of my current net worth, and part of the reason I’m not wearing socks right now. But no regrets…”

“And you’re all so busy photographing me that not one of you is offering to help me cross the road. I frikkin’ hate fashion week”

“And you’re all so busy photographing me that not one of you is offering to help me cross the road. I frikkin’ hate fashion week”

When you’re the coolest looking person in the place, and you’ve run out of selfies.

When you’re the coolest looking person in the place, and you’ve run out of selfies.

“All right, we’re almost at the place. Hand me my hair, Jacques….”

“All right, we’re almost at the place. Hand me my hair, Jacques….”

“It’s London Fashion week and we’ve mastered both disgust and disinterest, Margaret. If Right Now isn’t our time, then WHEN?”

“It’s London Fashion week and we’ve mastered both disgust and disinterest, Margaret. If Right Now isn’t our time, then WHEN?”

previously…

DAY 1 - Friday, 15th February.

“Yeah, some lout just came along and used his car keys to scratch our nice red wall. Frankly, I think it’s a miracle that if you look at the marks a certain way they appear to spell out the letters of London Fashion Week.. but that’s just a lucky coincidence….”

“Yeah, some lout just came along and used his car keys to scratch our nice red wall. Frankly, I think it’s a miracle that if you look at the marks a certain way they appear to spell out the letters of London Fashion Week.. but that’s just a lucky coincidence….”

“The knitting needles used were enormous, and took a huge toll among the sweat-shop workers involved in its creation….. is that what you wanted to hear??”

“The knitting needles used were enormous, and took a huge toll among the sweat-shop workers involved in its creation….. is that what you wanted to hear??”

“Are you using your HANDS to take photos on your camera?? What are you, some kind of cave-man??”

“Are you using your HANDS to take photos on your camera?? What are you, some kind of cave-man??”

“The barest majority voted in favour the first time, and two years later the government’s best efforts resulted in a 230 vote parliamentary defeat, after which the most recent vote was so destined to fail that the PM didn’t even bother to show up in parliament. But yeah, no, sure - calling for another vote rather than going with what the government can provide would be fundamentally undemocratic …. somehow”   I’m not getting political here. Indeed, I don’t even know for sure what the third word on that T-shirt is. It could be “how”, or “snow”, or “know”…

“The barest majority voted in favour the first time, and two years later the government’s best efforts resulted in a 230 vote parliamentary defeat, after which the most recent vote was so destined to fail that the PM didn’t even bother to show up in parliament. But yeah, no, sure - calling for another vote rather than going with what the government can provide would be fundamentally undemocratic …. somehow”
I’m not getting political here. Indeed, I don’t even know for sure what the third word on that T-shirt is. It could be “how”, or “snow”, or “know”…

You are not this cool. I am not this cool. There’s possibly even a chance the SHE HERSELF is somehow not this cool. I’m not sure how… but I guess it’s possible.

You are not this cool. I am not this cool. There’s possibly even a chance the SHE HERSELF is somehow not this cool. I’m not sure how… but I guess it’s possible.

“He said he couldn’t make the letters larger without widening the scarf. So I fired him for his lack of vision. Out of a canon. And I don’t regret it, no matter what the Judge said….”

“He said he couldn’t make the letters larger without widening the scarf. So I fired him for his lack of vision. Out of a canon. And I don’t regret it, no matter what the Judge said….”

“I never said smoking was healthy. I merely pointed out that it made you look awesome and makes you popular and that you should make up your own mind….”

“I never said smoking was healthy. I merely pointed out that it made you look awesome and makes you popular and that you should make up your own mind….”

“Please don’t break my heart and tell me you’re actually photographing the sweet tiling behind me” ”Okay, I won’t. But could you move five, maybe ten metres to your left?”

“Please don’t break my heart and tell me you’re actually photographing the sweet tiling behind me”
”Okay, I won’t. But could you move five, maybe ten metres to your left?”

“I’m not checking the photo as much as I’m checking to see whether the sensor has been fried by the colour of what you’re wearing"….”

“I’m not checking the photo as much as I’m checking to see whether the sensor has been fried by the colour of what you’re wearing"….”

I don’t care what she’s wearing. This is FASHION.

I don’t care what she’s wearing. This is FASHION.

“Of course we’re not suggesting you wear clothing like this, because you’re nowhere near as awesome as we are and it would look dumb on you. You… erm… should still buy it though. Just in case one day you decide you’re cool enough…”

“Of course we’re not suggesting you wear clothing like this, because you’re nowhere near as awesome as we are and it would look dumb on you. You… erm… should still buy it though. Just in case one day you decide you’re cool enough…”

“They closed the cafe that used to be on the corner — what are we going to do??” ”Hold on. First let me decide if the beanie that guy’s wearing constitutes a war crime”

“They closed the cafe that used to be on the corner — what are we going to do??”
”Hold on. First let me decide if the beanie that guy’s wearing constitutes a war crime”

“Have you seen my childhood?”

“Have you seen my childhood?”

“… and if anyone takes a photo of me and converts it to black’n’white, I want them sued.”

“… and if anyone takes a photo of me and converts it to black’n’white, I want them sued.”

“This ISN’T an army recruitment station? Well… what can I sign up for here, then?”

“This ISN’T an army recruitment station? Well… what can I sign up for here, then?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Dianne. I don’t see anyone wearing anything even close to what you’re wearing. You’re going to have to project an attitude that says you’re being really REALLY ironic” ”Hey, I didn’t even light the cigarette in my mouth, that’s how ironic I’m being”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Dianne. I don’t see anyone wearing anything even close to what you’re wearing. You’re going to have to project an attitude that says you’re being really REALLY ironic”
”Hey, I didn’t even light the cigarette in my mouth, that’s how ironic I’m being”

“Please don’t break my heart and tell me they’re not handing out free popcorn this year”  Not outside the event, no.

“Please don’t break my heart and tell me they’re not handing out free popcorn this year”
Not outside the event, no.

ps. prior Fashion Week (Street) Photography journals are at  2010.12012.1, both 2013.1+ 2013.2  then 2014.12015.1, both 2016.12016.2, almost both 2017.1 + 2017.2 …. one day of 2018.1 and 2018.2 .